I would like to discuss this community’s views on what is sometimes termed “little white lies”. Not those big or small utterances consciously intended to manipulate or deceive another, but the polite niceties that are often said in well meaning circumstances.
Someone you dislike for whatever reason sits behind you in church and the pastor asks that each turn and greet those around. You say something like “So happy to see you today”; or if you are feeling superior and think HIS halo is tarnished rather than your own, you might say “So happy that you are here to hear God’s teaching today”.
Your child is to have possibly painful dental work done and you say “It really won’t hurt much”.
A lady friend is having a ‘bad hair day’ and you say how beautiful her dress is when it is not really a style you appreciate.
This has been going through my mind lately in my meditations. It was probably spurred by my coming across the circuit court opinion in the stolen valor case where a politician falsely claimed to be a Medal of Honor recipient when running for the Board of Directors in a local (or regional?) water commission. This case went on to the Supremes, but what concerns me here is the discussion of our culture in the
Although this case is not about ‘little’ lie, but a self serving attempt at manipulation, the parts that caught my eye are regards to white lies are:
Chief Judge Kozinski wrote:
Saints may always tell the truth, but for mortals living means lying. We lie to protect our privacy (“No, I don’t live around here”); to avoid hurt feelings (“Friday is my study night”); to make others feel better (“Gee you’ve gotten skinny”); to avoid recriminations (“I only lost $10 at poker”); to prevent grief (“The doc says you’re getting better”); to maintain domestic tranquility (“She’s just a friend”); to avoid social stigma (“I just haven’t met the right woman”); for career advancement (“I’m sooo lucky to have a smart boss like you”); to avoid being lonely (“I love opera”); to eliminate a rival (“He has a boyfriend”); to achieve an objective (“But I love you so much”); to defeat an objective (“I’m allergic to latex”); to make an exit (“It’s not you, it’s me”); to delay the inevitable (“The check is in the mail”); to communicate displeasure (“There’s nothing wrong”); to get someone off your back (“I’ll call you about lunch”); to escape a nudnik (“My mother’s on the other line”); to namedrop (“We go way back”); to set up a surprise party (“I need help moving the piano”); to buy time (“I’m on my way”); to keep up appearances (“We’re not talking divorce”); to avoid taking out the trash (“My back hurts”); to duck an obligation (“I’ve got a headache”); to maintain a public image (“I go to church every Sunday”); to make a point (“Ich bin ein Berliner”); to save face (“I had too much to drink”); to humor (“Correct as usual, King Friday”); to avoid embarrassment (“That wasn’t me”); to curry favor (“I’ve read all your books”); to get a clerkship (“You’re the greatest living jurist”); to save a dollar (“I gave at the office”); or to maintain innocence (“There are eight tiny reindeer on the rooftop”).
--Excerpts taken from the opinion of the Ninth Circuit Court in United States vs Alvarez filed March 21, 2011.
I am not talking here of the legal aspects, or constitutional concerns. I am also not talking about conscious attempts to deceive, or to manipulate. In many cases these falsehoods are done out of a caring concern, or at least to avoid disharmony. I know that when you act in accordance with Love, you are in fulfillment of the Law and the Prophets, but if you find yourself habitually or lightly disregarding the commandments and His other laws, you (or more to the point I ) need to examine motives. As I am coming more and more to understand, my most critical eye needs to be used when gazing in the mirror.
I invite comments.
Thanks
JH
-------
Never regard study as a duty, but as the enviable opportunity to learn to know the liberating influence of beauty in the realm of the spirit for your own personal joy and to the profit of the community to which your later work belongs. -- Albert Einstein
Someone you dislike for whatever reason sits behind you in church and the pastor asks that each turn and greet those around. You say something like “So happy to see you today”; or if you are feeling superior and think HIS halo is tarnished rather than your own, you might say “So happy that you are here to hear God’s teaching today”.
Your child is to have possibly painful dental work done and you say “It really won’t hurt much”.
A lady friend is having a ‘bad hair day’ and you say how beautiful her dress is when it is not really a style you appreciate.
This has been going through my mind lately in my meditations. It was probably spurred by my coming across the circuit court opinion in the stolen valor case where a politician falsely claimed to be a Medal of Honor recipient when running for the Board of Directors in a local (or regional?) water commission. This case went on to the Supremes, but what concerns me here is the discussion of our culture in the
Although this case is not about ‘little’ lie, but a self serving attempt at manipulation, the parts that caught my eye are regards to white lies are:
Chief Judge Kozinski wrote:
So what, exactly, does the dissenters’ ever-truthful utopia look like? In a word: terrifying. If false factual statements are unprotected, then the government can prosecute not only the man who tells tall tales of winning the Congressional Medal of Honor, but also the JDater who falsely claims he’s Jewish or the dentist who assures you it won’t hurt a bit. Phrases such as “I’m working late tonight, hunny,” “I got stuck in traffic” and “I didn’t inhale” could all be made into crimes. Without the robust protections of the First Amendment, the white lies, exaggerations and deceptions that are an integral part of human intercourse would become targets of censorship, subject only to the rubber stamp known as “rational basis review.”
A few paragraphs later he wrote:
Saints may always tell the truth, but for mortals living means lying. We lie to protect our privacy (“No, I don’t live around here”); to avoid hurt feelings (“Friday is my study night”); to make others feel better (“Gee you’ve gotten skinny”); to avoid recriminations (“I only lost $10 at poker”); to prevent grief (“The doc says you’re getting better”); to maintain domestic tranquility (“She’s just a friend”); to avoid social stigma (“I just haven’t met the right woman”); for career advancement (“I’m sooo lucky to have a smart boss like you”); to avoid being lonely (“I love opera”); to eliminate a rival (“He has a boyfriend”); to achieve an objective (“But I love you so much”); to defeat an objective (“I’m allergic to latex”); to make an exit (“It’s not you, it’s me”); to delay the inevitable (“The check is in the mail”); to communicate displeasure (“There’s nothing wrong”); to get someone off your back (“I’ll call you about lunch”); to escape a nudnik (“My mother’s on the other line”); to namedrop (“We go way back”); to set up a surprise party (“I need help moving the piano”); to buy time (“I’m on my way”); to keep up appearances (“We’re not talking divorce”); to avoid taking out the trash (“My back hurts”); to duck an obligation (“I’ve got a headache”); to maintain a public image (“I go to church every Sunday”); to make a point (“Ich bin ein Berliner”); to save face (“I had too much to drink”); to humor (“Correct as usual, King Friday”); to avoid embarrassment (“That wasn’t me”); to curry favor (“I’ve read all your books”); to get a clerkship (“You’re the greatest living jurist”); to save a dollar (“I gave at the office”); or to maintain innocence (“There are eight tiny reindeer on the rooftop”).
--Excerpts taken from the opinion of the Ninth Circuit Court in United States vs Alvarez filed March 21, 2011.
I am not talking here of the legal aspects, or constitutional concerns. I am also not talking about conscious attempts to deceive, or to manipulate. In many cases these falsehoods are done out of a caring concern, or at least to avoid disharmony. I know that when you act in accordance with Love, you are in fulfillment of the Law and the Prophets, but if you find yourself habitually or lightly disregarding the commandments and His other laws, you (or more to the point I ) need to examine motives. As I am coming more and more to understand, my most critical eye needs to be used when gazing in the mirror.
I invite comments.
Thanks
JH
-------
Never regard study as a duty, but as the enviable opportunity to learn to know the liberating influence of beauty in the realm of the spirit for your own personal joy and to the profit of the community to which your later work belongs. -- Albert Einstein