Growing up, my family didn't emphasize the roles of men/women in the church very much. I WAS taught that the wife is submissive to the husband, and this topic came once in the 1990s when my dad and mom were discussing Scripture, and came to slightly different conclusions. Dad brought up this Scripture, Mom said okay, and they went on their studies.
The only other time I remember the topic coming up, was when there was some woman preaching/pastoring on the Word of God, and both Dad and Mom said that women shouldn't preach/pastor because things can get "weird." They were correct that women shouldn't preach/pastor, and the reason it's "weird" is because it actually violates the Word of God, where Paul teaches that men are to lead churches because they were first in the order of creation (1 Timothy 2).
When I got older, and became more involved in studying doctrine and interacting with other Christians outside my family, I noticed there was a lot more to this topic than I'd learned growing up. The brief two examples I saw, which were very straightforward, were just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to this topic.
For starters, the submission passages are worth looking into with more depth. Wives are absolutely to be submissive to their husbands -- in the Lord. So when it comes to matters of doctrine, and there's a disagreement where both sides can have a reasonably differing perspective, the husband has the final say.
That said, women aren't to submit to sin. If the husband is clearly violating a Scriptural command, she submits to God and not unto men (Acts 5:29). God is our ultimate authority, then men, then women. So woman submits to man, UNLESS man is disobeying God. Otherwise, MAN would be the highest authority rather than God.
Thankfully this hasn't ever come up with my unbelieving husband. But if he were to ever say, "You can't worship Jesus, read the Bible, or go to church anymore," then it wouldn't be godly to submit to that.
I once saw this topic come up on a Doug Wilson blog and I was sad to see some people actually arguing that woman needs to obey man in all things, even if it's contrary to God. That doesn't make logical OR Biblical sense. We are to compare Scripture with Scripture. Yes, women generally submit to men, including in marriage, and including in pastoral matters. But the primary submission is to GOD. If there's a man teaching something contrary to God, then it's ridiculous to say the woman needs to submit to a sin rather than what GOD has decreed. Man is higher than woman, but he is NOT higher than God.
Another thing I see come up a lot in Christian circles, is the broader place of women in society. I've mentioned before that my mom was actually my dad's business boss back in the 1970s. I didn't grow up in what some call "patriarchal" Christianity, where some view women as not only subordinate in spiritual matters, but also in all other matters. I had some online Reformed friends in the 2010s who taught that daughters must serve their fathers, never go to college, never vote, and never work, because that was all "feminism," which they opposed from the first wave onward (a number of conservative Christians only oppose second wave feminism onward). This was VERY foreign to what my parents taught! My parents, both Father and Mother, encouraged college, voting, and working. They followed Ayn Rand individualism and thought it was best to raise children to be independent, both sons and daughters. My dad didn't even require me to do chores in the house, let alone be his "daughter servant." He and I were surprised to learn this is actually a thing among many other conservative Christians.
My parents also didn't have a lot of rules regarding male/female interactions. I remember when Mike Pence made headlines a few years ago for following the "Billy Graham rule." My dad was a huge admirer of Billy Graham, but he'd actually never heard of this rule. When I explained it to him, he thought it seemed a bit strict. He doesn't follow it. Dad doesn't even think dress codes are that big of an issue for men and women; when people protested indecency in the Super Bowl some years ago, he texted me with surprise and said, "These people sound like the people who protested Elvis in the 1950s." He thought it was a bit legalistic.
Nonetheless I've come across many sorts like this in the last decade.
My own rules, that I think more or less follow Scripture, are as follows:
1) No women pastors. 1 Timothy 2 uses the order of creation as a reason. This isn't something that "changes with the times."
2) Women submit to male leaders (pastors, husbands, etc.) UNLESS they teach something CLEARLY against the Word of God. God is first, not man.
3) I dress modestly even though my own family never really had rules for that.
4) I think 'first wave' feminism is ok -- college, jobs, and voting are ok for women to do, if it doesn't bother the men in their family. My dad and husband were ok with all those things, so I've done them at different points in my life.
5) I don't think LGBTQ is ok. I don't think men/women can truly "become" the other sex/gender, whether through operation or whatever. Hormones affect the brain from in utero onward, so even those who "transition" still maintain much of their birth sex no matter how much they try to "erase" it through man made procedures.
6) I think there are clear differences between men and women, and I think that the left tends to understate these, while occasionally the right overstates them (for example, I once debated with some conservatives who insisted it was IMPOSSIBLE for women to lust after men, visually and physically -- I had to ask Michelle Lesley about this, and their insistence that I couldn't struggle with such a thing led me to keep up a porn habit for MANY years: https://michellelesley.com/tag/women-lust/ )
I think that covers most things. If I missed anything important, let me know.
The only other time I remember the topic coming up, was when there was some woman preaching/pastoring on the Word of God, and both Dad and Mom said that women shouldn't preach/pastor because things can get "weird." They were correct that women shouldn't preach/pastor, and the reason it's "weird" is because it actually violates the Word of God, where Paul teaches that men are to lead churches because they were first in the order of creation (1 Timothy 2).
When I got older, and became more involved in studying doctrine and interacting with other Christians outside my family, I noticed there was a lot more to this topic than I'd learned growing up. The brief two examples I saw, which were very straightforward, were just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to this topic.
For starters, the submission passages are worth looking into with more depth. Wives are absolutely to be submissive to their husbands -- in the Lord. So when it comes to matters of doctrine, and there's a disagreement where both sides can have a reasonably differing perspective, the husband has the final say.
That said, women aren't to submit to sin. If the husband is clearly violating a Scriptural command, she submits to God and not unto men (Acts 5:29). God is our ultimate authority, then men, then women. So woman submits to man, UNLESS man is disobeying God. Otherwise, MAN would be the highest authority rather than God.
Thankfully this hasn't ever come up with my unbelieving husband. But if he were to ever say, "You can't worship Jesus, read the Bible, or go to church anymore," then it wouldn't be godly to submit to that.
I once saw this topic come up on a Doug Wilson blog and I was sad to see some people actually arguing that woman needs to obey man in all things, even if it's contrary to God. That doesn't make logical OR Biblical sense. We are to compare Scripture with Scripture. Yes, women generally submit to men, including in marriage, and including in pastoral matters. But the primary submission is to GOD. If there's a man teaching something contrary to God, then it's ridiculous to say the woman needs to submit to a sin rather than what GOD has decreed. Man is higher than woman, but he is NOT higher than God.
Another thing I see come up a lot in Christian circles, is the broader place of women in society. I've mentioned before that my mom was actually my dad's business boss back in the 1970s. I didn't grow up in what some call "patriarchal" Christianity, where some view women as not only subordinate in spiritual matters, but also in all other matters. I had some online Reformed friends in the 2010s who taught that daughters must serve their fathers, never go to college, never vote, and never work, because that was all "feminism," which they opposed from the first wave onward (a number of conservative Christians only oppose second wave feminism onward). This was VERY foreign to what my parents taught! My parents, both Father and Mother, encouraged college, voting, and working. They followed Ayn Rand individualism and thought it was best to raise children to be independent, both sons and daughters. My dad didn't even require me to do chores in the house, let alone be his "daughter servant." He and I were surprised to learn this is actually a thing among many other conservative Christians.
My parents also didn't have a lot of rules regarding male/female interactions. I remember when Mike Pence made headlines a few years ago for following the "Billy Graham rule." My dad was a huge admirer of Billy Graham, but he'd actually never heard of this rule. When I explained it to him, he thought it seemed a bit strict. He doesn't follow it. Dad doesn't even think dress codes are that big of an issue for men and women; when people protested indecency in the Super Bowl some years ago, he texted me with surprise and said, "These people sound like the people who protested Elvis in the 1950s." He thought it was a bit legalistic.
Nonetheless I've come across many sorts like this in the last decade.
My own rules, that I think more or less follow Scripture, are as follows:
1) No women pastors. 1 Timothy 2 uses the order of creation as a reason. This isn't something that "changes with the times."
2) Women submit to male leaders (pastors, husbands, etc.) UNLESS they teach something CLEARLY against the Word of God. God is first, not man.
3) I dress modestly even though my own family never really had rules for that.
4) I think 'first wave' feminism is ok -- college, jobs, and voting are ok for women to do, if it doesn't bother the men in their family. My dad and husband were ok with all those things, so I've done them at different points in my life.
5) I don't think LGBTQ is ok. I don't think men/women can truly "become" the other sex/gender, whether through operation or whatever. Hormones affect the brain from in utero onward, so even those who "transition" still maintain much of their birth sex no matter how much they try to "erase" it through man made procedures.
6) I think there are clear differences between men and women, and I think that the left tends to understate these, while occasionally the right overstates them (for example, I once debated with some conservatives who insisted it was IMPOSSIBLE for women to lust after men, visually and physically -- I had to ask Michelle Lesley about this, and their insistence that I couldn't struggle with such a thing led me to keep up a porn habit for MANY years: https://michellelesley.com/tag/women-lust/ )
I think that covers most things. If I missed anything important, let me know.