Dusty's Jokes

[SIZE=+1]"Pierced ears" [/SIZE]



The students in my third grade class were bombarding me with questions about my newly pierced ears.
"Does the hole go all the way through?"
"Yes."
"Did it hurt?"
"Just a little."
"Did they stick a needle through your ears?"
"No, they used a special gun."
Silence followed, and then one solemn voice called out, "How far away did they stand?"
 
[SIZE=+1]Politeness" [/SIZE]




There are two polite people having dinner together. On the table there is a dish with one big piece of fish and one small piece of fish. They politely say to each other: "You may choose first."
"No, you may choose first."
And this goes on for a while.
Then the first person says: "OK, I'll take first."
And he takes the BIG piece of fish.
The second person: "Why did you take the big piece? That's not polite!"
The first person says: "Which piece would *you* have taken?"
The second person replies: "Why, I would have taken the SMALL piece, of course."
The first person says: "Well, that's what you have now!"
 
7smiliessayingsa.gif
 
[SIZE=+1]"Ready but not willing" [/SIZE]



A friend of mine is a deputy with the sheriff's department canine unit. One evening, the deputy was dispatched to the scene of a possible burglary, where he discovered the back door of a building ajar. He let the dog out his patrol car and commanded it to enter and seek.
Jumping from the back seat, the dog headed for the building. After lunging through the doorway, the dog froze and backed out. My friend was puzzled until he investigated further and saw the sign on the building: "Veterinarian's Office."
 
Dusty said:
Hey Mark .... What would you do ? Just curious. He he
Click to expand...

I'd either take the small piece and say he can spot me next time if he insists. Or cut a little bit off of the big piece and push it over to the small one to make them even. If they happen to be quite symmetrical and you want to be picky, you could cut each one right down the middle and each take a half of both the smaller one and the large one.
 
Dusty said:
[SIZE=+1]Politeness" [/SIZE]




There are two polite people having dinner together. On the table there is a dish with one big piece of fish and one small piece of fish. They politely say to each other: "You may choose first."
"No, you may choose first."
And this goes on for a while.
Then the first person says: "OK, I'll take first."
And he takes the BIG piece of fish.
The second person: "Why did you take the big piece? That's not polite!"
The first person says: "Which piece would *you* have taken?"
The second person replies: "Why, I would have taken the SMALL piece, of course."
The first person says: "Well, that's what you have now!"
Click to expand...

The guy with the big peace got mercury poisoning!:p
 
Welcome .... Vancouver . This has been here for a long time. Hey, I was in your fair city in March. I have a cousin that lives near Granville Island.:cool:
 
[SIZE=+1]"Get well soon" [/SIZE]​



A motorcycle patrolman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well. However, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs on his chest. Worried that it might be a second surgery the doctors hadn't told him about, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown down enough so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable.
Taped firmly across his hairy chest were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the kind that doesn't come off easily. Written in large black letters was the sentence.
"Get well quick ..... from the nurse you gave a ticket to last week."
 
[SIZE=+1]"Pebble Beach"[/SIZE]



A golfer, well into his golden years, had a lifelong ambition to play one hole at Pebble Beach, California the way the pros do it. The pros drive the ball out over the water onto the green that is on a spit of land that juts out off the coast. It was something he had tried hundreds of times without success. His ball always fell short, into the ocean. Because of this he never used a new ball on this particular hole. He always picked out one that had a cut or a nick.
Recently he went to Pebble Beach to try again. When he came to the fateful hole, he teed up an old cut ball and said a silent prayer.
Before he hit it however, a powerful voice from above said, "WAIT... REPLACE THAT OLD BALL WITH A BRAND-NEW BALL."
He complied, with some slight misgiving, despite the fact that the Lord seemed to be implying that He was going to let him finally achieve his lifelong ambition.
As he stepped up to the tee once more, the voice came down again, "WAIT... STEP BACK... TAKE A PRACTICE SWING." So he stepped back and took a practice swing.
The voice boomed out again, "TAKE ANOTHER PRACTICE SWING." He did. Silence followed.
Then the voice spoke out again. "PUT BACK THE OLD BALL."
 
"Hearing aid"




My wife and I laughed when John, a neighbor, told us how his hearing aid occasionally emits a high-pitched squeal that can be heard by anyone near him. His granddaughter was sitting on his lap one day when the device started to beep.
Surprised, the granddaughter looked up at him and said, "Oh, Grampa, you've got e-mail!"
​
 
"Donations"




A tired homemaker opened the front door of her home to find a young minister from the neighborhood who said, "I'm collecting donations for the new children's home we're building. I hope you'll give what you can."
"To be sure," said the beleaguered woman, "I'll give you two boys, two girls, or one of each." ​
 
Dusty said:
"Hearing aid"




My wife and I laughed when John, a neighbor, told us how his hearing aid occasionally emits a high-pitched squeal that can be heard by anyone near him. His granddaughter was sitting on his lap one day when the device started to beep.
Surprised, the granddaughter looked up at him and said, "Oh, Grampa, you've got e-mail!"
​
Click to expand...
Now that is funny- and by the way nice pic Mom!
 
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