Good afternoon,
i have been praying to god for wisdom and healing...maybe he has sent me here to recive some. So here it goes i meet my soul mate 10 years ago..Herbert he loved to drink and get high back then i bartended so it was really not a big deal ...in 07 we decided to have a baby together and star a family during this time he said he was tried of drinking and wanted to stop ,during my pregancy he went to prison for dwi ,he went to prison for a year i stood by his side and took our baby there on weekends to vist him..when he got out he contunied to drink he goes on binges where he can drink till next day or go for days ..we begin to fight alot then tis is when he started hiiting me i would want to talk to him he would tell me later than he would go to bed and blow up cause i would not shut up once he draged me by my hair and had my daughter watch as he kicked me he always told me he was sorry and i caused it cause of my suckie attudie,,,anyways we made it thru that then i found out he was cheating on me and the other woman would come to our house around my daughter while i was at work ,,when i found out he swore on our dAUGHTERS LIFE he would never leave us and she was dirty and would not let her destory our family...for three years he bounced back in forth between us the other woman has called me laughing saying he only loves her ..i became pregant with our 2 daughter durning this time i had to go back to N.Y for the funral when i came home herbert was not there the next day he returned home to tell me she was pregant and she told him if he did not leave us he would not be allowed to see there baby too find out she was never pregent to begin with,,she called me and told me that he did not want our 2nd child. Herbert and i have tried to work on our family many times but he always retunes to her..the last time he left me and our childeren he left us with no income ,,,he never came to see girls and did not even call our daughter on her b-day...he reurned home again but this time he had said he was at work and the other woman called me and told me they just left a hotelroom and thet had sex and he kissed and her and told her he loved her,,she also said she didnt want him and she did not care if he lived or died...our relationship after wa very violent i became angry and hateful i kept asking him to leave he at first refused one night i threw a water bottle at him and told him to leave he did he moved in with his parents...his mother use to watch our daughter;s while i was at work i went to pick them up ...when i did she said if my son(15 and from my first marraige) molasted my girls she would put me and my son in prison i told her how could she say that about my son this made her blow off in return she headbutted me in my face in front of my daughters and told me i was my fault for her son's actions if i would not yell he would not hit or leave me...even after all this i still hoped in my heart that we could work things out for our family a month has past and i have found out he is back with the other woman...he swore he did not love her...is it god's blessing that they love each other..now he wants us to friends and let her around my childeren he has who he is with does not matter,,this woman slept in my bed while i was buring my grandfather and she told me she knew and did not care she loved him,,,,,how do i save myself from a life time of pain ,,,how do i just say ok and allow them to play house with my girls he left us before with no money or car just be with her....she has laughed at me and rubbed there love in my face for years,,,there was a time when she had her 8 year old son call me cring cause herbert hit her tring to kiss her..how do i heal was it my fault did my anger puch him away is god cursing me for holdimg anger and eney in my heart ,,have i been blocking there love all these years..i am so broken i can never be fixed,,now i will have to watch them build a life together,,how could god allow us to be in this situation,,here in the state of texas if the father keeps the kids i can not file kidd napping charges this why i told him he can not see them till i get a court order i have never left my kids side i found away out of no way and i am suppose to forgive and be happy for them and trust them with my kids (4 years and 1) why do i have to carry this cross..have i angered god did he see her more fit to be with him and me as unworthy ,,,please help me i can not go forward and after all this i still love him
i have been praying to god for wisdom and healing...maybe he has sent me here to recive some. So here it goes i meet my soul mate 10 years ago..Herbert he loved to drink and get high back then i bartended so it was really not a big deal ...in 07 we decided to have a baby together and star a family during this time he said he was tried of drinking and wanted to stop ,during my pregancy he went to prison for dwi ,he went to prison for a year i stood by his side and took our baby there on weekends to vist him..when he got out he contunied to drink he goes on binges where he can drink till next day or go for days ..we begin to fight alot then tis is when he started hiiting me i would want to talk to him he would tell me later than he would go to bed and blow up cause i would not shut up once he draged me by my hair and had my daughter watch as he kicked me he always told me he was sorry and i caused it cause of my suckie attudie,,,anyways we made it thru that then i found out he was cheating on me and the other woman would come to our house around my daughter while i was at work ,,when i found out he swore on our dAUGHTERS LIFE he would never leave us and she was dirty and would not let her destory our family...for three years he bounced back in forth between us the other woman has called me laughing saying he only loves her ..i became pregant with our 2 daughter durning this time i had to go back to N.Y for the funral when i came home herbert was not there the next day he returned home to tell me she was pregant and she told him if he did not leave us he would not be allowed to see there baby too find out she was never pregent to begin with,,she called me and told me that he did not want our 2nd child. Herbert and i have tried to work on our family many times but he always retunes to her..the last time he left me and our childeren he left us with no income ,,,he never came to see girls and did not even call our daughter on her b-day...he reurned home again but this time he had said he was at work and the other woman called me and told me they just left a hotelroom and thet had sex and he kissed and her and told her he loved her,,she also said she didnt want him and she did not care if he lived or died...our relationship after wa very violent i became angry and hateful i kept asking him to leave he at first refused one night i threw a water bottle at him and told him to leave he did he moved in with his parents...his mother use to watch our daughter;s while i was at work i went to pick them up ...when i did she said if my son(15 and from my first marraige) molasted my girls she would put me and my son in prison i told her how could she say that about my son this made her blow off in return she headbutted me in my face in front of my daughters and told me i was my fault for her son's actions if i would not yell he would not hit or leave me...even after all this i still hoped in my heart that we could work things out for our family a month has past and i have found out he is back with the other woman...he swore he did not love her...is it god's blessing that they love each other..now he wants us to friends and let her around my childeren he has who he is with does not matter,,this woman slept in my bed while i was buring my grandfather and she told me she knew and did not care she loved him,,,,,how do i save myself from a life time of pain ,,,how do i just say ok and allow them to play house with my girls he left us before with no money or car just be with her....she has laughed at me and rubbed there love in my face for years,,,there was a time when she had her 8 year old son call me cring cause herbert hit her tring to kiss her..how do i heal was it my fault did my anger puch him away is god cursing me for holdimg anger and eney in my heart ,,have i been blocking there love all these years..i am so broken i can never be fixed,,now i will have to watch them build a life together,,how could god allow us to be in this situation,,here in the state of texas if the father keeps the kids i can not file kidd napping charges this why i told him he can not see them till i get a court order i have never left my kids side i found away out of no way and i am suppose to forgive and be happy for them and trust them with my kids (4 years and 1) why do i have to carry this cross..have i angered god did he see her more fit to be with him and me as unworthy ,,,please help me i can not go forward and after all this i still love him