When Others Don't "Like" You

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bobinfaith

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Hello brothers and sisters;

I had an interesting conversation with a member and we touched on the subject of others who don't like us as Christians or individuals.

I feel we all want to be liked but it just isn't realistic. For many years I wanted others to like, approve or find favor with me while in high school, college, playing in a rock band, socializing and later fellowship at Church.

When negative gossip about me reached my ears it pained me. I would go out of my way to be nice or say the right thing to them. When I went out my way to win them over, it forced me not to be myself.

As I got older I learned that not all people will like you no matter what. I have to be myself.

I'd like to share more how I approach this, afterall, we are in the people business in our Christian walk.

But I would like to hear your thoughts of people who may not like you. How do you react or receive this? What are your "go to Scriptures" and how do you minister this to others?

God bless you all, your families and thank you.
 
I think we can all tell if someone doesn't like us. It hurts but really perhaps it should not .
I would never fight to try and get someone to like me and I would never force myself on someone . I think it is disrespectful.
If I am sure someone does not like me I steer clear of them if that is possible. Unless they spoke to me of course.

Have you ever disliked someone just because they do not like you? It has happened to me in the past and I think it is sad and wrong to be like that.
It is all about 'self'.

Other times you can be mistaken and it turns out they do not dislike you at all.

Perhaps it is best to not think about if people dislike us and just carry on regardless.
I do not want to dislike anyone, so I try to look for the good.
God Bless
 
Some people will like you, others will not, just as we like some people and dislike others. We can’t control this, and, as bobinfaith mentioned, trying to cajole people into liking you is a not always possible and, it is in fact, a bit demoralizing.

More importantly, if someone who does not know you well dislikes you it is of no more consequence than their love would be, as both are superficial assumptions and carry no substance, weight or depth.

What matters more to me is this, that the people I love, or those I respect, like me. These are generally the people whose opinions I value and so naturally mean the most to me.

I won’t say I don’t care if people like me, because I do, we all want to be liked and appreciated for our obvious positive qualities. But as I’ve grown I don’t take it personally very often if someone fails to see something likable in me.

Rather, I come to be more concerned and aware of the people I don’t like. I haven’t always guarded my tongue in the past and was often too quick with unkind words.

Scripture and reflection have opened my eyes and now I sure don’t want someone I meet to be crushed by my careless speech if I don’t happen to care for them, that is a heavy burden to bear and something I am not looking forward to explaining to the Lord.

Some scripture I find helpful:

Psalm 39:1, NSAB
I said, “I will keep watch over my ways
So that I do not sin with my tongue;
I will keep watch over my mouth as with a muzzle
While the wicked are in my presence.”

Eccleesiastes 5:2, NSAB​

Do not be quick with your mouth or impulsive in thought to bring up a matter in the presence of God. For God is in heaven and you are on the earth; therefore let your words be few.

Proverbs 18:24, NASB​

A person of too many friends comes to ruin, But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.​

 
hmm
Well I always remember that some people didn't like Jesus. And Jesus would say some things people didn't like to hear.

I think to be honest and truthful is a good thing, though it may hurt a little. Otherwise I keep my distance from people that don't like me. Too many people crowding round me is hard to handle. lol

If I don't like someone also, I keep my distance to avoid conflict or rubbing them the wrong way as it's a waste of time and drains your energy to actively dislike someone.
 
I admit I have a very difficult time with this. Partially due to the trauma responses I adapted as a child to mesh and conform to what others wanted or needed me to be. I "fawned" to please others to avoid being hurt, abused, rejected and abandoned by my parents.

There are times where the past sneaks up on me and wheels it's ugly head and suggests I am still in that situation so responding this way is appropriate and of course that is a lie.

The less I am exposed or keep company with wicked people [the world] the wickedness, evil and Christians that live in habitual sins or compromise .. having like-minded Christians around me I know I am accepted and taken as Christ accepts me. I think it is important to always desire, cry out to God for that change and transformation and application to the Word of God to align it to your every aspect of your life. Part of that is knowing who are in Christ. When situations come our way that feels uncomfortable, painful, cause us to question - we stand solid on we are IN CHRIST. It has nothing to do with us. It has everything to do with Him. I have been working on that.

I feel rejected - remembering I am in Christ.
I feel depressed - remembering I am in Christ.
I am lacking in finances - I am in Christ.
I am so upset that I may possibly lose people or friends - remembering I am in Christ.

What does in Christ mean?

Who you are in Christ and who you will be in heaven:

You are born of God; you are a new creation; you are God’s workmanship; you are the Temple of the Holy Spirit; you will be a citizen of heaven; and so much more! Who you are because of what Jesus did on the cross: You are forgiven, redeemed, rescued, justified, and more! Who God has made you to be: You are pure, victorious, a member of Christ’s body, and more.

Besides no one is exempt from reaping what they sow. If people don't like you, gossip etc. - God is not to be mocked. This goes for all of us as believers. “Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap.” (Galatians 6:7).

Now I see and the seriousness of my words, deeds, motives, attitudes, etc. Why it is so important to be swift to listen, slow to speak, slow to wrath - a foolish man vents his feelings, a wise man holds back.

Thank you bobinfaith for a lovely discussion.

I have tried to attach a PDF [who we are in Christ]. I am working on this too..but some reason it isn't working :(
 
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Lots of people don't like me, or don't respect me (there is a difference). It does not mean that they are somehow narrow or mean.

There is a smaller number that I am confident in their love and respect for me.

There are a few that I like very much that I believe are in the first group (I like them but I rub them the wrong way).

Sometimes a little introspection can guide you to strengthening relationships. When you see this in your life and you take steps to 'fix' things it shown personal growth.

Life is too precious to spend worrying about those with whom you clash.
 
Dear brothers and sisters;

From reading your posts I feel everyone can relate to this topic.

LearningToLetGo wrote, "you can't control other people but you can control yourself. Be kind to others and to yourself but above all be true to God."

Cosia asked the question, "Have you ever disliked someone just because they do not like you? It has happened to me in the past and I think it is sad and wrong to be like that. It is all about 'self'."

blueskies wrote, "More importantly, if someone who does not know you well dislikes you it is of no more consequence than their love would be, as both are superficial assumptions and carry no substance, weight or depth." And, "Scripture and reflection have opened my eyes and now I sure don’t want someone I meet to be crushed by my careless speech if I don’t happen to care for them, that is a heavy burden to bear and something I am not looking forward to explaining to the Lord."

Lanolin wrote, "If I don't like someone also, I keep my distance to avoid conflict or rubbing them the wrong way as it's a waste of time and drains your energy to actively dislike someone."

TransformedinChrist wrote, "The less I am exposed or keep company with wicked people [the world] the wickedness, evil and Christians that live in habitual sins or compromise .. having like-minded Christians around me I know I am accepted and taken as Christ accepts me. I think it is important to always desire, cry out to God for that change and transformation and application to the Word of God to align it to your every aspect of your life. Part of that is knowing who are in Christ. When situations come our way that feels uncomfortable, painful, cause us to question - we stand solid on we are IN CHRIST. It has nothing to do with us. It has everything to do with Him. I have been working on that."

Siloam wrote, "Sometimes a little introspection can guide you to strengthening relationships. When you see this in your life and you take steps to 'fix' things it shown personal growth." And, "Life is too precious to spend worrying about those with whom you clash."

Via shares and I can relate, "I find it very uncomfortable to admit to myself sometimes that i just don't like some people."

There is this chain of Love and acceptance unconditionally starting with the Father. He loved and was well pleased with His only Begotten Son. Jesus didn't make it about Himself, instead, He loves you, me, including those who whipped and hung (all who hated Him) Him on the cross. When we let go of self and love the other though they may not like us, I believe in time our prayers, our light and salt "seeds" will plant unto them. But that is not for us to stick around to find out. We must move on for the Kingdom.

Leviticus 19:18, Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against anyone among your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the LORD.

Romans 13:8, Owe no one anything, except to love each other, for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law.

I have shared many times honestly, this is so hard! This is why it's called sacrifice. Sacrifice isn't when we comfortable give ourselves for others. Sacrifice is when we let go of our comfort zone, feelings and self for the sake of others.

As we sacrifice for Christ, there is still work to do (remember God's plan for each of us who follow Him?) starting with our love for one another, depends on our contribution. Worrying about self, being liked and approved by everyone is about self, instead of Him. This becomes counterproductive.

If one, two or three like you, love you, if they enjoy things about you, give all the glory to God. It's about Him but we must keep moving on.

TransformedinChrist said, "having like-minded Christians around me I know I am accepted and taken as Christ accepts me." defines Christians breeding Christians.

Are there existing challenges of being disliked, and how can we pray for you?
 
bobinfaith said:
Are there existing challenges of being disliked, and how can we pray for you?
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I often consider my next door neighbors. On the one side is a man who seems to be living his worldly life. We are friendly, but I don't see much of an in-road. I really don't wish to join in to his drinking parties. There has been a few incidents where he did some things that seem petty.

On our other side is an elderly woman. She lived there when my wife was growing up - she must be in her 80's. She seems to be very suspicious of everything and every body.

There was an incident when everyone was snowed in and without power. My wife and I were keeping warm in our basement with a wood stove.

Apparently, this woman came over and rapped on our back door. We never heard her, and then we heard that she thought we just did not answer the door. We were (and are) saddened that we were not aware to invite her in. She truly avoids any contact now.

Both of these neighbors seem to be financially challenged. We have tried to help them by finding reasons to to share food and other things with little effect without causing them to feel indebted.
 
Siloam said:
I often consider my next door neighbors. On the one side is a man who seems to be living his worldly life. We are friendly, but I don't see much of an in-road. I really don't wish to join in to his drinking parties. There has been a few incidents where he did some things that seem petty. On our other side is an elderly woman. She lived there when my wife was growing up - she must be in her 80's. She seems to be very suspicious of everything and every body. There was an incident when everyone was snowed in and without power. My wife and I were keeping warm in our basement with a wood stove. Apparently, this woman came over and rapped on our back door. We never heard her, and then we heard that she thought we just did not answer the door. We were (and are) saddened that we were not aware to invite her in. She truly avoids any contact now. Both of these neighbors seem to be financially challenged. We have tried to help them by finding reasons to to share food and other things with little effect without causing them to feel indebted.
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Hello Siloam;

🙏 I'm including your gentleman neighbor and elderly woman neighbor in my/our prayers. I minister to middle and senior age people and they have their own misunderstandings and circumstances that may be hard to reconcile at this time in their lives. 🙏

God bless you, brother and your family.

 
i TRY note TRY**** to be good to everyone , there are some that just simply could careless if your saved or not. reach the ones you can the others pray for them and let them be
 
The greatest advantage of growing older is freedom from peer and social pressure. I pay attention only to opinions that will be important 1,000 years from now.
 
bobinfaith said:
senior age people and they have their own misunderstandings and circumstances
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I am getting older too. This past year my physical being declined noticeably. I passed another milestone last month (I am now in my 70's). I also have my senior moments like when I am blunt where I need to be understanding.

So I do conciously attempt to understand when an elderly person has a moment. But I will not dismiss her, even when I am trying not to be an unwelcome nuisance. Christ died for such as these. If I am a follower of Him, I must look past the crusty exterior.
 
Its my observation having worked in retirement villages that some people DO get crankier as they get older, but if they are nice to begin with they are just nicer as they become older.
 
Via dolarossa said:
Well I have sat with some good thinking here and today I have found an image that resonates with me very well…

May you all be blessed and Thankyou for the topic😊

View attachment 8923
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88b1368a-05c6-4e16-afab-08c0cfe821e2-png.8923


Hello Via;

Is this a teeny weeny little mouse? She looks scary! lol!
 
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