Rediscovering My Faith - My Story

Hi all! This is one long introduction thread but I couldn't seem to write it in fewer words... forgive me, and if you have time, it would be lovely to hear from you. I am trying to find my place in this community and it would be nice to have fellow believers to talk too.

My story

I was born into a Christian family but my father was not religious, it was my Mother and Nan who really taught me the lessons of the Lord. I attended church every Sunday for most of my childhood and once a bit older, only on major holidays. I prayed every night but during my mid-teens, I experienced the worst year of my life. After a string of deaths in my Father's family, I started to doubt my faith. I was later diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and discovered that this played a large part of my fears. I thought I had lost the right to be a Christian and God, Jesus became characters in a children's fiction novel in my head.

I finally got better when I moved away from my hometown, to University halls. My degree was in Geology and by the end of the first semester, it was like I never knew God existed. I started to drink more, study less. I did a lot of things I am embarrassed about now and wish I could take back. I was not sensible, and I am lucky to have made it through those nights without getting hurt. Once my degree was over, I moved into a flat with one of my friends who hardly spent much time there. The sinful thoughts started to return and I got scared again, I avoided being on my own at times or I would physically lock myself in my flat. I was not healthy but I carried on with my life, putting on weight and feeling generally negative towards myself. Later, the following year I moved to a new, busier house, much like those I lived in during my student days. After a month of living there my Schizophrenic cousin, Michael, who I did not know particularly well, killed himself. This hit me hard and only a couple months after that did one of my housemates try to kill herself. I now know she was Bipolar but I was unaware at the time. After researching mental disorders on the internet, I came across a page with the description of different types of OCD. I was not aware that there were more than obsessive cleaning and hoarding! When I first saw the description of 'Sinful thought' OCD, I remember taking one massive breathe and relaxing, knowing that I was not alone. I had finally found an answer, I was normal and not some kind of evil human being. After seeing a doctor and being diagnosed, I was the happiest I have ever been.

I decided to move back home and started attending the gym and eating healthier. I spent more time with my family but I did feel like something was missing. I suspected it was the religious aspect of my life and helped my Nan with my old church's fate. Walking into that church for the first time in years, was bizarre to say the least. All those hours spent there so many years ago came flashing back to the forefront of my mind. The smell, the glass windows, the candles, even some of the people. It felt like home, I knew I belonged there. I thought it was going to be hard to find my faith again and that I may not be able to fit into that 'lifestyle' again. However last weekend, I attended a popular television show convention and I expected that it would be fun meeting the cast but I never realised how inspired I would be from one of the speakers, Nathaniel Buzolic. He speaks with such openness and positivity about Jesus' teachings and he taught me that Christianity is not about 'fitting in', it is about love. I realised, I never lost my faith, it was there all along. I did not need to change to have it, it was part of me.

I have finally God and Jesus again but I feel that I have so much to catch up on, and that is exciting for me. I have finally accepted I cannot take back the mistakes I made but I can make sure that my future is full of positivity, selflessness and most of all, LOVE. I have found my faith again and I hope to find friends on here who can relate to my story. My occupation is at a scientific research facility and therefore it can be hard to find friends with similar beliefs.

Thank you for reading. I apologise about the length.

Love Megan
Hey there, Megan...Welcome! Thanks for your testimony There's some really neat people here, but it takes time to find out where folks are coming from...that's just the nature of a forum.

What kind of research work do you do? Is it in geology?.
Hello Megan!
Soo glad to hear that you found the Lord! He never ever gives up on us! We thank Holy Spirit for this amazing work..Hope to see you around the forums :)
God Bless