So Awesome!

[shineyourlight8]

I grew up in an abusive household. For years, I've been afraid to have children. But I know that God has put the desire to be a Pastor's wife and a desire to have children in my heart. However, I've been praying against it because I want the cycle of abuse to end with me. So I've been trying to change my desires (haha.....love how that's working out! ) and been praying to God that He doesn't give me children. I didn't want my children to ever go through what I went through. But the longing to have children and the longing to settle down is growing more and more. So as much as I desire to have children, I"m fearful of having them. I'm scared of messing up and doing what people did to me in my family.

I am home for Thanksgiving break and no one was home. I was sitting in the living room, attempting to do some homework...and the song "All Men Are Broken" by Misty Edwards came on. I stayed away from the song before because some of her lyrics in that song doesn't sit right with me. However, something in me told me to listen to the whole song. And these lyrics came on (btw....some of Misty Edwards songs comes from God's point. So, this song is about God speaking to us):

"And some of you have been so afraid of repeating the same mistakes. The fear has you frozen. But listen, listen. I have the power to change things and I have the power to make you new. I have the power to rearrange that same old chain. You’re not like your father. It’s a new day. It’s a new day. You're not like your father. The sins of your father and the sins of their fathers will not be on you. Keep on coming. Your babies are My babies. I will be the Father because your babies are my babies. I’m gonna turn it all around. Just wait and see. I’m going to make everything beautiful just in time. I’m going to turn it all around. Just wait and see. I’m going to make everything beautiful just in time."

I bawled my eyes out. I cried for a good thirty minutes. I haven't cried that hard in such a long time! I didn't realize how heavy I felt with this burden.

And so, I'm being set free of this fear. I think it was an awesome experience and God really moved just right in my living room! I'm still fearful, but I realize that my children will always belong to God! And He is for me and not against me!

 

[nikljones]

It is always a wonderful blessing from God when He releases the doubts and the worries from our lives. God truly is working in and through you and I pray God's best for you in your chosen field and in your life ahead in his will and service. God is SO good!!

 

[KingJ]

You are stressing for nothing. You love the Lord. You will make an excellent mother and wife!!!!You will not repeat the mistakes of your parents! Are you married yet?

 

[dUmPsTeR]

I lived with a lady for about 14 years. She had been abused by her father from when she was 13 all the way up until she was 18 and left home. I actually believe this abuse went beyond her and filtered into my life as well. I thank God for helping me be the most patient man I know. W/o that, I never could have made it as long as I did with her. We have a very, very beautiful daughter together. She is the most amazing young lady.

I learned from this woman, like I gather from your post, that being hyper aware and sensitive to the issue of the abuse, that you, or the woman I was with, would never abuse a child in this manner.

One thing I might add, don't be afraid. Don't be afraid to love a child to be, of yours, with a love that can only originate from God.

I even went to jail for 4 months because of a lie by this woman. It doesn't bother me. I forgave her. I still hold her in high regard and respect her. She is a very remarkable woman, and I'm proud to say, I'm glad she is the mother of our child and I wouldn't have it any other way.

 

[shineyourlight8]

You are stressing for nothing. You love the Lord. You will make an excellent mother and wife!!!!You will not repeat the mistakes of your parents! Are you married yet?

I believe it's a normal thing to be stressed about. But yes, that's what God has told me that if I walk with him and if He lives in me and He is perfect love, then how can I operate differently? But....it's still scary. And no, I'm not married.

One thing I might add, don't be afraid. Don't be afraid to love a child to be, of yours, with a love that can only originate from God.

Thank you! I don't think it's fear of loving a child, but fearful of losing control and hurting them like my Dad did.

 

[aha]

Thank you! I don't think it's fear of loving a child, but fearful of losing control and hurting them like my Dad did.

On a related note, I love the poem by Dorothy Law Nolte, Children Learn What They Live:
http://www.empowermentresources.com/info2/childrenlearn-long_version.html

IMO: an observation on the poem:
That poem is relevant for Parent how to bring up a child....
It is irrelevant for growing up child like us : )

Why irrelevant:
Because we can choose now what to keep and what to forego of those we learned.

The 2nd part: we should be thankful for the blessings of a good parent……

The 1st part:
We should be thankful that:
· we have now the POWER in Christ to unlearn what we learned
· FORGIVE the shortcomings of our parent as we forgive our own short comings….
……. and give HONOUR to our parents because one way or another they played a role: hey, we become Christians after all : )

 

[shineyourlight8]

On a related note, I love the poem by Dorothy Law Nolte, Children Learn What They Live:
http://www.empowermentresources.com/info2/childrenlearn-long_version.html

IMO: an observation on the poem:
That poem is relevant for Parent how to bring up a child....
It is irrelevant for growing up child like us : )

Why irrelevant:
Because we can choose now what to keep and what to forego of those we learned.

The 2nd part: we should be thankful for the blessings of a good parent……

The 1st part:
We should be thankful that:
· we have now the POWER in Christ to unlearn what we learned
· FORGIVE the shortcomings of our parent as we forgive our own short comings….
……. and give HONOUR to our parents because one way or another they played a role: hey, we become Christians after all : )

Yep! Totally agree! But the fear is still there!

Already have forgiven my parents for their shortcomings None of us are perfect <3

 

[Intojoy]

My dad used to spank my friends too. Once he slapped my date across her face at a restaurant. Nightmare. I didn't know then that I could have stood up to him on the basis of being "in Christ".

No matter who we are being abused by we should take the option that our being in Christ means we are His servants and will not allow those in authority over us to use us for wickedness.

If I would have told my pops that I would have had a decade less of beatings, probably would have got killed. My Christian friend said:

You lost out on the martyr crown haha wise guy.

 

[FireLover]

Great testimony, very encouraging. Glad to hear you have forgiven your parents for their shortcomings and that God has you on a path where He is assuring you that He will make things different with your children. I have had similar fears of having children, but I think God is telling me that He is preparing me, and He will raise them. I wont have to be the perfect parent in order for my children to be blessed. Put it in God's hands and he will take you there. One thing that my mentor told me is its never too early to start praying for your children. I guess im rambling at this point but basically your testimony edified me and be encouraged that God has you on a path where he will bless you and your children with true spiritual blessings in Jesus Christ.