Something I'm working on...

LearningToLetGo

LearningToLetGo

Here's part of something I'm working on about a young man who makes some really bad decisions. He's being interviewed by a woman years later who is interested in his story.



Man:
I'm sitting by the side of the path, begging, when some men from the
monastery walk by.

Woman:
Then what happens?

Man:
[After long pause]
I'm so weak. I'm only half in my body. I'm sitting there. I could be
dying. I don't know.

They see me and they don't talk. They're silent. They look at me and
say nothing while I look up at them and say nothing in response.

Woman:
All this time you have been begging on the streets, have you ever
talked to people?

Man:
I don't think I've spoken a word in years. I have no contact with
people. When I get shooed out of a place, I wander. I eat whatever
food I can find, berries, bark, insects, worms, dead animals. If I
can't find any food and I'm near people then I'll sit and put a cup
out and if they put food in my cup, or a coin then I use whatever they
give me. And if they pee on me and laugh at me or kick me to the
ground then I let them and move on.

I'm sitting on the ground by the monastery, half out of my body, ready
to die when they find me.

Woman:
They take you in?

Man:
[Softly]
They take me in...
 
In Awe of Him said:
I am really enjoying my fountain pen... and have been using it a lot to write letters.
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I'm glad to hear that.

I originally dictated this story into a portable cassette recorder over ten years ago. I'm listening to it and writing it out longhand using one of my fountain pens. I've got about 145 pages written and I think there are 10-20 more left. Once I get it all on paper, I'm planning to clean it up and organize it into... something. I'm not sure what that will be.

It's about a young man -- a teenager -- who convinces his best friend to steal some stuff from a rich neighbor "just for fun" and in the process gets his best friend killed. The young man himself never gets caught but he's so wracked with guilt he attempts suicide. Ultimately, he's too much of a coward to kill himself so he runs away and ends up spending years on the streets until he's ultimately taken in by some monks. That's the bit I just copied above.

I want it to be a story of acceptance and ultimately forgiveness but haven't decided how to end it properly.
 
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LearningToLetGo said:
I'm glad to hear that.

I originally dictated this story into a portable cassette recorder over ten years ago. I'm listening to it and writing it out longhand using one of my fountain pens. I've got about 145 pages written and I think there are 10-20 more left. Once I get it all on paper, I'm planning to clean it up and organize it into... something. I'm not sure what that will be.

It's about a young man -- a teenager -- who convinces his best friend to steal some stuff from a rich neighbor "just for fun" and in the process gets his best friend killed. The young man himself never gets caught but he's so wracked with guilt he attempts suicide. Ultimately, he's too much of a coward to kill himself so he runs away and ends up spending years on the streets until he's ultimately taken in by some monks. That's the bit I just copied above.

I want it to be a story of acceptance and ultimately forgiveness but haven't decided how to end it properly.
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I know a good moral ending to the story . If a man doesn't work let him starve. 2nd Thessalonians 3 10. Unless of course he be medically handicapped
 
LearningToLetGo said:
I originally dictated this story into a portable cassette recorder over ten years ago. I'm listening to it and writing it out longhand using one of my fountain pens. I've got about 145 pages written and I think there are 10-20 more left. Once I get it all on paper, I'm planning to clean it up and organize it into... something. I'm not sure what that will be.

It's about a young man -- a teenager -- who convinces his best friend to steal some stuff from a rich neighbor "just for fun" and in the process gets his best friend killed. The young man himself never gets caught but he's so wracked with guilt he attempts suicide. Ultimately, he's too much of a coward to kill himself so he runs away and ends up spending years on the streets until he's ultimately taken in by some monks. That's the bit I just copied above.

I want it to be a story of acceptance and ultimately forgiveness but haven't decided how to end it properly.
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I'm very keen to read the whole story.
145+20=165........ it's not a short story, but a long one.
(It might be too long for me.)
 
Matiro said:
I'm very keen to read the whole story.
145+20=165........ it's not a short story, but a long one.
(It might be too long for me.)
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This is the kind of motivation I need to continue. Thank you.

I have another hour of tape to transcribe. The story proper is done but I recall a lot of editorial notes. That's the boring stuff but necessary.

I'm writing longhand in a notebook. I still need to edit and type it in to the computer. I'm happy to send what I can as it's ready but this story is a long time from being done. :)
 
A little more. This part is from the early pages of the story where the young man does some pretty shady things.

Man:
This was my idea. I wanted to do it, not him. He said it was a bad
idea but I told him I'd go alone if he didn't come with. I made him do
it.

Woman:
You feel responsible?

Man:
I am responsible. It's my fault.

Woman:
Now that you've witnessed him being beaten and taken inside, what do
you feel? Do you feel like it could've been you or that you're
supposed to be with him?

Man:
It's my fault... I am responsible.

Woman:
Is that all?

Man:
I'm... glad they caught him instead of me.

Woman:
Ah... I see.

Man:
I'm a monster, a wicked, evil monster! I'm... horrible. How can I be
glad they caught him and not me?

[long pause]

I'm grateful it wasn't me.

Woman:
How does it make you feel to say that?

Man:
Relief.
Guilt.
I'm a monster...

Woman:
What happens next? Do you ever see your friend again?

Man:
I never see him again, no one does. As far as anyone knows he just
disappeared.
 
LearningToLetGo said:
I'm glad to hear that.

I originally dictated this story into a portable cassette recorder over ten years ago. I'm listening to it and writing it out longhand using one of my fountain pens. I've got about 145 pages written and I think there are 10-20 more left. Once I get it all on paper, I'm planning to clean it up and organize it into... something. I'm not sure what that will be.

It's about a young man -- a teenager -- who convinces his best friend to steal some stuff from a rich neighbor "just for fun" and in the process gets his best friend killed. The young man himself never gets caught but he's so wracked with guilt he attempts suicide. Ultimately, he's too much of a coward to kill himself so he runs away and ends up spending years on the streets until he's ultimately taken in by some monks. That's the bit I just copied above.

I want it to be a story of acceptance and ultimately forgiveness but haven't decided how to end it properly.
Click to expand...
How about an ending of: he looks at a Bible in the monastery that is left open to Luke 15:11-32 which is the parable of the prodigal son. A monk then points out John 3:16 and things click for him in understanding. This lines up with the acceptance and forgiveness theme.
 
Prim90 said:
Matiro I sure I could add much wonderful deliberations with the story of the despicable vagabond, begger and park bench dweller wretch . I sure many would like to add too. But not my story to add : )
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Prom90, you might have misunderstood what I said.
I was referring to only those 5 lines, and nothing else --- not any story.
There is something hidden within there.
Now could you see the hidden thing?
 
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Matiro said:
Prom90, you might have misunderstood what I said.
I was referring to only those 5 lines, and nothing else --- not any story.
There is something hidden within there.
Now could you see the hidden thing?
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Matiro I thought you were replying to the original posters post. But You be referring in reference to your own post 10. Ok what you wrote could be taken many ways as a mixed bag of opinion by many. Matiro what is it that me is supposed to see ?
 
Big Moose said:
How about an ending of: he looks at a Bible in the monastery that is left open to Luke 15:11-32 which is the parable of the prodigal son. A monk then points out John 3:16 and things click for him in understanding. This lines up with the acceptance and forgiveness theme.
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The Prodigal Son definitely influences this story, although I don't envision the man ever returning home, at least not in the flesh, but the end's not written yet so I suppose anything is still possible. :)
 
LearningToLetGo said:
The Prodigal Son definitely influences this story, although I don't envision the man ever returning home, at least not in the flesh, but the end's not written yet so I suppose anything is still possible. :)
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Yes, home can be anything that is grounding for the character. As in finding his value, his life's work such as joining the monastery, reuniting with a sibling, networking to start a shelter. All kinds of possibilities.
 
Prim90 said:
Matiro I thought you were replying to the original posters post. But You be referring in reference to your own post 10. Ok what you wrote could be taken many ways as a mixed bag of opinion by many. Matiro what is it that me is supposed to see ?
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ACROSS my five lines of text,
TAKE into consideration not the whole line.
 
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