When is it Adultry?????

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Jesus can fix your marriage. I'm a big fan of Fireproof, the movie. I suggest anyone who is struggling in a marriage should watch it.

You can go to fireproofmymarriage.com
and there are some books that can help you!
Welcome To FireProofMyMarriage.com --> these are the certain products I'm talking about :)

Remember, Jesus can fix anything. He is the Healer of all things. I am sorry that you are going through this. In Luke 18:1, it tells us to keep praying and NOT TO GIVE UP. Don't give up just now. Keep praying and keep praying for your wife.

http://www.bhpublishinggroup.com/lovedare/ --> this is a love dare book. i suggest you check it out (it's cheap too! only $8 - $11!)
{Quote} My advice is to drop her like a hot potato. It will hurt for now, but someday you will be glad you did.

He just might not be glad of it all either. That's just a risk and chance he takes.

I guess this is the response that most of the world wants to hold onto, but it's not God's response.

There is coming a day though that, we all, will stand before God, to be judged by him, not everyone or anyone else. If he has not forgiven ,he will not be forgiven. That's pretty plain language. Those are Jesus words, not mine. He did not put any but's in that statement.

Divorces, and affairs don't happen because of the wrong of just one partner involved. It takes two to make a marriage and two to break a marriage. This includes trust, loyalty, faithfullness kindness, gentleness,tenderness and goodness.

God tells the husband to love his wife as God loves the church. He laid down his life for the church. God say's "No greater love hath any man than to lay down his life for a friend" That means getting self out of the way, and to esteem others more highly then ourselves. Yes, all that is in the word of God.

The husband is to be the Spiritual head of the family. That means doing (obeying) and being all that God calls him to be. The wife is to respect her husband. When all this is done God's way, then God blesses and takes care of all the rest. When a man and woman make their vows to one another, they are also making those vows before God, and God takes those vows very seriiously. If God is left out of the equation in a marriage, it has no Glue, (you might say) to hold it together. We do things our way instead of God's way. Now, God will allow us to do that, because we still have choices and decisions (our will) to do whatsoever we so choose, and most times our way is not the right way. This is what causes so many of our trials and problems to go on so much longer then they need to. It's our own doing, not God's, yet he gets all the blame for it. God will not bless rebellion, or disobedience.

I'm not saying what she did was right by any means,but I also know that there are alway's two sides to every story, and until both sides are heard, honest council cannot be given. That is even true in a court of law. Both sides have a story to tell. Each individual person see's things in a totally different way. Especially when it comes to how it makes us feel. Emotions lie to us, that's why when something comes up, it needs to be addressed right then, not after it all has been left to fester, and our imagination's take over, and it all becomes bigger then it really was when it started out. Most of the time it can divert the inevitable from taking place in the first place. It just needs to be brought forth and discussed truthfully. These types of things do not heal themselves left to themselves, as does nothing else.

I'm not saying he will not remember any of it, that is a lie, because anything we have expereienced by our five senses become's a part of our memory bank. It will alway's be there. The difference is how we choose to handle it all when the memory comes back. She can't live with this being thrown in her face for the rest of their married life, because that will keep it all going fresh and new all the time, with no repair being done in the marriage.

There are some things we just can't seem to forgive people for, especially in our own power. All God wants to hear us say is that we know we can't do it, and for him to forgive through us. That's when God starts changing us from the inside out to start the restoration that needs to take place. No one can put a time limit on that, because God has a lot to work out in the hearts of these two people, and maybe in the hearts of those hurt and affected by it all. God's timing is not our timing, because he does not wear a watch, but what God starts and brings to completion, is alway's done perfect, and better then it was to begin with.

It's like when the lady caught in adultry in the Bible, Jesus said let anyone that is without sin be the first to cast the stone. No one could do it. We may hide what we think and do from others but nothing can be hidden from God, so when we say we we don't have any sin's, better be careful, God is listening, and he knows. We seem to catergorize sin's, but God does not. Sin is sin in the eyes of God. One is as bad as another, no matter how big or small. Sin does not come in Small, Medium or Large. One size sin's fits all sins. Sin is "anything", no matter the severity or size, that seperates you from God.

We, as human beings are the one's that tend to look at the big sins to judge others by, yet God say's we judge other's for the same things we are guilty of doing. Unless we have murdered someone, stole, embezzled, or etc, ("the biggy's) we seem to think we are alright. Smaller sins in our eyes like lieing, backbiting, gossiping, overeating (not taking care of our bodies because they are the temple of the Holy Spirit) smirking, judging, a haughty look, anger, bitterness, and a multitude of sin's that far outnumber the one's we consider huge, we just chalk them up to as just being the way we are, and there not that big or that bad. Wrong. Jesus say's whatsoever we do to others, we have done it to him. Now that's a biggy, yet we catergorize them as small.

God's word alway's takes presedence over our way's, thoughts, and ideas. He wrote the book through people led by the Holy Spirit, and he said what he meant and meant what he said, and I'm sorry but we cannot re-write the Bible to suit ourselves. If he said it, that's just the way it is. We cannot take just one scripture and run with it, because it can be twisted anyway we want to twist it to condone whatever we want to do or have done, and make us "feel" better about ourselves. Once again that is living life by our emotions, and emotions do lie to us all the time.

I would say, if this young husband is without sin, then by all means he can just throw all the stones he wants. There was no mention if there were children involved here or not. Twenty six years is a long time to be with one person, but I would say this didn't all start overnight. It never does. There must have been underlying things that were red flags long before this took place, that were not addressed or were ignored, and thought they would work themselves out, and that needs to be thought back upon and each take their full blame for whatever that was, lay it out before God, and let God take over and make the marriage all that God wants it to be. He's the only one who can do that. It will take a committment, and my prayer is that both will be willing to do this.

Adultry is the only thing that God gives permission to divorce for. On top of Adultry, his wife obviously confessed her sin for the single purpose of relieving her own guilt. This came souly at the expence of her husband. She refuses to stop seeing the person who she has had an emotional affair with, and obviously cares more for her relationship with him than her relationship with her husband and her God. I have personaly been in this exact kind of relationship, and I can tell you that it is a living Hell. Untill his wife turns away from her sin and the occasion of sin, nothing can be resolved. If he stays in the relationship, all he has to look forward to is sorrow, pain, and uncertainty. His confidence will be destroyed, and his physical and mental health will be in danger.

My ex wife had me going to a shrink and taking antidepressent drugs, and had me convinced that I was imagining the signs that she was cheating. Finally, the ex-friend of mine took me aside and confessed that they did indeed have an affair. I then threw out the garbage, got a divorce, and started my life over. I can assure you that outside of accepting Christ in my life, it was the best descision that I ever made. ThereforeI still say "Drop her like a hot potato" and don't look back!

Pastor Gary

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Moderator Comment - Thread Closed

Since the original poster in this thread has not been back to CFS since January 15, we are closing this thread at this point. IF the original poster does come back, our suggestion to him would be to start another thread in this Welcome Area asking that it be reopened - since he has not as yet achieved the number of postings that it takes to be able to use the Private Messaging system.

Thank you
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