I think I have posted a couple of times here ages ago, but have not posted in a long time...
I started going to church a couple of years ago, at first I was skeptic and quickly got into it and enjoyed it.
Over the last few months I started to lapse, I was helping to look after my ill sister and runnning errands for my family.
On the 13 December my sister tragically passed away aged 32, 14 months younger than myself.
Now, all I have done is think about it, I prayed hard for her, my mother even started coming round to christianity and the idea of God, she has been brutally heartbroken in the most horrible way, she is in her own personal hell right now.
I cant think of any reason, no matter how many I ask 'WHY' I just cant find an answer anywhere, all my mother is asking 'Where is the justice' or 'She was only 32' and I feel those thoughts creeping into my mind.
I am starting to wonder whether I can walk into a church again and take it serious, I feel a bit of a fraud at the moment, I cant say anything that comforts my mother, I still have a bit faith to hold onto, but it is slipping away and going quickly.
I have some very good christians around me...2 of my closest friends and there families, I am also close to my local Salvation Army and been attending a Pentecostal Church where I am close to the Pastor.
At the end of the day, it has hard to think rationally or think straight right, the days, minutes and hour mean nothing, it just all merges together to make one big blur, I am living in the worst nightmare imaginable.
I dont know if there is an answer, certainly nothing to convince my mum and dad, they are encouraging me to keep my faith, there ia not much that probably can be said, I just feel I need some, no matter how small, hope to hold onto to guide through
If you manage to read through my waffling, then thank you
Fozz
I started going to church a couple of years ago, at first I was skeptic and quickly got into it and enjoyed it.
Over the last few months I started to lapse, I was helping to look after my ill sister and runnning errands for my family.
On the 13 December my sister tragically passed away aged 32, 14 months younger than myself.
Now, all I have done is think about it, I prayed hard for her, my mother even started coming round to christianity and the idea of God, she has been brutally heartbroken in the most horrible way, she is in her own personal hell right now.
I cant think of any reason, no matter how many I ask 'WHY' I just cant find an answer anywhere, all my mother is asking 'Where is the justice' or 'She was only 32' and I feel those thoughts creeping into my mind.
I am starting to wonder whether I can walk into a church again and take it serious, I feel a bit of a fraud at the moment, I cant say anything that comforts my mother, I still have a bit faith to hold onto, but it is slipping away and going quickly.
I have some very good christians around me...2 of my closest friends and there families, I am also close to my local Salvation Army and been attending a Pentecostal Church where I am close to the Pastor.
At the end of the day, it has hard to think rationally or think straight right, the days, minutes and hour mean nothing, it just all merges together to make one big blur, I am living in the worst nightmare imaginable.
I dont know if there is an answer, certainly nothing to convince my mum and dad, they are encouraging me to keep my faith, there ia not much that probably can be said, I just feel I need some, no matter how small, hope to hold onto to guide through
If you manage to read through my waffling, then thank you
Fozz