Supernanies....

tezriLi said:
I remember significant life-incidents from even age 2 (according to my siblings) and afterward, and yes, my personality was set at that time. Fortunately, we have a G-d who can override poor parenting and bad teaching, but how much better that He doesn't have to do that!

Reading your note, I could not help but reflect back: I was a hateful little brat who hated both my mother and G-d (while thinking Father could do no wrong). My daughter at that age? Sweetest little girl imaginable, who, toward the end of age two, cried for me to pray with her so that "Jesus will come into my heart." Thank G-d, He can work with the messes, and He can work with the beautiful.
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You need to read what I just wrote on the FORGIVENESS thread :)
http://www.christianforumsite.com/t...hat-talk-about-forgiveness.39551/#post-360675
 
Just so you'll understand, @LysanderShapiro , as I have aged, I have become more tolerant of parents who choose to hit. As a younger parent and grandparent, I had no patience at all with parents who hit their children. I would counter, "You hit because you don't take the time to parent by demonstrating discipline and by discussion." I admit that I still believe this; however, I have softened in my responses and thoughts toward them. (Oh! High and Mighty Me! Bow now in obeisance to The Me, for I am worthy! Gag!)

But this was our position: Father spanked me twice that I can remember, and I understood his position. I was only sorry that I had brought him to that point, sorry that I had hurt him badly enough that he did it, and sorry for how he must have felt for having to do it. Father, in my opinion then, was the most perfect human being on the earth. Mother, however, did not spank but she beat us, berated us, belittled us, shamed us,...

My first husband and I made the firm decision that we would not have children because I believed I would abuse them. I strongly believed I did not have either the discipline or knowledge NOT to abuse them. But along came our beautiful two, in spite of our plans! And oh, how we loved them. Regardless, I had to FIGHT my inbred tendency to abuse. Makes me break down and cry to this day. This is why we were processing the decision when my husband was killed and why I made the decision when he was gone to go with where he was going. Up to that time, my hitting them included a firm decision for a single slap on the back of the hand or no more than three swats with the hand on the behind. No hitting the face or any other area was allowed.
 
Abdicate said:
After you can communicate, there's no need really.
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I agree, for the most part.
tezriLi said:
My jaw dropped when I read this! "THIS does NOT read like Hunting!!" :D


My first husband and I were in the middle of discussing whether spanking, hitting, etc. belonged in our house, when he had that accident. With him gone, I had to make the final decision, and I chose no spanking, knowing that was where he was leaning. The children were ages 5-1/2 and 2. It was a scary decision, but it worked. I dove into parenting books with a vengeance and later turned to the Internet for more help/advice.

You know that old saying about proof being in the pudding. My children are believing spouses and parents now who are great people and productive adults. Neither have seen inside a jail, they both have very successful careers, their children are good people, and I could not be happier with them as people or parents, nor could I be happier with their spouses. My only problem with them is some of their religious choices, but, well, considering the cult I reared my children in....
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I think it depends on the family and child. I've seen plenty of kids that have turned out fine without spankings and then others that are horrible with or without spankings.
LysanderShapiro said:
The subject of spanking is such an interesting one.

I'm one of six kids. We came from a very functional, close family with two loving parents. People used to joke with us calling us the Brady Bunch because we were three boys and three girls who actually got along pretty well.

We were all spanked now and then when we were younger.

The language these days is often that spanking is wrong and something else should be done when handling a child who acted up and disobeyed. And while I actually understand the language, I have a tough time arguing for it too since my father (who did the spanking) actually handled it quite well looking back on it.

When each of us were spanked, we knew it wasn't abuse. It began with him talking to us in private; asking each of us if we knew what we did wrong. He'd ask us why we did it and how we should have handled it. Speaking for myself, I remember he was very gentle in about it and showed understanding. But if the crime was bad, we had to get a spanking (usually three). Pants up, but usually with a book. Afterwards, he'd remind us that he loves us and that he doesn't like spanking us, but that he does it because he wants us to remember to do the right thing.

While I'm sympathetic to the anti-spanking position, I don't have much of a leg to stand on to be entirely against it only because while I hated it as a kid, perhaps there really is a reasonable way to do it--and if there is, I think my father did it the reasonable way.
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I was spanked as well. I never felt physically abused either. My parents were always really restrained. The only time my father ever physically punished me and I felt like it was extreme was when he hit my leg while we were in the car. He did it because he was angry and he had never hit me while he was angry before.

I would say that most issues can be worked out without spanking, but I wouldn't judge anyone for choosing that form of punishment. I turned out fine so I guess it works.
 
tezriLi said:
Abdicate, I beg you: do not mistake remembering what happened with not forgiving. Okay? :)
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I hope you didn't get that out of that study because that's not what I'm saying. One can remember WITHOUT feelings, but if you have negative feelings, you've not forgiven. Big HUGE difference.
 
One of the Supernannies' discipline tools for night time is reading stories to the child and having personal time before tucking the child in. I wish I had spent more time doing this with mine. Oh, sure, I did it, but I wish I had spent more time. These are precious times that are gone forever, once they are gone. You can't go to your 17- or 32-year-old and regain these lost moments.

Do you do what the church calls "devotions" with the children? I tried, but I didn't do it faithfully. (Raising them in that cult, maybe that was a good thing?)

What we did do -- nearly nightly if not nightly, until I remarried -- was discussions at the dinner table.
 
Abdicate said:
I hope you didn't get that out of that study because that's not what I'm saying. One can remember WITHOUT feelings, but if you have negative feelings, you've not forgiven. Big HUGE difference.
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No, I got that from your post here.

With regard to how I feel about Mother, Messiah has helped me resolve my hatred of her. She was a pitiable person. So sad. I often tell Messiah that I hope, after seeing Him and my first husband, I hope to turn and see her. May G-d be blessed forever.

We got a notice about three weeks before she died that if she didn't change stop beating up the other residents and her nurse, we would have to find another place for her. She never understood that she was so tenderly being cared for by her son she made hate her. He never let that hatred effect how he took care of her, miles from where the rest of us lived.
 
tezriLi said:
No, I got that from your post here.

With regard to how I feel about Mother, Messiah has helped me resolve my hatred of her. She was a pitiable person. So sad. I often tell Messiah that I hope, after seeing Him and my first husband, I hope to turn and see her. May G-d be blessed forever.

We got a notice about three weeks before she died that if she didn't change stop beating up the other residents and her nurse, we would have to find another place for her. She never understood that she was so tenderly being cared for by her son she made hate her. He never let that hatred effect how he took care of her, miles from where the rest of us lived.
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I'm only pointing out real change possible for those that believe the word of God and not the dribble that comes from pulpits today. She has some unresolved issues and if she realizes this, she'll be free.
 
I struggle with Wifeswap and haven't watched it in awhile. I guess what bothers me is that a lot of the women cry. I hate it when I cry, so I don't like to watch women cry. I'm bad. I honk and holler that men have the right to cry, then I disrespect women, including myself, when we cry. Not right.

Remember this? Wifeswap is https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant&ion=1&espv=2&ie=UTF-8#q=wife swap warrior of god. Remember her???? Really, that poor woman. That was horrifying. She put a lot of questions in people's minds re Christianity.
 
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