Raising children in 2020s and 2030s

I have been doing all things WRONG!

I should suspend my internet account, and not even write anything or say a word. But thats ok because I am used to being silent and not saying a thing, my grandmother thought I was a mute, because I couldn't speak any chinese with her.

Also, what about speaking with men? Usually I don't say anything at all with them but then they can get all angry If I don't speak up. Men talk ALOT. I had a boss that took two hours interviewing me because he talked and talked and talked. I couldn't even get a word in. I just listened of course. Also, many men swear a lot.

It's the same with preachers and teachers, they also talk a lot. Especially if not using a blackboard/whiteboard. When I was teaching, I wanted to use a little whiteboard and write things down so I didn't have to talk at all to a class, but there was none at the library. I noticed that teachers when they didn't use a board or anything relied on children/students to look at them rather than the words on the board and they would often yell or be mean.

When I called the roll, instead of saying good morning or yelling out names I just asked children to give me a smile or a wave. They wrote me notes when they wanted things cos I had a suggestion box. I hate public speaking, cos my voice is soft, I really need a microphone. I am sure many children could not actually hear me which is why they ignored me, it is much better one on one speaking with someone than as one person to an entire crowd.
 
I don’t think your doing anything wrong Lanolin. I think they mean that when some women try to convince men of something they tend to use their how they feel but I know lots of women who use actions. I’m pretty certain you use actions as I have never seen you get emotional on here and even so, there’s nothing wrong with that as some men can be quite annoying and not listen at times x
 
Lanolin said:
What, so, I'm meant to behave and NOT speak graciously??
Or not say anything?

Hmm

Ok, should I even be on the forum? When I write things down, isn't that conversing? When we have a discussion, isn't that a conversation?
Or is it, I am not even meant to discuss the Bible with men (or husbands if I am married?) Is this why we have women's only groups lol
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The context of the passage in Peter is how believing wives are to act to unbelieving husbands, and specifically how to best win them over to Christ.

It's a very particular passage.

It has nothing to do with general conversations among believers, writing things down, etc.
 
Lanolin said:
I have been doing all things WRONG!

I should suspend my internet account, and not even write anything or say a word. But thats ok because I am used to being silent and not saying a thing, my grandmother thought I was a mute, because I couldn't speak any chinese with her.

Also, what about speaking with men? Usually I don't say anything at all with them but then they can get all angry If I don't speak up. Men talk ALOT. I had a boss that took two hours interviewing me because he talked and talked and talked. I couldn't even get a word in. I just listened of course. Also, many men swear a lot.

It's the same with preachers and teachers, they also talk a lot. Especially if not using a blackboard/whiteboard. When I was teaching, I wanted to use a little whiteboard and write things down so I didn't have to talk at all to a class, but there was none at the library. I noticed that teachers when they didn't use a board or anything relied on children/students to look at them rather than the words on the board and they would often yell or be mean.

When I called the roll, instead of saying good morning or yelling out names I just asked children to give me a smile or a wave. They wrote me notes when they wanted things cos I had a suggestion box. I hate public speaking, cos my voice is soft, I really need a microphone. I am sure many children could not actually hear me which is why they ignored me, it is much better one on one speaking with someone than as one person to an entire crowd.
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What? You don't need to get rid of your internet account, never write again, etc.

That's not what that passage is saying.

It's an extremely specific passage about how Christian women married to unbelieving men are to act to best win them to Christ.

If you're not married to an unbeliever, it doesn't apply to you.

I'm married to one, so it applies to me in how I should best handle matters of faith with him. It means I'm not going to win him over by a lengthy argument or discussion.

When he asks about my faith, I do tell him what he asks.

But I know that it won't be my words or argument that wins him over.

We talk about lots of other things that don't pertain to the faith, like what we are going to do with our son each day, etc. The passage isn't a blanket statement against any and all everyday conversation with my unbelieving husband. All it says is that, if a woman has an unbelieving husband, it's her conduct that wins him over to the faith. Not a large verbose apologetics argument.

It's always important to take Scripture matters and analyze them in proper context, and not make them try to say things they aren't saying.

We're ALL guilty of this, btw! I used to think that Matthew 5:28, where Jesus tells men that lusting after women is committing adultery in their hearts, was a passage that applied only to men. I took that Scripture out of context and thought I could lust after men all day long in my heart! I used to download inappropriate pictures of men and look at them lustfully and in fleshly ways. (It didn't help that, here in the United States, it's often assumed that women never lust or have pornography problems. It's admittedly far more common in men, but that doesn't mean it never happens to women.)
 
I'm not raising any children though I think parents are now facing many challenges and its MOSTLY because of single parenthood.
Boys need their dads and daughters need their mothers to model for them as it seems to be written in the Bible (But I could be wrong, because I read the KJV and everyone is now reading all other translations that have different words)
but often things will be confused and daughters become daddy's princesses and sons become mama's boys. I don't know if this is good thing or bad thing. I do think mothers often become jealous of their daughters and sons will clash with their dads.

With divorced parents this is worse because of the whole stepfather/stepmother dynamic. I once asked in a christian forum about stepmothers and there was no response, it seems they don't really exist in christian families except in widowhood.

Parents who abandon their children are increasingly common. Many seem to think at age 18 that's the cut off point and disown them...out the door but they often go out on the street as they have nowhere to go. It's not like there are lots of new homes waiting for them that are affordable to go to..but some are quite happy being nomads and wanderers and free spirits. I always picture parents as providing shelter and refuge, comfort, guidance and help but many now cannot do that they don't have the means, the home is broken, or it's not safe, they just not there etc.

A Landlord charges rent, but a parent provides for their child and the children don't need to pay anything. When the parent dies, the children/offspring inherit the home...when a Landlord dies I don't know what the tenants are meant to do, they just go somewhere else I suppose. Do you treat your children like your own flesh and blood with unconditional love, or do you treat them like a Master treats their servants/slaves based on performance?
 
kdm1984 said:
What? You don't need to get rid of your internet account, never write again, etc.

That's not what that passage is saying.

It's an extremely specific passage about how Christian women married to unbelieving men are to act to best win them to Christ.

If you're not married to an unbeliever, it doesn't apply to you.

I'm married to one, so it applies to me in how I should best handle matters of faith with him. It means I'm not going to win him over by a lengthy argument or discussion.

When he asks about my faith, I do tell him what he asks.

But I know that it won't be my words or argument that wins him over.

We talk about lots of other things that don't pertain to the faith, like what we are going to do with our son each day, etc. The passage isn't a blanket statement against any and all everyday conversation with my unbelieving husband. All it says is that, if a woman has an unbelieving husband, it's her conduct that wins him over to the faith. Not a large verbose apologetics argument.

It's always important to take Scripture matters and analyze them in proper context, and not make them try to say things they aren't saying.

We're ALL guilty of this, btw! I used to think that Matthew 5:28, where Jesus tells men that lusting after women is committing adultery in their hearts, was a passage that applied only to men. I took that Scripture out of context and thought I could lust after men all day long in my heart! I used to download inappropriate pictures of men and look at them lustfully and in fleshly ways. (It didn't help that, here in the United States, it's often assumed that women never lust or have pornography problems. It's admittedly far more common in men, but that doesn't mean it never happens to women.)
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ok ok.
Though chaste conversation wouldn't mean 'lengthy apologetics argument' I suppose. But just things like please and thank you and no swearing or rants right? Pleasant words. 'Chaste conversation' not 'angry arguments' or 'negative nitpicking'
 
Pray for your husband, that he can also be a godly man to raise your son and provide for him.
Even if he doesn't come to Christ you can hand over your son to God the Father to raise.

I think problems also these days come from children, with no godly parents, having to 'raise themselves' and I don't know what its' like in the US, but in NZ we did have a welfare state thats cut back a lot now but it pretty much raised all the Baby boomers who's grandparents(dads) had died or were wives who were widowed in World War 2. A lot of orphans too.

I think that actually has knock on effects for gender roles today if half your male population dies or leaves the country. Women were taking on mens jobs etc and then told later when the men came back from the war (often traumatised) that they couldn't do those things anymore. Even when they were capable. Women were mostly getting on with things that didn't include killing and fighting each other.
 
Yes, God's intent was for marriages to be healthy and for both parents to provide for their children.

The "sexual revolution" had a catastrophic effect on families; not even most unbelieving leftists support it anymore. Theological conservatives often blame feminism in general, but I don't think first wave feminism was that bad or ungodly; it was second wave feminism, and especially the "sexual revolution" in general, which is where BOTH men and women thought they could mess around and divorce easily, or never marry in the first place after producing a child, leaving children with broken homes and often absent fathers. THAT was the movement that really wreaked havoc on Western families and society.

The younger generation is now doing the opposite: they're leading an "asexual" revolution, staying single, and often not having children at all. That's not necessarily a bad thing at all, in and of itself. But a lot of them are using that extra "self" time and putting most of their energy into divisive politics, which isn't helpful.

I'm glad that, despite my parents having some wrong theology, they stuck together and provided a stable home for me. My husband also supports; there are fewer "stay at home mothers" in today's society, but I'm thankfully able to be one of them. I've worked both part and full time in the past, but now that I have a little one, I like being fully at home. I don't have to worry about pleasing a bunch of co-workers; I only have to worry about pleasing two people. Marriage and childbearing are often made out to be very difficult things in our society, but for me, they've been far easier than employment.
 
Does the US still have conscription. I know some countries like Israel and Taiwan have you have to join the army/defense force/military when you turn 18 and do at least 2 years service, with young boys/men in the front line.

I heard girls do it in Israel.

I know that many try to get out of this, especially Taiwanese. If you didn't do it or sign up in the olden days you got labelled a coward.

I also heard that for boys, they often get involved with boys only things like boys scouts clubs. Sports etc. If not into sports, computers. At my school I noticed boys always hung round together in packs, and if they weren't outside chucking a ball, they were playing often violent video games... (tho Chess is strategic, its not violent, but has its competitive opposing nature)

Girls were more into crafts and doing things cooperatively, but I've noticed some girls now have a competitive streak thats usually more of a boy thing.

I think war and conflict has always happened not just between men fighting each other to death in the battlefield...but also in many cases it's the battles of the sexes at home.

If we want our children to be Christians we love them and plant the seed of the gospel in them and nurture them and challenge them to produce fruit right. We prune and tend to them and position them well and water them. Is this hard to do..it shouldn't be that hard, but preparing the ground first makes it so much easier. Unfortunately in many places, the ground is rock hard, water may be hard to come by, or birds come and peck out the seedlings...but don't be discouraged. God gives the growth.
 
yea 'the pill' thing didn't work. I don't know about now...but it seems girls would go their doctor as soon as they became sexually active to get on the pill or diaphragm so they wouldn't get pregnant just so they could sleep around.
Theres something to be said for just saying 'no' but, teenagers would fornicate anyway and thats why contraception was the biggest thing of the 'sexual revolution' and we (later generations) are now paying the price of all that hippie stuff their irresponsible parents did.

Nowdays, we have all that contraceptive stuff, condoms etc, but now the thing is 'consent' or 'informed consent' rather than..trying to say 'all sex is love' love is love' or 'marry or die alone'.
 
Single mothers who weren't married got given the DPB (domestic purposes benefit) so they could stay at home with their children. Otherwise nobody except maybe the grandparents would be looking after them. Or they would be uplifted by the state and fostered out.

If the parents were overly harsh and religious what would happen to an unwed single mother is they would either secretly abort or they would have the baby at a home and abandon the child to an orphanage or have it adopted out. The dad or father of the child eithe would have absconded or wouldn't have even known, or at most, would just pay child support and have no hand in raising the child at all.
 
Lanolin said:
Does the US still have conscription. I know some countries like Israel and Taiwan have you have to join the army/defense force/military when you turn 18 and do at least 2 years service, with young boys/men in the front line.

I heard girls do it in Israel.

I know that many try to get out of this, especially Taiwanese. If you didn't do it or sign up in the olden days you got labelled a coward.

I also heard that for boys, they often get involved with boys only things like boys scouts clubs. Sports etc. If not into sports, computers. At my school I noticed boys always hung round together in packs, and if they weren't outside chucking a ball, they were playing often violent video games... (tho Chess is strategic, its not violent, but has its competitive opposing nature)

Girls were more into crafts and doing things cooperatively, but I've noticed some girls now have a competitive streak thats usually more of a boy thing.

I think war and conflict has always happened not just between men fighting each other to death in the battlefield...but also in many cases it's the battles of the sexes at home.

If we want our children to be Christians we love them and plant the seed of the gospel in them and nurture them and challenge them to produce fruit right. We prune and tend to them and position them well and water them. Is this hard to do..it shouldn't be that hard, but preparing the ground first makes it so much easier. Unfortunately in many places, the ground is rock hard, water may be hard to come by, or birds come and peck out the seedlings...but don't be discouraged. God gives the growth.
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en.wikipedia.org

Conscription in the United States - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org en.wikipedia.org

We haven't had active conscription since 1973, but it's still on a contingency basis for men of certain ages listed in that article.
 
Lanolin said:
Also, what about speaking with men? Usually I don't say anything at all with them but then they can get all angry If I don't speak up. Men talk ALOT. I had a boss that took two hours interviewing me because he talked and talked and talked. I couldn't even get a word in. I just listened of course. Also, many men swear a lot. It's the same with preachers and teachers, they also talk a lot.
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Hello Lanolin;

I was really surprised that you said this. Men talk A LOT?!? This is not entirely true so if we see you someday in Auckland we're going to have a "long talk." lol!

Not all preachers and teachers talk a lot, but only deliver the main verb of a sermon or help students gain knowledge. But I will be honest, the ones who do talk a lot want to be "up front all the time" and can get off topic.

The reason men get angry when you don't speak up is not because you speak gently, that's too bad for him. It's because their ego is bruised and want your attention. If they're being forceful then as you said, listen to him if it's work, otherwise it's unhealthy and best to stay away. It could become a bullying habit with him/her.

Picture this. Those who swear a lot also eat out of the same mouth. I know many men who are gentlemen with a gentle tongue, it goes a long way with women and men.

I got married when I was 28 and made a lot of knucklehead mistakes as a young husband. I had to learn. Had I waited until I was close to 40 I would hope by then my life would be more spirit filled and mature should God send the woman that I would desire to marry and take care of.

Where is this going? Children, youth and even young adults receive first impressions in our exchanges with others or ourselves as a way of life. How do they take our Christian conduct and what do they do with it as they mature in society?

I still feel an optimistic turn in our children during 2020's and 2030's.

God bless you, Lanolin.
 
maybe I attract the talkers cos I say so little I don't know...
Teachers are always telling children to be quiet and admonishing them because they all start chatting at once nobody can hear what that the teacher says. The ones that talk the loudest tend to be heard over the rest...
I never understood people who left tv and radio on all the time (or listened to talkback radio) but I know some people would do this just to have company and they like listening to chatter.

I had an aunty who talks a lot and her husband hardly said anything at all. I think with conversation it should be ideally 50/50 between two people.
eg One person says something, the other responds, as in dialogue, they take turns. Rather than one big soliloquy with applause at the end lol

I have thought about making a thread called 'speakers corner'
That's when you can all get on your soapbox and let rip, and others can heckle you if they choose.

Art of conversation is call and response...and if you don't have anything to say at least nod and go huh or yes, or like and that person will just keep on talking until you say something to interrupt them...I've also had people that let me go on and on until I run out of talk and then I remember to ask them...and what are your thoughts? lol

I know what its like to be talking past each other when I have one parent say something in English and the other saying things in Chinese and neither fully understanding the other.
 
Job's conversation with God was interesting...Job went on for pages and pages and God was silent and let him whine and moan but then He really gave a big speech at the end didn't He?

But...at least Job was better at expressing himself than his wife who ...didn't have a very chaste conversation did she? She said Curse God and die!
I don't think I would have liked to have chatted with Mrs Job.
 
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