Yes I know exactly what you mean. What I am saying is that neither method should be exclusive of the other one.
I think that we are differing here not on the message itself but on the method of presentation. Some preachers are low key teachers and some are excitable preachers which is reflected in their delivery. However, the congregation of a said church has already factored that into whether they stay at a certain church or find one that fits their needs. In other words, the people who attend 1st Baptist go there because they want and need to hear the preacher fired up and excited over his message and expect him to preach on Hell. The members at 2nd Baptist are there because they do not want the kind of preaching done a 1st Baptist.
Without a doubt, the belief that we need to speak very gently to people about their sinful state has become very popular today. It is also very true that most people are repelled by an in-your-face "turn or burn" message. However Jim, it is also just as true that some of the most successful salvation efforts have been ones full of fire and brimstone.
Again, IMHO, if it is in the Bible it needs to be preached. Heaven is real so we preach about it because it is in the Bible. Should not the same thing apply to the reality of hell. I think we need to remember that it was Jesus Himself who spoke on the truths and horrors of hell. It seems to me that makes it so important that God the Father trusted only His Son to tell us about it.
The advantage of hell-fire preaching is that it gets to the heart of the problem. The key to this and one that is mostly ignored is that people need to know that they are already under a sentence of condemnation to hell, that we are all sinners. It seems to me that a lot of people have bought into the "Seeker Friendly" theology espoused by some of our popular preachers. But the Bible truth is just the opposite. No one "Seeks" after God!!! It is God that seeks out the sinner, finds him, calls him and then save him. That is the only way that allows Ephesians 2:8-9 to be true.
The love option is a good way to connect with people, but at some point they need to be confronted with the truth. This can be done in a loving, concerned and kind way without watering down the facts.