Long - Time Unbeliever Friend - Harder to Be Friends?

Aug 8, 2016
14
17
3
21
Hi all!

I hope everyone is doing well! I am in college, and I've actually moved to another state permanently. First off, I'd love to give context of I do have friends that are not Christian and don't follow Jesus. It's just that this situation is a bit sticky to me and I'm not sure how to approach it.

First things first: I was friends with this person all through grade school and high school. I wasn't a believer at the time (grew up going to church but wasn't convinced of a God/struggling with it). We've hit a couple of rough patches but this one is particularly hard. She stayed in our home state for college and I moved across the country for college. I ended up moving to this state permanently and changed my license in the process and address (you know the entire deal). After choosing to follow Jesus my freshman year of college, we talked like every 6 months or so and haven't really said anything unless on social media. The thing is when we talked during the six months, I felt the strain spiritually. At least, on my part. I mean, it's expected to feel the strain but like compared to my unbeliever friends that I do talk to now, it is not like the strain I felt with her. For one, she is EXTREMELY sexually explicit, something that the people I am friends with now are not. Second, I've noticed how she acts towards people who are of a different political party (she is super liberal and can't stand the other party).

Now, here is the thing: I am friends with people of both political parties. I don't see what the problem is, especially if you're rooted in Christ it doesn't matter who you vote for because at the end of the day, it's your relationship with Christ. But she doesn't see that. Third thing, she seems super intolerant. Like, more so than in the past. She has literally said she is not friends with white people because of their republican beliefs (straight up racism right there) and I felt like the Lord was telling me not to really be associated with her anymore. Plus, some of my closest friends are conservative and white (made some in college). Doesn't mean they are racist. Going back to the social media posts, I also felt the Lord tell me to not look at her stories anymore. So I have not. Also in general, I've been cutting back my time on social media.

I mean, distance helps for sure, but I don't know how to go about this. I don't want to cut her off like that because the Lord shows love to everyone, but I don't think that having a relationship with her is beneficial anymore. I wanted to text her and call to see how she was doing because I really want to show her I care for her, but I think something needs to give. There was another friend that I had to let go in high school - but it was kinda easy because we weren't as close. The second I went over their house, their family looked at my shirt because it was against legalizing weed. That was back in 2016. Also, she was also intolerant and a lot like the girl I described above. Again, we weren't as close and we are just Facebook friends and never talk.

My other friends that aren't Christian don't give me the same vibe. Honestly even with some "Christians" you have to watch them. However, has anyone had an experience similar to this? What have you done in the past? Should I let distance do its job and not contact her as much? Don't know how to handle the current situation. Definitely want to go about this in love.

Anything helps!
 

aha

Nov 18, 2011
1,416
380
83
The thing is when we talked during the six months, I felt the strain spiritually.
.....Second, I've noticed how she acts towards people who are of a different political party (she is super liberal and can't stand the other party).

....their family looked at my shirt because it was against legalizing weed.

... has anyone had an experience similar to this? What have you done in the past? Should I let distance do its job and not contact her as much? Don't know how to handle the current situation. Definitely want to go about this in love.

Anything helps!
"Steadfast" "Unwavering" "Committed" "Dedicated" "Faithful"
Those words can define a Christian faithful.
Although: less the last one: “Faithful”… the same can be said to an “idealistic” person or an “Intolerant liberal” as well.


My point: it can be seen as a complete contrast for a Christian Faithful to a World-ly Intolerant Liberal..
I see the Similarity, rather than the Difference…
I believe only God can change a “Steadfast” “Resolute” yeah: a “Faithful” Saul to become a Paul….


But if you want to “engage” : we can beat them on their own “game”: I mean: Christian Values implemented in the Governance, Political, Legal as in law-making is way above to be compared to the Secular Values.

In fact: reading SECULAR modern Laws on human relationship or modern scientific thinking how to achieve “happiness”, i see it as a copy-cat of Christian Values… (ie: a scientific study of such proves that “forgiveness” is healthy… etc.


But if you want to “engage”, pick a SECULAR topic to “debate” on: say "is it good to legalize or continue not to legalize marijuana" or so…
I would suggest SECULAR topics for the meantime and not to engage in “religious topics”


And here is the critical part: : PRAY everytime you “debunk” “their” wordly principles, and I was surprised in the past how I saw the many gaps in their principles.

I remember in one forum I used to frequent long time ago (note1): one “liberal” is saying based on a “study” : younger people are OK with legalizing marijuana, while the “old” generation is saying not ok:

His point: the younger generations knows better, given what we know now, the science, the medicines knowledge we have is better compare to the past.


The GAP in that “idea” or “principle”: those “old” people he mentioned is the very “young” people during the 60's-70’s era that marijuana is part of the culture then: ie: precisely they know better, they been there!

Pray as mentioned: ie: seeing those gaps in their rationale: I cannot see it immediately, I just feel something is wrong: but after I prayed, I was able to articulate those thoughts….
Although how I type, present my ideas is a different topic..: :) English is a second language for me… and I present my thoughts in a way of “linear thoughts, steps by step” “IF” “THEN” “THEREFORE”, thus: you will see a lot of “:” and “….” In my post.

(note1)I used to frequent those sites, but not anymore (ie: the strain you mentioned?)… i just found it more productive for myself to stay in Christian circles/ forums…

It will be your choice to "engage" of course: and what good to engage on a debate on “secular things” things first: well, if you WON the DEBATE on SECULAR THINGS ( i mean, was able to convinced her): then: she may be open to listen on the SPIRITUAL THING? we don;t know

As mentioned: only God can change a resolute Saul to Paul.

God bless!
 
Last edited:
  • Like
Reactions: LiveLoveLife9898

bobinfaith

Senior Moderator
Staff member
Senior Moderator
Hi all!

I hope everyone is doing well! I am in college, and I've actually moved to another state permanently. First off, I'd love to give context of I do have friends that are not Christian and don't follow Jesus. It's just that this situation is a bit sticky to me and I'm not sure how to approach it.

First things first: I was friends with this person all through grade school and high school. I wasn't a believer at the time (grew up going to church but wasn't convinced of a God/struggling with it). We've hit a couple of rough patches but this one is particularly hard. She stayed in our home state for college and I moved across the country for college. I ended up moving to this state permanently and changed my license in the process and address (you know the entire deal). After choosing to follow Jesus my freshman year of college, we talked like every 6 months or so and haven't really said anything unless on social media. The thing is when we talked during the six months, I felt the strain spiritually. At least, on my part. I mean, it's expected to feel the strain but like compared to my unbeliever friends that I do talk to now, it is not like the strain I felt with her. For one, she is EXTREMELY sexually explicit, something that the people I am friends with now are not. Second, I've noticed how she acts towards people who are of a different political party (she is super liberal and can't stand the other party).

Now, here is the thing: I am friends with people of both political parties. I don't see what the problem is, especially if you're rooted in Christ it doesn't matter who you vote for because at the end of the day, it's your relationship with Christ. But she doesn't see that. Third thing, she seems super intolerant. Like, more so than in the past. She has literally said she is not friends with white people because of their republican beliefs (straight up racism right there) and I felt like the Lord was telling me not to really be associated with her anymore. Plus, some of my closest friends are conservative and white (made some in college). Doesn't mean they are racist. Going back to the social media posts, I also felt the Lord tell me to not look at her stories anymore. So I have not. Also in general, I've been cutting back my time on social media.

I mean, distance helps for sure, but I don't know how to go about this. I don't want to cut her off like that because the Lord shows love to everyone, but I don't think that having a relationship with her is beneficial anymore. I wanted to text her and call to see how she was doing because I really want to show her I care for her, but I think something needs to give. There was another friend that I had to let go in high school - but it was kinda easy because we weren't as close. The second I went over their house, their family looked at my shirt because it was against legalizing weed. That was back in 2016. Also, she was also intolerant and a lot like the girl I described above. Again, we weren't as close and we are just Facebook friends and never talk.

My other friends that aren't Christian don't give me the same vibe. Honestly even with some "Christians" you have to watch them. However, has anyone had an experience similar to this? What have you done in the past? Should I let distance do its job and not contact her as much? Don't know how to handle the current situation. Definitely want to go about this in love.

Anything helps!
Hello LiveLoveLife9898;

I have experienced what you shared with more than one friend, both male and female. I see your situation as a "life relationship" in a very positive way.

You and your longtime friend have come a long way since grade school. Praise God you both have been friends since childhood. My best friend in the whole world and I met when we were 10 in the 5th grade. We both believed in God and went to church but as we grew in high school we developed a difference in Christianity, world affairs, politics, music, etc...We both liked secular rock but I was phasing into Christian folk rock of the 70s and 80s. As we continued to grow we developed our opinions and disagreed largely on many topics and it showed in both our attitudes. But we were blessed. Instead of becoming estranged, we remained good friends.

We were there for each other as he and I were going through our "growing pains" relationships with our wives. Then suddenly, at 43 years old he died. I thank God everyday for my long time friend of 33 years. No one can take that away.

Please don't analyze the development of your friend today, instead, love, accept, bear and pray for your friend and let her go on to be who she is, just as you have in your walk with Jesus. Our friendships can change through the years but Jesus, who calls us friends never changes. We change but the Lord never changes.

In Malachi 3:6, 6 “For I the Lord do not change; therefore you, O children of Jacob, are not consumed.

Be aware of world affairs so you know how to pray for others, but instead of being consumed with the ways of the world, stand firm in meeting up with Jesus daily.

As we continue our faith walk with Jesus, we become more and more purified - speak wholesome Love and Encouragement to build up others, guard our tongues in fierce differences and debate in all circumstances, and purify our hearts. Jesus' reflection in our lives becomes more and more clear to those around us, especially our friends when we get older and reconnected. They may see a light that has developed in you.

Your long time friendship and the Lord developing you can go a long way in your witness to your friend.

I hope this helps a little bit, LiveLoveLife9898.

God bless you and your family.
 

KEVIN B GOODE

Account Closed
Mar 5, 2019
4
6
3
61
NORTH CAROLINA
Greetings in the Lord Jesus I can certainly sympathize with your dilemma, but remember we must work out our salvation with fear an trembling insomuch as the Apostle Shaul (Paul), was telling the church to be careful and guard your hearts against all that will come against the faith. To walk circumspectly or in your own integrity being watchful of the subtlety of the enemy. From a faith stand point, we have nothing in common with unbelievers, therefore we should keep our distance an pray for them privately. This way when you hear of the good news of their change of heart, it’ll surely bless you an increase your faith. Don’t forsake them just keep your distance. We fight a spiritual battle an wrestle not against flesh an blood. ( Eph.6 12; Proverbs 4:14-27; Eph. 5:1-17 with emphasis on v.7-11; an Phil. 2:12). Always approach the WORD first, above all else, pray for the Spirits guidance. In the name of Yeshua , Amen!
 

bobinfaith

Senior Moderator
Staff member
Senior Moderator
Greetings in the Lord Jesus I can certainly sympathize with your dilemma, but remember we must work out our salvation with fear an trembling insomuch as the Apostle Shaul (Paul), was telling the church to be careful and guard your hearts against all that will come against the faith. To walk circumspectly or in your own integrity being watchful of the subtlety of the enemy. From a faith stand point, we have nothing in common with unbelievers, therefore we should keep our distance an pray for them privately. This way when you hear of the good news of their change of heart, it’ll surely bless you an increase your faith. Don’t forsake them just keep your distance. We fight a spiritual battle an wrestle not against flesh an blood. ( Eph.6 12; Proverbs 4:14-27; Eph. 5:1-17 with emphasis on v.7-11; an Phil. 2:12). Always approach the WORD first, above all else, pray for the Spirits guidance. In the name of Yeshua , Amen!
Hello Kevin B Goode;

Thank you for your post. As we pray for our friend LiveLoveLife9898 it also gave me much to think about regarding long time friends.

God bless you and your family, brother Kevin.
 
  • Like
Reactions: LiveLoveLife9898
Aug 8, 2016
14
17
3
21
Thank you all for the replies!

I totally forgot about the verse about not being unequally yoked. That verse is not just for marriages! I really feel like guarding my heart and keeping my distance is going to be an important thing. I don't think there is anything wrong with losing touch or anything like that. I think the most important thing is to still be there for her, but I also realize I need to protect my heart as well and that's okay. Not just okay, but necessary.

Again, I really appreciate the responses.