Romans, a walk of life, to a life of sin, and then restoration. I went thru the hardest thing you could imagine.

R

rod1974

I might just be stupid. Everyone else probably gets it. But I didn't. I understood the words Paul used. But it just seemed to go over my head. That has changed for me, but it wasn't a fun experience. It was very tough.

You see I came to Jesus, in 1974. But I sinned. I actually disobeyed The Lord when He told me "Don't go". "Strike 1"

It was a simple invitation, by some Christian friends to go eat. I thought God was worried about the restaurant serving alcohol. (I know, stupid, but I was a baby Christian). I said "Lord don't worry. You know I don't drink.

Up to this point my life with God was as if I had stepped into the book of Acts. What do I mean by that? Here is an example:

It's 1974 I am out hitchhiking and several cars pass by. I see a large sedan approaching, it's full of kids my age. As the car gets near, The Lord says to me this one, "say pullover".

As soon as I say those words, the car looks as though the driver is going to pass me by, but he pulls sharply to the right, and slams on the breaks, as if he couldn't help but do so.

I lean forward, look into the car, and see the back bench seat is full, of guys and girls, 6 kids in total. The front seat has room, closest to the passenger door. I get in and say Hi, God is going to bless you guys for picking me up. The car takes off. My destination is 20 minutes south.

At first I don't intend on saying anything. I just figure God is indeed going to bless them somehow in the future for being nice to me. But 5 minutes down the road, and The Lord speaks to me. He says "Tell them that I am going to share secrets with you, about their lives".

As soon as I say that, my eyes fix on one of the girls in the back seat. As I speak to her, she burst into tears, her body shaking with emotion, sobs that almost made me want to cry too. She said "how did you know that, no one knew about that" I said I didn't know, God knew, He told me, because He loves you.

These were not simple, things someone could guess. These were very private, personal, details about their lives. This happened with 5 of the 6 kids. It didn't happen to the driver.

In that 20 minute drive all 5 kids came to Jesus. This was almost a daily kind of event for me, not exactly the same, I mean not always a car, sometimes an office building, God would say "Go sit by that guy".

So anyway I go to eat, figuring I have calmed God's fears, by telling Him not to worry I won't drink. After we get done eating and go out onto the street, a Christian brother who was backslidden (his name was Augie), started a fight, with someone, and another brother intervened. I came from a very violent home so this REALLY hurt me to the core. I decided I was leaving these brothers and sisters and going to go to the west coast. Don't leave. "Strike 2".

I end up on the west coast. I notice something doesn't seem right. I fall into sin one day, it was a common sin, many people struggle with sexual lust ECT.

This goes on for years... Let's skip forward 35 years... Lust, it was the same problem that had been a daily battle for 30+ years.

I had tried everything, confessing to friends and pastors, writing TV preachers, going to prayer meetings, reading my bible more, praying a lot, I even fasted once for 30 days. I just couldn’t find freedom, not only from sin, but guilt, and condemnation.

I knew a family from Russia. They had been in the underground church. His wife had a gift. I had seen her pray over and over again, and seen immediate results. This could be a prayer about anything. Food, employees needed to work with her husband, license approvals ECT.

So one day I have this idea... "Why don't you go see Morika, ask her to fast and pray, that your walk with God returns". So I go ask her, she says let's fast and pray for one week. Four weeks later, I've forgotten all about it, but my life literally falls apart, in every way you can imagine, it was horrible. Work, kids, accident on the freeway, plus lots more.

My greatest moment of clarity came after my greatest failure. I had done the worst thing a Christian could do. I tried to kill myself, with a shotgun.

After several surgeries, and a month in the hospital (carotid artery severed, huge hole in my head). I finally came home to recover.

One day everyone went to the store, leaving me all alone. I had become a Christian during the Jesus movement. I had no idea what God thought of me now. As I sat at the kitchen table, it started to rain.

Suddenly I hear a voice, and the voice asked me several questions. Do you notice the rain drops, how they are different from one another? I knew exactly whose voice I was hearing. I said no Lord, only you know, I have no idea. (The whole conversation was broader than this, but I'm just using this very small portion to help explain..)

He says, and you're different. Why do you believe what you believe and who taught you? (This one question spoke volumes to me... In other words He was saying I will teach you). You are like a piece of fruit in a bowl, with many other pieces of fruit, (Christians) but you're the worst piece of fruit in the bowl.

He then said: It is NOT your job to change yourself, THAT IS MY JOB ! You are the land, I'm the farmer, you are the sheep, I am the shepherd, you are the vine, I am the vine dresser. I cleanse you.

When I want to change something in your life, I will bring it to your attention, and you just agree with me.

I want you to rest (cease from my own works- Hebrews Ch 4). I don't ever want you to put your sins above my love and grace for you again, don't do it..

So one day I’m driving, my mind bombarded with lust. I yell out at God when are you going to help me with this? All of a sudden, He answered back, “When are you going to tell me the truth”.

What truth? That Jesus died, and rose again? What truth? Then it comes to me, so clearly, the truth is about me, and my sins.

Suddenly it comes to my mind, just as He said before. I JUST HAVE TO AGREE WITH HIM.

So I say Lord, I love this sin, I don’t want you to interfere in anyway, leave me alone with this sin, for I love it.

Each time temptation came, I repeated this to myself, agreeing that this was who I was, that His statement was true, that I loved this sin, and didn’t want Him to interfere.

This truth, about myself, that He revealed to me, made me free. He made me free. That was almost 20 years ago. I have had no temptation since that time, no desire to sin, or lust, I also don't look for things to judge myself about, or things I THINK need to change. I leave all that to Him. I cease from my own works. I just rest. (Heb Ch 4)

Now about "Who taught you".... I had read the new testament several times, especially Romans. I knew what it said, I understood the words. But I didn't really understand the meaning on an intimate level.

Then a few days after He spoke, I went to see a Jesus movie, with my kids. All of a sudden, it was as if something was dropped into my being, I heard myself say, "Oh that is why Jesus had to die".

I totally "get" Romans now... The sin nature, acts of sin which proceed from that nature, why the flesh which houses the sin nature had to die, why the resurrection, and what it means and how it ties to the law and to Genesis CH 3 "Your seed/her seed".

But none of this came from study, I can't claim any credit for any of this.

I hope this blesses someone, maybe someone struggling in their walk.
 
rod1974 said:
I might just be stupid. Everyone else probably gets it. But I didn't. I understood the words Paul used. But it just seemed to go over my head. That has changed for me, but it wasn't a fun experience. It was very tough.

You see I came to Jesus, in 1974. But I sinned. I actually disobeyed The Lord when He told me "Don't go". "Strike 1"

It was a simple invitation, by some Christian friends to go eat. I thought God was worried about the restaurant serving alcohol. (I know, stupid, but I was a baby Christian). I said "Lord don't worry. You know I don't drink.

Up to this point my life with God was as if I had stepped into the book of Acts. What do I mean by that? Here is an example:

It's 1974 I am out hitchhiking and several cars pass by. I see a large sedan approaching, it's full of kids my age. As the car gets near, The Lord says to me this one, "say pullover".

As soon as I say those words, the car looks as though the driver is going to pass me by, but he pulls sharply to the right, and slams on the breaks, as if he couldn't help but do so.

I lean forward, look into the car, and see the back bench seat is full, of guys and girls, 6 kids in total. The front seat has room, closest to the passenger door. I get in and say Hi, God is going to bless you guys for picking me up. The car takes off. My destination is 20 minutes south.

At first I don't intend on saying anything. I just figure God is indeed going to bless them somehow in the future for being nice to me. But 5 minutes down the road, and The Lord speaks to me. He says "Tell them that I am going to share secrets with you, about their lives".

As soon as I say that, my eyes fix on one of the girls in the back seat. As I speak to her, she burst into tears, her body shaking with emotion, sobs that almost made me want to cry too. She said "how did you know that, no one knew about that" I said I didn't know, God knew, He told me, because He loves you.

These were not simple, things someone could guess. These were very private, personal, details about their lives. This happened with 5 of the 6 kids. It didn't happen to the driver.

In that 20 minute drive all 5 kids came to Jesus. This was almost a daily kind of event for me, not exactly the same, I mean not always a car, sometimes an office building, God would say "Go sit by that guy".

So anyway I go to eat, figuring I have calmed God's fears, by telling Him not to worry I won't drink. After we get done eating and go out onto the street, a Christian brother who was backslidden (his name was Augie), started a fight, with someone, and another brother intervened. I came from a very violent home so this REALLY hurt me to the core. I decided I was leaving these brothers and sisters and going to go to the west coast. Don't leave. "Strike 2".

I end up on the west coast. I notice something doesn't seem right. I fall into sin one day, it was a common sin, many people struggle with sexual lust ECT.

This goes on for years... Let's skip forward 35 years... Lust, it was the same problem that had been a daily battle for 30+ years.

I had tried everything, confessing to friends and pastors, writing TV preachers, going to prayer meetings, reading my bible more, praying a lot, I even fasted once for 30 days. I just couldn’t find freedom, not only from sin, but guilt, and condemnation.

I knew a family from Russia. They had been in the underground church. His wife had a gift. I had seen her pray over and over again, and seen immediate results. This could be a prayer about anything. Food, employees needed to work with her husband, license approvals ECT.

So one day I have this idea... "Why don't you go see Morika, ask her to fast and pray, that your walk with God returns". So I go ask her, she says let's fast and pray for one week. Four weeks later, I've forgotten all about it, but my life literally falls apart, in every way you can imagine, it was horrible. Work, kids, accident on the freeway, plus lots more.

My greatest moment of clarity came after my greatest failure. I had done the worst thing a Christian could do. I tried to kill myself, with a shotgun.

After several surgeries, and a month in the hospital (carotid artery severed, huge hole in my head). I finally came home to recover.

One day everyone went to the store, leaving me all alone. I had become a Christian during the Jesus movement. I had no idea what God thought of me now. As I sat at the kitchen table, it started to rain.

Suddenly I hear a voice, and the voice asked me several questions. Do you notice the rain drops, how they are different from one another? I knew exactly whose voice I was hearing. I said no Lord, only you know, I have no idea. (The whole conversation was broader than this, but I'm just using this very small portion to help explain..)

He says, and you're different. Why do you believe what you believe and who taught you? (This one question spoke volumes to me... In other words He was saying I will teach you). You are like a piece of fruit in a bowl, with many other pieces of fruit, (Christians) but you're the worst piece of fruit in the bowl.

He then said: It is NOT your job to change yourself, THAT IS MY JOB ! You are the land, I'm the farmer, you are the sheep, I am the shepherd, you are the vine, I am the vine dresser. I cleanse you.

When I want to change something in your life, I will bring it to your attention, and you just agree with me.

I want you to rest (cease from my own works- Hebrews Ch 4). I don't ever want you to put your sins above my love and grace for you again, don't do it..

So one day I’m driving, my mind bombarded with lust. I yell out at God when are you going to help me with this? All of a sudden, He answered back, “When are you going to tell me the truth”.

What truth? That Jesus died, and rose again? What truth? Then it comes to me, so clearly, the truth is about me, and my sins.

Suddenly it comes to my mind, just as He said before. I JUST HAVE TO AGREE WITH HIM.

So I say Lord, I love this sin, I don’t want you to interfere in anyway, leave me alone with this sin, for I love it.

Each time temptation came, I repeated this to myself, agreeing that this was who I was, that His statement was true, that I loved this sin, and didn’t want Him to interfere.

This truth, about myself, that He revealed to me, made me free. He made me free. That was almost 20 years ago. I have had no temptation since that time, no desire to sin, or lust, I also don't look for things to judge myself about, or things I THINK need to change. I leave all that to Him. I cease from my own works. I just rest. (Heb Ch 4)

Now about "Who taught you".... I had read the new testament several times, especially Romans. I knew what it said, I understood the words. But I didn't really understand the meaning on an intimate level.

Then a few days after He spoke, I went to see a Jesus movie, with my kids. All of a sudden, it was as if something was dropped into my being, I heard myself say, "Oh that is why Jesus had to die".

I totally "get" Romans now... The sin nature, acts of sin which proceed from that nature, why the flesh which houses the sin nature had to die, why the resurrection, and what it means and how it ties to the law and to Genesis CH 3 "Your seed/her seed".

But none of this came from study, I can't claim any credit for any of this.

I hope this blesses someone, maybe someone struggling in their walk.
Click to expand...

Hello Rod;

Welcome to Christian Forum Site and thank you for your first thread.

I just got back into town today and when I logged on I came across your thread. It spoke to my heart.

You wrote: My greatest moment of clarity came after my greatest failure. I had done the worst thing a Christian could do. I tried to kill myself, with a shotgun.

I'm sorry that you attempted suicide. We all go through "free fall" and it can be extremely difficult to ride it out. I have no doubt that through it all God's hand pulled you back to where you are today. I thank the Lord for that.

I'm out of touch with acronyms. I don't know them all. What is ECT?

Everytime I learn about one more person coming to Christ Jesus it gives me reason for joy. Why? Because everyone has the opportunity to be introduced to Jesus and a relationship with Him. But someone has to get it out there to them, especially those who are crying out to whom they don't know.

You wrote: In that 20 minute drive all 5 kids came to Jesus. This was almost a daily kind of event for me, not exactly the same, I mean not always a car, sometimes an office building, God would say "Go sit by that guy".

If I read you correctly, 5 young people got saved that night. That is huge. They now have eternity and my hope is they all continued the commission of bringing one more person to Jesus. I feel you lifted your prayers for the 6th guy.

In the Book of Romans many of us have a tough time grasping Paul's letter. There are many angles to Paul. He had not been to Rome (Italy) or even met the Christian brothers, sisters there, and the community of Gentiles, yet.

Still, his letter uplifted and loved the people while sharing the Good News, instead of scolding with an authoritative, judgmental stand.

Those many years ago when you got a ride with those kids, (who by now are grown up and possibly have families,) the 5 were saved.

In the book of Romans, many of the Jewish, Romans and Gentiles were saved but many continued to suffer as many of us who love the Lord have our share of sufferings through sin, imperfection and decisions made. Still, we continue to do a self check, repent, pray and move on.

But as you arrived and learned the Book of Romans, God's promises to make His Word clear to all of us who strive, thus, Romans and the rest of Paul's epistles.

Thank you for sharing your story, Rod, and my prayer is for you to keep pressing forward.

God bless you, brother.

Bob
 
bobinfaith said:
Hello Rod;

Welcome to Christian Forum Site and thank you for your first thread.

I just got back into town today and when I logged on I came across your thread. It spoke to my heart.

You wrote: My greatest moment of clarity came after my greatest failure. I had done the worst thing a Christian could do. I tried to kill myself, with a shotgun.

I'm sorry that you attempted suicide. We all go through "free fall" and it can be extremely difficult to ride it out. I have no doubt that through it all God's hand pulled you back to where you are today. I thank the Lord for that.

I'm out of touch with acronyms. I don't know them all. What is ECT?

Everytime I learn about one more person coming to Christ Jesus it gives me reason for joy. Why? Because everyone has the opportunity to be introduced to Jesus and a relationship with Him. But someone has to get it out there to them, especially those who are crying out to whom they don't know.

You wrote: In that 20 minute drive all 5 kids came to Jesus. This was almost a daily kind of event for me, not exactly the same, I mean not always a car, sometimes an office building, God would say "Go sit by that guy".

If I read you correctly, 5 young people got saved that night. That is huge. They now have eternity and my hope is they all continued the commission of bringing one more person to Jesus. I feel you lifted your prayers for the 6th guy.

In the Book of Romans many of us have a tough time grasping Paul's letter. There are many angles to Paul. He had not been to Rome (Italy) or even met the Christian brothers, sisters there, and the community of Gentiles, yet.

Still, his letter uplifted and loved the people while sharing the Good News, instead of scolding with an authoritative, judgmental stand.

Those many years ago when you got a ride with those kids, (who by now are grown up and possibly have families,) the 5 were saved.

In the book of Romans, many of the Jewish, Romans and Gentiles were saved but many continued to suffer as many of us who love the Lord have our share of sufferings through sin, imperfection and decisions made. Still, we continue to do a self check, repent, pray and move on.

But as you arrived and learned the Book of Romans, God's promises to make His Word clear to all of us who strive, thus, Romans and the rest of Paul's epistles.

Thank you for sharing your story, Rod, and my prayer is for you to keep pressing forward.

God bless you, brother.

Bob
Click to expand...
Thank You Bob for the kind words. Jesus is indeed wonderful to us. I have a few minutes, so I will share a little more with you guys. Maybe it will help someone. Blessings to you.
 
At first I didn't really understand how the Lord was going to deal with me. After the kitchen table conversation, and being set free from my sins, I wondered now what?

Let me share a little of my past so the following makes sense.

Both my father and grandfather were very mean men, even as a toddler I feared my father. He was an alcoholic.

He had thrown my sister thru a picture pane window, chased me with a knife, and shot guns in the house. He had also kicked my mother's hip out of place and threw her and I out into the snow.

This was the 1950's and police had a hands off approach when it came to a man and his family. Unless they caught him in the act anyway.

So one day I'm out driving, I had just taken the dogs for a long walk, and we were on the way back home.

The Lord asks me a question...

"How do you feel about your father and grandfather?" "Remember tell me the blunt truth, just like I said, as if you were standing naked before me"..

So I say to Him, "I don't care if they both are in hell"...

BUT His reply, that is what got me...

He said "But when I offered my grace to you, you gladly accepted it for yourself"...

Oh man I burst into prayer, saying God please forgive them, and may they be in heaven with me.

I no longer feel that way about them. In fact I love them both. I never loved them before. This was years ago. This same kind of thing happened about 4 or 5 times, for different people and or circumstances. Things that God wanted to change.
 
Hey Rod;

Thank you for your honesty and testimony. It's only been one day here but I feel God has filled you a spirit of resilience and am praying for you as you continue to go forward.

You have joined a wonderful family and new friends here at CFS. Many have been through the school of hard knocks and, they get it.

I'm looking forward to sharing more with you, Rod.

God bless you, brother.

Bob
 
bobinfaith said:
Hey Rod;

Thank you for your honesty and testimony. It's only been one day here but I feel God has filled you a spirit of resilience and am praying for you as you continue to go forward.

You have joined a wonderful family and new friends here at CFS. Many have been through the school of hard knocks and, they get it.

I'm looking forward to sharing more with you, Rod.

God bless you, brother.

Bob
Click to expand...
Yes Bob life is hard, even if you are a true believer, it's still hard. But having Jesus makes ALL the difference in the world.

Even our Christianity can be hard to understand. I had someone ask me the other day, so why is God going to let so many people go to hell.

It's kind of like the question we hear from others when they say if God loves, then how come babies starve in Africa.

I don't have an easy answer, I know the common Christianese answers, but the hard knocks you mentioned, make me want to really give an honest answer to these questions.

So I told this guy. OK let's start at the beginning, not opinion or interpretation, just state what is written in the scriptures. He said OK!

God said He wrote names in the book of life. Those names that were written, (those people) were given to Jesus.

Jesus said the following about those people "I will not lose even one". Then Jesus said that all who come to Him, must be drawn by The Father.

He didn't like that answer, I told him this life, it's really God's nickel. God is sovereign and that means (God speaking) "I do as I please and I accomplish my own will.
 
rod1974 said:
I might just be stupid. Everyone else probably gets it. But I didn't. I understood the words Paul used. But it just seemed to go over my head. That has changed for me, but it wasn't a fun experience. It was very tough.

You see I came to Jesus, in 1974. But I sinned. I actually disobeyed The Lord when He told me "Don't go". "Strike 1"

It was a simple invitation, by some Christian friends to go eat. I thought God was worried about the restaurant serving alcohol. (I know, stupid, but I was a baby Christian). I said "Lord don't worry. You know I don't drink.

Up to this point my life with God was as if I had stepped into the book of Acts. What do I mean by that? Here is an example:

It's 1974 I am out hitchhiking and several cars pass by. I see a large sedan approaching, it's full of kids my age. As the car gets near, The Lord says to me this one, "say pullover".

As soon as I say those words, the car looks as though the driver is going to pass me by, but he pulls sharply to the right, and slams on the breaks, as if he couldn't help but do so.

I lean forward, look into the car, and see the back bench seat is full, of guys and girls, 6 kids in total. The front seat has room, closest to the passenger door. I get in and say Hi, God is going to bless you guys for picking me up. The car takes off. My destination is 20 minutes south.

At first I don't intend on saying anything. I just figure God is indeed going to bless them somehow in the future for being nice to me. But 5 minutes down the road, and The Lord speaks to me. He says "Tell them that I am going to share secrets with you, about their lives".

As soon as I say that, my eyes fix on one of the girls in the back seat. As I speak to her, she burst into tears, her body shaking with emotion, sobs that almost made me want to cry too. She said "how did you know that, no one knew about that" I said I didn't know, God knew, He told me, because He loves you.

These were not simple, things someone could guess. These were very private, personal, details about their lives. This happened with 5 of the 6 kids. It didn't happen to the driver.

In that 20 minute drive all 5 kids came to Jesus. This was almost a daily kind of event for me, not exactly the same, I mean not always a car, sometimes an office building, God would say "Go sit by that guy".

So anyway I go to eat, figuring I have calmed God's fears, by telling Him not to worry I won't drink. After we get done eating and go out onto the street, a Christian brother who was backslidden (his name was Augie), started a fight, with someone, and another brother intervened. I came from a very violent home so this REALLY hurt me to the core. I decided I was leaving these brothers and sisters and going to go to the west coast. Don't leave. "Strike 2".

I end up on the west coast. I notice something doesn't seem right. I fall into sin one day, it was a common sin, many people struggle with sexual lust ECT.

This goes on for years... Let's skip forward 35 years... Lust, it was the same problem that had been a daily battle for 30+ years.

I had tried everything, confessing to friends and pastors, writing TV preachers, going to prayer meetings, reading my bible more, praying a lot, I even fasted once for 30 days. I just couldn’t find freedom, not only from sin, but guilt, and condemnation.

I knew a family from Russia. They had been in the underground church. His wife had a gift. I had seen her pray over and over again, and seen immediate results. This could be a prayer about anything. Food, employees needed to work with her husband, license approvals ECT.

So one day I have this idea... "Why don't you go see Morika, ask her to fast and pray, that your walk with God returns". So I go ask her, she says let's fast and pray for one week. Four weeks later, I've forgotten all about it, but my life literally falls apart, in every way you can imagine, it was horrible. Work, kids, accident on the freeway, plus lots more.

My greatest moment of clarity came after my greatest failure. I had done the worst thing a Christian could do. I tried to kill myself, with a shotgun.

After several surgeries, and a month in the hospital (carotid artery severed, huge hole in my head). I finally came home to recover.

One day everyone went to the store, leaving me all alone. I had become a Christian during the Jesus movement. I had no idea what God thought of me now. As I sat at the kitchen table, it started to rain.

Suddenly I hear a voice, and the voice asked me several questions. Do you notice the rain drops, how they are different from one another? I knew exactly whose voice I was hearing. I said no Lord, only you know, I have no idea. (The whole conversation was broader than this, but I'm just using this very small portion to help explain..)

He says, and you're different. Why do you believe what you believe and who taught you? (This one question spoke volumes to me... In other words He was saying I will teach you). You are like a piece of fruit in a bowl, with many other pieces of fruit, (Christians) but you're the worst piece of fruit in the bowl.

He then said: It is NOT your job to change yourself, THAT IS MY JOB ! You are the land, I'm the farmer, you are the sheep, I am the shepherd, you are the vine, I am the vine dresser. I cleanse you.

When I want to change something in your life, I will bring it to your attention, and you just agree with me.

I want you to rest (cease from my own works- Hebrews Ch 4). I don't ever want you to put your sins above my love and grace for you again, don't do it..

So one day I’m driving, my mind bombarded with lust. I yell out at God when are you going to help me with this? All of a sudden, He answered back, “When are you going to tell me the truth”.

What truth? That Jesus died, and rose again? What truth? Then it comes to me, so clearly, the truth is about me, and my sins.

Suddenly it comes to my mind, just as He said before. I JUST HAVE TO AGREE WITH HIM.

So I say Lord, I love this sin, I don’t want you to interfere in anyway, leave me alone with this sin, for I love it.

Each time temptation came, I repeated this to myself, agreeing that this was who I was, that His statement was true, that I loved this sin, and didn’t want Him to interfere.

This truth, about myself, that He revealed to me, made me free. He made me free. That was almost 20 years ago. I have had no temptation since that time, no desire to sin, or lust, I also don't look for things to judge myself about, or things I THINK need to change. I leave all that to Him. I cease from my own works. I just rest. (Heb Ch 4)

Now about "Who taught you".... I had read the new testament several times, especially Romans. I knew what it said, I understood the words. But I didn't really understand the meaning on an intimate level.

Then a few days after He spoke, I went to see a Jesus movie, with my kids. All of a sudden, it was as if something was dropped into my being, I heard myself say, "Oh that is why Jesus had to die".

I totally "get" Romans now... The sin nature, acts of sin which proceed from that nature, why the flesh which houses the sin nature had to die, why the resurrection, and what it means and how it ties to the law and to Genesis CH 3 "Your seed/her seed".

But none of this came from study, I can't claim any credit for any of this.

I hope this blesses someone, maybe someone struggling in their walk.
Click to expand...
It blessed me :)

I was also delivered from lust/sexual immorality ten years ago.
When The Lord breaks addictions, its amazing.
G bless you
 
rod1974 said:
At first I didn't really understand how the Lord was going to deal with me. After the kitchen table conversation, and being set free from my sins, I wondered now what?

Let me share a little of my past so the following makes sense.

Both my father and grandfather were very mean men, even as a toddler I feared my father. He was an alcoholic.

He had thrown my sister thru a picture pane window, chased me with a knife, and shot guns in the house. He had also kicked my mother's hip out of place and threw her and I out into the snow.

This was the 1950's and police had a hands off approach when it came to a man and his family. Unless they caught him in the act anyway.

So one day I'm out driving, I had just taken the dogs for a long walk, and we were on the way back home.

The Lord asks me a question...

"How do you feel about your father and grandfather?" "Remember tell me the blunt truth, just like I said, as if you were standing naked before me"..

So I say to Him, "I don't care if they both are in hell"...

BUT His reply, that is what got me...

He said "But when I offered my grace to you, you gladly accepted it for yourself"...

Oh man I burst into prayer, saying God please forgive them, and may they be in heaven with me.

I no longer feel that way about them. In fact I love them both. I never loved them before. This was years ago. This same kind of thing happened about 4 or 5 times, for different people and or circumstances. Things that God wanted to change.
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Wow! I got that for a member of my family, who I despised. I just feel compassion for them now.
I still have another one to forgive though, and I don't know how The Lord will break me on that. I need prayer...
 
Choose Life said:
Wow! I got that for a member of my family, who I despised. I just feel compassion for them now.
I still have another one to forgive though, and I don't know how The Lord will break me on that. I need prayer...
Click to expand...
Just trust Him, no stress no worry. When He is ready it will happen. Sometimes the Lord speaks to me about something and I say Lord, I'll never be able to do that, you have to do it for me. Then later, it comes, and I say "Yes Lord. God bless them, I forgive them... IF I try and do it on my own, it's kinda like pretend, "ok I forgive them" all the while I know I'm kinda faking it, trying to do it in my own power. I learned to just give up on me, and my abilities, and trust Him to do the work in me. Usually it's pretty fast, sometimes almost instantaneous, as I admit I can't do it.
 
rod1974 said:
Just trust Him, no stress no worry. When He is ready it will happen. Sometimes the Lord speaks to me about something and I say Lord, I'll never be able to do that, you have to do it for me. Then later, it comes, and I say "Yes Lord. God bless them, I forgive them... IF I try and do it on my own, it's kinda like pretend, "ok I forgive them" all the while I know I'm kinda faking it, trying to do it in my own power. I learned to just give up on me, and my abilities, and trust Him to do the work in me. Usually it's pretty fast, sometimes almost instantaneous, as I admit I can't do it.
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Hey Rod;

Good post. I'd like to add, when someone throws darts and arrows at me, I'm hurt, surprised or burning with anger. It's during that time I go immediately in prayer to God and choose to forgive the other but the principality of darkness still burns. This is when God takes me through the process of healing. What matters is I forgave them.

God is watching us but He is also watching those who curse us. We don't feel life is fair but I tell you the truth. He is dealing with them now, or one day in the future.

I used to gloat over the disasters of my enemies but God turned his wrath from them and on me.

Proverbs 24:18 is one of my anthem verses, 17 Do not gloat when your enemy falls; when they stumble, do not let your heart rejoice, 18 or the Lord will see and disapprove and turn his wrath away from them. - NIV

God bless you, Rod.

Bob
 
rod1974 said:
I might just be stupid. Everyone else probably gets it. But I didn't. I understood the words Paul used. But it just seemed to go over my head. That has changed for me, but it wasn't a fun experience. It was very tough.

You see I came to Jesus, in 1974. But I sinned. I actually disobeyed The Lord when He told me "Don't go". "Strike 1"

It was a simple invitation, by some Christian friends to go eat. I thought God was worried about the restaurant serving alcohol. (I know, stupid, but I was a baby Christian). I said "Lord don't worry. You know I don't drink.

Up to this point my life with God was as if I had stepped into the book of Acts. What do I mean by that? Here is an example:

It's 1974 I am out hitchhiking and several cars pass by. I see a large sedan approaching, it's full of kids my age. As the car gets near, The Lord says to me this one, "say pullover".

As soon as I say those words, the car looks as though the driver is going to pass me by, but he pulls sharply to the right, and slams on the breaks, as if he couldn't help but do so.

I lean forward, look into the car, and see the back bench seat is full, of guys and girls, 6 kids in total. The front seat has room, closest to the passenger door. I get in and say Hi, God is going to bless you guys for picking me up. The car takes off. My destination is 20 minutes south.

At first I don't intend on saying anything. I just figure God is indeed going to bless them somehow in the future for being nice to me. But 5 minutes down the road, and The Lord speaks to me. He says "Tell them that I am going to share secrets with you, about their lives".

As soon as I say that, my eyes fix on one of the girls in the back seat. As I speak to her, she burst into tears, her body shaking with emotion, sobs that almost made me want to cry too. She said "how did you know that, no one knew about that" I said I didn't know, God knew, He told me, because He loves you.

These were not simple, things someone could guess. These were very private, personal, details about their lives. This happened with 5 of the 6 kids. It didn't happen to the driver.

In that 20 minute drive all 5 kids came to Jesus. This was almost a daily kind of event for me, not exactly the same, I mean not always a car, sometimes an office building, God would say "Go sit by that guy".

So anyway I go to eat, figuring I have calmed God's fears, by telling Him not to worry I won't drink. After we get done eating and go out onto the street, a Christian brother who was backslidden (his name was Augie), started a fight, with someone, and another brother intervened. I came from a very violent home so this REALLY hurt me to the core. I decided I was leaving these brothers and sisters and going to go to the west coast. Don't leave. "Strike 2".

I end up on the west coast. I notice something doesn't seem right. I fall into sin one day, it was a common sin, many people struggle with sexual lust ECT.

This goes on for years... Let's skip forward 35 years... Lust, it was the same problem that had been a daily battle for 30+ years.

I had tried everything, confessing to friends and pastors, writing TV preachers, going to prayer meetings, reading my bible more, praying a lot, I even fasted once for 30 days. I just couldn’t find freedom, not only from sin, but guilt, and condemnation.

I knew a family from Russia. They had been in the underground church. His wife had a gift. I had seen her pray over and over again, and seen immediate results. This could be a prayer about anything. Food, employees needed to work with her husband, license approvals ECT.

So one day I have this idea... "Why don't you go see Morika, ask her to fast and pray, that your walk with God returns". So I go ask her, she says let's fast and pray for one week. Four weeks later, I've forgotten all about it, but my life literally falls apart, in every way you can imagine, it was horrible. Work, kids, accident on the freeway, plus lots more.

My greatest moment of clarity came after my greatest failure. I had done the worst thing a Christian could do. I tried to kill myself, with a shotgun.

After several surgeries, and a month in the hospital (carotid artery severed, huge hole in my head). I finally came home to recover.

One day everyone went to the store, leaving me all alone. I had become a Christian during the Jesus movement. I had no idea what God thought of me now. As I sat at the kitchen table, it started to rain.

Suddenly I hear a voice, and the voice asked me several questions. Do you notice the rain drops, how they are different from one another? I knew exactly whose voice I was hearing. I said no Lord, only you know, I have no idea. (The whole conversation was broader than this, but I'm just using this very small portion to help explain..)

He says, and you're different. Why do you believe what you believe and who taught you? (This one question spoke volumes to me... In other words He was saying I will teach you). You are like a piece of fruit in a bowl, with many other pieces of fruit, (Christians) but you're the worst piece of fruit in the bowl.

He then said: It is NOT your job to change yourself, THAT IS MY JOB ! You are the land, I'm the farmer, you are the sheep, I am the shepherd, you are the vine, I am the vine dresser. I cleanse you.

When I want to change something in your life, I will bring it to your attention, and you just agree with me.

I want you to rest (cease from my own works- Hebrews Ch 4). I don't ever want you to put your sins above my love and grace for you again, don't do it..

So one day I’m driving, my mind bombarded with lust. I yell out at God when are you going to help me with this? All of a sudden, He answered back, “When are you going to tell me the truth”.

What truth? That Jesus died, and rose again? What truth? Then it comes to me, so clearly, the truth is about me, and my sins.

Suddenly it comes to my mind, just as He said before. I JUST HAVE TO AGREE WITH HIM.

So I say Lord, I love this sin, I don’t want you to interfere in anyway, leave me alone with this sin, for I love it.

Each time temptation came, I repeated this to myself, agreeing that this was who I was, that His statement was true, that I loved this sin, and didn’t want Him to interfere.

This truth, about myself, that He revealed to me, made me free. He made me free. That was almost 20 years ago. I have had no temptation since that time, no desire to sin, or lust, I also don't look for things to judge myself about, or things I THINK need to change. I leave all that to Him. I cease from my own works. I just rest. (Heb Ch 4)

Now about "Who taught you".... I had read the new testament several times, especially Romans. I knew what it said, I understood the words. But I didn't really understand the meaning on an intimate level.

Then a few days after He spoke, I went to see a Jesus movie, with my kids. All of a sudden, it was as if something was dropped into my being, I heard myself say, "Oh that is why Jesus had to die".

I totally "get" Romans now... The sin nature, acts of sin which proceed from that nature, why the flesh which houses the sin nature had to die, why the resurrection, and what it means and how it ties to the law and to Genesis CH 3 "Your seed/her seed".

But none of this came from study, I can't claim any credit for any of this.

I hope this blesses someone, maybe someone struggling in their walk.
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Welcome Rod, been reading through your posts. Takes me some time to absorb everything.
The experience you’ve described highlights a profound spiritual journey filled with both struggles and breakthroughs. The Bible provides numerous insights into the dynamics of faith, sin, grace, and God’s transformative power, which are reflected in your story, and thank you for sharing this testimony.

Struggling with Sin and the Nature of the Flesh​

Many believers, like the Apostle Paul, grapple with ongoing struggles between their sinful nature and their desire to follow God. Paul expresses this battle in Romans 7:18-19: “For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing.” This echoes your long-term struggle with lust and the sense of falling short. It’s a universal Christian experience: the tension between what we know is right and the persistent pull of our flesh. Its not easy being human.

However, the Bible also speaks of God's grace, which is more than enough to cover our weaknesses. Romans 8:1 assures us, “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” Though you felt condemned and defeated by sin, the truth is that God does not abandon His people. Your experience of finally realizing you must rest in God’s grace is a testament to the transforming work of the Spirit.

Freedom from Sin and Resting in God’s Work​

One of the most important breakthroughs you describe is the realization that transformation is God’s work, not yours. The Lord told you to rest in His love and grace, which aligns with the promise of Hebrews 4:10, “For anyone who enters God’s rest also rests from their works, just as God did from his.” Trying to overcome sin by your own efforts left you exhausted and defeated, but resting in God allowed Him to do the transformative work.

The moment when you began telling the truth about your love for sin was pivotal. Rather than trying to hide or overcome it by force, you agreed with God about the state of your heart. This transparency and submission allowed God to bring freedom, fulfilling the promise of John 8:32, “Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

Understanding the Meaning of Grace​

Finally, your newfound understanding of Romans—specifically the death of the sinful nature and the resurrection—reveals the depth of God’s grace. Through Christ’s death and resurrection, believers are freed not just from the penalty of sin but from the power of sin over their lives. Romans 6:6-7 explains, “For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body ruled by sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin—because anyone who has died has been set free from sin.” This truth, which you came to understand intimately, transforms your relationship with sin and with God.

In summary Rod, your journey illustrates the reality of Christian struggles, but also the depth of God’s grace, His transformative power, and His ultimate purpose for us to rest in His work. The key lesson I still am learning each day is to rest in God’s grace, realizing that change is His job, and understanding the truth about sin and grace. I remind myself of this each day.


Glad you are you Rod, I look forward to getting to know you in the group.



Paul
 
PaulisSaved said:
Welcome Rod, been reading through your posts. Takes me some time to absorb everything.
The experience you’ve described highlights a profound spiritual journey filled with both struggles and breakthroughs. The Bible provides numerous insights into the dynamics of faith, sin, grace, and God’s transformative power, which are reflected in your story, and thank you for sharing this testimony.

Struggling with Sin and the Nature of the Flesh​

Many believers, like the Apostle Paul, grapple with ongoing struggles between their sinful nature and their desire to follow God. Paul expresses this battle in Romans 7:18-19: “For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing.” This echoes your long-term struggle with lust and the sense of falling short. It’s a universal Christian experience: the tension between what we know is right and the persistent pull of our flesh. Its not easy being human.

However, the Bible also speaks of God's grace, which is more than enough to cover our weaknesses. Romans 8:1 assures us, “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” Though you felt condemned and defeated by sin, the truth is that God does not abandon His people. Your experience of finally realizing you must rest in God’s grace is a testament to the transforming work of the Spirit.

Freedom from Sin and Resting in God’s Work​

One of the most important breakthroughs you describe is the realization that transformation is God’s work, not yours. The Lord told you to rest in His love and grace, which aligns with the promise of Hebrews 4:10, “For anyone who enters God’s rest also rests from their works, just as God did from his.” Trying to overcome sin by your own efforts left you exhausted and defeated, but resting in God allowed Him to do the transformative work.

The moment when you began telling the truth about your love for sin was pivotal. Rather than trying to hide or overcome it by force, you agreed with God about the state of your heart. This transparency and submission allowed God to bring freedom, fulfilling the promise of John 8:32, “Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

Understanding the Meaning of Grace​

Finally, your newfound understanding of Romans—specifically the death of the sinful nature and the resurrection—reveals the depth of God’s grace. Through Christ’s death and resurrection, believers are freed not just from the penalty of sin but from the power of sin over their lives. Romans 6:6-7 explains, “For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body ruled by sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin—because anyone who has died has been set free from sin.” This truth, which you came to understand intimately, transforms your relationship with sin and with God.

In summary Rod, your journey illustrates the reality of Christian struggles, but also the depth of God’s grace, His transformative power, and His ultimate purpose for us to rest in His work. The key lesson I still am learning each day is to rest in God’s grace, realizing that change is His job, and understanding the truth about sin and grace. I remind myself of this each day.


Glad you are you Rod, I look forward to getting to know you in the group.



Paul
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Thank you for the kind words. I agree with what you wrote, I laugh at times when I think of those men in the bible, they were like us, they had lives, choices, hard ship and they also learned. Paul for example had rec'd revelation from Jesus, Paul said it was in the desert. This revelation knowledge, doesn't really require mental exercise. But other things do. I am sure Paul, mentally and emotionally felt bad about killing God's Ecclesia. Yet Paul knew he was forgiven, and said he chose to forget all that was behind him. Still Can you imagine.... You get struck off your horse, a voice speaks to you identifying Himself as your Messiah, and you LOVE Him so, and yet you killed (murdered) some of his sheep.... Man I'm glad I'm me and not Paul.
 
bobinfaith said:
Hey Rod;

Good post. I'd like to add, when someone throws darts and arrows at me, I'm hurt, surprised or burning with anger. It's during that time I go immediately in prayer to God and choose to forgive the other but the principality of darkness still burns. This is when God takes me through the process of healing. What matters is I forgave them.

God is watching us but He is also watching those who curse us. We don't feel life is fair but I tell you the truth. He is dealing with them now, or one day in the future.

I used to gloat over the disasters of my enemies but God turned his wrath from them and on me.

Proverbs 24:18 is one of my anthem verses, 17 Do not gloat when your enemy falls; when they stumble, do not let your heart rejoice, 18 or the Lord will see and disapprove and turn his wrath away from them. - NIV

God bless you, Rod.

Bob
Click to expand...
Thank you Bob... Yes immediately that is probably the best way...I'm usually not that quick on my feet. I'm kinda slow, like a baby and I need LOTS of help.
 
So that kitchen table conversation, it really rocked me to my core. Some of the things The Lord said actually caused me to shudder, and when I walked away I said to myself, we have to rethink almost everything.

Can I share with you the scariest thing the Lord said to me. I can't share it all, its to much to not only type, but try to explain, very hard to put into words. Maybe in person you could explain, maybe..

When He said you are the worst piece of fruit in the bowl, that caused me to pause. I mean if He had said you are almost the worst piece of fruit in the bowl, maybe you could say , well.... OK.

One other thing that I never understood before was when He showed me that He was sovereign, and asked me if I remembered what he told David. THEN I got it and understood his sovereignty over the lives of men.

But what really shook my theology, was when He said "Do you, have a problem, with me using sin, to accomplish my will?"

I said no Lord, for you created the law, if you wanted to abolish it, would could protest...

Still in my emotions and mind this was a hard thing....

I no longer debate if there was a plan B for Adam and Eve concerning the fall in the garden. I get it now.
 
rod1974 said:
So that kitchen table conversation, it really rocked me to my core. Some of the things The Lord said actually caused me to shudder, and when I walked away I said to myself, we have to rethink almost everything.

Can I share with you the scariest thing the Lord said to me. I can't share it all, its to much to not only type, but try to explain, very hard to put into words. Maybe in person you could explain, maybe..

When He said you are the worst piece of fruit in the bowl, that caused me to pause. I mean if He had said you are almost the worst piece of fruit in the bowl, maybe you could say , well.... OK.

One other thing that I never understood before was when He showed me that He was sovereign, and asked me if I remembered what he told David. THEN I got it and understood his sovereignty over the lives of men.

But what really shook my theology, was when He said "Do you, have a problem, with me using sin, to accomplish my will?"

I said no Lord, for you created the law, if you wanted to abolish it, would could protest...

Still in my emotions and mind this was a hard thing....

I no longer debate if there was a plan B for Adam and Eve concerning the fall in the garden. I get it now.
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Hello Rod;

So check this out. I was in Church with a friend. We were both 14 and when the offering plate came my way I put in a penny and she thought it was hilarious. I was being stingy. So the the next time I was thinking about going to the movies so when the plate came my way I meant to put in a dollar but accidently put in $5.00. That was a lot of money for a teen in those days and I couldn't go to the movies for ($1.60), (remember Tora, Tora Tora?,) popcorn (25cents) and a soda (15cents.)

I didn't hear an audible from God but I felt my spirit move. He definitely got my attention.

🤜 😎!!!
 
bobinfaith said:
Hello Rod;

So check this out. I was in Church with a friend. We were both 14 and when the offering plate came my way I put in a penny and she thought it was hilarious. I was being stingy. So the the next time I was thinking about going to the movies so when the plate came my way I meant to put in a dollar but accidently put in $5.00. That was a lot of money for a teen in those days and I couldn't go to the movies for ($1.60), (remember Tora, Tora Tora?,) popcorn (25cents) and a soda (15cents.)

I didn't hear an audible from God but I felt my spirit move. He definitely got my attention.

🤜 😎!!!
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That's funny. Yea 5 buck when we were kids was a lot of change....

Concerning hearing from the Lord. I have heard Him speak many times. Even more so, during the Jesus Movement. This has caused me to ponder, a lot...

Now just as an example it is different. The kitchen table was kind of an out of the blue, 20 years ago. But now I sometime hear clearly, sometimes it's just a knowing, and sometimes it's more spoken, but not as much as when the Spirit was so heavy in the 70's.

Here is an example... When covid broke in the news, I was walking across the living room, and I saw the TV, it was on the news, first time I had ever heard of it. Everyone was in shock. So I listen to the news and all of a sudden I hear the following... "They are lying to you". Now I don't mean that He meant the news was lying, they were just reporting. Someone higher than them, was who He meant.

Then there was another thing that happened a few months ago. A friend of mine, has a daughter, and one day I'm siting relaxing and I hear....

"So and so" (don't want to use her name without permission) is pregnant. She is going to lose the baby, Don't tell anyone"... Which caused me to wonder "Why tell me" (I said this without any disrespect). 3 weeks later, her baby is born dead.

Here's another one... This time was different. This time I have words come out of my mouth that I have no idea, I'm even going to say. Kind of like Balaam's donkey in the bible.

I have an old friend, he moved to Georgia, while his growth kids continued to live in my state. One day he shows up at my house. He asks me if I would go with him to see his daughter in the hospital. She is just a little sick, and he wants to talk to her. So I go and I just stand outside of the room. I haven't seen his kids since they were toddlers and I know nothing about their lives.

He comes out of the room, and says "Rod will you share with her, talk to her" (he means he wants me to speak into her life IF the Lord says anything to me), I say no, I don't want to talk to her. Oh come on Rod, please. (I'm a super loaner). So I go into her room. I say Hi Angie. All of a sudden, to my shock, I hear these words come out of my mouth... "you're sick, if you don't move out of your apartment, you will die"...

Apparently she didn't believe me, a few months later my friends daughter was dead. The authorities tore apart her apartment and found some kind of rare spore or mold and it killed her.

Here is another example. This was a whisper inside or beside me. I'm at Walmart. I say out loud, but not loud enough for others to hear, "man Lord look at all these people" (Lots of people used to make me very uneasy)... The Lord says "I'm going to make you comfortable with people" I laugh and say to Him "How comfortable".... I figure sure go ahead, you work slow in my life, in 20 years Ill be comfortable... 3 weeks later, I'd forgotten all about it, I'm at the same store, and The Lord says "notice any difference". I look inside, checking how I feel, and to my shock I'm not only at ease, but I say "yea I would like to talk to all these people about Jesus.
 
The second thing the Lord dealt with after the conversation at the Kitchen table was probably the most important.

I had 2 problems at that time, one was my sin. But the other was even deadlier. I just couldn't trust the Lord. After all that had happened over the last 50 some years of my life, I just couldn't connect. I could say "I trust you" but I didn't mean it, it wasn't from the heart.

I knew this was an issue with The Lord. Just think of it from His perspective. He loves us immensely, died for us, The father too loves us, He sent His son. The words He speaks are always true, He can NOT lie. How hurtful is it to have someone NOT trust in your love?

It probably had been 2 or 3 months after the kitchen table experience. Maybe longer I don't keep track of time very well.

Anyway I'm driving down the freeway, I have Led Zeppelin blaring as loud as I can have it. All of a sudden, The Lord speaks. He says "Your still not trusting me?... I say "I know Lord, I just can't find it..." As soon as I get the words "I know Lord"... It's as if something drops into my being, like someone pouring milk into a glass from a pitcher. I suddenly find myself saying ":I trust you Lord with my whole heart, all that has happened was the best thing for me, it was the best choice for me.

I have trusted Him for everything since that day.
 
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