It's not going to happen overnight, I've been at this for over 20 years now. The fact that you morn and question your salvation is encouraging and your suspicions are warranted.
Consider the words of Jesus;
Someone asked him, “Lord, are only a few people going to be saved?” He said to them, “Make every effort to enter through the narrow door, because many, I tell you, will try to enter and will not be able to. (Luke 13 23)
Compare this to;
“Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it. (Matthew 7 13)
So if you compare Luke with Matthew, it's not only the few, it's the few of the few (I would believe God's idea of a few is different than ours, much like 2 Peter 3 8). I read this to say if you get around all the false teachers and all the false religions and actually find the true Christianity and maybe even confess Lord Jesus to be your savior, you will still struggle to get in and may not.
True Christianity is not responding to the alter call, and signing a card, and your in the Kingdom. This is what's referred to Easy Believism. I don't believe Jesus taught anywhere that being a Christian is easy. Not only do you have the devil and all his forces against you but everything is this world as well.
The example in Luke above; "Make every effort" translates to "Agonize" in the Greek. Jesus says you must "agonize" to enter the Kingdom.
I don't read anywhere in the Bible where someone just slipped and fell into salvation.
I feel encouraged that you question your salvation because 99% of the people out there either think they are in the Kingdom already or they don't even care.
I'll leave you with the words of Paul just before his beheading;
I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. (2 Timothy 4 7 NIV)
Consider the words of Jesus;
Someone asked him, “Lord, are only a few people going to be saved?” He said to them, “Make every effort to enter through the narrow door, because many, I tell you, will try to enter and will not be able to. (Luke 13 23)
Compare this to;
“Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it. (Matthew 7 13)
So if you compare Luke with Matthew, it's not only the few, it's the few of the few (I would believe God's idea of a few is different than ours, much like 2 Peter 3 8). I read this to say if you get around all the false teachers and all the false religions and actually find the true Christianity and maybe even confess Lord Jesus to be your savior, you will still struggle to get in and may not.
True Christianity is not responding to the alter call, and signing a card, and your in the Kingdom. This is what's referred to Easy Believism. I don't believe Jesus taught anywhere that being a Christian is easy. Not only do you have the devil and all his forces against you but everything is this world as well.
The example in Luke above; "Make every effort" translates to "Agonize" in the Greek. Jesus says you must "agonize" to enter the Kingdom.
I don't read anywhere in the Bible where someone just slipped and fell into salvation.
I feel encouraged that you question your salvation because 99% of the people out there either think they are in the Kingdom already or they don't even care.
I'll leave you with the words of Paul just before his beheading;
I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. (2 Timothy 4 7 NIV)