So lost

[Unregistered]

So lost

Up until quite recently i had been attending church. I was not a good christian though. I swore and i did drugs and most likely other things that were wrong in his eyes. I did not feel welcome at my church as i look quite alternative (i have blue hair and piercings and wear a lot of dark eyeliner) and it made me feel unloved and angry because i was just the same as them and they couldn't see. So i stopped going to church. Then i met a boy whom i started dating and I lost my virginity to him. I love him very much and we both would like to marry each other. And losing my virginity to him doesn't feel like a wrong decision. But my question is where do i go from here? I love God but i don't feel like i deserve his love especially seeing as i'm not sorry that i slept with my boyfriend and that i will continue to do it. I just feel so lost and i have no-one to talk to. Please helo

 

[New2Christ]

Hello friend and blessings to you.
I am glad that you came here, and I am so happy that you are concerned with your relationship with GOD. That is THE most IMPORTANT thing in your life.
I can only answer this the way I have learned is right, from the word.
I know that you said that you were going to church, however you were still swearing and doing drugs, and also you had stated you and your boyfriend were in a close relationship. Okay, I want you to think about your relationship with GOD like you stated here. It doesn't matter what the outside looks like(as long as you're desent) but i want you to look at your actions and heart.
If I were to askyou "Do you feel like you are going to heaven" what would your answer be?
Many times, we feel like since we have prayed a certain prayer, or attend church and try to be good person, we are okay or saved. But, the only way we can be saved is by accepting a calling on our heart from the LORD. HE comes in, and clenses us from all our sin's, BUT, something else happen's, and that is a huge change to our hearts. We have NO desire to sin, do we still slip up sometimes, yes, but for the most part, we do not want to sin, it hurts us to know we have, and that is a big way of knowing you are truly saved. Anothr way of knowing is this. Do you have an overwhelming love for everyone, that you didn't have before. I will give you personall example. Before I was saved, we had girls that walks the roads here, for drug money. Oh, I would think the worst things, but after the LORD came in and saved my soul, I begn to find myself hurting for them and praying for them, and wanting to just stop and try t help them!!! It is just such a chnge of heart.
Ask ourself those things, and if you feel you are truly saved, then ask the LORD to forgive you of these sins you have commited. If you find yourself wondering if you are saved, or think you may not be, then please find a church you feel comfotable in. Wait upon that clling to your heart from the LORD, yoiu will know it, and when you feel it, RUN to the alter sweetie, and pray from the deepest parts of your heart. When you feel that change, you will know. Blessings to yu dear. I pray I have helped you, and if you ever need someone, we are here!!!