Brother Ed, I want you to feel validated here...the emotions you are having are normal, but if you cannot even write a page without feeling anger, hurt, or frustration, you should deal with that first. I believe it will help you write better as well.
Everyone suffers. If God has commanded me to write this, which He has, then I write it and I suffer, and that's it. Just as he put me in the suffering to begin with that I might become the vessel He wanted me to be to accomplish His will on earth.
I would never want to lose the form the suffering has rendered. I think God wants it this way.
I am very depressed now. I don't really want to think about things. I just want to be numb. Oddly, all I want to do is work on the memoir. You'd think I'd want to avoid it.