Where do we draw the line in our service to others?

Via dolarossa

Via dolarossa

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where do we draw the line between doing for others and spending time for ourselves?

Should we always be doing for others? should we still have "me' time? if so how much?

It seems like we do what we can for others when we can, given our gifts and calling, and promptings from the Lord will help us. But as a growing Christian, who is still finding their feet in a service role, how can we be sure we are not being overly used given our increasingly kinder and selfless nature?

I've been burned out before. But I notice my giving was from a place of unhappiness.

But since then I have found a new place where I want to give but I am also aware I dont want to overdo it either, lest some people think I am naive, and a doormat.

How have you balanced your service to others ( if at all) whilst enjoying your "me" time?

thanks.
 
Via dolarossa said:
where do we draw the line between doing for others and spending time for ourselves?

Should we always be doing for others? should we still have "me' time? if so how much?

It seems like we do what we can for others when we can, given our gifts and calling, and promptings from the Lord will help us. But as a growing Christian, who is still finding their feet in a service role, how can we be sure we are not being overly used given our increasingly kinder and selfless nature?

I've been burned out before. But I notice my giving was from a place of unhappiness.

But since then I have found a new place where I want to give but I am also aware I dont want to overdo it either, lest some people think I am naive, and a doormat.

How have you balanced your service to others ( if at all) whilst enjoying your "me" time?

thanks.
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you have to learn to pace your self . there is a limit in doing for others sometimes you have to step back, take some me time out


even Jesus had to step back , if you get burnt out/drained your no good to others or your self
 
take breaks
make sure you have meals. Don't eat on the go or skip them!

I think thats stupid the way some workplaces expect you to serve everyone else and not have time to replenish and have a break. Serving others is full on. And this goes for all volunteer jobs as well.

as for 'me' time, it's not so much 'me' time as 'God AND me' time for a Christian. What is the thing Jesus asked Peter to do? After he had caught a load of fish and they had eaten together? 'feed my lambs' "feed my sheep'. But only after he had caught the fish and eaten first.
 
Some guidelines I have found useful:

You should have a heart for the work you take on.

You should have a heart for the PEOPLE you are serving.

Being a servant of others does not mean being servile.

Know when to say no.

Know when to say ENOUGH!

Know when and how to ask for help.

Know the difference between physically drained and tired AND being emotionally drained and tired. One can seem like the other.

When I was working, I knew it was part of my responsibility to come to work refreshed and ready to accomplish. When I worked 'overtime' (too often), I often had to force myself to go home and be a husband/father and recover. The same holds for activities beyond work.

We are to love our neighbors as ourselves... If we treat ourselves badly, where does that leave our neighbors?
 
I think another denominator is - if it is a burden then might as well refrain, it has little value. (not that it is evil)
If the Holy Spirit is leading we can hardly wait to do it. (but of course it must be scripturally based)
 
Via dolarossa said:
where do we draw the line between doing for others and spending time for ourselves?

Should we always be doing for others? should we still have "me' time? if so how much?

It seems like we do what we can for others when we can, given our gifts and calling, and promptings from the Lord will help us. But as a growing Christian, who is still finding their feet in a service role, how can we be sure we are not being overly used given our increasingly kinder and selfless nature?

I've been burned out before. But I notice my giving was from a place of unhappiness.

But since then I have found a new place where I want to give but I am also aware I dont want to overdo it either, lest some people think I am naive, and a doormat.

How have you balanced your service to others ( if at all) whilst enjoying your "me" time?

thanks.
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A over empath heart, can be taken advantaged by the church, especially with a lot of gift's, and this can lead to extreme burn out and health problems! Believe me, I know this first hand! Knowing the law of your own being can be hard to understand when your heart is so in tune with hurting souls,, hidden self pride, and a Black lab nature to please everyone, and not take care of your self, which leads to devaluing your self, which is a trap of the devil! Blessing's
 
Derek88 said:
A over empath heart, can be taken advantaged by the church, especially with a lot of gift's, and this can lead to extreme burn out and health problems! Believe me, I know this first hand! Knowing the law of your own being can be hard to understand when your heart is so in tune with hurting souls,, hidden self pride, and a Black lab nature to please everyone, and not take care of your self, which leads to devaluing your self, which is a trap of the devil! Blessing's
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Fiid point Derek and something to think about .
 
Via dolarossa said:
where do we draw the line between doing for others and spending time for ourselves?

Should we always be doing for others? should we still have "me' time? if so how much?

It seems like we do what we can for others when we can, given our gifts and calling, and promptings from the Lord will help us. But as a growing Christian, who is still finding their feet in a service role, how can we be sure we are not being overly used given our increasingly kinder and selfless nature?

I've been burned out before. But I notice my giving was from a place of unhappiness.

But since then I have found a new place where I want to give but I am also aware I dont want to overdo it either, lest some people think I am naive, and a doormat.

How have you balanced your service to others ( if at all) whilst enjoying your "me" time?

thanks.
Click to expand...
When the Bible tells us we are to help others, the purpose is never for us to do this to the point where it becomes detrimental.

It’s good to do what we’re able to do, but 2 Thessalonians 3:10 also reminds us........
"If a man will not work, he shall not eat."

There are people who want to live an irresponsible lifestyle with absolutely no accountability. So there must be limits; we will help someone with a need, but if we see that it’s become a chronic life pattern, it’s wrong for us to continue to encourage that.

It’s very harmful to others to contribute to their indolence, laziness, and lack of effort. The old saying "Give a man a fish and he eats for a day, teach him to fish and he eats for a lifetime" is very true. As long as we see that someone is sincerely making an effort, we should be there to support him in whatever way God leads.
 
Major said:
When the Bible tells us we are to help others, the purpose is never for us to do this to the point where it becomes detrimental.

It’s good to do what we’re able to do, but 2 Thessalonians 3:10 also reminds us........
"If a man will not work, he shall not eat."

There are people who want to live an irresponsible lifestyle with absolutely no accountability. So there must be limits; we will help someone with a need, but if we see that it’s become a chronic life pattern, it’s wrong for us to continue to encourage that.

It’s very harmful to others to contribute to their indolence, laziness, and lack of effort. The old saying "Give a man a fish and he eats for a day, teach him to fish and he eats for a lifetime" is very true. As long as we see that someone is sincerely making an effort, we should be there to support him in whatever way God leads.
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Well put I enjoyed that.

So true about others being lazy or expecting us to do more than our fair share.
That’s what I think I meant when I want to serve, so as not to be doing others share too.
 
Via dolarossa said:
where do we draw the line between doing for others and spending time for ourselves? Should we always be doing for others? should we still have "me' time? if so how much? It seems like we do what we can for others when we can, given our gifts and calling, and promptings from the Lord will help us. But as a growing Christian, who is still finding their feet in a service role, how can we be sure we are not being overly used given our increasingly kinder and selfless nature? I've been burned out before. But I notice my giving was from a place of unhappiness. But since then I have found a new place where I want to give but I am also aware I dont want to overdo it either, lest some people think I am naive, and a doormat. How have you balanced your service to others ( if at all) whilst enjoying your "me" time? thanks.
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Hello Via;

You're receiving great posts and guidance to questions in your thread. Praise God!

Jesus was always doing for others but He never expressed burn out. Instead, He would withdraw from everyone and everything and go into solitude prayer with the Father. One of the results was getting refreshed.

Mark 1:35 and Luke 5:16

I make an effort to follow Jesus' example in these verses while serving and doing for others. During my busyness, I make the time to go off and pray even for a few minutes. The things God has revealed to me is time management, when to say no, and staying within the capacity of my skills and abilities in all that I do. He then gives me a surge of serving with my heart, holy energy and being equipped with a sense of discernment and wisdom.

Of course there are those moments when I can pull the plug and go out to dinner, gather with friends or stay home and relax.

God bless you, sister.
 
Hello Via;

One more thing I forgot to mention that I have shared before at Christian Forum Site. Take the time to do something fun. Go biking, horseback riding, fishing, hiking, play marbles, movies, sporting event, etc...

I love to watch the US men and women's national soccer teams. When they play it gets my mind of things for a little while and I do enjoy the art of the game that leads to a scoring goal. On Friday, October 7th the US women's team will play England's Lionesses at Wembley Stadium in London. England's women's soccer team are champions having just won the final Euro Games.

As Christians it's healthy to have downtime and do something fun.
 
I was in Arby's Sunday at lunch with my wife, and a guy was walking around sizing up everyone in the place, and he settled on me to ask, "Sir, gotta spare dime?" I stood up, gathered our tray, started walking away, then turned to look at him, and said "no."

Some would say, "Maybe you should have given him something, or offered to buy him some food."

The thing that got me about the guy is that he's younger and looked capable of getting a job where there are "NOW HIRING" signs all over the place. I'm seeing more and more younger men and couples hanging around under overpasses with signs, wanting money, and here are businesses all over the place willing to hire just about anything with a beating heart.

Anyway, what got me about that guy Sunday was his question. I don't have any respect for someone who applies that hustler's line of a "spare dime." He wasn't playing it straight with me, from what I was sensing from him. Had he asked outright for money to buy a meal, I would have taken him up to the counter and bought him anything he wanted, but instead, he played the hustler's game with me.

No. That's not how I roll. These people need to learn to play it straight with others, because when they don't, its likely I'd be just another enabler for him to 'score' some drugs. Nope. That's not my gig. That would not serve him with anything meaningful apart from just another high. No thanks. I said "no" with a clear conscience.

MM
 
Musicmaster said:
I was in Arby's Sunday at lunch with my wife, and a guy was walking around sizing up everyone in the place, and he settled on me to ask, "Sir, gotta spare dime?" I stood up, gathered our tray, started walking away, then turned to look at him, and said "no."

Some would say, "Maybe you should have given him something, or offered to buy him some food."

The thing that got me about the guy is that he's younger and looked capable of getting a job where there are "NOW HIRING" signs all over the place. I'm seeing more and more younger men and couples hanging around under overpasses with signs, wanting money, and here are businesses all over the place willing to hire just about anything with a beating heart.

Anyway, what got me about that guy Sunday was his question. I don't have any respect for someone who applies that hustler's line of a "spare dime." He wasn't playing it straight with me, from what I was sensing from him. Had he asked outright for money to buy a meal, I would have taken him up to the counter and bought him anything he wanted, but instead, he played the hustler's game with me.

No. That's not how I roll. These people need to learn to play it straight with others, because when they don't, its likely I'd be just another enabler for him to 'score' some drugs. Nope. That's not my gig. That would not serve him with anything meaningful apart from just another high. No thanks. I said "no" with a clear conscience.

MM
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Interesting, I read this to my wife and she is under the conviction that a panhandler's motive for hustling is between him and the Lord.
 
I hate disappointing people cos I know what it feels like to be disappointed. If that happens I do my best to make up for it next time.
Mistakes happen though.

Today I mucked up a pizza order because two names sounded the same and one girl was away, and another girl had done hers but the name wasn't clear on the voucher and I gave away the pizza to someone else. But I only get them once a week so no, children cannot expect me to go deliver them one everyday.

However their stomachs are smaller than mine and they had done the reading to earn it so I gave them my wedges lunch that I had bought for myself and just had what was left of my own and whatever was in the fridge. But next week am getting an extra pizza for ME. lol

Other teachers would have said 'too bad you not getting any, or wait till next week' but I think I'm too kind. Also it wasn't the girls fault, it was mine. The other girl just got lucky lol
 
crossnote said:
Interesting, I read this to my wife and she is under the conviction that a panhandler's motive for hustling is between him and the Lord.
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That's not true in the absolute sense, CN. We as believers are responsible for exercising discernment in our giving.

Speaking of which, I was sitting in a service one time when the corrupt preacher said in his sermon, "It's YOUR responsibility to give faithfully your tithes and offerings. If we abuse what's given, that's on us, not you."

CN, this idea that we remove ourselves from any and all responsibility in our giving, that's not a teaching from scripture. A number of women have told me that we should give no matter what, and let the Lord sort out the details between Himself and the receiver.

No.

1 Thessalonians 5:21 Prove all things; hold fast that which is good.

At no time are we to do anything blindly.

1 John 4:1 Beloved, believe not every spirit, but try the spirits whether they are of God: because many false prophets are gone out into the world.

Discernment should define and intersect every point and every moment of our lives. If that was an angel testing me, then I passed with flying colors, because, as I had said before, being an enabler at the expense of blindly leaving it between the Lord and the receiver, I then potentially place myself in the driver's seat of enabling a man to possibly even kill himself with an overdose, or he get high and wander out into traffic and get splattered....

No. Blind indifference is not what we are called to practice, CN. I disagree with your wife on not only a biblical basis, but also in my God-given sense. The "dime" dodge is a long-standing hustle that is an insult to God-given intelligence.

I didn't say anything about this before, but here is another observation I made about the guy:

He had what Arby's hands out as a water-only cup, and he filled it with Hi-C from the fountain. In other words, he stole from that restaurant.

I've been accused to harboring too many details about people I meet, but I've been well trained to observe and register minute details. Body language and vocal inflections are all dead giveaways to liars, and that guy had all the appearances and sound of a hustler, thief and liar.

MM
 
Here's an oldie, but a goodie:

2 Thessalonians 3:10 For even when we were with you, this we commanded you, that if any would not work, neither should he eat.

Blind and indifferent giving is not the answer.

I once saw a guy pushing a wheel chair toward the underside of an overpass, a guy who was walking along just fine with both legs and no gimp. Later I went by and he was sitting in the wheelchair, holding a sign, smiling and waving at people and hollering "God bless" to everyone.

Blessedly, I don't have "STUPID" tattooed on my forehead.

:rolleyes:

MM
 
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Musicmaster said:
I was in Arby's Sunday at lunch with my wife, and a guy was walking around sizing up everyone in the place, and he settled on me to ask, "Sir, gotta spare dime?" I stood up, gathered our tray, started walking away, then turned to look at him, and said "no." Some would say, "Maybe you should have given him something, or offered to buy him some food." The thing that got me about the guy is that he's younger and looked capable of getting a job where there are "NOW HIRING" signs all over the place. I'm seeing more and more younger men and couples hanging around under overpasses with signs, wanting money, and here are businesses all over the place willing to hire just about anything with a beating heart. Anyway, what got me about that guy Sunday was his question. I don't have any respect for someone who applies that hustler's line of a "spare dime." He wasn't playing it straight with me, from what I was sensing from him. Had he asked outright for money to buy a meal, I would have taken him up to the counter and bought him anything he wanted, but instead, he played the hustler's game with me. No. That's not how I roll. These people need to learn to play it straight with others, because when they don't, its likely I'd be just another enabler for him to 'score' some drugs. Nope. That's not my gig. That would not serve him with anything meaningful apart from just another high. No thanks. I said "no" with a clear conscience.
MM
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crossnote said:
Interesting, I read this to my wife and she is under the conviction that a panhandler's motive for hustling is between him and the Lord.
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Hello Musicmaster and crossnote;

As Christians most of us have experienced these scenarios and I personally have been there regarding both sides.

Many times my wife and I could tell these were masters at BS, strung out or high at that moment, "Sir, gotta a spare dime?" or "Spare some change?" I would say no. As we walked away they would curse me with a hostile look on their face. Regardless, my wife and I would always stand by each other.

Then there are other moments. Almost two weeks ago I drove to church on a weekday to take care of something. As I drove into the parking lot a young man without a shirt and basketball walked up to me as I got out of the car.

He asked if I could give him $10.00 to buy something to eat and drink. I began to speak to him. He was 27 years old and he started quoting Scriptures and I could see right away he was manipulating the verses in order to get a handout. As the Lord moved me I spoke with him about his faith for about 15 minutes and he began to share his life and accepted my invitation to attend church on Sunday so the members and he could meet each other.

When I took out my wallet he then asked if he could have $20.00 instead of the $10.00 and wanted a ride to the place to eat. I gave him $9.00, told him he was young and strong, so he could walk himself to McDonald's.

Of course he didn't show up on Sunday and probably will never see him again. This was between the Lord and me and it felt right so I moved on.

MM and crossnote, I don't feel when we give there is a concrete rule when to say yes or no. It has to be the prompting of the Holy Spirit. Jesus, Peter and John had discernment when they gave and knew when to walk away.

God bless you, brothers.
 
bobinfaith said:
Hello Musicmaster and crossnote;

As Christians most of us have experienced these scenarios and I personally have been there regarding both sides.

Many times my wife and I could tell these were masters at BS, strung out or high at that moment, "Sir, gotta a spare dime?" or "Spare some change?" I would say no. As we walked away they would curse me with a hostile look on their face. Regardless, my wife and I would always stand by each other.

Then there are other moments. Almost two weeks ago I drove to church on a weekday to take care of something. As I drove into the parking lot a young man without a shirt and basketball walked up to me as I got out of the car.

He asked if I could give him $10.00 to buy something to eat and drink. I began to speak to him. He was 27 years old and he started quoting Scriptures and I could see right away he was manipulating the verses in order to get a handout. As the Lord moved me I spoke with him about his faith for about 15 minutes and he began to share his life and accepted my invitation to attend church on Sunday so the members and he could meet each other.

When I took out my wallet he then asked if he could have $20.00 instead of the $10.00 and wanted a ride to the place to get eat. I gave him $9.00, told him he was young and strong, so he could walk himself to McDonald's.

Of course he didn't show up on Sunday and probably will never see him again. This was between the Lord and me and it felt right so I moved on.

MM and crossnote, I don't feel when we give there is a concrete rule when to say yes or no. It has to be the prompting of the Holy Spirit. Jesus, Peter and John had discernment when they gave and knew when to walk away.

God bless you, brothers.
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I agree, Bob. It's Holy Spirit who alone knows the REAL story of those who ask for money. That's the level of discernment of which I spoke before in my other posts. Within me, I just knew there was something off about that guy. He had a sheen of sweat covering his face that is indicative of drug use...not just droplets of sweat from having been out in the heat, but that shiny sheen of sweat that speaks of the chemistry of drugs that I've seen before on the faces of drug users.

Two dyke looking women on a nice Harley drove into the parking lot of my previous wife's church parking lot one night asking for money to get gas for their motorcycle, which they had allegedly just driven into town and were short on gas money. Their cycle had a a tag from Kansas, and even the county we were in at that moment. When I asked where they were from, they claimed another state. When I pointed out that the tag is local, they scoffed at me, and continued talking with the other members to get money. I offered to drive behind them to a station and fill their tank for them. Rather than accept the offer, they flipped us off with some expletives and drove off, yelling about "greedy Christians" and such.

It doesn't take many times being burned to learn that one must turn on their discernment ticker to "test that spirit." If they don't have the time to talk with you, then they don't have a genuine need for any more than just another fix, or they're making their living panhandling. Either way, they are not worthy of receiving anything from any true believers. If they aren't willing to work, they aren't worthy to eat. That's the very word of God on that from 2 Thessalonians 3:10.

MM
 
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