Some of you might have heard the J.O.Y. code. If not, I’ll explain it to you: the J.O.Y. code stands for “Jesus first, Others next, Yourself last”. That seems like a great moral standard on the surface. And I personally have nothing against it, except… it personally reminds of how some abusive households would use it to abuse their family members, especially their kids.
Let me be a little specific: we’re aware that there are people who have been abused by their family members and other relatives growing up. For example, let’s say we have a starving teen who had been forced on a strict diet by her mother (without the daughter’s consent), and expected to give away her favorite foods to “the starving children in Africa”. No matter how much she protested, the mother replied about the J.O.Y. code. In reality, the mother wasn’t really sending her daughter’s food to the starving children in Africa, but instead threw it in the trash where it will rot in the dump. She used “Jesus” to substitute for herself instead to make her daughter believe she was doing it for Jesus. This is an example of child neglect and emotional abuse.
Another example I can think of is that a young woman is living under poverty and tries to look for a job, the only job she can actually find in her area is one that is nearly full. But by the time she gets there, she is told that the job applications are full. She begs the counter man that she needs the job or she will starve to death. The counter man shakes his head and recites the J.O.Y code and adds “you’re not entitled to any position, Karen. Now leave”. The counter man was actually saving the cover of a richer man’s position applying for the same job and told him not to let anybody take his spot. They failed to listen to the poor beggar-woman and wrongfully assumed that she was only whining for attention when her issues were actually serious.
In short, while the J.O.Y. code is useful, we need to careful on HOW we use it so we don’t come off as hypocritical.
Let me be a little specific: we’re aware that there are people who have been abused by their family members and other relatives growing up. For example, let’s say we have a starving teen who had been forced on a strict diet by her mother (without the daughter’s consent), and expected to give away her favorite foods to “the starving children in Africa”. No matter how much she protested, the mother replied about the J.O.Y. code. In reality, the mother wasn’t really sending her daughter’s food to the starving children in Africa, but instead threw it in the trash where it will rot in the dump. She used “Jesus” to substitute for herself instead to make her daughter believe she was doing it for Jesus. This is an example of child neglect and emotional abuse.
Another example I can think of is that a young woman is living under poverty and tries to look for a job, the only job she can actually find in her area is one that is nearly full. But by the time she gets there, she is told that the job applications are full. She begs the counter man that she needs the job or she will starve to death. The counter man shakes his head and recites the J.O.Y code and adds “you’re not entitled to any position, Karen. Now leave”. The counter man was actually saving the cover of a richer man’s position applying for the same job and told him not to let anybody take his spot. They failed to listen to the poor beggar-woman and wrongfully assumed that she was only whining for attention when her issues were actually serious.
In short, while the J.O.Y. code is useful, we need to careful on HOW we use it so we don’t come off as hypocritical.
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