Phil. 2:5-11 shows us Jesus' example of what to do with any perceived privileges or rank: lay it down. He demonstrated the same during the Last Supper when he washed his disciples' feet; to "have a part with him" is to be humble and serving. He had earlier lectured those same disciples over the quest to have positions of importance in the coming kingdom. True leadership is found in the lowliest, weakest, least likely people. Even throughout the OT, whenever God did intervene in history, he chose the weak, the young, the reluctant, the despised, and the small. His purpose in so doing was to glorify himself rather than the vessels carrying out his will.
And so it is in the Body of Christ, especially in that most intimate of relationships, marriage. If there is a place where mutual service and compassion are found, it should be there. Never was "suffering for Christ" to come at the hands of a fellow believer. Never was any husband told to model "Father" to his wife's "Son". Rather, all believers are to follow Jesus' example of submission to God, even to the point of laying down all privilege and entitlement.
Husbands and wives are human beings, of the same "flesh and bone", and made in the image of God to jointly rule over nature rather than each other. Equality of being must be practiced rather than just given lip service. And equality is nothing to fear; the family will not break down, society will not crumble, children will not disrespect parents. And I speak from over 25 years of experience. Our marriage has always been a partnership rather than a chain of command, with each one leading in his or her areas of strength and following in his or her areas of weakness. Our children are saved, well-adjusted, and happy. They have learned through our example that two adults can be truly complementary in the purest sense of the word, a team of equal partners.
Many of Paul's instructions, which included some to slaves and masters, were focused on protecting the reputation and holiness of the church, rather than endorsing social inequalities. To instruct a slave on how to be a good Christian in that situation is not to endorse slavery, just as his instructions on how a Christian wife of a non-Christian husband was not an endorsement of wifely subjection and silence. "Not so among you" was never annulled by Paul.