@pancakes, hun I know your just venting your frustrations, I get it! I have been there myself and still ask God the same q's Lord how loooooonnnnng But you know what I have heard, over and over again and I get it. Almighty God is waiting on you! Before He can bless you with all the things He has had His servants Prophesy over your life (God's Word will never return to him Void!) So hold on to your promise; some pple don't know what their individual promise is yet. But God knew the hurdles you would have to overcome before your ready to receive them, so he had to let you know before hand. Continue working on your stuff, but please be careful you don't get hooked on Buddhism. (be wise to how the enemy is all up in your business at this point as you quite rightly sense your faith is under attack).
God Bless You and I have you in my prayers.
God Bless You and I have you in my prayers.