I just need to get this out there while its still fresh. I am currently visiting a family member and am staying in the guest room. I had come down here after losing my job and having a slight fall out with the girlfriend. We have had our fights here and there as all relationships do. The girlfriend and I had started talking again throughout my "vacation" here. The trip was meant for me to clear my head and just get a change of scenery. My parents were nice enough to drop me here and head back home till it was time for me to head home.
Today is the last day I am here and my parents had come down to hang/take me back home. We did some running around and at some point my dad had seen a text from my girlfriend that had mentioned her wanting to see me. The message was displayed on my screen as the phones tend to do now. He decided not too long ago to tell my mother about the text. Mind you not the slightest mention of any kind was made to me about him seeing the text. My mother immediately gets up and they both walk half way across the house to come talk to me about it. This house isn't very small, to get to the room I'm in two flights of stairs must be climbed.
The conversation was hostile right off the bat. Started with a (from my mother) "I was told you got a text from Jackie saying "I want to see you? "Whats that about?" In a very aggressive manner. And now I shut down, turn on the ears, tighten the tounge and my mind goes wild. I answer with a studdery voice, "yeah..we're talking now" (The impression to them was that we were broken up). I will now begin to summarize a lot of the conversation while trying to keep all important details intact. The conversation was very uncomfortable at first, it wasn't something I wanted to deal with moments before I had intended to go to sleep. Questions based around why we (Jackie & I) were talking and how it came about went on, I answered (sort of) and I conclude that I don't want to talk about it or continue the conversation anymore. Of course the request was denied, I kept insisting the conversation stop but they insisted that it continue. So I resorted to one of my great assets, and just stopped talking despite them asking questions. Kept saying I didn't want to talk and when they asked why I answered simply because I just didn't want to. Didn't think I needed to express anything else, I felt I was entitled to not take part in a conversation at that moment, even stated we could talk about it the next day. But I was "being disrespectful", maybe I was, on the other hand I didn't want to talk and have that conversation at the moment, and I thought I had a right to. They stayed where they were and by force, the conversation continued.
So I begin to talk and answer their questions (because what choice did I have really without seeming like a complete...jerk) They asked questions like what makes her so special?, and why do you like her so much? There was lots of silence on my part, seeing as I'm not much of a talker. But there was a moment where I simply could not speak, I began rubbing my hands, my mind went completely blank, and it felt like my tongue had filled my entire mouth. I was in this trance like state for quite sometime. I had hoped they would notice, maybe it was more extreme in my mind. Nonetheless they just kept asking the same question thinking I was ignoring them as I had done before (probably my fault for doing that earlier). I was finally able to calm myself and speak. I gave my answer and it wasn't enough for them. They had asked why she was so special to me, I had answered she made me feel special, she thought of me and brought me unexpected gifts, did the little things for me, and a cliche she makes me laugh. I'm not very good at expressing myself 1 and 2 I'm not very good at listing the sentimental things on the spot in a situation and I just don't want to be in. They of course stated that anyone can be that for me. I personally believe that argument can be made about anyone person in any kind of relationship on this earth right now. That you can list the best things about your best friend/spouse and out of the billions of people on this earth find at least one person that can do the same thing as your best friend/spouse. But that's besides the point I suppose and I never stated that because that's just what I do. I just can't bring myself to speak my mind especially in front of my parents because of some irrational fears that I can't get over. There was some more talk about how she doesn't care about me and how she disrespects me since she disrespected my mom. She (my mom) blames my girlfriend for all the tension going on, essentially called her a demon and made it a point to say that if I don't "fix" this she will make sure that it ends. She went as far as to sound extremely (and this is by no means an exaggeration) threatening about it as well. She said "if she (Jackie) doesn't stop f***ing with you, I will make sure she will" the tone was extremely threatening and I'm really really not sure what she meant by that. In terms of the "if she doesn't stop...messing with you", She believes my girlfriend to be manipulating me and just using me to get what she wants. Since my girlfriend has "nothing going for her and need to grow up" mind you, my gf has a job and is in college. She clearly has a hell of a lot more going for her now than I do.
I was basically told to break up with my girlfriend or my mother will make sure that I break up with her. So there's really no option for me here. Based on the fact that my parents don't think she's good for me. Since they love and care for me so much, they are highly recommending by just short of holding a gun to my head that I get rid of her. At one point the only thought through my mind was move out, move out, move out, move out, move out. She asked where her little boy went and stated that I was a good kid. I wanted to say he grow up, but I felt as if I might as well spit in her face. But maybe that's the fear thinking for me? I took note of the words "boy" and "kid" being used. Maybe I'm looking too into it or maybe I'm right. maybe its because she's refusing to realize I have to grow up one day and not need/want her protection. She left and it was just my dad and I. He finished things off by asking if I had trusted him, stating that he'd always be there and that he's never steered me wrong. Although these things may be true. Its not a matter of taking some advice, its a matter of fulfilling the demands of my mother.
They say its out of love and care that they are basically forcing this decision on me. My question is, is it really? Is it really out of love that you force someone to take advice? I understand that they may have the insight, what if they're wrong? Do you force you're 23 year old son/daughter to break up with his/her girlfriend/boyfriend because you believe she/he is not good for them? Now one could say I'm taking this too far but the way I see it is.. Was God not loving/caring when he allowed Adam n Eve to take the fruit? He warned them..but let them do it, Was he not loving when he let Moses strike the rock that banished him from the promise land? Warned him..but didn't stop his hand. When he allowed Peter to chop the ear of the soldier? Could he have not said, Peter, I know what you're thinking....don't do it. Or even stopped him when he lunged for the attack? Why didn't he bind up Lucifer before he could convince 1/3 of the angels and have the chance to destroy creation? Is this line of thinking ok? Am I just throwing a hissy fit?
I'm very tired and need to be up in a couple of hours. I may add some details when/if I remember any that I think are important. Or if anyone sees a hole in the story or feels if I'm not giving the whole thing please ask away.
Today is the last day I am here and my parents had come down to hang/take me back home. We did some running around and at some point my dad had seen a text from my girlfriend that had mentioned her wanting to see me. The message was displayed on my screen as the phones tend to do now. He decided not too long ago to tell my mother about the text. Mind you not the slightest mention of any kind was made to me about him seeing the text. My mother immediately gets up and they both walk half way across the house to come talk to me about it. This house isn't very small, to get to the room I'm in two flights of stairs must be climbed.
The conversation was hostile right off the bat. Started with a (from my mother) "I was told you got a text from Jackie saying "I want to see you? "Whats that about?" In a very aggressive manner. And now I shut down, turn on the ears, tighten the tounge and my mind goes wild. I answer with a studdery voice, "yeah..we're talking now" (The impression to them was that we were broken up). I will now begin to summarize a lot of the conversation while trying to keep all important details intact. The conversation was very uncomfortable at first, it wasn't something I wanted to deal with moments before I had intended to go to sleep. Questions based around why we (Jackie & I) were talking and how it came about went on, I answered (sort of) and I conclude that I don't want to talk about it or continue the conversation anymore. Of course the request was denied, I kept insisting the conversation stop but they insisted that it continue. So I resorted to one of my great assets, and just stopped talking despite them asking questions. Kept saying I didn't want to talk and when they asked why I answered simply because I just didn't want to. Didn't think I needed to express anything else, I felt I was entitled to not take part in a conversation at that moment, even stated we could talk about it the next day. But I was "being disrespectful", maybe I was, on the other hand I didn't want to talk and have that conversation at the moment, and I thought I had a right to. They stayed where they were and by force, the conversation continued.
So I begin to talk and answer their questions (because what choice did I have really without seeming like a complete...jerk) They asked questions like what makes her so special?, and why do you like her so much? There was lots of silence on my part, seeing as I'm not much of a talker. But there was a moment where I simply could not speak, I began rubbing my hands, my mind went completely blank, and it felt like my tongue had filled my entire mouth. I was in this trance like state for quite sometime. I had hoped they would notice, maybe it was more extreme in my mind. Nonetheless they just kept asking the same question thinking I was ignoring them as I had done before (probably my fault for doing that earlier). I was finally able to calm myself and speak. I gave my answer and it wasn't enough for them. They had asked why she was so special to me, I had answered she made me feel special, she thought of me and brought me unexpected gifts, did the little things for me, and a cliche she makes me laugh. I'm not very good at expressing myself 1 and 2 I'm not very good at listing the sentimental things on the spot in a situation and I just don't want to be in. They of course stated that anyone can be that for me. I personally believe that argument can be made about anyone person in any kind of relationship on this earth right now. That you can list the best things about your best friend/spouse and out of the billions of people on this earth find at least one person that can do the same thing as your best friend/spouse. But that's besides the point I suppose and I never stated that because that's just what I do. I just can't bring myself to speak my mind especially in front of my parents because of some irrational fears that I can't get over. There was some more talk about how she doesn't care about me and how she disrespects me since she disrespected my mom. She (my mom) blames my girlfriend for all the tension going on, essentially called her a demon and made it a point to say that if I don't "fix" this she will make sure that it ends. She went as far as to sound extremely (and this is by no means an exaggeration) threatening about it as well. She said "if she (Jackie) doesn't stop f***ing with you, I will make sure she will" the tone was extremely threatening and I'm really really not sure what she meant by that. In terms of the "if she doesn't stop...messing with you", She believes my girlfriend to be manipulating me and just using me to get what she wants. Since my girlfriend has "nothing going for her and need to grow up" mind you, my gf has a job and is in college. She clearly has a hell of a lot more going for her now than I do.
I was basically told to break up with my girlfriend or my mother will make sure that I break up with her. So there's really no option for me here. Based on the fact that my parents don't think she's good for me. Since they love and care for me so much, they are highly recommending by just short of holding a gun to my head that I get rid of her. At one point the only thought through my mind was move out, move out, move out, move out, move out. She asked where her little boy went and stated that I was a good kid. I wanted to say he grow up, but I felt as if I might as well spit in her face. But maybe that's the fear thinking for me? I took note of the words "boy" and "kid" being used. Maybe I'm looking too into it or maybe I'm right. maybe its because she's refusing to realize I have to grow up one day and not need/want her protection. She left and it was just my dad and I. He finished things off by asking if I had trusted him, stating that he'd always be there and that he's never steered me wrong. Although these things may be true. Its not a matter of taking some advice, its a matter of fulfilling the demands of my mother.
They say its out of love and care that they are basically forcing this decision on me. My question is, is it really? Is it really out of love that you force someone to take advice? I understand that they may have the insight, what if they're wrong? Do you force you're 23 year old son/daughter to break up with his/her girlfriend/boyfriend because you believe she/he is not good for them? Now one could say I'm taking this too far but the way I see it is.. Was God not loving/caring when he allowed Adam n Eve to take the fruit? He warned them..but let them do it, Was he not loving when he let Moses strike the rock that banished him from the promise land? Warned him..but didn't stop his hand. When he allowed Peter to chop the ear of the soldier? Could he have not said, Peter, I know what you're thinking....don't do it. Or even stopped him when he lunged for the attack? Why didn't he bind up Lucifer before he could convince 1/3 of the angels and have the chance to destroy creation? Is this line of thinking ok? Am I just throwing a hissy fit?
I'm very tired and need to be up in a couple of hours. I may add some details when/if I remember any that I think are important. Or if anyone sees a hole in the story or feels if I'm not giving the whole thing please ask away.
