Santa's a Woman

Dusty

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Jul 27, 2007
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Santa's a Woman

[FONT=arial,helvetica] Santa's A Woman [/FONT]



think Santa Claus is a woman....I hate to be the one to defy a sacred myth, but I believe he's a she. Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly pull it all off!

For starters, the vast majority of men don't even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve. Once at the mall, they always seem surprised to find only Ronco products, socket wrench sets, and mood rings left on the shelves. On this count alone, I'm convinced Santa is a woman.

Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the universe would wake up Christmas morning to find a rotating musical Chia Pet under the tree, still in the bag.

Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there. First of all, there would be no reindeer because they would all be dead, gutted and strapped to the rear bumper of the sleigh amid wide-eyed, desperate claims that buck season had been extended. Blitzen's rack would already be on the way to the taxidermist.

Even if the male Santa DID have reindeer, he'd still have transportation problems because he would inevitably get lost up there in the snow and clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for directions.

Other reasons why Santa can't possibly be a man:

- Men can't pack a bag.
- Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.
- Men don't answer their mail.
- Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described even in jest as anything remotely resembling a "bowlful of jelly."
- Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them.
- Having to do the Ho Ho Ho thing would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women.
- Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment.
 
B

Boanerges(Inactive)

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Not to many women I know would want to dirty thier red dress sliding down a chimney. Also they would spend to much time trying to decide who is naughty or nice. And just think how long it takes the average lady to by a pair of shoes and one outfit let alone gifts for the whole planet- no santa is to quick a shopper to be a woman.
 
Dec 3, 2007
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South Carolina
Well I agree with the original post but I also agree with Boangeres post so my thinking is that the saying "Behind every good man is a great woman" is the only logical explanation. Think about it. I don't really think theres a conspriracy at all....it's not that different than that of today. Mrs. Clause worked hard to train Santa right. I think while the kids are setting on Santa's lap all of the mom's and women should be getting tips from Mrs. Clause!
 
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Boanerges(Inactive)

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Looking at Santa's waistline I will assume she is a good cook!
 

Dusty

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Jul 27, 2007
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Not to many women I know would want to dirty thier red dress sliding down a chimney. Also they would spend to much time trying to decide who is naughty or nice. And just think how long it takes the average lady to by a pair of shoes and one outfit let alone gifts for the whole planet- no santa is to quick a shopper to be a woman.

:eek::eek::eek::eek: Shot down. !!!!!! He He .........Chalk one up for you my son.
 
Nov 12, 2007
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NJ
Not Necasarily, didn't any of You see "The Sanata Claus," ( I think ), or one of those movies,
in which somehow the Chiminy just opens wider, like a time portal thing?????
So that shoots the whole "won't get their dress dirty," down,
and into the category for an argument as "A dog that just won't hunt!!!!!!!!!!!!":D
 
Nov 12, 2007
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NJ
True, but we are just being playfull?????? There is no

Santa Claus???? So what does a little Humour, about a

non existant Character's sex have to do with anything???

"There is no Santa Claus, Virginia," so am I missing

something??????????
 

Banarenth

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^^ Guys, check out the section of the post this is in. Try not to take it so seriously.

That being said, Santa's definitely a guy. I'm pretty sure the whole things started with so guy just trying to get one present to a friend, and got so lost he had to visit every single house just to get tehre.
 

Dusty

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Jul 27, 2007
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^^ Guys, check out the section of the post this is in. Try not to take it so seriously.

That being said, Santa's definitely a guy. I'm pretty sure the whole things started with so guy just trying to get one present to a friend, and got so lost he had to visit every single house just to get tehre.
Thanks Bro Ban.... Yes, you guys.... Look .... this is the humour side. Just take it all with a grain of salt and throw it over your shoulder..... He He .... Don't be so serious. We have to have some good Christian fun.

Cheers to you all and lets just laugh and lighten up. I know Santa is a guy. Hey it's just a joke you all.


 
Nov 12, 2007
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NJ
Actualy I thought the real Santa, originaly was St.
Nicoluas, who left samll pouches of money for some poor
people at Christmass???????

I don't know if a rumour was started, that the pouches
were thrown down Chiminies, which would be silly, unless
there was no fire in them????? And even if not, if ashes
were scouped up and thrown out, a small pouch could
accidently get scouped up and thrown out also?????

So I thought a lot of it were rumours and embelishments
which were added later to St. Nicolaus?????
 
Sep 5, 2007
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Central Oregon
DUSTY THAT IS ADORABLE!!!! Had me laughing hard!

This Santa-thing reminded me of something my Mom used to yell at my dad...

"If women made car parts, they'd come in different colors and they'd snap right on!"

:D
 

Dusty

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Jul 27, 2007
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That's funny Whirlwind. I would love to meet your mom. I have heard so much about her.
 
Jan 6, 2007
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theochurch.darkbb.com
Santa a woman??? No way:eek:

Can't be. . . Because. . .


Santa doesn't have nearly enough mood swings to be a woman.

Tonka trucks arn't pink and GI Joe isn't dressed in lavender.

The north pole isn't Walmart.


There is no way,:sad01_anim:
if Santa was a woman that she would be seen in public with a waist line that big, admitting to an age of more than 29, and weighing over 129, riding in an open top box behind a dozen nasty deer, and with gray hair showing:confused:
Just ain't about to happen:rolleyes:
:D:D
:D:D



Cliff
 
Nov 12, 2007
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NJ
Wow, Theo-, I think I might quietly laugh, but also sit this
one out, and pretend I was not even there, incase a bunch
of Anger-Sharks, come a knocking your way. :D

Of cource, I don't know how "Bright" of Me that was, to
deny I was even in the vacinity of Your jokes, and then
post the same.:D

But then again I am not the Sharpest Cookie in the box,
the Brigthest knife on the wall, nor the tastiest Crayon in
the box!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:D

And I have been accused of being one lamb chop shy of
being a maixed-grill!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D
 

Banarenth

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Which suddenly made me think of THIS song.

Big Fish - FFH said:
Do de dum da digga dum dum da dum
Do de dum da digga dwee ah
Do de dum da digga dum dum da dum
Do de dum da digga dum da um(Chorus)Are you in the big fish
Are you sitting in the belly of a world gone mad
Have you turned your back in His wish
On His will for your life, have you made Him sad
Do you want to get out of the big fish
Listen to God and follow His plan
And you won't be part of the main dish
He'll spit you out on to dry landScatYou're one brick short of a load now brother
You're one shot away from a bullseye
You are missing the mark on your spiritual walk
You started walking away now you're sinking -
Into the deep, wake up from the sleep
See your one fry short of a happy meal
You are incomplete by your own deceit
You turned your back, now you're going swimmingScat(Repeat Chorus)ScatYou're sinking low how low can you go
So low that you don't know which way to go
To the truth or to the dare?
If you take the dare then you'll be swallowed there
But run to the truth and you will find
That a rescue arrives right in time
To pick you up back on your feet
Obedience is neat.(Repeat scats and chorus)