Loneliness or Being Alone

[bobinfaith]

Hello brothers and sisters;

There is a discussion that I have with men and women in a group Bible study, talk Jesus setting or over a cup of coffee. When we bring up the subject of being lonely or being alone I slowly learned there is a difference.

I know single men and women who are divorced and some just never married. On one side many men and women are actually happy being alone. They define being alone as a solitude of well being and contentment. It can bring a disconnect from others because the state of solitude becomes a way of life more and more, still they're happy being alone.

On the other side many men and women struggle with loneliness. The sad thing with loneliness is it can fester into a serious chronic loneliness. When loneliness is denied by keeping busy only bandaids the problem because at some point the loneliness comes back to the center, especially at the end of the day. Chronic loneliness can be daily and grow very painful within our heart.

In Genesis 1 in verses 4, 10, 12, 18, 21 and 25 God saw His Creation and said it was good. When God created man He said that it was very good. But in Genesis 2:18 God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”

Loneliness is more of the discussion than being alone. Loneliness is a human feeling that longs for connection with others or a companion. Loneliness can become chronic and deteriorate a person's well being. When a person's well being becomes broken and desperate it can lead to shortcuts to the world's definitional desires of the flesh as a remedy to overcome loneliness.

It can lead to shortcuts of the world's ways as a "quick fix" gratification, deceptively disconnecting our relationship with Christ Jesus. When we as Christians withdraw from Jesus a sense of shame and guilt sinks in as a result of loneliness. We feel incapable of overcoming it by ourselves instead of confessing our loneliness to the Father.

This is a conversation that prompted the question, what are ways that we can overcome this? God has empowered each one of us to combat this chronic loneliness. After passionate prayer and followup, here were some results from Christian men and women;

Shun the deceiving persuasions of TV, internet, magazines or other means on how to overcome loneliness through the desires of the flesh. If we notice, Jesus is never in the center, therefore, the world is not going to teach truth.

Chronic loneliness can cause people to shut down from gathering with other people. Instead, get involved with 1, 2 or more at a Christian gathering be it coffee, Bible study, gardening, going to the beach, hiking, etc...anything where Christians can meet.

In John 5 when Jesus asked the crippled man at Bethesda, "do you want to be healed?" Instead of jumping at the opportunity and shouting, yes, he gave a long excuse to Jesus. Jesus knowing the man, patiently said, "get up. Take up your bed and walk." At once the man was healed.

If I were to ask God, "Lord, can you lead me to a gathering of 1, 2 or more Christians? Do you think God is going to shun me? No Way! When we meet in a Christian get together, we will see the mystery of Christ, how He works, how Christ is in our mist and reveals the Truth.

I'm not talking about joining a Church which is a different topic for another post.

Chronic loneliness can be healed and lead to companionship. When men and women are praying to God for a future husband or wife;

In Genesis 2:20 God appointed Adam to name the livestock, birds and beasts but there was no helper fit for him. But in verses 21-23;

21 So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. 22 And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man.

23 Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man."

Verse 23 was the first time that Adam spoke. I also believe verses 21-23 was the first marriage created by God. Point is God did not intend for man and woman to be alone. But we must take God's point and follow His pattern to overcome loneliness.

There is more to this subject. We all have experienced loneliness and being alone. I would like to hear your thoughts, questions, trials or blessings.

More to come...

God bless you, brothers and sisters.

 

[Cosia]

Too true bobinfaith
This is a great topic and one I am very interested in.
We can be alone but not lonely. We can be lonely but not alone. A person could be living with a large family but they feel very lonely.

Some people who live alone have many interests that they throw themselves into and they do not feel lonely. Some do not involve meeting with other people and they enjoy their own company.
Other people do have interests that involve meeting other people and they don't feel lonely.

But both those people can become lonely.

More to come later from me too after bobinfaith




`

 

[bobinfaith]

Hello Cosia;

You share wise words from both sides of loneliness and being alone. My sister who is retired never married, is content being alone and has a small circle of friends, some married or single. I'm always concerned she is lonely but she is happy. I feel she is being truthful.

I've always been a joiner and love meeting new people. But as a Pastor I cannot tell you how many moments where I felt either alone or lonely.

God bless you, Cosia.

 

[blueskies]

But as a Pastor I cannot tell you how many moments where I felt either alone or lonely.

Great topic bobinfaith

One facet of loneliness is that it is independent of how many relationships a person has, rather it is the type and, well, the quality of the relationships that can determine whether we are lonely.

Relationships where the heart is truly open to the feelings and wellbeing of others, whether many or few, determines if we are lonely or comforted in our hearts.

We can be a lonely island in a sea of people if we choose not to let someone else in, if we are hesitant to be truly known, if we are unable or unwilling to ‘take the chance’. In this specific way loneliness is a choice for some.

 

[bobinfaith]

This is a great topic and one I am very interested in. We can be alone but not lonely. We can be lonely but not alone. A person could be living with a large family but they feel very lonely. Some people who live alone have many interests that they throw themselves into and they do not feel lonely. Some do not involve meeting with other people and they enjoy their own company. Other people do have interests that involve meeting other people and they don't feel lonely. But both those people can become lonely.
`

One facet of loneliness is that it is independent of how many relationships a person has, rather it is the type and, well, the quality of the relationships that can determine whether we are lonely. Relationships where the heart is truly open to the feelings and wellbeing of others, whether many or few, determines if we are lonely or comforted in our hearts. We can be a lonely island in a sea of people if we choose not to let someone else in, if we are hesitant to be truly known, if we are unable or unwilling to ‘take the chance’. In this specific way loneliness is a choice for some.

Hello Cosia and blueskies;

"A person could be living with a large family but they feel very lonely." - Cosia

"We can be a lonely island in a sea of people if we choose not to let someone else in, if we are hesitant to be truly known, if we are unable or unwilling to ‘take the chance’." - blueskies

Cosia, when I was much younger I experienced a broken relationship. During our large family get togethers I was trying to be there but was masking my loneliness. Some of the members of the family could see I was unhappy.

blueskies, I feel the effects of chronic loneliness can shut the door allowing others to get in. What would you say to someone you know going through this?

 

[blueskies]

What would you say to someone you know going through this?

I am certainly no expert. I spent many years in semi-isolation due to an overwhelming work schedule. It wasn’t until I faced the fact that financial security isn’t always the most important thing in life that I became open to curing my own isolation and loneliness.

I do know some people who are currently going through this and my personal experience is that we can only help effectively when asked, and paradoxically, this is often not something someone dealing with loneliness is likely to ask us, however, it is ultimately up to the individual if they are willing to risk what’s needed for the the change.

It is difficult not to say something when you see loneliness or social isolation because if it continues to go unaddressed it will only a make a persons situation more challenging.

Talking to someone about what’s causing them to be isolated or lonely is a good first step.

Then encouraging them to reach out to friends or family members even though it may be the last thing they feel like doing is a good next step.

Another option is suggesting they seek out churches, groups, or to participate in clubs or hobbies focused on something they like.

And prayers of course, pray that the Lord will draw near them and give them the courage, strength and opportunity for transformation.

 

[Via dolarossa]

Good topic.

The disconnect I sometimes feel with others can be quite painful.

When I feel lonely, rather than alone, it’s because I’m focusing too much on others perceived differences.

In my experience, If i believe others are too different from myself, and that they can’t possibly have the same experiences then i tend to feel lonely. Once I started to see the similarities we all encounter by reading of other peoples stories and how the bible tells of the human experience it helps put things more into perspective.



Blessings.

 

[Cosia]

bobinfaith
Loneliness is a sad thing and can spoil everything you are doing. Many become depressed and do not enjoy anything. They may become suicidal believing there us nothing left they will never be happy.

When I was with the Samaritans our busiest time was Christmas - because of their loneliness.
in the summer when we are outside and happy because of the blue sky and sunshine, others hide their tears behind their sun glasses.

you can feel other peoples loneliness and even see it in their eyes .

when I first started going to this church I already knew quite a few of the congregation and they were very friendly and welcoming. I started to notice there people there that nobody bothered about. I decided to find out why. One lady was in a wheel chair. Her daughter brought her and then came back for her at the end of the service. A young man was scitzophrenic and always sat on his own. The list went on and they all looked sad and lonely. I befriended them one by one and brought them all together as a group of friends . It worked out good.

It was great to see them smiling and their eyes shining.

sorry you had to go through that bobinfaith It can be painful because people don't know what to say to you, or just don't notice.



God Bless

 

[bobinfaith]

The disconnect I sometimes feel with others can be quite painful. When I feel lonely, rather than alone, it’s because I’m focusing too much on others perceived differences. In my experience, If i believe others are too different from myself, and that they can’t possibly have the same experiences then i tend to feel lonely. Once I started to see the similarities we all encounter by reading of other peoples stories and how the bible tells of the human experience it helps put things more into perspective.
Blessings.

Hello Via;

Loneliness can be quite painful. When you said other's perceived differences or others are too different from myself can lead to feeling lonely. For example, if I was talking to a buddy who shared how he is always invited to social events and I never get an invite, it can make me feel lonely?

Am I correct in this example?

Another question for everybody. When we compare the success of others, instead of feeling envious, do we feel lonely?

God bless you, sister.

 

[Prim90]

Not so sure if there be any cure for loneliness at least not until the day of redemption. It be a lot like Christ’s statement of the poor ( the poor you have with you always. ) and so with loneliness too. Not so many get dealt a good hand from the house of cards in the playground we call life. I sometimes think upon my visitations of the many that have lived a life of loneliness .There be Errol who often wears a t shirt that says ( life’s a b than you die ) Another old Ted speaks with pure anger in his heart. His outlook be . ( Learn to hate and you might get somewhere in life ) Another Gustaf says . ( yes Primmy I know your God well. God gets what he wants. He always does. Well so be be it. Us Germans had a saying near wars end. That being enjoy the war as long as you can because the peace will be horrible. And so it was. Like Dante’s inferno. He warmly smiled and gently squeezed my hand reminding me that the dead now be at peace. No more suffering or loneliness to torment their souls anymore . He gets us all in the end you know and for good reason Dear. That being one day to resurrect us anew. Thank you for the cigarettes, books and dumplings I look forward to seeing you next month or perhaps in eternity. Sadly the latter prediction prevailed and the next month was not to be. For Gustuf did pass away in his sleep. Did near break my heart. He died Alone from humanity but never alone from God

 

[Via dolarossa]

Hello Via;

Loneliness can be quite painful. When you said other's perceived differences or others are too different from myself can lead to feeling lonely. For example, if I was talking to a buddy who shared how he is always invited to social events and I never get an invite, it can make me feel lonely?

Am I correct in this example?

thats a good example. But not what I meant. But I think your on to something there.

Example: If I’m feeling ugly, I’m not going to tell some pretty young girl how I feel because I perceive her to be too pretty to have ever felt ugly.

 

[bobinfaith]

Not so sure if there be any cure for loneliness at least not until the day of redemption. It be a lot like Christ’s statement of the poor ( the poor you have with you always. ) and so with loneliness too. Not so many get dealt a good hand from the house of cards in the playground we call life. I sometimes think upon my visitations of the many that have lived a life of loneliness .There be Errol who often wears a t shirt that says ( life’s a b than you die ) Another old Ted speaks with pure anger in his heart. His outlook be . ( Learn to hate and you might get somewhere in life ) Another Gustaf says . ( yes Primmy I know your God well. God gets what he wants. He always does. Well so be be it. Us Germans had a saying near wars end. That being enjoy the war as long as you can because the peace will be horrible. And so it was. Like Dante’s inferno. He warmly smiled and gently squeezed my hand reminding me that the dead now be at peace. No more suffering or loneliness to torment their souls anymore . He gets us all in the end you know and for good reason Dear. That being one day to resurrect us anew. Thank you for the cigarettes, books and dumplings I look forward to seeing you next month or perhaps in eternity. Sadly the latter prediction prevailed and the next month was not to be. For Gustuf did pass away in his sleep. Did near break my heart. He died Alone from humanity but never alone from God

Hello Prim90;

Loneliness is a very difficult struggle and can lead to chronic loneliness. But it isn't a clinical, mental condition. God didn't mean for His children to be alone. Loneliness is caused from a negative feeling when our connection with others is not met. Escalated loneliness can be painful.

When we confess this to Him He will reveal His pattern to follow for obedience and guidance for each one of us, then the blessing to co-exist with others or a companion can be realized for His glory.

Overcoming loneliness is attainable in our daily application. But we must look at our inner cup and ask, why have I arrived at this?
blueskies shared by reaching out to another and opening up is a good start. I agree.

Men and women from all ages shared with me that they have read books on loneliness and it did give them perspective, but the "day to day" application is what they sorely need. Most don't want to live the rest of their days in loneliness.

I'm overstating loneliness but it has surprisingly been ignored in the Church. In our society, social interaction (people to people) has declined.

God bless you, Prim90.

 

[Lanolin]

If you gather with 1 or 2 people in Christ, you are not alone.
Also if you ask for the Holy Spirit to enter in your life, you will never be alone. God is only a prayer away. Remember the Holy Spirit is called the Helper and Jesus said he would send him to us.

Psalm 139

I think some people are just too focused on OT and spouses for this. Jesus never married. He called together a group of 12 disciples, and had lots of people wanting to be round him. In some instances Peter was TOO clingy. Jesus touched people and healed them.

I don't understand people who complain, that once they become a christian they feel MORE lonely. Have they been baptised into the church body? The whole point of becoming a Christian, is that you're born again into a body of Christ and you'll have brothers and sisters. You'll always have God IN you and by your side 24/7. Why then are so many focused on having a spouse as their only companion?? A spouse cannot be God and won't be.

 

[bobinfaith]

If you gather with 1 or 2 people in Christ, you are not alone. Also if you ask for the Holy Spirit to enter in your life, you will never be alone. God is only a prayer away. Remember the Holy Spirit is called the Helper and Jesus said he would send him to us. Psalm 139 I think some people are just too focused on OT and spouses for this. Jesus never married. He called together a group of 12 disciples, and had lots of people wanting to be round him. In some instances Peter was TOO clingy. Jesus touched people and healed them. I don't understand people who complain, that once they become a christian they feel MORE lonely. Have they been baptised into the church body? The whole point of becoming a Christian, is that you're born again into a body of Christ and you'll have brothers and sisters. You'll always have God IN you and by your side 24/7. Why then are so many focused on having a spouse as their only companion?? A spouse cannot be God and won't be.

Hello Lanolin;

Years ago I was going to a Christian clinical counselor for issues I was having. I didn't have a problem with chronic loneliness or depression but my wife and those close to me as supportive as they were couldn't offer solutions. That left me feeling helpless and lonely.

Even as a Christian the Scriptures fell short with me, but knowing others cared and through prayer God carried me through to overcome my feeling of isolation and get on with my life. In the course of a year my marriage felt revitalized and I had a renewed energy in my ministry and work.

I don't feel people get hung up on the Old or New Testaments when they are faced with loneliness. Whether they are a believer or not, people struggle with loneliness, more so than others in many ways, a human feeling that cannot be turned on and off.

Jesus never married. His mission was saving the world and paying for our sins on the cross. All this in God's time of 3 years would have left Jesus' wife a widow, however, Jesus' bride and betrothed is the Church. Jesus understood the ways of His disciples because He came in the form of humanity and laughed, wept, felt the sorrow, helplessness, pain and loneliness of those He loved and ministered to.

Lanolin, from reading your posts I never discerned you as a lonely woman, but a happy single Christian and resilient in getting past much in your life.

I have had the opportunity to connect with people who struggle with loneliness or being alone. It can be complicated but I have slowly learned to understand them, pray and love them.

God bless you, sister.

 

[Lanolin]

I think having experienced abandonment or neglect from an early age and rejection many people experience lonliness and isolation especially when they don't seem to 'fit in' anywhere.

Its not to say I don't have that as well, I'm used to being alone and relying on just myself but that was before I became a Christian, so I just feel we kind of dismiss God out of the equation when we are beset by enemies or people who ignore us. I've just had a rough time being excluded as you know from the last school I worked in!

The thing is lonliness is almost always that person doesn't have a relationship with God or they don't have that assurance. As Christians we can be assured, that no matter what. God is there. Because it's through Jesus securing our salvation and he was human and was in the flesh just like us. Our God is our Father who will never die, so its not like a kind of conditional relationship that even the Isrealites had on THEIR obedience to everything God had commanded. Its faith based on God's side.

People who are lonely feel unworthy. They don't feel they are good enough. God's grace, forgiveness and mercy says we are worthy. Because God is love.

Its very simple and this is how a child can understand it. Why do most parents send children to school..it isn't so they can have an education and learn to read or write (cos they COULD do that at home) but so they can make friends. Learning to make friends and to be a friend is the most important life skill you can have. And not just people in your own family. I think people forget that about school...

 

[Prim90]

Hello Prim90;

Loneliness is a very difficult struggle and can lead to chronic loneliness. But it isn't a clinical, mental condition. God didn't mean for His children to be alone. Loneliness is caused from a negative feeling when our connection with others is not met. Escalated loneliness can be painful.

When we confess this to Him He will reveal His pattern to follow for obedience and guidance for each one of us, then the blessing to co-exist with others or a companion can be realized for His glory.

Overcoming loneliness is attainable in our daily application. But we must look at our inner cup and ask, why have I arrived at this?
blueskies shared by reaching out to another and opening up is a good start. I agree.

Men and women from all ages shared with me that they have read books on loneliness and it did give them perspective, but the "day to day" application is what they sorely need. Most don't want to live the rest of their days in loneliness.

I'm overstating loneliness but it has surprisingly been ignored in the Church. In our society, social interaction (people to people) has declined.

God bless you, Prim90.

Ones reflections on loneliness. Bob loneliness is not a bad thing. It’s often how God forges us into a deeper spirituality with him when all other vices are stripped away from our desperate hearts including people. And so it was with David hiding out amongst the caves in fear of his very life from King Saul with only God to sustain him and the very reason we have the many touching words from within the book of Psalms today . We do also think upon such writers as Alexander Solzhenitsyn & Fyodor Dostoyevsky . All did spend solitude in jail which did enlighten their spirituality to seek a higher calling for humanity and of something far more spiritual than just the pursuit of self. Yes the continuing journey of humanity onto a higher spiritual plain.

 

[bobinfaith]

The thing is lonliness is almost always that person doesn't have a relationship with God or they don't have that assurance. As Christians we can be assured, that no matter what. God is there. Because it's through Jesus securing our salvation and he was human and was in the flesh just like us. Our God is our Father who will never die, so its not like a kind of conditional relationship that even the Isrealites had on THEIR obedience to everything God had commanded. Its faith based on God's side. People who are lonely feel unworthy. They don't feel they are good enough. God's grace, forgiveness and mercy says we are worthy. Because God is love. Its very simple and this is how a child can understand it. Why do most parents send children to school..it isn't so they can have an education and learn to read or write (cos they COULD do that at home) but so they can make friends. Learning to make friends and to be a friend is the most important life skill you can have. And not just people in your own family. I think people forget that about school...

Hey Lanolin;

Well said. I like and agree with what you just shared. Someone else mentioned feeling unworthy when comparing with another attributed to not feeling good enough and falling into a loneliness feeling. I also feel jealousy, insecurities or a low self-esteem can also add to loneliness.

I didn't think of this till now. When parents send their children to school they also have the benefit of making friends. I personally have friends since we were 10 years old. We finished our education and went on with our careers. But we always stayed in touch as friends.

I agree that making friends in school is a most important life skill because as the education gets accomplished and leaving behind, the friendship carries on. Two of my closest friends in grade school were small in height and had a quiet demeanor about them. But today they are more social and confident besides being taller than me. lol!

Ones reflections on loneliness. Bob loneliness is not a bad thing. It’s often how God forges us into a deeper spirituality with him when all other vices are stripped away from our desperate hearts including people. And so it was with David hiding out amongst the caves in fear of his very life from King Saul with only God to sustain him and the very reason we have the many touching words from within the book of Psalms today . We do also think upon such writers as Alexander Solzhenitsyn & Fyodor Dostoyevsky . All did spend solitude in jail which did enlighten their spirituality to seek a higher calling for humanity and of something far more spiritual than just the pursuit of self. Yes the continuing journey of humanity onto a higher spiritual plain.

Hello Prim90;

I noticed you are from Australia and Lanolin is from New Zealand. Both countries are hosting the 2023 Women's World Cup in July.

Back to the topic. Loneliness or being alone and one who feels this way only knows themself but doesn't know how to fix it. Loneliness or being alone doesn't stop there.

What you touch on expands into a deeper spirituality, meaning it can be God is getting your attention through loneliness, conviction, guilt, anger, despair. Therefore loneliness is not a bad thing. God can use our despair to get our attention.

Paul was feeling lonely in prison as his fellow ministers were going elsewhere. Prison impacted Paul but his faith was amazing. Even Jesus comforted and encouraged His servant through adversity and persecution in Acts 23:11.

The two prisoners, Solzhenitsyn and Dostoyevsky in Russia reminds me of another prisoner in Russia. He spent many years and at the end of his term he converted many prisoners to Christ. But I forgot his name and the name of the movie based on a true story.

God bless you both.

 

[Lanolin]

John Bunyan The Pilgrim's Progress? Written while he was in prison.
There's also Richard Wurmbrand, I think he wrote or founded the Voice of the Martyrs.

 

[Via dolarossa]

Sometimes I like to share things I am struggling with, but I don't like it when people give me advice because it also makes me feel either helpless or it cuts the air so to speak. I want to be able to go through what I am going through, and emerge to the other side with some enlightenment or wisdom. People generally don't like it when they see people suffering, I am also guilty of this as we all can be, and instead of just active listening, we interfere and try to fix things instead of letting it be. God is the Healer and will heal us in His own time.

I am usually reluctant to share anything if I think people will try and fix me lol

 

[Lanolin]

Listening without saying anything is hard, and online you kind of have to learn to respond with emojis instead of being tempted to give unhelpful advice. There should be an emoji that says uh huh, I heard you. Or I read it. There are hugs emojis.

I give advice when people ask for it, but if they don't, I try to just be there or responsive non verbally. Whether through touch or gesture. Imagine Jesus was on the cross being crucified and people gave him advice like ' if you're the son of God, come down from the cross' or 'save yourself' like when people are suffering and someone tells them 'well you should have thought of it before you did xx' as if anyone can just totally avoid suffering.
I don't think that's possible. Sure we can have wisdom but we can't always avoid trials and tests. Jesus came from a close knit family but he did go ALONE in the wilderness as a test. He would have been very lonely AND hungry. Satan also gave him a hard time and easily attacked him cos he was alone. But thankfully he passed and angels came and ministered to him. We can learn from Jesus example that he had the Word like a sharp edged sword to fend off the devil.

When I was battling depression, nobody could help me, I was lonely. But when I had the Word, and learned combat scriptures, they were so powerful. Thats why we teach memory verses to children, even if they haven't read the whole Bible yet. So theres that.

The other, learning to make friends. If you have a phone, keep phone numbers saved of your friends. Call them to get together or encourage or just to say hi. That's what friends are for. You don't always need to be hanging round them 24/7. Write to them. Give each other gifts. Think of fun things to do together. Play fun games. You don't always need to be constantly talking over coffee lol. I think some people have this idea that you always need to be conversing but then conversation is actually an art that can be learned. Some people don't really know how to hold a conversation it's true! I know people who, and its quite infuriating, will agree with everything I say and won't make any decision or have an opinion thats different. I feel like that you can't be a mirror to your friends ALL the time. There has to be give and take right?