Warning, this will be very long.
I got a call while I was at work last Friday, the 16th from the police department where my mom lives. The officer stated that my stepfather and mom had gotten into an argument at the bank and my step-father who keeps a gun in the car pulled the gun out, cocked it, and put it back during the argument. This took place in the car. My mom and stepdad went into the bank and my mom was crying, they asked what happened and she told them. The bank called the cops and my step-dad was arrested. My mom just turned 71 and has onset dementia. So, they asked that I come and get her, but they ended up following her home as she drove. That was decided after I had left work early. My fiance also left work early to come and help.
We ended up spending the weekend with her to try and help. Plus, my stepfather has a no-contact order on him presently placed by the judge. We can talk with him and see him, but they cannot see each other. We had to help with getting my stepdad bailed out, we had to help her go over her finances and with the dogs. Staying there that weekend was an eye-opener on just how bad she is.
The argument was because "PayPal" called her and said that she had to go to Publix, get two $400 Apple cards, and deposit them to her account to bring the account current. My stepdad was arguing that it was a scam, but she wouldn't believe him. Thankfully, Publix wouldn't sell her the cards and she got upset and they started to argue. We have known that she was talking to random men on the internet and have tried many many times to tell her they are just scamming her. We even showed her their pictures on sites that show that the photos are being used in a scam. She wouldn't listen. She would say that she is talking to the real person, not the scammers. She claimed that she never sent money and my stepdad said he was keeping an eye on her. He is 10 years younger than her. A few weeks ago one of these "men" sent her a check for $19,200. I didn't know about it till this weekend. My stepdad told her it was fake. She wouldn't believe him again. So, he deposited it into their savings account and it of course bounced. He was smart enough to put it in their savings so that if the scammer was able to somehow get an account number, it was the savings that didn't have much in it. When I finally got to talk to him, he said that he had pretty much cleaned out his 401k because she kept saying that they needed more money for bills. More on that in a bit.
We tried explaining to her that they would have to file bankruptcy as even with my stepdad working and her SSI, they didn't make enough to cover all the bills, the mortgage, and living expenses. They are 60-70k in debt. We told her to stop making payments on the credit cards and instead focus on the mortgage, life insurance policies, utilities, and the like. We must have had to tell her 100 times or more not to worry about making payments. We talked with my stepdad and he agreed with us. The whole weekend was that and her talking to these guys. My stepdad has one condition for coming home after this is said and done and it is she has to choose between him or these men. She chooses the men because they have successfully placed a wedge between her and the family. She kept saying that they would take care of her.
On Monday, I had to make the difficult decision of having my mom placed on a psych hold. She was saying that she didn't want to live and that she wanted to end her life. I spoke with several people to be sure I was making the right decision. They all told me that I was. I called 911. EMS, fire and law enforcement came. EMS couldn't take her because she answered their questions and was considered alert and oriented. So, they couldn't take her against her will. However, the police did think she was a threat to herself based on what I and my fiance said and they took her. The whole time she is yelling that I have really done it this time and that I am going to regret this and I am done with her. EMS and the police tried to tell her that I was doing the right thing and that they agree with calling them. I also must act being an EMT myself, even if it is family.
Later that evening she called to tell me that they were releasing her in a bit and that the nurse agreed with her that she didn't need to be there. After she called, the psychiatrist called to ask me if I thought she should be let go. I stated no. I told her why. I also told her that we found other evidence that we had not known before the police took her. In one of the conversations with the men (yes, I snooped because I had to find out just how bad things were) she stated to him in writing that it is do or die time and she would rather die and that she wanted to end her life. I also told the doctor that I am an EMT. The doctor didn't know that I was an EMT and that she had written down that she wanted to end her life. She let me know that she is recommending that the full 72-hour hold be honored. They held her till yesterday.
The night that she was taken by the police, we found more evidence of her giving money to at least one man. It was at least $3000. It is in screenshots and writing. She was getting mad at my stepdad because the money he was pulling out of his 401k wasn't coming fast enough. We know that she talks to 5 or 6 all the time and there are at least 20 or 30 where they moved the chat to Google chat and we cannot access this.
We, my fiance and I talked with the social worker on Tuesday and told her the background and she had suggestions for us. We came up with taking the router away and disconnecting the internet and her cell phone so she has no access to these men. She would still have the landline phone if she needed to make calls out and cable TV. The social worker agreed with us that would be a good idea. So, we took the router and ethernet cords. My stepdad couldn't shut off her phone since the account was in her name. She also said that we need to get power-of-attorney over her finances and guardianship over her. She is getting close to the time when she will need to go into a care facility and we need to start making those plans and put her in one against her will if need be. That is where the guardianship comes in.
Yesterday, my fiance and I brought the dogs back to her from the kennel. I had to tell her to stop contacting my stepdad and she denied doing it and then she said that she just texted him. We told her to stop. She said she needed information and I told her I could not give it to her because of the no-contact order. She demanded the information and I held my ground. She then said she needed some information so she could pay the bills, I told her that we discussed this and that she was to stop making payments on the credit cards because they were going to file bankruptcy. She then yelled at us. She also said that the psychiatrist told her to stay away from me because I am nothing but trouble for her. That came as a surprise because I had talked to the psychiatrist a couple of times during the week. I told her to have a nice life and we left.
Later she called wanting the router back and threatened to call the police because I stole it. We told her we as a family decided it was best that she didn't have it. She stated that she needed it to pay the bills. I said no, you need it to talk to those men and she never denied it. She just reiterated the bills needing to be paid. She once again said that she was told to stay away from me by the psychiatrist I told her to have a nice life and hung up the phone. We tried to give the router back to Spectrum, but they wouldn't accept it unless I had POA over her for that kind of stuff. They also said that they wouldn't get involved if I kept the router and would just tell her that she needed to get a new one. So, we drove back out and I put the router on the porch and left. My fiance messaged her and told her it was there.
Today with a family friend, she is playing the victim. She is not taking any responsibility for any of this. Thankfully, the family friend already knows what happened because I talked with her yesterday. She knows that I love my mother and that I didn't make this decision lightly. She also agreed that I did the right thing and that other medical professionals also agreed with me enough to hold her. It still doesn't take away the guilt I feel though.
I finally went back to work on Wednesday. I had kept in touch with the big manager of our center because my direct manager had taken time off. I told him that I was worried about my job and losing it and he kept telling me that my family comes first. He is a big family man. The problem is I am 1 1/2 hours over the limit of hours you can go without being terminated. Especially, when you are still on probation. The probation is over on October 2, one year after I started with the State. I tried to talk to my direct supervisor on Wednesday and nearly broke down, she was extremely rude and told me she isn't my personal whatever. I told her that I was worried about my job and she said that if I was over the hours, I would be terminated. She told me to get out of her office. I had taken a day off a couple of weeks before because of my IBS and not being able to leave the bathroom and a week before that because I had pink-eye and was told by the doctor that I couldn't go to work and gave her a note. That is what ended up putting me over. She will not fight for me and say that I would have been there had it not been for extraordinary circumstances. My fiance's center would do that for her and when she discussed what my supervisor had said with her supervisor when she was explaining everything to her, her supervisor dropped her jaw and couldn't believe that my supervisor said what she said and would not fight for me. My fiance is going to see if we can somehow get a hardship transfer for me to her center based on a hostile work environment.
So, now on top of all that has happened and is happening, I may lose my job.
I am sorry that this is so long. I may have missed stuff and I know that it is disjointed. I just do not know where to go from here. My fiance has stayed with me all week and weekend and will likely stay with me next week as well. She's worried about me and doesn't want me to be alone. She keeps telling me and others keep telling me that I did the right thing, but I have my doubts. Plus, I may lose my job, which feels like a punishment because I did something wrong.
If you read through this whole thing, thank you! If you didn't, I completely understand.
Where do I go from here?
I got a call while I was at work last Friday, the 16th from the police department where my mom lives. The officer stated that my stepfather and mom had gotten into an argument at the bank and my step-father who keeps a gun in the car pulled the gun out, cocked it, and put it back during the argument. This took place in the car. My mom and stepdad went into the bank and my mom was crying, they asked what happened and she told them. The bank called the cops and my step-dad was arrested. My mom just turned 71 and has onset dementia. So, they asked that I come and get her, but they ended up following her home as she drove. That was decided after I had left work early. My fiance also left work early to come and help.
We ended up spending the weekend with her to try and help. Plus, my stepfather has a no-contact order on him presently placed by the judge. We can talk with him and see him, but they cannot see each other. We had to help with getting my stepdad bailed out, we had to help her go over her finances and with the dogs. Staying there that weekend was an eye-opener on just how bad she is.
The argument was because "PayPal" called her and said that she had to go to Publix, get two $400 Apple cards, and deposit them to her account to bring the account current. My stepdad was arguing that it was a scam, but she wouldn't believe him. Thankfully, Publix wouldn't sell her the cards and she got upset and they started to argue. We have known that she was talking to random men on the internet and have tried many many times to tell her they are just scamming her. We even showed her their pictures on sites that show that the photos are being used in a scam. She wouldn't listen. She would say that she is talking to the real person, not the scammers. She claimed that she never sent money and my stepdad said he was keeping an eye on her. He is 10 years younger than her. A few weeks ago one of these "men" sent her a check for $19,200. I didn't know about it till this weekend. My stepdad told her it was fake. She wouldn't believe him again. So, he deposited it into their savings account and it of course bounced. He was smart enough to put it in their savings so that if the scammer was able to somehow get an account number, it was the savings that didn't have much in it. When I finally got to talk to him, he said that he had pretty much cleaned out his 401k because she kept saying that they needed more money for bills. More on that in a bit.
We tried explaining to her that they would have to file bankruptcy as even with my stepdad working and her SSI, they didn't make enough to cover all the bills, the mortgage, and living expenses. They are 60-70k in debt. We told her to stop making payments on the credit cards and instead focus on the mortgage, life insurance policies, utilities, and the like. We must have had to tell her 100 times or more not to worry about making payments. We talked with my stepdad and he agreed with us. The whole weekend was that and her talking to these guys. My stepdad has one condition for coming home after this is said and done and it is she has to choose between him or these men. She chooses the men because they have successfully placed a wedge between her and the family. She kept saying that they would take care of her.
On Monday, I had to make the difficult decision of having my mom placed on a psych hold. She was saying that she didn't want to live and that she wanted to end her life. I spoke with several people to be sure I was making the right decision. They all told me that I was. I called 911. EMS, fire and law enforcement came. EMS couldn't take her because she answered their questions and was considered alert and oriented. So, they couldn't take her against her will. However, the police did think she was a threat to herself based on what I and my fiance said and they took her. The whole time she is yelling that I have really done it this time and that I am going to regret this and I am done with her. EMS and the police tried to tell her that I was doing the right thing and that they agree with calling them. I also must act being an EMT myself, even if it is family.
Later that evening she called to tell me that they were releasing her in a bit and that the nurse agreed with her that she didn't need to be there. After she called, the psychiatrist called to ask me if I thought she should be let go. I stated no. I told her why. I also told her that we found other evidence that we had not known before the police took her. In one of the conversations with the men (yes, I snooped because I had to find out just how bad things were) she stated to him in writing that it is do or die time and she would rather die and that she wanted to end her life. I also told the doctor that I am an EMT. The doctor didn't know that I was an EMT and that she had written down that she wanted to end her life. She let me know that she is recommending that the full 72-hour hold be honored. They held her till yesterday.
The night that she was taken by the police, we found more evidence of her giving money to at least one man. It was at least $3000. It is in screenshots and writing. She was getting mad at my stepdad because the money he was pulling out of his 401k wasn't coming fast enough. We know that she talks to 5 or 6 all the time and there are at least 20 or 30 where they moved the chat to Google chat and we cannot access this.
We, my fiance and I talked with the social worker on Tuesday and told her the background and she had suggestions for us. We came up with taking the router away and disconnecting the internet and her cell phone so she has no access to these men. She would still have the landline phone if she needed to make calls out and cable TV. The social worker agreed with us that would be a good idea. So, we took the router and ethernet cords. My stepdad couldn't shut off her phone since the account was in her name. She also said that we need to get power-of-attorney over her finances and guardianship over her. She is getting close to the time when she will need to go into a care facility and we need to start making those plans and put her in one against her will if need be. That is where the guardianship comes in.
Yesterday, my fiance and I brought the dogs back to her from the kennel. I had to tell her to stop contacting my stepdad and she denied doing it and then she said that she just texted him. We told her to stop. She said she needed information and I told her I could not give it to her because of the no-contact order. She demanded the information and I held my ground. She then said she needed some information so she could pay the bills, I told her that we discussed this and that she was to stop making payments on the credit cards because they were going to file bankruptcy. She then yelled at us. She also said that the psychiatrist told her to stay away from me because I am nothing but trouble for her. That came as a surprise because I had talked to the psychiatrist a couple of times during the week. I told her to have a nice life and we left.
Later she called wanting the router back and threatened to call the police because I stole it. We told her we as a family decided it was best that she didn't have it. She stated that she needed it to pay the bills. I said no, you need it to talk to those men and she never denied it. She just reiterated the bills needing to be paid. She once again said that she was told to stay away from me by the psychiatrist I told her to have a nice life and hung up the phone. We tried to give the router back to Spectrum, but they wouldn't accept it unless I had POA over her for that kind of stuff. They also said that they wouldn't get involved if I kept the router and would just tell her that she needed to get a new one. So, we drove back out and I put the router on the porch and left. My fiance messaged her and told her it was there.
Today with a family friend, she is playing the victim. She is not taking any responsibility for any of this. Thankfully, the family friend already knows what happened because I talked with her yesterday. She knows that I love my mother and that I didn't make this decision lightly. She also agreed that I did the right thing and that other medical professionals also agreed with me enough to hold her. It still doesn't take away the guilt I feel though.
I finally went back to work on Wednesday. I had kept in touch with the big manager of our center because my direct manager had taken time off. I told him that I was worried about my job and losing it and he kept telling me that my family comes first. He is a big family man. The problem is I am 1 1/2 hours over the limit of hours you can go without being terminated. Especially, when you are still on probation. The probation is over on October 2, one year after I started with the State. I tried to talk to my direct supervisor on Wednesday and nearly broke down, she was extremely rude and told me she isn't my personal whatever. I told her that I was worried about my job and she said that if I was over the hours, I would be terminated. She told me to get out of her office. I had taken a day off a couple of weeks before because of my IBS and not being able to leave the bathroom and a week before that because I had pink-eye and was told by the doctor that I couldn't go to work and gave her a note. That is what ended up putting me over. She will not fight for me and say that I would have been there had it not been for extraordinary circumstances. My fiance's center would do that for her and when she discussed what my supervisor had said with her supervisor when she was explaining everything to her, her supervisor dropped her jaw and couldn't believe that my supervisor said what she said and would not fight for me. My fiance is going to see if we can somehow get a hardship transfer for me to her center based on a hostile work environment.
So, now on top of all that has happened and is happening, I may lose my job.
I am sorry that this is so long. I may have missed stuff and I know that it is disjointed. I just do not know where to go from here. My fiance has stayed with me all week and weekend and will likely stay with me next week as well. She's worried about me and doesn't want me to be alone. She keeps telling me and others keep telling me that I did the right thing, but I have my doubts. Plus, I may lose my job, which feels like a punishment because I did something wrong.
If you read through this whole thing, thank you! If you didn't, I completely understand.
Where do I go from here?
