Raising christian girls

[Lanolin]

Also do you choose or arrange the husband for your daughter, what if she goes with someone you dont approve of? Then ends up marry him? Would you be mad (or sad) if your daughter went out with someone you thought would be a good son inlaw but then decided she didnt want to marry him.

Would that be rebelling against God or would it just be rebelling against parents.

 

[Lanolin]

There are lots of things people 'should' do but for some reason cant or dont. Unfortunately, you actually need to walk a mile in a persons shoes before you can say what they should or shouldnt do.

If you are not a daughter, perhaps you cant understand what its like to be one.

 

[Fish Catcher Jim]

There are lots of things people 'should' do but for some reason cant or dont. Unfortunately, you actually need to walk a mile in a persons shoes before you can say what they should or shouldnt do.

Actually not true. God's Word tells us what we should do.
We have the Holy Spirit and can get a word of knowledge for some one.

 

[Fish Catcher Jim]

Also do you choose or arrange the husband for your daughter, what if she goes with someone you dont approve of? Then ends up marry him? Would you be mad (or sad) if your daughter went out with someone you thought would be a good son inlaw but then decided she didnt want to marry him.

Would that be rebelling against God or would it just be rebelling against parents.

All you can do is raise your children up to be Godly and teach them right from wrong and instruct them accordingly.
Then you must trust God.

 

[Cturtle]

Do you have daughters Cturtle. How do you know what way she is 'wired

I do have one daughter and 2 sons And several spiritual daughters
And now that the Lord has gotten me to a better place in the Word... He has equipped me to help her in her journey as a godly mother and wife.

I think as far as who is designated to be a caretaker... it's really up to each individual child. Some parents have no one... nd some have them all or even just a few or even just one. Depends upon the dynamics of the family, and the heart of the child.

Even though you were raised in a Christian family... you have The Holy Spirit in you and suspect, you listen as He tells you what to do. If He said this is who I have for you to marry... you would be ready and peaceful about the whole thing. If he said move to this city and do this or that... I'm sure you would have the peace within you to do what He desired.

 

[Lanolin]

Hmm ok I ought not to worry about, sorry not to say mothers day is awful for me just have mixed feelings about it, because I go to church and my mum doesnt and so, she misses out. And then I feel sad. And I dont have any children myself of my own. And I was born on mothers day so my birthday always gets confused with mothers day.

But a church member said to me Happy mothers day anyway as He thought I was a spiritual mother. So it was alright. There are many things my mother was unable to do as a mother because of circumstances, like she couldnt breast feed me, And being a middle child, second daughter of course I kind of feel like the 'second best' and then your brothers are born and they become the focus. My mum was the eldest of a family of eight, 5 girls and 3 boys so can you imagine the burden she had growing up. What she did tell me was shedid have one nice grandma who looked after her when her mother didnt, her mother got her to work but kept all her money. She missed out on highschool because she had to earn to put food on the table. So she had some resentment against her mother, my grandmother, who I would want to spend time with, but my mother not so much.

My grandmother died a few years ago and never accepted Christ that I know of so she never had that peace. My grandaunty on the other hand did and she even got baptised in the rest home I heard, so when she died I knew she had peace. It is funny how my family how different we all turned out and i suppose its our choices just as much as how we are raised. Am still working on my relationship with my mother and trying to understand her better, kind of hard when you have to translate most of what she says into english.

 

[Lanolin]

Actually not true. God's Word tells us what we should do.
We have the Holy Spirit and can get a word of knowledge for some one.

I was referring to peoples opinions.

You are right fishcatcherjim, Gods word does tell us, but the interesting thing is how it talks about better for a girl to remain unmarried, even if a man likes her and decides NOT to marry her, he does better. It literally said that. It says marriage is good. But to be unmarried is better.

I was kind of blown away because its so common for people to do the opposite. And what it does say about marriage is just to avoid fornication. So if you cant stop fornicating, marry the one your fornicating with, I guess to stop fornicating with heaps of other people. You can only fornicate with one person. And then...dont commit adultery. I mean this makes sense you marry someone, just be with that person why go somewhere else.

I cannot count how many times I got the vibe from men who were ALREADY married, or partnered, that they just wanted to be with someone else as well. It just got to be a bit of a joke. Stick with one woman, if you must have one. Shes the one you married, dont you remember your vows?

I have so many times came across situations where, a girl is going with a guy and then she finds out, because she trusted him, but he wouldnt tell her he was seeing someone else at the same time and having a realationship without telling her. I dont generally see women doing that to men. But men seem to think its ok to juggle 2 or more at a time. But i know both parites can be just as deceitful and guilty. Even amongst christian folk, it can be worse, so...its kind of hard for me to see marrage in a good light when the number of ones that fail outweigh the ones that endure.

 

[Fish Catcher Jim]

I dont generally see women doing that to men. But men seem to think its ok to juggle 2 or more at a time.

Actually women do this just as much.

its kind of hard for me to see marrage in a good light when the number of ones that fail outweigh the ones that endure.

Marriage was created by God and very much is a good thing. The problem begins when man (either male or female) takes full control.

And what it does say about marriage is just to avoid fornication.

it talks about better for a girl to remain unmarried, even if a man likes her and decides NOT to marry her, he does better. It literally said that. It says marriage is good. But to be unmarried is better.

For both of the above.
The reason it was written about a man does well not to get married is so they can DEVOTE full time to God and not split time with marriage stuff.
It is also written you do well either way.

It is also written when a man finds a wife (God given) he finds favor in the Lord.

To avoid fornication one gets married is not quite what scripture is saying.

Blessings

 

[Lanolin]

True sorry fishcatcherjim women do it to, but I guess I hear about it more from the wronged womens perspective since many of these ladies I know simply because I have more female friends than male friends. I remember one time at work if I counted all the women who had been cheated on it would be like 80 percent and only 20 percent had lasting marriages. Maybe its because, in the workforce, the women who work are not staying at home pleasing their husbands. But it could be cause and effect. Maybe they have to work because their husbands left them and they had no choice.

Although at one time i had a boss and her husband and her duaghter also worked at the same place. Actually their marriage lasted. Maybe because they all had to work with each other.

My mum does not work at the same place my dad does. I cannot imagine them doing so, they are so different. Mum works during the day, dad at night. He comes home at 4am and then amazingly gets up at 9am, sometimes earlier, so needs only about 3-4 hours sleep. He goes to work before my mum comes home, so its like they hardly ever see each other, but I guess that works. I sometimes think its because of the house. Someone has to look after the house! If dad did not have this house, he would not have a marriage. I dont know why I think this, but it is a bit like the Jane Austen novel. Otherwise the alternative would be, dad would have this house with a crippling mortgage to pay and nobody to live with, except maybe flatmates, and be all lonely, and mum would just be suffering air pollution in crowded Hong Kong and working her fingers to the bone looking after all her siblings under communist rule. Or something like that. In an alternative universe in which they never met. And I wouldnt exist.

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a fortune must be in want of a wife. Hmm maybe, but, I think it was more the case of, dads parents (actually, his mother) wanted a chinese daughter in law and mum fit the bill. It was because his other brothers had european wives and they couldnt cook chinese food. So mums culinary skills meant dad just had to marry her. Cos really, dad did not have a fortune. He had a mortgage which cost a fortune.

 

[Lanolin]

Really fishecatcherjim then why does 1 corinthian 7:2 say exactly that 'to avoid fornication every man must have his own wife and every woman her own husband'

Well my KJV says so, dont know about your particular bible version. Or you could just...not fornicate. Unless I am missing the point completely?

Do you agree that it costs a woman a lot more to bear a child than it does for a man who doesnt have to go through nine months of pregancy with morning sickness and painful labour and breastfeed and change nappies etc plus menstrual cycles and all the rest of it. Then the bible surprisingly goes on to say women are saved through childbearing. Why because if a woman has to look after a child, they know what it means to love and nurture, and God will see her through that. The man however, does not really need to do anything and does not need to suffer any boidly change, or tend to a babies cries, or anything. Ive known many many cases in which a woman has had a baby and the father of that child didnt even know about it. How crazy is that?

 

[Lanolin]

He who finds a wife, finds a good thing. Interesting but nothing said about she who finds a husband. So I dont know that women ought to go looking. But on that note, - few wives I know (now divorced) told me why they married their husbands, and one said she felt sorry for him. The other said it was an adventure. I always want to know why people decide they want to marry this or that person. I dont know if this is being nosy because mum really did not want to talk about it.

Another said, oh he had a good job, he didnt drink. But I kind of like the ones that say because hes kind and caring or maybe she was sweet natured or something like that. Im kind of disappointed when people say they married because of what they could gain rather than for who that person was. I want to know if its a God thing or whether it was just a man thing. I want to know if the man chose, or the woman, or the parents. Maybe its a case of, like when adam woke up one day and there was Eve. Of course being the ONLY woman on earth at the time, obviously she was meant for him, having just been made out of his rib. But I wonder if, men these days, with so many choice of women, how they find the one that is for them. Do they categorise them? Do they look on otward appearance. Or do they just get this feeling that something in their ribcage is missing and this woman is the one that has it?

People dont really discuss celibacy these days as if its unheard of, the world wants everyone to fornicate with anyone. Advertisers use sex to sell anything. But for a christian celibacy is a gift. Why dont more people celebrate it, it seems every time theres a christian single forum or mixer its like everyone moans about being single. Its not that bad! And you are NOT alone because God is with you so, why people think they are when Jesus has given us His promise I dont know.

 

[autumn oddity]

He who finds a wife, finds a good thing. Interesting but nothing said about she who finds a husband. So I dont know that women ought to go looking. But on that note, - few wives I know (now divorced) told me why they married their husbands, and one said she felt sorry for him. The other said it was an adventure. I always want to know why people decide they want to marry this or that person. I dont know if this is being nosy because mum really did not want to talk about it.

Another said, oh he had a good job, he didnt drink. But I kind of like the ones that say because hes kind and caring or maybe she was sweet natured or something like that. Im kind of disappointed when people say they married because of what they could gain rather than for who that person was. I want to know if its a God thing or whether it was just a man thing. I want to know if the man chose, or the woman, or the parents. Maybe its a case of, like when adam woke up one day and there was Eve. Of course being the ONLY woman on earth at the time, obviously she was meant for him, having just been made out of his rib. But I wonder if, men these days, with so many choice of women, how they find the one that is for them. Do they categorise them? Do they look on otward appearance. Or do they just get this feeling that something in their ribcage is missing and this woman is the one that has it?

People dont really discuss celibacy these days as if its unheard of, the world wants everyone to fornicate with anyone. Advertisers use sex to sell anything. But for a christian celibacy is a gift. Why dont more people celebrate it, it seems every time theres a christian single forum or mixer its like everyone moans about being single. Its not that bad! And you are NOT alone because God is with you so, why people think they are when Jesus has given us His promise I dont know.

I agree with the lower portion of your post. Singleness isn't that bad... You can focus on God ... I feel people who dread singleness don't really experience God in their life much.

 

[Fish Catcher Jim]

Really fishecatcherjim then why does 1 corinthian 7:2 say exactly that 'to avoid fornication every man must have his o

If you can not control or put away your urges and desires. It's better to be married then to burn with lust.

Most people don't have a clue or rather do NOT Want to curb or destroy their urges and desires but want to feed them, satisfy and pleasure them, after all the flesh is easier to give into then to make it submit.
Blessings

 

[Lanolin]

Was pondering on raising girls when they reach puberty what christian mothers tell them.
Mum didnt really tell me anything, I kind of found out for myself in school. I cant even remember being fitted for a bra or anything as I was so flatchested mum didnt bother. No wonder my teen years were a mass of confusion, I just didnt know anything. So I admit am one of those girls who just didnt have a clue. Not totally clueless but i think the world was a big influence.

I once flatted with a lady who had two children from a relationship, and remember her telling her 14 year old girl, that a boy might try to have sex with her but she can only do it if she wants to.
Another workmate had two girls in their twenties and she was dismayed over her youngest who she said was too innocent and should be more worldly wise.

I just received very mixed messages growing up I think. One of the christian girls I knew in highschool wanted to marry very young and she even went out with an athiest at one stage. She did end up marrying in her twenties thankfully a christian guy but I just remember it odd because for her having a husband and children was like the top priority even above a career. Other girls I knew wanted to live their lives first and find out what they wanted to do.

My group of high school girls (went to a coed) sometime would talk about their future and also about boys, and some became active in highschool and some stayed celibate, I was concetrating on exams and stuff so for me boys were just an distraction I didnt need, the girls that did were always getting their hearts broken and having dramas.

 

[Lanolin]

God is answering my prayer as just found a book in the church library called 'girls gone wise' its about raising christian girls. Especially looking at the book of Proverbs (everyone knows about the Proverbs 31 woman, but what about her opposite, the Proverbs 7 harlot?) .

Another thing it made me think of is choice. Women always say they want the right to choose, but, what about being chosen. Isnt it better to be chosen than to choose. Hmm.

 

[Lanolin]

Hmm having trouble with this book because I wasnt born into a family that had sons first. How were the girls meant to be raised if all we were taught was we had to do everything without a big brother looking after us.
When girls are born first we do everything first theres no waiting around for a man to take the lead. Mum left home to marry, dad didnt have to leave his country. Everything is backward. :-( . Dad didnt leave home to get married, he just left home to go flatting. Then met mum, but apparently his mother was a tyrant to her children, thats why he left.

Then this book implies girls arent supposed to lead boys. But at school the girls were way ahead of the boys because even at the same age group girls developed or matured earlier. Its doing my head in because, it says if you unmarried you just meant to wait around for a man and not be interested in getting a man but then says if you married you should be more interested in keeping your man satisfied and because in marriage lust is actually ok?!

Thats like saying porn is ok if you are married. I thought it wasnt meant to be ok ever, especially in a christian marriage.
Maybe theres a big switch that happens when you marry someone. After all your body isnt your own anymore you have to share it even if you dont feel like it. But then I dont understand the whole birth control thing.. some married women I know just have baby after baby,or miscarriage after miscarriage, and then ivf after ivf.

I understand theres pain and suffering involved, but why is it so important to reproduce. My generation grew up with this whole thing hanging over us that the world was overpopulated and polluted so why bring more into this dark world. None of us women were thinking...when we grow up we are going to be mothers because we must have to repopulate the country. Theres no room! And how can we afford to anyway? Its so hard to find a work to feed oneself, let alone an entire family. Education is not exactly free. Anyway.

Just thoughts. Proably wrong thoughts, but how do christians families work for daughters. How do you raise a daughter that wont end up being called a whore like Dinah was, or Tamar or Rahab or Mary Magdalene, or mistreated like Hagar or mocked like Hannah. Or dead from childbirth like Rachel or never loved like Leah. Or stressed out like Martha. It just seems many of the women in the Bible never really got a break. The men seemed to have all the well not fun, but more blessing. Even the ten commandments would say thou shalt not covet thy neighbours wife (never says husband) and the books of proverbs was written for sons not daughters. Theres warnings for men to stay away from predatory women. However theres no such warnings for daughters to stay away from predatory men. Maybe back in the day, daughters just never left home anyway.

Just sitting around waiting for a man to call...I cant imagine what its like. It bothers me because the book assumes that all men are gentlemen and its women that are the harlots. But as far as I know in the sex industry women did not get into it by their own choice. Men often coerce women into it anyway, its called trafficking and they groom girls for that purpose. A girl can be thinking innocent thoughts but a boy may be thinking on how to jump on her.

Book doesnt say how to fend them off...?

 

[Lanolin]

Had a think maybe am irked at the book cos the author (mary a kassian) doesnt actually have daughters of her own. If she did then she might have more insight into how God works in daughters lives instead of lambasting the female population for in her eyes attempting to seduce her sons. Or maybe look at her own life and share wisdom form her own testimony..? For example she was saying hold back and let the man drive. Yes, but does she live in the real world where, if the girl did not drive and tried to rely on men she would be stranded and die because this is what happened to one of my friends.

 

[Lanolin]

I found another book called Blessed, blessed, blessed. Its written by a christian mum about her daughter who was born with cleft lip and palate and the lengths she went to look, after her. But the book ended when she was11 so it doesnt say how the daughter grows to be a young woman.

The mum however, is raised in a christian household her dad is a pastor, she meets her husband in high school. Actually hes two years older, shes in high school, they marry at 19. Do christians in general marry really young, the mum has a job working in a nurses office and her husband is a duck hunter. Then they become famous on a tv show called duck dynasty. The thing about this book though is its more about the mum expecting her daughter to be perfect when she was born, and learning to trust God when she cant just fix her. I am quite shocked that some mothers put quite a store on a girls beauty. Its like it was the end of the world if your daughter has a facial disfiguration.

I thought most christians would look past that, but maybe they just worried that unbelievers will judge. But why should it matter what others think, when what God thinks of us is way more important?