What Is Marriage?

[Musicmaster]

I am divorced. Was divorced against my will essentially, but God has turned it into a good thing! I am a much happier person not in a marriage with my ex-wife and I am no longer depressed or on medications for depression.

God also brought to my life a wonderful woman. We are engaged to be married. I have never had a relationship like this before. We don't tear each other down, we build each other up. We encourage each other. Not saying we don't argue, but when we do, it's a fair argument. I can see the difference when God brings to people together and when he doesn't. The former being my relationship now and the later my previous marriage.

My ex-wife? She is remarried and still doesn't seem to be happy.

Thanks for sharing, brother.

This is a good point you've made. What I see in your words (and I'm not psychoanalyzing you since this goes beyond the human mind) is that the depths of spiritual and emotional maturity plays a HUGE role in not only how one feels from day to day, but also how they interact with others...especially a spouse.

Some people had observed in the past that what they are being told along this line is that they have experienced what is more like unto others around them than they had realized, and they don't like hearing that because they like to think that they were/are unique in relation to all others around them.

Well, I've always been forced to tell them that...well...they are or have experienced what is very typical, but not because they aren't a unique individual in the eyes of their Creator, and therefore created that way, but because they, for one, were created in the very image of God, AND they are subject to the same enemy as all the rest of us, and live in basically the same culture as all the rest of us.

Given that sin is sin, and greatly comes from the same source as all the rest, which is FLESH, and from the hoards that are under the control of the same leader we know as Satan, it's very unremarkable that we find ourselves being manipulated by similar stimuli to our own flesh, hearts, minds and spirits.

The reason I say all this is that it has helped others to recognize their common enemy. I point to the false religion of islam, in how the Sunni's and Shiites are mortal enemies on their basis of their theologies, but when they find they have a common enemy, they fight together, side by side.

Our sin natures make us all mortal enemies against one another because the flesh fixates on ME, ME, ME... It helps folks to realize that we are ALL fighting a common enemy, and that helps us to get our eyes off ourselves, and to look to the betterment of others so that we all fight collectively against a common set of enemies, and THAT, my friend, is the core of all fellowship. That is the impetus, the drive toward holding onto one another.

I better leave it off at that, because this is sounding snively and wimpy, gushy stuff, some of which one finds in Christian counseling coursework. The "experts" have all their psychobabble sounding words for everything, but the bottom line is that many don't see the need we all have for one another. Without that need, Paul would have been nothing more than a sounding gong, with his drive to drill into us the necessity for fellowship amongst believers, and ESPECIALLY between husband and wife. The body of Christ in relation to Christ is similar to the body of unity between a husband and wife, the wife symbolic of a collection of the Church, with physical organs that must function together for her to remain a living being for her husband. We in the Church need each other just as our physical bodies need the functioning organs.

Blessings to you all.

MM

 

[Musicmaster]

These are all nice thoughts. But there be a few things to consider. Firstly some 60 yrs ago you required only one bread winner the husband who easily provided for a entire family and with the wife permanently a home maker as the central point for the entire family unit at home. That has all changed now wether by hook or nook by such organisations as the Rockafella foundation and other government policy makers who firmly endorse having both husband & wife out working. This was made possible by raising the cost of living in so many areas that it makes it almost impossible for a one income family to provide for a family unit . And of course the added stresses to a marriage speak for themselves from these policies as we look upon a society that is hell bent on undermining the ancient concept of marriage and traditional family values. Yes be many variations unto why marriages fail. But there also those with a agenda to make sure many fail from the reasons mentioned above.

Well, I'm descended from the Rothschild family in Ireland, which is my tie to being Israeli. They too are lumped in there with the Bildergurgers and Rockafella families as world manipulators through economic means. The branch of the family I am descended from were not among the instruments of Satan, such as Soros and his ilk.

So, I too once looked upon the financial movers and shakers for the woes of so many, and where it's true that they do indeed make it miserable for so many others, I also came to the realization that there is so much to be said about we in Christ being under a different Kingdom and rulership than the financial moguls of this world.

We are, first and foremost, under the rulership of the King of all Glory. With Him in charge of everything, and therefore nothing slipping past His notice, especially in the lives of His children, we are under His Wings, not those of the world rulers. Psalm 91 is a fantastic overview of His protection over His people, and we therefore have nothing to fear from those powerful people of the world, for the worst they can do is kill our bodies, but ONLY if the Lord allows it, for they will stand begore Him in judgement, and receive the greater damnation for harm they have done to children and peoples the world over.

I am content.

MM

 

[naomanos]

This is a good point you've made. What I see in your words (and I'm not psychoanalyzing you since this goes beyond the human mind) is that the depths of spiritual and emotional maturity plays a HUGE role in not only how one feels from day to day, but also how they interact with others...especially a spouse.

You are right, for some people. For some, it's not a situational depression, but a chemical imbalance.

After my fiance and her husband separated after habitual infidelity on his part (he finally told her that he would not stop cheating on her and that he wanted her to find someone to give her the things that he could not, like not cheating on her) she had a downward spiral where she was so far into depression that she voluntarily committed herself as she was going to harm herself.

She had been on depression medication since she was a pre-teen. She has an actual chemical imbalance in her brain. The meds at that point were not helping her and she had to have herself committed.

Since meeting me, she has come off her meds, although there are times when she feels she still needs them, but I do not give her a reason to be depressed. She still gets very low, but it doesn't last long, now, I can help her come out of it.

Mine was very situational. I was in a situation that was not healthy for me. I would have likely killed myself had I stayed and I would have stayed if she had not kicked me out and filed for divorce. It wasn't long after we separated that I was already feeling better and was weaning myself from depression medications.

My fiance both feel that had we not had the experiences that we did with relationships in the past, both marital (we have both only been married once) and non-marital, we wouldn't have the maturity or incite that we do now. That we were in toxic relationships and marriages. Could they have been repaired? I'm not sure. Both people have to be willing to work and while I wanted to work at it and my fiance wanted to work at her marriage and stuck it out through repeated infidelity, our opposite spouses did not.

I am thankful to God that He has brought my fiance to me. I thought I was going to be alone for the rest of my life, which would not have been good for me long term He knew what and who I needed, and this time I listened to Him and not me.

Hopefully, I am right on track with what you were saying, if not, please correct me.

 

[Musicmaster]

My fiance both feel that had we not had the experiences that we did with relationships in the past, both marital (we have both only been married once) and non-marital, we wouldn't have the maturity or incite that we do now. That we were in toxic relationships and marriages. Could they have been repaired? I'm not sure. Both people have to be willing to work and while I wanted to work at it and my fiance wanted to work at her marriage and stuck it out through repeated infidelity, our opposite spouses did not.

I am thankful to God that He has brought my fiance to me. I thought I was going to be alone for the rest of my life, which would not have been good for me long term He knew what and who I needed, and this time I listened to Him and not me.

Hopefully, I am right on track with what you were saying, if not, please correct me.

Brother, I'm forced to speak from the perspective of who has seen and dealt with situations with similarities to your own...not exact copies, but similar, so to us, toxicities in relationships are all too common. I'm speaking not only from my own experiences with couples but also from the experiences of fellow counselors with whom I've sat around dinking coffee with and spoken in-depth with over many hours of sharing. That's all I'll bore you with from the perspective of, to me, is more of a giving to others than a profession since I am not licensed nor get paid for counseling.

As you know, no mere human can give to any counselee words that would provide all the answers to all things. Our Freudian cohorts out there would offer all manner of seeming "fixes" through various exercises in one's personal life and in conjunction with one's spouse. Damaged goods (so to speak) are, as you said, are among some of the most difficult. When one is fixated on what you stated, in that her ex said to her that he was not going to change for her or anyone else (my take on his heart condition), all anyone can do is shake their head. One can pray for others till Kingdom come, and nothing will change in many.

This is where we get to the point of looking Heavenward, which so many find distasteful and unsatisfying because of a desire for instant fixes and miraculous doings from the Lord they had come to trust and love, and at times feel rejected and are angry toward. My former wife once admitted to me that she was VERY angry with God for giving to her a broken husband like myself, which was one of those really low points in our marriage. I simply wasn't panning out to be what she wanted me to be, and because it was the Lord leading me in that direction, she was acutely aware of the position she was in with trying to alter my path in conformance to her desires. Loving someone sometimes requires taking the higher road that most others around us would say is sin.

Staying the course, and prayer, is what brought her to acceptance of what the Lord was using me for, and so our marriage blossomed immensely after that "fix" the Lord injected into it all.

From what you have said thus far, it seems to me that you're on the right path with that precious lady. Sometimes, couples coming from other "wars," provides for them a symbiosis that is far better than any healing potion of words through counseling, or even reading the Bible because, as you know, the Bible is merely a sign post tool pointing to the Author, who alone is the Mater Healer of our souls and our sprits, bodies and minds. A relationship bathed in prayer, that is from where the glorious influx of healthy love and relationship flows. I'm preaching to the choir here, I know, but having said that, I would stand in the gap for you and her if that were needed. As it is, however, it sounds like you both are on the right track so long as you maintain the Lord, with your compass pointed only at Him.

MM

 

[naomanos]

Brother, I'm forced to speak from the perspective of who has seen and dealt with situations with similarities to your own...not exact copies, but similar, so to us, toxicities in relationships are all too common. I'm speaking not only from my own experiences with couples but also from the experiences of fellow counselors with whom I've sat around dinking coffee with and spoken in-depth with over many hours of sharing. That's all I'll bore you with from the perspective of, to me, is more of a giving to others than a profession since I am not licensed nor get paid for counseling.

As you know, no mere human can give to any counselee words that would provide all the answers to all things. Our Freudian cohorts out there would offer all manner of seeming "fixes" through various exercises in one's personal life and in conjunction with one's spouse. Damaged goods (so to speak) are, as you said, are among some of the most difficult. When one is fixated on what you stated, in that her ex said to her that he was not going to change for her or anyone else (my take on his heart condition), all anyone can do is shake their head. One can pray for others till Kingdom come, and nothing will change in many.

This is where we get to the point of looking Heavenward, which so many find distasteful and unsatisfying because of a desire for instant fixes and miraculous doings from the Lord they had come to trust and love, and at times feel rejected and are angry toward. My former wife once admitted to me that she was VERY angry with God for giving to her a broken husband like myself, which was one of those really low points in our marriage. I simply wasn't panning out to be what she wanted me to be, and because it was the Lord leading me in that direction, she was acutely aware of the position she was in with trying to alter my path in conformance to her desires. Loving someone sometimes requires taking the higher road that most others around us would say is sin.

Staying the course, and prayer, is what brought her to acceptance of what the Lord was using me for, and so our marriage blossomed immensely after that "fix" the Lord injected into it all.

From what you have said thus far, it seems to me that you're on the right path with that precious lady. Sometimes, couples coming from other "wars," provides for them a symbiosis that is far better than any healing potion of words through counseling, or even reading the Bible because, as you know, the Bible is merely a sign post tool pointing to the Author, who alone is the Mater Healer of our souls and our sprits, bodies and minds. A relationship bathed in prayer, that is from where the glorious influx of healthy love and relationship flows. I'm preaching to the choir here, I know, but having said that, I would stand in the gap for you and her if that were needed. As it is, however, it sounds like you both are on the right track so long as you maintain the Lord, with your compass pointed only at Him.

MM

Thank you for the kind words! We are on the right track for sure.

 

[Prim90]

Well MM many of your Rothschild descendants are certainly a large lump of the pie including your Rothschild descendants from Ireland. You be the exception to the rule not many of the Rothschild descendants come to know Christ. Amazing I do award you the order of the Purple Heart in coming to know . Still the Rothschild dynasty far outweighs the economic and political influence than of both Mr Soros and the Rockefeller’s combined. but all do adhere to their common cause of globalisation when it comes to their dream of the ages a new world order utopia. As to traditional marriage here is another concern and something to think about. Many here seem to frown upon those who just turn up to a simple marriage registry to say I DO. I dare say their marriage vows do not send them into debt whereas as a traditional marriage today will cost you a pretty penny not lower than 20,000 dollar the average cost being somewhere around the 30-40.000 dollar mark last time I checked. So it seems that traditional marriage has become another money making racket throughout the world. And just another nail in the coffin to make sure your marriage is behind the 8 ball even before your married life has begun. MM does seem very much so that our lives seem to be more and more controlled and owned from the cradle unto the grave. Yes I fully understand that our God overlooks and sees all things. And it be only He that keeps us safe until our appointed time. But still we are commended to be diligent in all things. And when in comes to life in general. MONEY changes everything.

 

[Scooter]

All,

If I may, there are some things that “maybe I’m wrong” but need pointed out. One thing stated here was; “Firstly some 60 yrs ago you required only one bread winner the husband” implying that still can’t be done. It most certainly can. First everyone today is afraid of work, and think they have to keep up with their friends and society at large. This was very much pushed through television programs, “called programs” for a very good reason. It is quite false as Paul said; “for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content”. However Prim90 you are correct. The elite has pushed its agenda on an unwitting society and made things very hard. So hard in fact, a greater rift between men and women, I wouldn’t have thought possible forty years ago.

However, there are many homes out there “although quite the fixer uppers” that can be purchased for a reasonable price, but requires “sweat equity” what ever happened to that? Also a 2nd part time job or overtime available at your primary job can provide materials for remodeling. What ever happen to that? There are 2nd or 3rd hand cars that can be fixed to be quite reliable. What ever happened to them? Can’t afford parts, there are junkyards. My first 10-15 years of marriage, I knew where three of four junked cars were in ½ dozen different junkyards that matched whatever car/cars we had at the time. Whatever happened to that?

Priorities, my wife and two children ate very well, they were dressed fine, had good shelter, their needs met, and most of their wants. This was the order of priority, what ever happened to that? As for me, the husband, man of the house, it was whatever it took, whatever happened to that?

The best inheritance you can give your children is love, knowledge, wisdom, and a good hard days’ work. In these things they can do better than their parents, and you fulfill “a good man leaves an inheritance to his children’s children”. That’s what that verse means! Not money, money makes you soft, and falsely admired. Honest work makes you truly admired. These are the things I was taught, and I taught my children. Whatever happened to these?

Now to the marriage problems, although my children think they grew up rich and my wife wasn’t ever and still isn’t happy. Why, several reasons in my way of thinking. First the television; this put things in wives “homemakers” heads that if you don’t have the mansion on the hill, it’s because your husband is failing to provide. Secondly would be human greed and envy, the curse of living in a prosperous country without wisdom and prudence. Thirdly and the most devastating, if not realized, is the curse “Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee”.

Now what does that mean? To me it means the husband makes all the final decisions. Also at face value the wife fights against that. I believe it’s because she doesn’t realize what that means entirely. It also means with the rule, comes all the responsibility, and the husband doesn’t like that. Most wives want to rule, not be ruled over. Most husbands want a throne, and no responsibility. Well, I’m sorry that won’t work.

The solution in my way of thinking is; what man cannot love a woman that follows “wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord”. What wife could help but love a husband that gives her a gift with blistered and calloused hands and follows “husbands love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it”? But it doesn’t seem to work either, why…I think pride. So I’m still having problems because my wife wasn’t raised that way and, refuses to submit to the point of being passive aggressive. I retired broken bodily and, with major resentment. Although once again the “word made flesh” energizes me and I’m starting to take responsibility for cleaning and doing what should have been getting done over the last 45 years I was working. As MM said “someone has to take the high road”.

It really makes a person wonder why the Lord would let two people so different be husband and wife. I even see now if my wife had what she wanted “which she can now” she still wouldn’t be happy. She throws things in my face about not being at events the kids were into. But at that time “30 years ago” I did what I could. I was working a seven day rotating shift and my job was 100 miles away. I refused to move because the job was near a city that had drug and violence problems in the schools. Also by traveling to another area we got the advantage of higher pay without the increased cost of living.

I’m so far from the perfect husband and person, and made many mistakes. “Thanks to the redeeming blood of Christ” I’m forgiven. Also the efforts are paying off. My wife is starting to turn around. Hopefully this will continue because even with a double portion of determination I was ready to leave. I hope it pays off, and believe it will with much prayer.

We both have remained faithful, although had my problems of lust, envy of other neighborhood wives helping their husbands, disciplining our children in anger, and “many-many” more. But the Father has said “For he knoweth our frame; he remembereth that we are dust” So we will hit 44 years on Wednesday.

Prayers and praises to all brothers and sisters that are trying, Scooter

 

[Prim90]

All,

If I may, there are some things that “maybe I’m wrong” but need pointed out. One thing stated here was; “Firstly some 60 yrs ago you required only one bread winner the husband” implying that still can’t be done. It most certainly can. First everyone today is afraid of work, and think they have to keep up with their friends and society at large. This was very much pushed through television programs, “called programs” for a very good reason. It is quite false as Paul said; “for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content”. However Prim90 you are correct. The elite has pushed its agenda on an unwitting society and made things very hard. So hard in fact, a greater rift between men and women, I wouldn’t have thought possible forty years ago.

However, there are many homes out there “although quite the fixer uppers” that can be purchased for a reasonable price, but requires “sweat equity” what ever happened to that? Also a 2nd part time job or overtime available at your primary job can provide materials for remodeling. What ever happen to that? There are 2nd or 3rd hand cars that can be fixed to be quite reliable. What ever happened to them? Can’t afford parts, there are junkyards. My first 10-15 years of marriage, I knew where three of four junked cars were in ½ dozen different junkyards that matched whatever car/cars we had at the time. Whatever happened to that?

Priorities, my wife and two children ate very well, they were dressed fine, had good shelter, their needs met, and most of their wants. This was the order of priority, what ever happened to that? As for me, the husband, man of the house, it was whatever it took, whatever happened to that?

The best inheritance you can give your children is love, knowledge, wisdom, and a good hard days’ work. In these things they can do better than their parents, and you fulfill “a good man leaves an inheritance to his children’s children”. That’s what that verse means! Not money, money makes you soft, and falsely admired. Honest work makes you truly admired. These are the things I was taught, and I taught my children. Whatever happened to these?

Now to the marriage problems, although my children think they grew up rich and my wife wasn’t ever and still isn’t happy. Why, several reasons in my way of thinking. First the television; this put things in wives “homemakers” heads that if you don’t have the mansion on the hill, it’s because your husband is failing to provide. Secondly would be human greed and envy, the curse of living in a prosperous country without wisdom and prudence. Thirdly and the most devastating, if not realized, is the curse “Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee”.

Now what does that mean? To me it means the husband makes all the final decisions. Also at face value the wife fights against that. I believe it’s because she doesn’t realize what that means entirely. It also means with the rule, comes all the responsibility, and the husband doesn’t like that. Most wives want to rule, not be ruled over. Most husbands want a throne, and no responsibility. Well, I’m sorry that won’t work.

The solution in my way of thinking is; what man cannot love a woman that follows “wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord”. What wife could help but love a husband that gives her a gift with blistered and calloused hands and follows “husbands love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it”? But it doesn’t seem to work either, why…I think pride. So I’m still having problems because my wife wasn’t raised that way and, refuses to submit to the point of being passive aggressive. I retired broken bodily and, with major resentment. Although once again the “word made flesh” energizes me and I’m starting to take responsibility for cleaning and doing what should have been getting done over the last 45 years I was working. As MM said “someone has to take the high road”.

It really makes a person wonder why the Lord would let two people so different be husband and wife. I even see now if my wife had what she wanted “which she can now” she still wouldn’t be happy. She throws things in my face about not being at events the kids were into. But at that time “30 years ago” I did what I could. I was working a seven day rotating shift and my job was 100 miles away. I refused to move because the job was near a city that had drug and violence problems in the schools. Also by traveling to another area we got the advantage of higher pay without the increased cost of living.

I’m so far from the perfect husband and person, and made many mistakes. “Thanks to the redeeming blood of Christ” I’m forgiven. Also the efforts are paying off. My wife is starting to turn around. Hopefully this will continue because even with a double portion of determination I was ready to leave. I hope it pays off, and believe it will with much prayer.

We both have remained faithful, although had my problems of lust, envy of other neighborhood wives helping their husbands, disciplining our children in anger, and “many-many” more. But the Father has said “For he knoweth our frame; he remembereth that we are dust” So we will hit 44 years on Wednesday.

Prayers and praises to all brothers and sisters that are trying, Scooter

Scooter you do well to perceive the many underlying forces that are now at work to undermine marriage. It is good to have at least a awareness of that. To me marriage is like a lucky dip. Some marriages are doomed from their very beginning. Some marry monsters unbeknownst to them prior to marriage. There be no choice but to walk away and seperate it often be a choice of life and death. But for most they be more fortunate in the lucky dip of marriage in who they choose or who you have been chosen for. The key to understanding a successful marriage is that there be only two people that can destroy your marriage that be you or your husband or both. There will always be those within the church or outside the church that will happily gossip about your marriage. Be careful who you invite into your life and what you say about your husband or wife in public.

 

[bobinfaith]

All, If I may, there are some things that “maybe I’m wrong” but need pointed out. One thing stated here was; “Firstly some 60 yrs ago you required only one bread winner the husband” implying that still can’t be done. It most certainly can. It is quite false as Paul said; “for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content”. We both have remained faithful, although had my problems of lust, envy of other neighborhood wives helping their husbands, disciplining our children in anger, and “many-many” more. But the Father has said “For he knoweth our frame; he remembereth that we are dust” So we will hit 44 years on Wednesday. Prayers and praises to all brothers and sisters that are trying, Scooter

Scooter you do well to perceive the many underlying forces that are now at work to undermine marriage. It is good to have at least a awareness of that. To me marriage is like a lucky dip. Some marriages are doomed from their very beginning. Some marry monsters unbeknownst to them prior to marriage. There be no choice but to walk away and seperate it often be a choice of life and death. But for most they be more fortunate in the lucky dip of marriage in who they choose or who you have been chosen for. The key to understanding a successful marriage is that there be only two people that can destroy your marriage that be you or your husband or both. There will always be those within the church or outside the church that will happily gossip about your marriage. Be careful who you invite into your life and what you say about your husband or wife in public.

Good morning, Scooter;

I have compassion for marriages that suffer depression, physical abuse or infidelity. I know of marriages that split for these reasons but I have witnessed God reconciling marriages under the most extreme circumstances.

I want to thank you for sharing What Is Marriage? How can you be wrong by sharing the testimony of your marriage? Praise God! As Paul teaches in Philippians 4:11, Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. - ESV

This verse aligned with marriage is not a consolation for the uncontrolled or controllable problems that continue to go on in life, but for husband and wife who will endure many trials together.

A husband and wife are united in one but are still two different unique human beings by God's Creation, so whenever we make opposite decisions, share our opinions, react to each other's influences of the world, commit the most heinous sin, even differ in our interpretation of the Bible; how do we reconcile all that? How do we forgive one another while maintaining the foundation of our marriage?

As God made it clear in Genesis 1:1 and Genesis 2, He created the heavens and the earth as well as marriage, the more this sinks in the more we can rely on God to bring resolve to every circumstance we face as husband and wife.

Happy 44th wedding anniversary on Wednesday, May 15th.

God bless you, Scooter.
-------------------------------------------------------

Good morning, Prim90;

I read your post carefully and when "marriage is doomed from the very beginning," did we look before we leaped? Some "hope" the marriage will work out while at the altar. Going into marriage with what if's is already a flag. Then it's best to hold off marriage.

The objectives you pointed out prior to getting married and life trials is going to happen. When we can distinguish the difference between marriage on our terms versus God's creation of marriage we allow God's process of establishing our relationship with our fiance by taking all the time necessary before we exchange I do's.

Back in the day it was noble for the man to work and the wife to be a housewife. Being a housewife is full time work. When we first got married my wife was a housewife and I worked 40 hour weeks and took advantage of all the overtime I could get. The paycheck was God's provisions as well as both of ours.

Two years later my wife wanted to go back to school in a new career. I respected and supported her decision. It wasn't a forced decision because of some financial institution that dictated the market and cost of living. Today life has gotten very expensive especially in these United States. Still, only God dictates our marriage with His provisions and blessings of all our needs. Because of this we are thankful for spiritual and physical contentment.

The love and blessings of God's marriage outweighs the objectives of the world's woes.

God bless you, Prim90.

 

[Major]

MM, in addition to what you mentioned, marriage is also the joining together of two families, a serious consideration that a lot of people ignore or forget.

Agreed.

My parents and my wife's parents were charter members of the same church. My mother and mother in law were in the same S/S class for 40 years.

We dated, went to church together and school together. To this day our families are still intertwined.

 

[Major]

I appreciate your words, but unfortunately 'try harder' (my words, not yours) doesn't quite do the trick. To those fortunate enough to never divorce, I salute you, and to those who have, you have my sympathy.

My parents were married for 65 years.
My in-laws were married for 53 years.
My wife and I have been married for 55 years.

My wife has 5 siblings and they all have been divorced and in 2 cases twice.
All of our children have now been divorced.

Why the difference?

I have NO idea.

In my work with church members, I saw that "betrayal" underlies most of the reasons given for divorce, although not necessarily infidelity. When my people report a betrayal of their wedding vows, they often describe a betrayal of their hopes and dreams.

The starry-eyed bride and groom find that their expectations are not met, and their despair may lead to conflict, and acting out. In the last several years, it seems that substance abuse addiction leads withdrawal, and the eventual breakdown of the relationship.

I am saddened that your marriage did not last.

 

[LearningToLetGo]

I am saddened that your marriage did not last.

Thank you but I'm not. Fifteen years ago I remarried and am happier than I even knew was possible. Sometimes we need to fail to grow.

 

[forgiven61]

marriage is not as honorable / sacred as it once was. Hebrews 13;4 if you dont like the marriage you treat like a shirt you get from Walmart return it and get a different one . it takes effort in a marriage in the vows i use in ceremony it takes 3 husband and wife with God center . marriage starts with courtship then engagement marriage then Children . so often the couple forgets for better or for worse .marriage does not come with instructions other than the Bible and time its ignored . it appears as if i have a wedding coming up. a couple in our Church has been living together . i preached hard Sunday on marriage. when i did youth ministry i use to push hard on being not unequally yoked and it created a stir. my wife was a Christian and i was not when we got married . with our present admin of the united states they are very anti family by supporting LGBT . the family and marriage is under attack

 

[forgiven61]

Thank you but I'm not. Fifteen years ago I remarried and am happier than I even knew was possible. Sometimes we need to fail to grow.

God allows U turns sometimes we make the wrong choice

 

[Major]

Thank you but I'm not. Fifteen years ago I remarried and am happier than I even knew was possible. Sometimes we need to fail to grow.

Wonderful.

By the way.....we all learn by failing!!

 

[Prim90]

Good morning, Scooter;

I have compassion for marriages that suffer depression, physical abuse or infidelity. I know of marriages that split for these reasons but I have witnessed God reconciling marriages under the most extreme circumstances.

I want to thank you for sharing What Is Marriage? How can you be wrong by sharing the testimony of your marriage? Praise God! As Paul teaches in Philippians 4:11, Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. - ESV

This verse aligned with marriage is not a consolation for the uncontrolled or controllable problems that continue to go on in life, but for husband and wife who will endure many trials together.

A husband and wife are united in one but are still two different unique human beings by God's Creation, so whenever we make opposite decisions, share our opinions, react to each other's influences of the world, commit the most heinous sin, even differ in our interpretation of the Bible; how do we reconcile all that? How do we forgive one another while maintaining the foundation of our marriage?

As God made it clear in Genesis 1:1 and Genesis 2, He created the heavens and the earth as well as marriage, the more this sinks in the more we can rely on God to bring resolve to every circumstance we face as husband and wife.

Happy 44th wedding anniversary on Wednesday, May 15th.

God bless you, Scooter.
-------------------------------------------------------

Good morning, Prim90;

I read your post carefully and when "marriage is doomed from the very beginning," did we look before we leaped? Some "hope" the marriage will work out while at the altar. Going into marriage with what if's is already a flag. Then it's best to hold off marriage.

The objectives you pointed out prior to getting married and life trials is going to happen. When we can distinguish the difference between marriage on our terms versus God's creation of marriage we allow God's process of establishing our relationship with our fiance by taking all the time necessary before we exchange I do's.

Back in the day it was noble for the man to work and the wife to be a housewife. Being a housewife is full time work. When we first got married my wife was a housewife and I worked 40 hour weeks and took advantage of all the overtime I could get. The paycheck was God's provisions as well as both of ours.

Two years later my wife wanted to go back to school in a new career. I respected and supported her decision. It wasn't a forced decision because of some financial institution that dictated the market and cost of living. Today life has gotten very expensive especially in these United States. Still, only God dictates our marriage with His provisions and blessings of all our needs. Because of this we are thankful for spiritual and physical contentment.

The love and blessings of God's marriage outweighs the objectives of the world's woes.

God bless you, Prim90.

Does one look before they leap? Bob Interesting thought. I sure many do and probably many don’t. Some are very good at hop scotch and leap very much good others are not so good . It has its merits. But is it really what many marriages are based on. The yearning for marriage is not to be alone. It be how we are made, life is more enjoyable when two become one. In many colonial nations including yours and mine a good portion of ladies came as Mail order brides from Europe or wherever paid for upon delivery and at least with some sort of guarantee of refund if precious goods be missing upon arrival. Most of these Mail order brides and their future husbands knew not much about each other yet the marriages were mostly successful. But that was the 19th century. People seemed to have a much deeper understanding and religious conviction of what marriage was all about back than. The cultural outlook of marriage throughout world was very much that way. Based on COMMiTTMENT to God and family.

 

[bobinfaith]

Does one look before they leap? Bob Interesting thought. I sure many do and probably many don’t. Some are very good at hop scotch and leap very much good others are not so good . It has its merits. But is it really what many marriages are based on. The yearning for marriage is not to be alone. It be how we are made, life is more enjoyable when two become one. In many colonial nations including yours and mine a good portion of ladies came as Mail order brides from Europe or wherever paid for upon delivery and at least with some sort of guarantee of refund if precious goods be missing upon arrival. Most of these Mail order brides and their future husbands knew not much about each other yet the marriages were mostly successful. But that was the 19th century. People seemed to have a much deeper understanding and religious conviction of what marriage was all about back than. The cultural outlook of marriage throughout world was very much that way. Based on COMMiTTMENT to God and family.

Good morning, Prim90;

You share very interesting thoughts. So the question is, where do couples go from the point they are engaged or are considering marriage, for life? Chances are the love and bonding have progressed so it's perfectly ok to take the relationship back to the starting point and how to go forward with God in the center.

When a couple wants to get married it's worth the spiritual investment, time and submission to God's design of marriage. When we pray for wisdom and discernment it's ok to seek premarital guidance from a minister or a couple who have been married for years raising children and how they got through all the trials and with each other.

Most ministers who officiate weddings will encourage the engaged couple to meet several times and discuss What Is Marriage, and why God created it. This can aid in getting to know your future spouse, so when bride and groom go to the altar there is no doubt when they exchange I do's it's their commitment to God first, who will guide and confirm their marriage for life.

God bless you, Prim90.

 

[Prim90]

Good morning, Prim90;

You share very interesting thoughts. So the question is, where do couples go from the point they are engaged or are considering marriage, for life? Chances are the love and bonding have progressed so it's perfectly ok to take the relationship back to the starting point and how to go forward with God in the center.

When a couple wants to get married it's worth the spiritual investment, time and submission to God's design of marriage. When we pray for wisdom and discernment it's ok to seek premarital guidance from a minister or a couple who have been married for years raising children and how they got through all the trials and with each other.

Most ministers who officiate weddings will encourage the engaged couple to meet several times and discuss What Is Marriage, and why God created it. This can aid in getting to know your future spouse, so when bride and groom go to the altar there is no doubt when they exchange I do's it's their commitment to God first, who will guide and confirm their marriage for life.

God bless you, Prim90.

Bob me not so sure I guess depending on ones outlook on the churches role in society. Ours be rather community minded not separatist minded I do remember Sweet One booking the appointment with the Reverend. The Reverend Mick did offer those premarital courses Sweet One had other ideas informing the Reverend the me had already cost him 10 cows 50 sheep and 200 goats Never mind your bloody premarital chit chats. Sweet One being what he be much older much fiery and grumpier with age did also inform Reverend Mick that there had been quite a number of miracle babies born 6 mths after marriage within the congregation under his watch ain’t that right Reverend Mick, Sweet One exclamed there be very observant church knitting grannies that do count of every day with a notch ya know. Now when be the earliest date you can book our marriage. Me nearly faint. Not know where to look. Reverend Mick did diffuse the situation and warmly smile with a reply I book your marriage 5 wks from now. Me did do 4 premarital chats With the Reverend, Sweet one did none. Reverend Mick did enjoy our chats and my dumplings and home made scorns very much. The Reverends outlook Well Prim your wonderful cooking and warmth does make a man feel very much at ease and your very easy on the eye I’m sure you and the Lord shall work wonderfully well upon Sweet Ones heart. May God bless you both for the future. Bob where ldo couples who be engaged go to seek further assistance in preparing for marriage. With you I guess. But for some like Sweet One there was was never any engagement it be straight to the wedding day for us : )

 

[bobinfaith]

Bob me not so sure I guess depending on ones outlook on the churches role in society. Ours be rather community minded not separatist minded I do remember Sweet One booking the appointment with the Reverend. The Reverend Mick did offer those premarital courses Sweet One had other ideas informing the Reverend the me had already cost him 10 cows 50 sheep and 200 goats Never mind your bloody premarital chit chats. Sweet One being what he be much older much fiery and grumpier with age did also inform Reverend Mick that there had been quite a number of miracle babies born 6 mths after marriage within the congregation under his watch ain’t that right Reverend Mick, Sweet One exclamed there be very observant church knitting grannies that do count of every day with a notch ya know. Now when be the earliest date you can book our marriage. Me nearly faint. Not know where to look. Reverend Mick did diffuse the situation and warmly smile with a reply I book your marriage 5 wks from now. Me did do 4 premarital chats With the Reverend, Sweet one did none. Reverend Mick did enjoy our chats and my dumplings and home made scorns very much. The Reverends outlook Well Prim your wonderful cooking and warmth does make a man feel very much at ease and your very easy on the eye I’m sure you and the Lord shall work wonderfully well upon Sweet Ones heart. May God bless you both for the future. Bob where ldo couples who be engaged go to seek further assistance in preparing for marriage. With you I guess. But for some like Sweet One there was was never any engagement it be straight to the wedding day for us : )

What Is Marriage?

Good morning, Prim90;

I took your post and red-lighted and blue-lighted and will answer straight up according to what you wrote.

Without disrespecting the good Reverend Mick, the way you described your meeting with him, he has his own method of conducting premarital sessions or counseling with engaged couples. Many ministers will conduct class curriculums using text books on marriage and the Bible that can lasts weeks and months prior to the wedding day.

It seems Sweet One met the Reverend with an agenda by his remarks,"me (meaning Prim90) had already cost him 10 cows 50 sheep and 200 goats Never mind your bloody premarital chit chats," and "Now when be the earliest date you can book our marriage?"

(I don't know if what you posted is just an example, or if this was really you and your man.)

It seems Sweet One wanted to put all that God stuff aside and "book" the wedding day without the Creator involved. We don't marry on our terms, Prim90, we don't approach the Church as community or separatist minded, but fully God minded when it comes to marriage.

Stay with me here. Let's discuss God's creation of marriage and how we should receive it.

My approach as a minister is this; Getting married is already a life challenge between two couples in love, and committing a relational lifetime together. Since God is the Creator of marriage, why not pay heed to His counsel and direction, all right there in the Bible? I take that into consideration when conducting premarital sessions; it's about the couple getting married and opening up during these sessions. How they will grow together in all facets of life? How would they respond to views on their faith in Christ, circumstances when the romance goes up and down, job careers, raising children, finances, vision and plans. I also provide during each session God's Word / Scriptures for every life situation including obedience and sin.

Being married 39 years this June 1, I get asked to share my experiences in certain areas. I take that as a tool of testimony and how the Gospel ties in our successes and failures.

After several weeks, (or less weeks) depending in this case you and Sweet One, God gives me the Word on what needs to be discussed if I'm going to officiate your wedding. Unfortunately, there were two marriages in the past that ended in divorce and other sessions when I didn't feel the couple was ready and needed more time. But I had to let them know they are more than welcome to seek another minister who will marry them instead of me.

I'm marrying a young couple on May 25th. He is 28 and she 27. They have been submissive to the several weeks of sessions, opening up to me and each other with their Bibles in hand, and in my discernment they are very happy, excited and ready to exchange I do's.

Like I posted earlier, other ministers have their methods of premarital sessions or counseling. What I shared are mine and for the most part have worked. But this takes prayer for each couple that I'm going to marry. The rest I leave to God.

God bless you, Prim90.

 

[forgiven61]

just shell down the corn . in other word be straight forward. many not all do not take marriage vows serious. its just a game the better for worse the sickness and health. is just a option i know lots of pastors who will only do a wedding for those in the Church. i have wedding ceremonies and 6 months later they was ready kill each other. they either split up divorced or went to live with someone else.
a ceremony i done i counseled the couple the groom agreed in word . the moment the ceremony was over. the reception/ shower of gifts. he loaded up back of his blazer . he took gifts and her dropped them off and went partying by himself with company. she came down with child twins one made it other did not.. sometime later he was chocking her abusing her ,, we worked with her coached into a divorce and restraining order against him.. she got full custody not long after that she went off doing sleeping with what she wanted . story after story neither one was serious .

i hate to be blunt but its the honest truth we been married 40 years good times bad times ups downs disagreements agreements . she is hard headed and so am i .. we stuck it out and yes after marriage i took her places she had never been .. and i dont mean sight seeing vacation . i got in trouble she stood by me 2 years alter of probation i finally went church with her now i am saved and 5 years later called to preach.

not everyone has that story granted but in a marriage if your both not serious.. dont get married