Why is it that whenever someone tells me to introduce myself, I feel tempted to start giving my entire life story? I'm going to try my best not to do that and just say hello and let y'all know what brought me here.
I got saved back in 2011. I feel ashamed to tell people that though, because only a few short months after, I went back to living a life filled with sin and destructive habits of all sorts. I was actually worse than I had started. I wish I could say I don't know how I fell away or that it was an accident. But the truth is, I knew what I was doing. I told myself, I'd finish having my fun and come back later.
Trouble is, after I'd been living for myself for awhile, I wasn't sure that God would take me back. I tried going back to church and I just...I definitely do believe I damaged my heart with my mistake. I was convinced I'd just fallen too far away to go back and that God didn't want anything to do with me. That I was made for destruction. It was pretty bad. I gave up again.
Something was different this time. While I can remember the exact decision that led me to follow my own path, I don’t really know why I’ve come back this time. It just hit me out of nowhere, one day that perhaps God’s Spirit won’t always strive with me. I just felt an urgency that I don’t really know how to explain. I had ‘pangs’ here and there (not sure what else to call them, just…the conviction that I should turn back to God, or say a prayer) but I shoved them down up til this day, when the thought occurred to me that I might stop having them. And that shocked and scared me and I cried, and I prayed, and eventually….after many nights spent crying my eyes out, and hurting….I finally started to believe that God does love me. That he never stopped. And that he knew how I was gonna stumble and fall the day he saved me. And FINALLY I learned that my lack of righteousness doesn’t matter so much. My righteousness, even if I possessed any, would get me nowhere. I don’t have to depend on how good I can be, but how good He already is. I’m not too great a task for the Savior.
So, now I’m here, because I think a part of why I fell away the first time was the lack of a support group. I tried to do everything alone. I went to church but I didn’t really talk to people (I have a hard time opening up to strangers, except apparently on the internet
) and I was trying and failing to figure it all out myself. I’m going to church now, and shopping around for a Bible believing church that I feel comfortable and safe at and I’ve signed up here in the hopes that I can find some kind of support.
Apologies for the length. I did try to keep it short. My name is Cass (or Cj) and I look forward to getting to know as many new brothers and sisters as possible.
Thanks for reading my ramble!
I got saved back in 2011. I feel ashamed to tell people that though, because only a few short months after, I went back to living a life filled with sin and destructive habits of all sorts. I was actually worse than I had started. I wish I could say I don't know how I fell away or that it was an accident. But the truth is, I knew what I was doing. I told myself, I'd finish having my fun and come back later.
Trouble is, after I'd been living for myself for awhile, I wasn't sure that God would take me back. I tried going back to church and I just...I definitely do believe I damaged my heart with my mistake. I was convinced I'd just fallen too far away to go back and that God didn't want anything to do with me. That I was made for destruction. It was pretty bad. I gave up again.
Something was different this time. While I can remember the exact decision that led me to follow my own path, I don’t really know why I’ve come back this time. It just hit me out of nowhere, one day that perhaps God’s Spirit won’t always strive with me. I just felt an urgency that I don’t really know how to explain. I had ‘pangs’ here and there (not sure what else to call them, just…the conviction that I should turn back to God, or say a prayer) but I shoved them down up til this day, when the thought occurred to me that I might stop having them. And that shocked and scared me and I cried, and I prayed, and eventually….after many nights spent crying my eyes out, and hurting….I finally started to believe that God does love me. That he never stopped. And that he knew how I was gonna stumble and fall the day he saved me. And FINALLY I learned that my lack of righteousness doesn’t matter so much. My righteousness, even if I possessed any, would get me nowhere. I don’t have to depend on how good I can be, but how good He already is. I’m not too great a task for the Savior.
So, now I’m here, because I think a part of why I fell away the first time was the lack of a support group. I tried to do everything alone. I went to church but I didn’t really talk to people (I have a hard time opening up to strangers, except apparently on the internet
) and I was trying and failing to figure it all out myself. I’m going to church now, and shopping around for a Bible believing church that I feel comfortable and safe at and I’ve signed up here in the hopes that I can find some kind of support.Apologies for the length. I did try to keep it short. My name is Cass (or Cj) and I look forward to getting to know as many new brothers and sisters as possible.
Thanks for reading my ramble!
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