Trying to get guidance... (warning- long!)
Hey, all, I know this is only my second post (first is in the intro section somewhere), but I'm hoping a friendly bunch of believers can help me out here...
I come from a primarily white town in Michigan, and considered myself a very unpredjudiced person (and still do). However, God brought me out to LA, California somehow and I'm having some trouble. I've been here a year and a half and I still can't figure out what I'm doing.
I can't seem to find any friends, let alone someone with integrity. Even the churches around here don't take too well to me. I've had many people out here tell me I'm too white. I'm too poor to live in a white area, and get nasty glares all the time around my home (I live in a predominantly Mexican area), someone spit chewed gum at me through my open window today, not even a block from my house.
I can't tan to save my life, and people shy away from me. I got a spray tan once, and for several days people were very nice to me. They started shying away again, and I realized my tan had faded, and unfortunately spray tans are really expensive. People where I used to work thought I was really ill because because of my skin color. Think "red-head" white, but with light brown/auburn hair.
I don't know Cali culture at all, primarily because I can't stand watching TV or movies, don't know many celebrities, nor who they are dating, and I can't name anything particularly famous off the top of my head. I can't understand some English speakers of my age because they speak in pop-culture similies.
These factors, I believe, explain why I've been extremely lonely my entire time here in LA.
I recently got fired because none of my co-workers liked me. This doesn't surprise me, as I was the only one there without a prison record. Ex-cons don't take well to young white Christian boys from out of state.
I've been unemployed for a month now, and rapidly running out of money. My unemployment application process has been proceeding in a slow and difficult manner, and my job hunting has been discouraging. I may have to move to an even nastier area to avoid being straight up homeless. I've been living in various ghettos up until recently, but now having lost my job, well...
So I'm crying out to God, "should I stay or should I go?"
If He wants me to stay, and tells me so clearly, than I will stay without objection because I would know that it will all work out and I'll be where He wants me. If He wants me to go, I'll say "THANK YOU! Where?"
Problem is, I've only gotten amazingly clear answers twice in my life, that I can recall. Most of my meanderings have been haphazard, unguided, and resulting in painful situations. I know God is involved, and I see Him in action in my life frequently, but I can't take this. I've been wanting to leave LA since a few months after I got here, but God won't seem to give me a way out, nor a clue of what I'm to do here.
Now I'm starting to feel the hurt all over again, and my soul screams for an escape, but I know that escape only leads to even more hurt... So... What can I do? All this hurt is causing me to backtrack dangerously, and I can't seem to find any answers. I'm a pale faced outcast at Church and reading the Bible makes me feel like a rat in a maze, running into dead ends and never finding the cheese.
Hey, all, I know this is only my second post (first is in the intro section somewhere), but I'm hoping a friendly bunch of believers can help me out here...
I come from a primarily white town in Michigan, and considered myself a very unpredjudiced person (and still do). However, God brought me out to LA, California somehow and I'm having some trouble. I've been here a year and a half and I still can't figure out what I'm doing.
I can't seem to find any friends, let alone someone with integrity. Even the churches around here don't take too well to me. I've had many people out here tell me I'm too white. I'm too poor to live in a white area, and get nasty glares all the time around my home (I live in a predominantly Mexican area), someone spit chewed gum at me through my open window today, not even a block from my house.
I can't tan to save my life, and people shy away from me. I got a spray tan once, and for several days people were very nice to me. They started shying away again, and I realized my tan had faded, and unfortunately spray tans are really expensive. People where I used to work thought I was really ill because because of my skin color. Think "red-head" white, but with light brown/auburn hair.
I don't know Cali culture at all, primarily because I can't stand watching TV or movies, don't know many celebrities, nor who they are dating, and I can't name anything particularly famous off the top of my head. I can't understand some English speakers of my age because they speak in pop-culture similies.
These factors, I believe, explain why I've been extremely lonely my entire time here in LA.
I recently got fired because none of my co-workers liked me. This doesn't surprise me, as I was the only one there without a prison record. Ex-cons don't take well to young white Christian boys from out of state.
I've been unemployed for a month now, and rapidly running out of money. My unemployment application process has been proceeding in a slow and difficult manner, and my job hunting has been discouraging. I may have to move to an even nastier area to avoid being straight up homeless. I've been living in various ghettos up until recently, but now having lost my job, well...
So I'm crying out to God, "should I stay or should I go?"
If He wants me to stay, and tells me so clearly, than I will stay without objection because I would know that it will all work out and I'll be where He wants me. If He wants me to go, I'll say "THANK YOU! Where?"
Problem is, I've only gotten amazingly clear answers twice in my life, that I can recall. Most of my meanderings have been haphazard, unguided, and resulting in painful situations. I know God is involved, and I see Him in action in my life frequently, but I can't take this. I've been wanting to leave LA since a few months after I got here, but God won't seem to give me a way out, nor a clue of what I'm to do here.
Now I'm starting to feel the hurt all over again, and my soul screams for an escape, but I know that escape only leads to even more hurt... So... What can I do? All this hurt is causing me to backtrack dangerously, and I can't seem to find any answers. I'm a pale faced outcast at Church and reading the Bible makes me feel like a rat in a maze, running into dead ends and never finding the cheese.