Teen and tolerance
I have been a Christian for only about 5 months now and I am increasinly becomming aware of things I taught my daughter that I wish I hadn't. She is 16, and while I taught her respect, manners, and the basics of being a good person, I also taught her tolerance. I have 2 family members who are gay, one in my immediate family and one in my extended family, and we have been open and welcoming to them. I don't regret that part. But I have myself never really discerned a right or wrong about gay living. Don't get me wrong. I'm not judging here, I still love my family members, and will stand up for them till the end, but becomming a Christian has certainly brought in a new dynamic and another layer to my considerations.
I'm seeing in my daughter, now, as having intolerant tolerance, if that makes sense. She gets defensive of many ways of living that unsettle me. She defends based on her wanting to be accepting, like that on it's own is a specific value. I have not taught her to be accepting AND discerning. She learned from me to stand up for the underdog, I don't regret that. But she has taken it one step further and will defend on the basis of something just being different. Example: Trying to talk about my concern about a new tv show called 'Big Love', about a polygamist family. I haven't watched it, but I have read the actors comments on their roles and the actor is impressed by the husbands ability to 'look after' so many wives. She basicall just said, 'If I don't like it, don't watch it.' I just said that I didn't want to argue with her about it, because when I hear someone say that it means they are a locked door and there is no point going on without a serious strategy. She is the same way regarding pornography. Which really disturbs me. She has told me that doesn't like the stuff, she thinks it is pretty silly. She doesn't have an interest in it, thank God, but she will defend it as have a right to exist and a place in society. She's a strong thinker, very intelligent, strong willed, not afraid of going against the grain. My hope is that she will eventually respect Christianity and see how against the grain Christianity really is. I guess, in a nutshell, she can be fierce and she's very liberal in her views.
So I'm strategizing. I have done a complete 180. How do I influence her at this point? At this point, she is so 'of this world'. And I am responsible. How do I turn it around? I have trouble just holding myself back so I don't spook her with the quick turn around that I have gone through.
And I'm feeling overwhelmed by my lack of attention to these things before I was a Christian. I have regret. I was not strong enough to counter mainstream society. I totally supported it for her life of 16 years. I want to come out as fierce as she is, as she gets this quality from me, but I'm pretty sure it will only build a wall. This is delicate business.
I'm thinking that I just need to give it time and wait for the opportunities like I always have. But that will take such patience and restraint, and honestly, I don't know if I can. A fullblown battle of the wills is in the making here.
Anyone been through this? Know of anyone who has handled this with grace and success?
dchena
I have been a Christian for only about 5 months now and I am increasinly becomming aware of things I taught my daughter that I wish I hadn't. She is 16, and while I taught her respect, manners, and the basics of being a good person, I also taught her tolerance. I have 2 family members who are gay, one in my immediate family and one in my extended family, and we have been open and welcoming to them. I don't regret that part. But I have myself never really discerned a right or wrong about gay living. Don't get me wrong. I'm not judging here, I still love my family members, and will stand up for them till the end, but becomming a Christian has certainly brought in a new dynamic and another layer to my considerations.
I'm seeing in my daughter, now, as having intolerant tolerance, if that makes sense. She gets defensive of many ways of living that unsettle me. She defends based on her wanting to be accepting, like that on it's own is a specific value. I have not taught her to be accepting AND discerning. She learned from me to stand up for the underdog, I don't regret that. But she has taken it one step further and will defend on the basis of something just being different. Example: Trying to talk about my concern about a new tv show called 'Big Love', about a polygamist family. I haven't watched it, but I have read the actors comments on their roles and the actor is impressed by the husbands ability to 'look after' so many wives. She basicall just said, 'If I don't like it, don't watch it.' I just said that I didn't want to argue with her about it, because when I hear someone say that it means they are a locked door and there is no point going on without a serious strategy. She is the same way regarding pornography. Which really disturbs me. She has told me that doesn't like the stuff, she thinks it is pretty silly. She doesn't have an interest in it, thank God, but she will defend it as have a right to exist and a place in society. She's a strong thinker, very intelligent, strong willed, not afraid of going against the grain. My hope is that she will eventually respect Christianity and see how against the grain Christianity really is. I guess, in a nutshell, she can be fierce and she's very liberal in her views.
So I'm strategizing. I have done a complete 180. How do I influence her at this point? At this point, she is so 'of this world'. And I am responsible. How do I turn it around? I have trouble just holding myself back so I don't spook her with the quick turn around that I have gone through.
And I'm feeling overwhelmed by my lack of attention to these things before I was a Christian. I have regret. I was not strong enough to counter mainstream society. I totally supported it for her life of 16 years. I want to come out as fierce as she is, as she gets this quality from me, but I'm pretty sure it will only build a wall. This is delicate business.
I'm thinking that I just need to give it time and wait for the opportunities like I always have. But that will take such patience and restraint, and honestly, I don't know if I can. A fullblown battle of the wills is in the making here.
Anyone been through this? Know of anyone who has handled this with grace and success?
dchena
