You see Tubby, there are many of us here that have been in the same place as you, Major is saying the same thing to you that I have been saying, only he has a way with words, he's more gentle than me, I apologize for my harshness, kinda like good cop, bad cop, ...but we are saying the same thing, and the reason we know what we are talking about is because in the process of being awakened out of our death sleep we went searching for Christians too, just like you are doing, we thought we were hiding our real intentions, ha!, but they could see, just like we can see what you are doing, ...we ask you about your spirituality, but you pretend you don't have any, ...'cuz evolutionist teaching says you came from animals and animals don't have a spirit, but the fact is, confirmed from what you have said here, is you are finding you do have a spirit and it is starting to wake up and that is scaring you because you don't want to believe it or be held accountable to anyone, especially God. Also the fact that you won't take the time to consider or even ask God if He is real or exists is proof of why you are here searching, right now you are afraid of the answer.
Another reason we know God is calling you is because the Bible says, ...there is none that understands, there is none that seeks after God. Rom 3:11 , ...but here you are!
Just consider this, for how many years of your life were you content living with your atheistic views and life, and now, ...here you are......, Tubby there is a God, He loves yous with a never ending love, He became a Man, died for you because He wants you to be with Him, He knows what you say, that you don't believe in Him or want anything to do with Him, but He still loves you and has brought you here to us, ...He is calling you Tubby, please stop resisting and consider what we are saying.
In His Love,
Gene