Marking The Day

Thirty-seven years ago today, on a very hot Saturday afternoon, (much like the heat of this day today, here in New England; the thermometer promising temps in the 90's), I stood on an Altar in a rather plain and white-washed Church Sanctuary, and pledged my love for the girl of my dreams.

Today, I sit alone, not knowing where she is, this gorgeous bride of mine, after she filed for Divorce and left.

Those of you who follow my Threads in here, know the detailed descriptions I have candidly offered, so this is not a commentary of those facts. Rather, this is simply to put down in words, what we all feel at times, when dealing with memories, an lost love.

It's not about fault or blame; it's about taking time to remember in good ways, and trusting that God has more in store for us, for me, if we ("I") will just trust Him, and hold fast to whatever I can that is Holy, Righteous and Pure.

I don't know if I will have the fortune to have a chance phone call or e-mail today from her. Like I said, I don't even know where she IS, right now. If I do hear from her however, I know the words my lips will speak. "I love you," and "I miss you" will be among them.

On this day, 37 years ago, the sweat was rolling down my face. My Father, a Pastor, and the one we had asked to perform the Ceremony, handed me his handkerchief, during the soloists best performance of "Evergreen," to help me look somewhat presentable to that lovely gal that stood before me, instead of the pale, drippy guy that I was.

We celebrated as all do, with dance and food, conversations and departure for our retreat by the ocean, and then set into the path of life. We raised two kids, we celebrate the five grandkids that have come from them, and our journey appears to be closing together, unless the Lord intervenes in some Miraculous way.

I just wanted to take a step back, and speak to all those who have cherished remembrances of a spouse gone away. If that spouse should return, rejoice as the father of the "prodigal son" did. Throw a party! But always remember that the memories may be the only thing left one day, so make them count for God. Make them count for others. Leave encouragement in your wake, and not disappointment and pain. Love one another with unselfish intent, and seek God's purposes above your own.

As I sit here alone in my house, after yet another day at work, on the eve of my 37th Wedding Anniversary......I'd like to be able to tell all of you that I am experiencing great peace and hope. I did have a conversation with my wife on the phone today, and it was about as pleasant as I could hope for..........but I still sit alone tonight. I still feel the sting of it all.

I wish I could be your brave, confident brother in Christ, in spite of all. But the truth be told, I am weak, fragile, and lonely. Dear Father, "I," your son is in need of your calm, loving heart. I remain open to your filling, in spite of the hurt.