Flags For Discerning Argumentative People

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bobinfaith

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Dear brothers and sisters;

I speak with Christians often regarding strained relationships with their closest loved ones, partners in ministry, work, volunteering and social. When there is a disagreement it can escalate into an argument or confrontation becoming difficult to diffuse.

It's not always easy to receive the other's point of view, whether intelligible or nonsensical but it is manageable when we make an effort to work at it. Beginning with gained knowledge and wisdom that Scripture offers is the first step that supports this issue. But there is the second step of applying the discipline that often get overlooked because a lack of hard knocks experience not exercised.

Three things stand out with me when I witness an argument between two or more. The first thing is the argumentative person is displaying non-stop squabbling and if I listen carefully I notice the person takes the disagreement to other areas that have nothing to do with the initial discussion!

The second thing is paying no heed to Scripture's warnings against arguing. This does not promote the love in Christian fellowship. What does this say to the unbeliever who sees our example?

The third thing is the argumentative person has an explanation for every detailed point of their argument and at some point it becomes irrational. There is no wiggle room to arrive at an "agree to disagree," "stand corrected" or "arrive at reconciliation." We should always strive to enjoy our Christian mission during worship service, Bible study, Sunday school and any Christian venue.

Please share your thoughts or experience? If you share Scripture, in your own heart and writing, please explain the context of what this means to you, and how has it helped in your walk as a Christian?

More to come....

God bless you all and your families.
 
I go by the agree to disagree. In trying to get along. As we need to do. Mainly believers. When you realize people can't agree to disagree, they could be very hard to deal with. Praying you can solve the issue and let it be peacefully.
 
Interesting topic.

As it pertains to family disagreements, I find myself at a point in life where there are none. The only "biological" family I have is my sister, which I have only seen once since around 1990. This is mostly because she lives in California, and I live in Florida. Our interactions were very difficult at one point; however, we have "made up" and do "talk" on occasions. This happened after both our parents passed away.

As for my family through marriage, I am blessed. The wife and I get along well. We and the kids get along well, and my wife's family are great people.

Professionally, my life is in a constant state of battle. Unfortunately, these battles have to be resolved and cannot end with an agreement to disagree. I either win, or I decide to not win. Compromise is difficult, because it is usually instances where there is no middle ground. This is difficult and really starting to get old. I used to think that logic always won, but this is not the case and I just need to pick my battles and let the others go.

Rtm
 
bobinfaith Good early morning to you. I have spent a few hours pondering this topic. I have typed out my thoughts in my journal and am copying and pasting here. My response seems to be more of a confession of failure. This is a very complex issue and one that definitely needs to be discussed in light of a BIBLICAL response. Thank you for posting this. I believe I stand to learn much.

Argumentative people. Wow, this is a complex and challenging topic.

I have been pondering this topic since I read your post. I am at a place in my life where I no longer desire to be sucked into the "fleshly response" that seems to come automatically to me when faced with anyone who is disagreeable. My normal response in the past has been to simply shut down and walk away from those who seem to desire to BE RIGHT and/or needing to get in the last word. My go-to line/attitude has been that I do not desire to promote or encourage bad behaviour. Therefore for the most part, I have chosen NOT to engage with others whom I would deem as being arrogant and lacking sensitivity to others'thoughts and points of view.

This leads me to think about things. Since I do not work due to being on a disability, I have not had to practice this skill of "learning to find common ground" and peace with my fellow man. I have simply retreated with the mind-set that the world has "gone mad", and I want NO part of it.

I live my life in simplicity and peace. In the last 8 years, I have become reclusive ( for lack of a better word ). My friends are few and I do not belong to a church. I am fully aware that the bible states that we should NOT forsake the assembly. Due to severe trauma and trust issues on my part, I seem unable to step out of my own mind-set and simply find a church. I live in a very small city with a very limited choice of places to fellowship and worship, and so I don't.

The above is an honest statement on "where I am at" which I felt was important to share before attempting to tackle this topic that I FEAR will be a most humbling one for me. I do not know how to properly deal with people who are argumentative or arrogant.

I look forward to hearing what others have to say, but more importantly, I desire to understand what God has to say about this very issue. It seems the world of on-line communication has unleashed a "permission" to be HEARD above hearing. To be RIGHT above compassionate conversation with another. The world seems to be ENRAGED, and that should be NO surprise to us as Christians however, I have also noticed that many Christians seem to be ENRAGED, and somehow this seems to manifest itself in the form of disrespectful and often over-bearing opinions.

Red flags of argumentative people? WE need to pray for them, that much I know, but truly, what is the proper way to deal with those who refuse to RESPECT others? When do we draw the line and dis-engage with those whose only desire is to be right and feel they are God's gift to the world with a self-imposed "calling" to "educate" those poor lost sheep?
 
bobinfaith said:
Dear brothers and sisters;

I speak with Christians often regarding strained relationships with their closest loved ones, partners in ministry, work, volunteering and social. When there is a disagreement it can escalate into an argument or confrontation becoming difficult to diffuse.

It's not always easy to receive the other's point of view, whether intelligible or nonsensical but it is manageable when we make an effort to work at it. Beginning with gained knowledge and wisdom that Scripture offers is the first step that supports this issue. But there is the second step of applying the discipline that often get overlooked because a lack of hard knocks experience not exercised.

Three things stand out with me when I witness an argument between two or more. The first thing is the argumentative person is displaying non-stop squabbling and if I listen carefully I notice the person takes the disagreement to other areas that have nothing to do with the initial discussion!

The second thing is paying no heed to Scripture's warnings against arguing. This does not promote the love in Christian fellowship. What does this say to the unbeliever who sees our example?

The third thing is the argumentative person has an explanation for every detailed point of their argument and at some point it becomes irrational. There is no wiggle room to arrive at an "agree to disagree," "stand corrected" or "arrive at reconciliation." We should always strive to enjoy our Christian mission during worship service, Bible study, Sunday school and any Christian venue.

Please share your thoughts or experience? If you share Scripture, in your own heart and writing, please explain the context of what this means to you, and how has it helped in your walk as a Christian?

More to come....

God bless you all and your families.
Click to expand...
I refuse to engage in arguments. I state my point of view, and if someone disagrees that's their right, but if they differ with me, that's no skin off my nose. I have nothing to prove because my focus is on serving God, not winning fights.
 
JPPT1974 said:
I go by the agree to disagree. In trying to get along. As we need to do. Mainly believers. When you realize people can't agree to disagree, they could be very hard to deal with. Praying you can solve the issue and let it be peacefully.
Click to expand...

In Awe of Him said:
bobinfaith Good early morning to you. I have spent a few hours pondering this topic. I have typed out my thoughts in my journal and am copying and pasting here. My response seems to be more of a confession of failure. This is a very complex issue and one that definitely needs to be discussed in light of a BIBLICAL response. Thank you for posting this. I believe I stand to learn much.

Argumentative people. Wow, this is a complex and challenging topic.

I have been pondering this topic since I read your post. I am at a place in my life where I no longer desire to be sucked into the "fleshly response" that seems to come automatically to me when faced with anyone who is disagreeable. My normal response in the past has been to simply shut down and walk away from those who seem to desire to BE RIGHT and/or needing to get in the last word. My go-to line/attitude has been that I do not desire to promote or encourage bad behaviour. Therefore for the most part, I have chosen NOT to engage with others whom I would deem as being arrogant and lacking sensitivity to others'thoughts and points of view.

This leads me to think about things. Since I do not work due to being on a disability, I have not had to practice this skill of "learning to find common ground" and peace with my fellow man. I have simply retreated with the mind-set that the world has "gone mad", and I want NO part of it.

I live my life in simplicity and peace. In the last 8 years, I have become reclusive ( for lack of a better word ). My friends are few and I do not belong to a church. I am fully aware that the bible states that we should NOT forsake the assembly. Due to severe trauma and trust issues on my part, I seem unable to step out of my own mind-set and simply find a church. I live in a very small city with a very limited choice of places to fellowship and worship, and so I don't.

The above is an honest statement on "where I am at" which I felt was important to share before attempting to tackle this topic that I FEAR will be a most humbling one for me. I do not know how to properly deal with people who are argumentative or arrogant.

I look forward to hearing what others have to say, but more importantly, I desire to understand what God has to say about this very issue. It seems the world of on-line communication has unleashed a "permission" to be HEARD above hearing. To be RIGHT above compassionate conversation with another. The world seems to be ENRAGED, and that should be NO surprise to us as Christians however, I have also noticed that many Christians seem to be ENRAGED, and somehow this seems to manifest itself in the form of disrespectful and often over-bearing opinions.

Red flags of argumentative people? WE need to pray for them, that much I know, but truly, what is the proper way to deal with those who refuse to RESPECT others? When do we draw the line and dis-engage with those whose only desire is to be right and feel they are God's gift to the world with a self-imposed "calling" to "educate" those poor lost sheep?
Click to expand...
BibleLover said:
I refuse to engage in arguments. I state my point of view, and if someone disagrees that's their right, but if they differ with me, that's no skin off my nose. I have nothing to prove because my focus is on serving God, not winning fights.
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Hello JPPT1974, In Awe of Him and BibleLover;

Thank you for your hard knocks experience and wisdom gained from the evils of argumentative confrontation. Many Christians have a chronic arguing disability and may not realize it. As In Awe of Him shared we must include prayer for argumentative people because this impacts an unhealthy well being.

JPPT1974 chooses to "agree to disagree". This does not necessarily mean pacifying the other. It means defending the Truth and love of Christ's teaching at all costs while drawing others to Him. When we agree to disagree gives the disciplined Believer time to reflect on the disagreement, pray and allow God to reveal to us, are we learning something, were we correct, incorrect, or can we reconcile and respect our differences?

BibleLover knows and will stand on his convictions while receiving the other's point of view instead of winning the argument.

These are good points for the Believer. It is also good for building up and being equipped to share the Gospel. We will get rejected for sharing the Word but we will be prepared what to say and do.
 
forgiven61 said:
that is the toughest job. they are so set in there ways . Family i dont bother they have their own mind made up.. i pray and let the Holy Spirit do the work. big problem today is %80 are Christians yet have no fruit . the other 20% i just dont know sounds like this could be your ministry. i say God speed
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Hello forgiven;

I agree, brother. There are many Christians who are set in their ways. I struggle with my ways that may be set. The difference is many Believers aren't comfortable with God's work in progress. This doesn't take away from many Christians who are always open to growth, change and spiritual maturity which is the prompting of the Holy Spirit.

Alas, the work of discerning Christians with chronic arguing is not going to go away. This is why fervent prayer and discernment is needed, especially those who truly love the Lord but have this thorn in the side and haven't been able to overcome it.

God bless you, Jerry.
 
bobinfaith said:
Hello forgiven;

I agree, brother. There are many Christians who are set in their ways. I struggle with my ways that may be set. The difference is many Believers aren't comfortable with God's work in progress. This doesn't take away from many Christians who are always open to growth, change and spiritual maturity which is the prompting of the Holy Spirit.

Alas, the work of discerning Christians with chronic arguing is not going to go away. This is why fervent prayer and discernment is needed, especially those who truly love the Lord but have this thorn in the side and haven't been able to overcome it.

God bless you, Jerry.
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dont get me wrong dont want sound negative there are Christians out there than can be ministered to . after the covid scare was over i tried every thing i could get my oldest sis back in Church .reply o we will they eventually Did . they are back in there im not saying they was backed up on God. just got comfortable at home. then those who has no desire we just have keep plowing .its tough if you have a ministry in that field . it is a much needed ministry and God Blessing be on it. i minister when and where i can but with family for me its like driving a nail in a sawmill cut oak board .
 
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forgiven61 said:
dont get me wrong dont want sound negative there are Christians out there than can be ministered to . after the covid scare was over i tried every thing i could get my oldest sis back in Church .reply o we will they eventually Did . they are back in there im not saying they was backed up on God. just got comfortable at home. then those who has no desire we just have keep plowing .its tough if you have a ministry in that field . it is a much needed ministry and God Blessing be on it. i minister when and where i can but with family for me its like driving a nail in a sawmill cut oak board .
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Hello forgiven;

I hear you and no doubt you and I have experienced all kinds in the Chuch and can discern argumentative people.

I agree and want to encourage you and all pastors, men and women of God to "minister when and where you can."

But you have to help me out here, brother, "driving a nail in a sawmill cut oak board?!?"

What's with that? lol!

God bless you always.
 
forgiven61 said:
fresh cut rough 2x4 or any board cut at a saw mill at times can hard to drive a nail in, have you ever been around a saw mill? oak and hickory are two of the hardest woods, especially what they call post oak its full of knots
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Good morning, Jerry;

Aside from junior high when I took wood shop, I haven't been around a saw mill. But now I understand the expression.

Thanks, brother.
 
BibleLover said:
I refuse to engage in arguments. I state my point of view, and if someone disagrees that's their right, but if they differ with me, that's no skin off my nose. I have nothing to prove because my focus is on serving God, not winning fights.
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People don't listen to me anyway so I just say my point of view and move on. If they do listen, great, but their POV is not necessarily the same.

What argumentative people do is try and say WE all think this, when it's not the case. People have minds of their own, come from different places, are different ages and stages. Unless you are a clone and have the same mind, points of view vary. That is why there are FOUR gospels.

I don't like fighting, but if someone refuses to listen to me, and their mind is already made up, I just walk away. But they cannot think for me or assume to know me or what I think at all. Some people cannot discusss anything because they believe that their way is the only right way with everything and everyone MUST agree with them, simply because they said it first or were older, or louder.

The flag for me is if they assume that their point of view is mine also or that I am wrong about my own personal experience. How can something that has actually happened to you be invalidated or dismissed? This is why it's important to witness and testify.

Remember no men at first believed that women could say what had happened at the resurrection and that they were being irrational or making up stories. There were still people that believed that Jesus body had been stolen. I don't think people tried to argue with them, but they would have insisted that their made up story was right while the women's eyewitness was wrong.
 
Being argumentative is an indication of personal pride in its most destructive manner.

"The other guy certainly doesn't recognize my rightness in this matter", AND "He must not be listening when I state my obviously mor correct position, abd thus needs me to restate it until he does", AND "I cannot abide him having s view that differs from my own".

There is a saying that it take two to argue. But...

Agree to disagree sounds good, but it still requires the cooperation of the other person. Sometimes that is not feasible. It requires the other person to cooperate. You have no control over his reactions.

Sometimes the best you can achieve is mastering your own self and just stop.
 
In truth, I am bad at arguing. My problem is more in the lines of not backing down when it matters. And even if I know I am right, I let the other person win.

1. Someone says something that eludes facts. I present more facts.
2. if they then become irrational, and loose the plot, I walk away. I leave it there.

I would actually like to be more of an in your face chick who can shake the living daylights into those who still can't see the facts.

3. I am allowed to become irrational when I'm right šŸ˜‡ because I am a woman. And mostly armed.šŸ˜
 
contending for faith once delivered to saints is important, and to always have an answer for the hope you have within you, but other things are not so important eg. whether peanut butter is better crunchy or smooth.
 
I think if someone is a lawyer, they would probably be good at arguing as thats what they are trained to do.
I can't imagine living my life as if I am the only righteous person and everyone else is wrong.

In church I don't really see any arguing going on as usually only one person speaks at a time. Sunday school I am not sure as never go/went but I would think children would not be arguing, they would be singing or colouring in or some other activity.
Bible study, its usually a round robin where people share their experience, or write things down then reflect. I have never experienced an argument in a Bible Study. How can you argue with God anyway?

So I am not sure where all this arguing, or debate comes from. There is discussion, but not argument. Arguing seems to belong to the courts or maybe parliament, and squabbles I have heard in the playground. Usually over some turf war or invasion of personal space. It's the same in households, especially when people don't know how to share or take turns. It's very common for older siblings to be bossy.
 
This might not read right, but I do not have the luxury of being wrong.

If someone is wrongfully accused and my office cannot establish that, we have failed the wrongfully accused person and the Department of Education pulls their teaching certificate. If someone is rightfully accused and my office can't establish than, we have failed the district and we place students in harm's way.

So, I have to be right every time. This also requires me to be humble enough to know when I need to seek the advice of people who know more than I.
 
Lanolin said:
I think if someone is a lawyer, they would probably be good at arguing as thats what they are trained to do. I can't imagine living my life as if I am the only righteous person and everyone else is wrong. In church I don't really see any arguing going on as usually only one person speaks at a time. Sunday school I am not sure as never go/went but I would think children would not be arguing, they would be singing or colouring in or some other activity. Bible study, its usually a round robin where people share their experience, or write things down then reflect. I have never experienced an argument in a Bible Study. How can you argue with God anyway? So I am not sure where all this arguing, or debate comes from. There is discussion, but not argument. Arguing seems to belong to the courts or maybe parliament, and squabbles I have heard in the playground. Usually over some turf war or invasion of personal space. It's the same in households, especially when people don't know how to share or take turns. It's very common for older siblings to be bossy.
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Unfortunately it does exist. So as Christians which is the jist of this thread, how would do we address it?

Arguments can be definitive in so many ways. For example, I use the expression "argue with God" all the time, in my discussion / fellowship, preaching and teaching. But then I need to articulate what I'm talking about to the listener or person.

We can go to God regarding anything. When I don't agree with God's outcome to my prayer request, or someone verbally throws darts and arrows at me causing humiliation or a bruised ego, or when I open up to God regarding my grievance toward another person.

Whether I'm angry, hurt or frustrated, I can lay my arguments at God's feet, in this context.

If someone can go to God and remain cool and calm, God bless them for that. Not everyone has that demeanor. God understands each one of us.

This doesn't mean we have the green light to disrespect God with a temper tantrum, or express ourselves by cursing and criticizing God's infinite ways, we still approach Him with all reverence because He is a deserving God.

During worship we may not see arguing going on during worship service but arguments do happen after Church in a meeting room, during the week and Bible study.

I hope this helps answer a few of your questions, Lanolin.

God bless you.
Bob
 
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