Office Jokes

#1
Office Jokes

How to tell when you've had too much of the 90's:
  • You e-mail your work colleague at the desk next to you to ask "Wanna go for a drink?" and they reply "Yeah, give me five minutes."
  • Your idea of being organized is multiple colored post-it notes.
  • When you go home after a long day at work you still answer the phone with your company's name.
  • When you make phone calls from home, you accidentally dial "9" to get an outside line.
  • You've sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three different companies.
  • Your company welcome sign is attached with Velcro.
  • Your resume is on a diskette in your pocket.
  • You really get excited about a 1.7% pay rise.
  • Your biggest loss from a system crash is that you lose all your best jokes.
  • Temps in your department outnumber permanent staff and are more likely to get long-service awards.
  • Board members salaries are higher than all the Third World countries annual budgets combined.
  • It's dark when you drive to and from work.
  • Free food left over from meetings is your staple diet.
  • The intern gets a brand-new state-of-the-art laptop with all the features, while you have time to go for lunch while yours powers up.
  • Being sick is defined as 'you can't walk' or 'you're in the hospital.'
  • You're already late on the assignment you just got.
  • There's no money in the budget for the five permanent staff members your department is short, but they can afford four full-time management consultants advising your boss's boss on strategy.
  • Your boss's favorite lines are: When you've got a few minutes... Could you fit this in?... in your spare time... when you're freed up... I know you're busy but... I have an opportunity for you.
  • Every week another brown collection envelope comes around because someone you didn't even know had started is leaving.
  • You wonder who's going to be left to put into your 'leaving' collection.
  • Your relatives and family describe your job as "works with computers."
  • The only reason you recognize your kids is because their pictures are on your desk.
  • You only have make-up for fluorescent lighting.
  • You've run out of family member's birthdays to use for all of the ATM and banking PINs, e-mail passwords, computer codes, and voicemail IDs you need to remember.
  • You read this entire list, kept nodding and smiling.