What would you do if you found your senior pastor was having an affair?

I always reflect on myself about the past and sometimes it becomes a moment of life experiences.

It was a terrible moment I had ever had in life. After I received a call, I joined the bible school and when I graduated, I entered the ministry in 2014. I still remembered it was in April, a hot summer season, when I registered my name in the church office on the first day, I was overjoyed and a tear came. I was a church clerk cum Sunday school teacher. My mother church has over 2,400 members. They are in all parts of the country but in the local office in Yangon, we have no mission location but stands as office and very few, like 20-40 including the school children.

We have a Field Director, under him as his assistant, he appointed a pastor who is already ordained, he is very close to me and a senior pastor for me. He has one daughter but his family was living far in the village and he alone moved to the office. His village is a week trip to get there.

One day, I found out that he was having an affair with a young girl, who is single. The girl usually sent some gifts to him for nutrition and even gave gifts to church kids. But nobody knew except me. The pastor was on the phone all the time, but I couldn't do anything for him. I had no idea at that time. If I told the Field Director, he would certainly fire him and he would be ashamed and his wife would leave him. Their daughter would experience a broken family.

A year later, I urged him to do further studies together, and we then joined a certain college. He lost connection with the girl as I observed him. The school is a fundamental college and has many restrictions. We are not allowed to use the phone during weekdays. In three years of studying, I became a student leader from my second year, I had to closely check students for their proper manner, study life regarding rules and regulations and overall. I was informed again by his roommate that this pastor whom they had respected at first was having an affair. It was another girl. When I closely observed him, he really was in an affair again.

I dared not tell anyone about this situation, if the college found out he would be expelled and it would be a lifetime shame. The church would no more accept him. This time, I called him to my room quietly as a student leader to counsel him personally. We had some conversations and fellowship with fun, then when I entered his affair topic I said, "I was reported by your roommate that they suspected you of having an affair, and the evidence is true. I believe as a pastor, it is not good." I remembered, I told him again that "I was not a married man but still didn’t do such stuff but you are a pastor and students respected you, you should be an example for us."

It was winter and a very cold season but he started sweating, but yet denied the news. We then had good conversations, and departed to our personal room. We graduated together from the college, and we both reentered the ministry today but in different locations.

I heard that he got promoted and has a happy family and even got another kid. He is also pastoring in a remote village and we sometimes have connection when he got signal.

My conclusion is: If I had reported about his case to our Senior pastor or the Field Director at that time in 2014, his life would have been miserable OR If I had reported to the college authority in 2017, he wouldn't have graduated and earned a degree to serve again in the ministry. Our journey was indeed very difficult, through work scholarship like a farmer.

Do you think I failed or I saved him? What would be your view? What would you do since the beginning if you were me?
 
I always reflect on myself about the past and sometimes it becomes a moment of life experiences.

It was a terrible moment I had ever had in life. After I received a call, I joined the bible school and when I graduated, I entered the ministry in 2014. I still remembered it was in April, a hot summer season, when I registered my name in the church office on the first day, I was overjoyed and a tear came. I was a church clerk cum Sunday school teacher. My mother church has over 2,400 members. They are in all parts of the country but in the local office in Yangon, we have no mission location but stands as office and very few, like 20-40 including the school children.

We have a Field Director, under him as his assistant, he appointed a pastor who is already ordained, he is very close to me and a senior pastor for me. He has one daughter but his family was living far in the village and he alone moved to the office. His village is a week trip to get there.

One day, I found out that he was having an affair with a young girl, who is single. The girl usually sent some gifts to him for nutrition and even gave gifts to church kids. But nobody knew except me. The pastor was on the phone all the time, but I couldn't do anything for him. I had no idea at that time. If I told the Field Director, he would certainly fire him and he would be ashamed and his wife would leave him. Their daughter would experience a broken family.

A year later, I urged him to do further studies together, and we then joined a certain college. He lost connection with the girl as I observed him. The school is a fundamental college and has many restrictions. We are not allowed to use the phone during weekdays. In three years of studying, I became a student leader from my second year, I had to closely check students for their proper manner, study life regarding rules and regulations and overall. I was informed again by his roommate that this pastor whom they had respected at first was having an affair. It was another girl. When I closely observed him, he really was in an affair again.

I dared not tell anyone about this situation, if the college found out he would be expelled and it would be a lifetime shame. The church would no more accept him. This time, I called him to my room quietly as a student leader to counsel him personally. We had some conversations and fellowship with fun, then when I entered his affair topic I said, "I was reported by your roommate that they suspected you of having an affair, and the evidence is true. I believe as a pastor, it is not good." I remembered, I told him again that "I was not a married man but still didn’t do such stuff but you are a pastor and students respected you, you should be an example for us."

It was winter and a very cold season but he started sweating, but yet denied the news. We then had good conversations, and departed to our personal room. We graduated together from the college, and we both reentered the ministry today but in different locations.

I heard that he got promoted and has a happy family and even got another kid. He is also pastoring in a remote village and we sometimes have connection when he got signal.

My conclusion is: If I had reported about his case to our Senior pastor or the Field Director at that time in 2014, his life would have been miserable OR If I had reported to the college authority in 2017, he wouldn't have graduated and earned a degree to serve again in the ministry. Our journey was indeed very difficult, through work scholarship like a farmer.

Do you think I failed or I saved him? What would be your view? What would you do since the beginning if you were me?
I would do exactly what God told us to do.

Matthew 18:15-17.........
“Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that ‘by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.’ And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector."

However, the act of forgiveness does not automatically restore anyone to a former status.
A drunk driver can be forgiven, but the car he wrecked stays wrecked.
An embezzler can be forgiven, but it may be that no bank will ever hire her again.
A pedophile can be forgiven, but, by law, he will never be allowed to work with children again.

So, when we talk about the “restoration” of a pastor, I for one don’t mean that he gets his old life/position back again.

Pastors involved in sexual scandals can and should be restored to fellowship with God, with their families, and with fellow believers.

But a restoration to the pastorate is another matter. Rather than seek to restore a fallen pastor to the pulpit, churches should seek to restore him to fellowship within the church, following the process of church discipline outlined in Scripture. The former pastor should be amenable to the discipline the church enforces and IF he is not agrreable then you have the answer you are looking for.
 
I would do exactly what God told us to do.

Matthew 18:15-17.........
“Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that ‘by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.’ And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector."

However, the act of forgiveness does not automatically restore anyone to a former status.
A drunk driver can be forgiven, but the car he wrecked stays wrecked.
An embezzler can be forgiven, but it may be that no bank will ever hire her again.
A pedophile can be forgiven, but, by law, he will never be allowed to work with children again.

So, when we talk about the “restoration” of a pastor, I for one don’t mean that he gets his old life/position back again.

Pastors involved in sexual scandals can and should be restored to fellowship with God, with their families, and with fellow believers.

But a restoration to the pastorate is another matter. Rather than seek to restore a fallen pastor to the pulpit, churches should seek to restore him to fellowship within the church, following the process of church discipline outlined in Scripture. The former pastor should be amenable to the discipline the church enforces and IF he is not agrreable then you have the answer you are looking for.
MANY "pastors and leaders" seem to have fallen into d sexual sinning past few yeras, very well known, and sad to say that many refused to even repent and acknowledge it, and many times their own boards and churches seem to want to run cover up for them
 
MANY "pastors and leaders" seem to have fallen into d sexual sinning past few yeras, very well known, and sad to say that many refused to even repent and acknowledge it, and many times their own boards and churches seem to want to run cover up for them
"Follow the money"!
 
"Follow the money"!
What happens in many churches, especially in Charismatic groups, is that the spiritual leaders are elevated to being like a Joseph Smith or Muhammed, direct prophets/apostles for God, and as such, their sexual issues dismissed to their "anointing of/from the Lord"
 
"Follow the money"!
Think that Jimmy Swaggert a prime example of what can happen to even someone serving the Lord if we allow satan to gain a foothold in a sin area that we must deal with, as he had issues with his flesh, and the AOG wanted Him to step down for at least a year and have counseling, yt he wanted to badsically stay in power, so rejected that and broke off from them to become independent then
 
Think that Jimmy Swaggert a prime example of what can happen to even someone serving the Lord if we allow satan to gain a foothold in a sin area that we must deal with, as he had issues with his flesh, and the AOG wanted Him to step down for at least a year and have counseling, yt he wanted to badsically stay in power, so rejected that and broke off from them to become independent then
That is correct.

Ir was all about money and power.
 
What happens in many churches, especially in Charismatic groups, is that the spiritual leaders are elevated to being like a Joseph Smith or Muhammed, direct prophets/apostles for God, and as such, their sexual issues dismissed to their "anointing of/from the Lord"
And that is directly attributed to a lack of any education and understanding in the Word of God which is a failure of the Pastor.
 
We have a Field Director, under him as his assistant, he appointed a pastor who is already ordained, he is very close to me and a senior pastor for me. He has one daughter but his family was living far in the village and he alone moved to the office. His village is a week trip to get there.

One day, I found out that he was having an affair with a young girl, who is single. The girl usually sent some gifts to him for nutrition and even gave gifts to church kids. But nobody knew except me. The pastor was on the phone all the time, but I couldn't do anything for him. I had no idea at that time. If I told the Field Director, he would certainly fire him and he would be ashamed and his wife would leave him. Their daughter would experience a broken family.

A year later, I urged him to do further studies together, and we then joined a certain college. He lost connection with the girl as I observed him. I was informed again by his roommate that this pastor whom they had respected at first was having an affair. It was another girl. When I closely observed him, he really was in an affair again.

I dared not tell anyone about this situation, if the college found out he would be expelled and it would be a lifetime shame. The church would no more accept him.
This time, I called him to my room quietly as a student leader to counsel him personally. We had some conversations and fellowship with fun, then when I entered his affair topic I said, "I was reported by your roommate that they suspected you of having an affair, and the evidence is true. I believe as a pastor, it is not good." I remembered, I told him again that "I was not a married man but still didn’t do such stuff but you are a pastor and students respected you, you should be an example for us."

It was winter and a very cold season but he started sweating, but yet denied the news.

I heard that he got promoted and has a happy family and even got another kid. He is also pastoring in a remote village and we sometimes have connection when he got signal.

My conclusion is: If I had reported about his case to our Senior pastor or the Field Director at that time in 2014, his life would have been miserable OR If I had reported to the college authority in 2017, he wouldn't have graduated and earned a degree to serve again in the ministry. Our journey was indeed very difficult, through work scholarship like a farmer.


Do you think I failed or I saved him? What would be your view? What would you do since the beginning if you were me?

And that is directly attributed to a lack of any education and understanding in the Word of God which is a failure of the Pastor.

Hello Pastor Mei;

I red-lighted the areas of your troubling thread. As a Pastor you asked yourself if you failed or saved him?

When Christians are aware of a person who commits a heinous sin such as adultery, Jesus' teaching in Matthew 18:15-17 is a fundamental application for all believers to apply, not just Pastors.

I can understand your position for not reporting the Pastor the first or second time. You didn't want to be responsible for reporting him leading to his expulsion from the opportunities at college and the Church he served.


Pastor Mei, the failure was already done on his part, behind his wife's back, participating in the sin of both the young girls and most of all, in the eyes of God.

Yes, your actions would have taken the opportunities away from this Pastor, who later would be raised in his ministry under
false pretense, which God could expose one day to his wife, the Church, and the community.

I have heard the horror stories of Pastors who committed adultery, dealing with drugs to support the Church, pedophilia, embezzlement, etc...sins unbecoming of a Pastor.

Unfortunately, the actions of this Pastor isn't done. He needs to make it right, confess to his wife and children, the Church who trusts him and the community. He needs to publicly confess his extramarital affair to the church leaders, the congregation, and perhaps in most cases given his resignation.

What would I have done?
Nip it in the bud right away with my former Pastor. It stinks, but the smell is nothing compared to the act. The Pastor is held to a higher, noble standard, and as Major shared, if the education, understanding of God's Word and preparedness for Pastoral ministry falls short then this is suspect of a Pastor's true calling.

Sure, we all make mistakes but this cannot be a consolation for any man of the cloth. He was given the warnings ahead of time for obedience and disobedience.

God bless
you, Pastor Mei, for your honesty in sharing. I hope you will give this some serious thought the next time you witness someone in sin, especially in the Church.

Bob
 
Yes, thank you. I knew it would be a red-lighted thread, :)and I prayerfully considered asking seniors here.

Sympathy is not always coherent with the biblical truth. You love someone, feel sympathy, but it is sometimes not aligned with the truth. I am in that situation, and it troubles my heart till today. It was just the starting of the journey to ministry, and when I found out this issue, to confront him was truly difficult for me. Yes, of course, I read Matthew 18:15-17…..

I love this pastor as a friend and senior. I have a hard time thinking that it would break our relationship, friendship, his career and lead to a broken relationship with family. How can you confront your senior when you are just a young man and newbie, is a question to me. It was 11 years ago, just a fresh graduate, not yet a pastor as now.

I read those time, Proverbs 17:9: “He who covers a transgression seeks love, But he who repeats a matter separates friends.” Again Proverbs 10:12: “Hatred stirreth up strifes: but love covereth all sins.” There are many more verses that talk about LOVE covering all SINS. It was th defense.

It is not about the money for him, and it is not that he got more money or I got the money. He even was indeed struggling, the salary couldn’t even feed himself. He therefore could not call his family to stay with him. His wife wanted to stay in the village where she could work on farming and survive with her daughter.

When I became a pastor after many years, in another church and when we made the church constitution, we included in one section that “a pastor should be married, and stay with his family.”

I always consider myself that Satan attacks us where our weaknesses are. When Jesus was fasting for 40 days, Satan tempted Him, knowing that He was hungry: “to make a stone to be bread and get strength.” He knew where He was weak at that time. I was timid, not quick to confront people, shy, hesitant and scared of seniors. I studied in a very remote place in childhood; school teachers beat us (I would say brutally), whether you were right or wrong. This mindset has been carried all the way to adulthood: “I might be wrong." Ohh, I am afraid he is my senior."

I fought hard against this after entering ministry. Satan knew me very well and always made me face this kind of problem. After being a pastor I met another two issues: a man who was married but had a girlfriend; he was the music leader and keyboard player. I reported to the pastor and we confronted him directly. I remembered we expelled him for some months and after he repent, we let in to the church.

But when I started my career, I had no idea but just handled myself. I praise God that I knew this pastor in more detail and there were no outside meetings with any girls that he was in an affair with. He was just over the phone. Back in 2014, Myanmar did not have internet available like today, only rich people could have a mobile phone. But in Yangon telephone call is available. So this pastor could not contact his wife for some years personally, but only heard the news by local people that the family was doing well.

The church should arrange for the pastors so that they can live together. It was a great lesson in life and till today, I talked always myself. But thankfully, the second time I confront him and month after he had changed. After graduation, he went home all the way to family and live together. It was a great relief.

Ministering life has given many experiences, and we need courage to align with biblical truth, no matter what. The strength can only be provided by the Lord.
 
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What happens in many churches, especially in Charismatic groups, is that the spiritual leaders are elevated to being like a Joseph Smith or Muhammed, direct prophets/apostles for God, and as such, their sexual issues dismissed to their "anointing of/from the Lord"
MANY "pastors and leaders" seem to have fallen into d sexual sinning past few yeras, very well known, and sad to say that many refused to even repent and acknowledge it, and many times their own boards and churches seem to want to run cover up for them
Not only in the Charismatic groups, we even saw it in the preachers we admired. I love Ravi Zacharias for his defense of the truth, Christian apologist preacher, but what we read in the news after he passed away was Sexual sinning for many years. The question is how can he preach about Holy of Holiest Truth with a lie of his personality? But we cannot deny to prosperity preachers, we read this kind of news frequently.
 
Hello Pastor Mei;

I red-lighted the areas of your troubling thread. As a Pastor you asked yourself if you failed or saved him?

When Christians are aware of a person who commits a heinous sin such as adultery, Jesus' teaching in Matthew 18:15-17 is a fundamental application for all believers to apply, not just Pastors.

I can understand your position for not reporting the Pastor the first or second time. You didn't want to be responsible for reporting him leading to his expulsion from the opportunities at college and the Church he served.


Pastor Mei, the failure was already done on his part, behind his wife's back, participating in the sin of both the young girls and most of all, in the eyes of God.

Yes, your actions would have taken the opportunities away from this Pastor, who later would be raised in his ministry under
false pretense, which God could expose one day to his wife, the Church, and the community.

I have heard the horror stories of Pastors who committed adultery, dealing with drugs to support the Church, pedophilia, embezzlement, etc...sins unbecoming of a Pastor.

Unfortunately, the actions of this Pastor isn't done. He needs to make it right, confess to his wife and children, the Church who trusts him and the community. He needs to publicly confess his extramarital affair to the church leaders, the congregation, and perhaps in most cases given his resignation.

What would I have done?
Nip it in the bud right away with my former Pastor. It stinks, but the smell is nothing compared to the act. The Pastor is held to a higher, noble standard, and as Major shared, if the education, understanding of God's Word and preparedness for Pastoral ministry falls short then this is suspect of a Pastor's true calling.

Sure, we all make mistakes but this cannot be a consolation for any man of the cloth. He was given the warnings ahead of time for obedience and disobedience.

God bless
you, Pastor Mei, for your honesty in sharing. I hope you will give this some serious thought the next time you witness someone in sin, especially in the Church.

Bob
If we think the "smell" of doing the hard thing when it needs to be sone is bad.........just let that sit for awhile and see what it smells like!
 
Not only in the Charismatic groups, we even saw it in the preachers we admired. I love Ravi Zacharias for his defense of the truth, Christian apologist preacher, but what we read in the news after he passed away was Sexual sinning for many years. The question is how can he preach about Holy of Holiest Truth with a lie of his personality? But we cannot deny to prosperity preachers, we read this kind of news frequently.
Think that it runs so rampant in Charasmatic churches though due to the mindset, cultic like, that sees many times their spiritual leaders as being like to them apostles and prophets for today, so they seem to be granted much more latitiude to have sinning then laity would
 
I love Ravi Zacharias for his defense of the truth, Christian apologist preacher, but what we read in the news after he passed away was Sexual sinning for many years. The question is how can he preach about Holy of Holiest Truth with a lie of his personality? But we cannot deny to prosperity preachers, we read this kind of news frequently.
My heart was deeply broken when this SCANDAL played out.... but what was even more disturbing to me... than the revelation of yet another pastor caught in sexual sin... was to find out that RAVI actually owned some "massage parlours" which were called DAY SPAS.
That is something I CANNOT wrap my brain around. I don't have a clue how this fact went UNCHECKED... it's severely DISTURBING to me.

This is a very good topic because hopefully the CHURCH is coming back to the world of HUMILITY.... TRANSPARENCY... and PROPER... BIBLICAL correction.

In line with this topic.... I have seen the likes of pastors that have fallen deeply into SCANDAL be re-instated in positions of power... which I ABSOLUTELY do NOT agree with.... I am thinking of Jim Bakker..... He had NO business coming back into the LIME LIGHT ... but just like EVERYTHING.... these DECEIVERS seem to have their own CULT followings.

Anyways.... this is a good topic.....
 
My heart was deeply broken when this SCANDAL played out.... but what was even more disturbing to me... than the revelation of yet another pastor caught in sexual sin... was to find out that RAVI actually owned some "massage parlours" which were called DAY SPAS.
That is something I CANNOT wrap my brain around. I don't have a clue how this fact went UNCHECKED... it's severely DISTURBING to me.

This is a very good topic because hopefully the CHURCH is coming back to the world of HUMILITY.... TRANSPARENCY... and PROPER... BIBLICAL correction.

In line with this topic.... I have seen the likes of pastors that have fallen deeply into SCANDAL be re-instated in positions of power... which I ABSOLUTELY do NOT agree with.... I am thinking of Jim Bakker..... He had NO business coming back into the LIME LIGHT ... but just like EVERYTHING.... these DECEIVERS seem to have their own CULT followings.

Anyways.... this is a good topic.....
Yes, I also have seen this to many workers who they say they have been greatly used for His kingdom but later fall into sin, far more worse than laypeople.

I personally also do not agree with people we see they have fallen into actual sin, physical contact, have been forgiven and restore the position.
 
I also wanted to bring A PASTOR who have been used, many lives changed through him, family restored, being respected by many churches, later backsliding into Buddhism and became Monk, live some years in Buddhist monarchy.

Mock the teaching of the Bible and Christianity, then again come to faith. What would we say......? A truly Saved person can be this worse backsliding?
 
Think that it runs so rampant in Charasmatic churches though due to the mindset, cultic like, that sees many times their spiritual leaders as being like to them apostles and prophets for today, so they seem to be granted much more latitiude to have sinning then laity would
To the AOG and Pentecostals and Catholics......their leaders ARE IN FACT Apostles in their minds.
 
My heart was deeply broken when this SCANDAL played out.... but what was even more disturbing to me... than the revelation of yet another pastor caught in sexual sin... was to find out that RAVI actually owned some "massage parlours" which were called DAY SPAS.
That is something I CANNOT wrap my brain around. I don't have a clue how this fact went UNCHECKED... it's severely DISTURBING to me.

This is a very good topic because hopefully the CHURCH is coming back to the world of HUMILITY.... TRANSPARENCY... and PROPER... BIBLICAL correction.

In line with this topic.... I have seen the likes of pastors that have fallen deeply into SCANDAL be re-instated in positions of power... which I ABSOLUTELY do NOT agree with.... I am thinking of Jim Bakker..... He had NO business coming back into the LIME LIGHT ... but just like EVERYTHING.... these DECEIVERS seem to have their own CULT followings.

Anyways.... this is a good topic.....
Many years ago, in Deltona Fl. our daughter went to a private, non-denominational church. As time went on we kept hearing rumors and comments. We did not attend that church and the school was part of that church.

In her senior year, the Pastor was arrested and convicted. It was proven that He owned a topless bar and was arrested selling cocaine to an under cover FBI agent in that bar.
 
I also wanted to bring A PASTOR who have been used, many lives changed through him, family restored, being respected by many churches, later backsliding into Buddhism and became Monk, live some years in Buddhist monarchy.

Mock the teaching of the Bible and Christianity, then again come to faith. What would we say......? A truly Saved person can be this worse backsliding?
He did not back slide my dear brother.

Anyone can disagree with me, but what I have observed is not backsliding but instead it is instead compromising with sin.

One of if not the #1 warning sign is when the Individuals avoid accountability or disregard biblical teachings that challenge their lifestyle or their compromise with their sin.

Now, that is me, but God says in 1 John 2:19.......
"They went out from us, but they were not of us; for if they had been of us, they would have continued with us. But they went out, that it might become plain that they all are not of us."
 
I also wanted to bring A PASTOR who have been used, many lives changed through him, family restored, being respected by many churches, later backsliding into Buddhism and became Monk, live some years in Buddhist monarchy. Mock the teaching of the Bible and Christianity, then again come to faith. What would we say......? A truly Saved person can be this worse backsliding?

He did not back slide my dear brother. Anyone can disagree with me, but what I have observed is not backsliding but instead it is instead compromising with sin. One of if not the #1 warning sign is when the Individuals avoid accountability or disregard biblical teachings that challenge their lifestyle or their compromise with their sin. Now, that is me, but God says in 1 John 2:19......."They went out from us, but they were not of us; for if they had been of us, they would have continued with us. But they went out, that it might become plain that they all are not of us."

Good morning, Pastor Mei;

A Pastor's number one priority are the sheep. To leave the Church and become a Buddhist monk is escaping to a more prudent life of simplicity and meditational study (to whom?) There is still a "service" to the people with shared beliefs but minimal.

A Buddhist doesn't have a day to day relationship with Christ. When we ignore God is sin because we violate His authority and dismiss His plan for one's life. We reject Him.

About 15 years ago I spoke to a man who had trained to be a minister but the troubles in his life discouraged him from going forward. He never confessed that he "thought" he was called into ministry and dropped out. After that he never wanted to talk Jesus with anyone. I continue to pray God used circumstances to get this man's attention, if not by now.

A truly saved person is vulnerable to backsliding and apostasy. This is why each of us have a responsibility to pray, study God's Word to empower our relationship with Him, our Protector, the Almighty God.

This topic you initiated is something for all of us to think about, not just Pastors.

God bless you, Mei.

Bob
 
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