Dating The Christian Way And Spritual Leadership

Do you believe Spiritual Leadership begins before marriage; during courtship?

  • Total voters
    10
Lifeasweknowit said:
I like this. You say "needle in haystack"...are you referring to the man/woman being a "true christian"? I am seeing that it's a lot harder to find.
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:) Both.

I went through a dating spree before I met my wife. I assumed many were God fearing, but scratch a bit and true colours come out. If we scratch a Christian we should find honey. How long can a bad person be on good behaviour?

I know you are wise and know everything I am writing, you can probably teach me alot, but one saying that is very true... is that we must look at how our partner treats those under them. Waiters, pets, grandparents etc. Thats how you will be treated. A Christian in power should be humble. As a good wife who submits to the man, you want to be certain of this.
 
Dirtyrottensinner said:
Okay let me rephrase the solution: his (your potential mate) conversation and viewpoint are only exactly 1/2 of the answer; you provide the other 1/2 half. Your silence in waiting will not get you anywhere-only create a stalemate or a situation you don't want to be in.

Remember when I said you need to set a precedent for how your relationships start? That includes your primary relationship with Christ and your secondary relationship with your potential mate. If you set the precedent of being a complacent doormat- you will be miserable. If you set the precedent of being a contentious woman- he will be miserable. You both need to go to Christ as your mediator and 'work out' your future faith, standards and relationship together. If you are both truly walking towards Christ-you will both eventually meet on the same path.

If he isn't walking in the same direction-don't follow him. It is up to you to find out BEFORE you end up back in a situation you repented from....

Do you two read the Bible together? If not-probably the biggest mistake you are making right now....

Get your mind of the physical aspect and focus on the spiritual; and if you two get married-the physical will be so much BETTER than you have ever known.....


YES! Initiate commitment talk and apply God's standard to your relationship. NOT what you think is 'okay' to do....
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I asked him once how often he reads the bible and he said he hadn't in two weeks but that he has a devotional that he reads everyday. That was a little bit of a red flag just because I try to read everyday, but I don't judge him because of it.

RE what he does in his back yard: You may very well be right, but I trust him when he says he hasn't slept with anyone in two years.

RE Marriage: I am terrified to marry the wrong person, and perhaps I should be thinking of marriage, but let's hold up for a sec...right now I'm merely trying to determine if him and I will be dating exclusively because I have others who are pursuing me and I'm feeling incredibly convicted talking to someone else even though this guy and I are not in a relationship. Of course I want to get married, have kids, house, etc., but I'm not trying to rush it. I can't think with every man I date who's Christian that I'm going to marry that particular man. We need to be discerning and get to know people as well. The last thing I want is to marry someone and find out we are completely incompatible and then I find myself stuck in a unhappy marriage. I'm lucky to have a "clean plate" so to speak when it comes to have never gone down the aisle, so I'm extra cautious in taking someones hand in marriage since marriage is 100% for life to me. No if, ands or buts.
 
I just noticed everyone said Yes.

Why exactly? :confused:

Spiritual leadership takes place in marriage not before. If a woman submits to the man as the spiritual leader before, she gives him unnatural power over her outside of marriage. It is along the lines of teaching the importance of avoiding prayer and bible study ''alone'' with the person we dating. It creates a deep attraction for each other in that moment, we are bound to fall into temptation.
 
Dirtyrottensinner said:
All leaders need good counselors, advisers and friends. A Christian Husband should seek wisdom from Christ AND his wife in all family matters with a Pastor and Christian Brothers and Sisters as a secondary go to panel.

Make sense?
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Yes, but could you clarify the last part of going to the "panel"? What's that?
 
KingJ said:
I just noticed everyone said Yes.

Why exactly? :confused:

Spiritual leadership takes place in marriage not before. If a woman submits to the man as the spiritual leader before, she gives him unnatural power over her outside of marriage. It is along the lines of teaching the importance of avoiding prayer and bible study ''alone'' with the person we dating. It creates a deep attraction for each other in that moment, we are bound to fall into temptation.
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That's why I posed the question of what Spiritual Leadership actually is...you appear to be the only one that answered it (TY BTW :)) I think if there was a clearer definition of it, perhaps the answers would change. Thoughts?
 
Lifeasweknowit said:
That's why I posed the question of what Spiritual Leadership actually is...you appear to be the only one that answered it (TY BTW :)) I think if there was a clearer definition of it, perhaps the answers would change. Thoughts?
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Yes, spirtiual leadership is just a general term. I am just thinking of some lazy men right now. If their wives don't push them, they won't go to church. Maybe spiritual ledership for them is the wife giving them the opportunity to pick the church she pushes him to? :p

Eph 5:21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

This applies to dating / courting.

Eph 5:22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.

This is clearly only in marriage.
 
@ KingJ: although I agree about 'leadership' in marriage- A Christian male should have some resemblance of upbringing / training of leadership BEFORE marriage. That is the assurance for the female that there is something worth following there is it not?

Leadership is the ability to make decisions wisely AND stick to them. What leadership is not- dictating every move, every breath of those under him in a household. A leader has to trust those that follow him will do the right thing even when he is not around (can you think of anyone else that might resemble?). Leaders also have to be willing to exert their authority when necessary: it is the "how" the they exert this authority that makes the difference. As Christians, we are supposed to exert our authority by being the example of a humble servant in love and hope-have faith that their followers will "follow" their example.

@ Tink. I would like to tell that it is possible that you will know %100 if the person you are marrying 'is the right one' The truth is you may have a notion-but until you live it-you won't know. Part of getting married is 'stepping out in faith' like when you trusted Christ to be your savior. Trials and tribulations in a relationship expose the true nature of the beast. As a married couple-you will have to figure out how to deal with issues: 'for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, for better or for worse'. That's life as we know it.... AND you will realize that people go through life changing phases about every 7-8 years...

If both husband and wife are walking with Christ- The THREE of you will make life in marriage work. You need family support:

God's Family Model

#1 Jesus Christ
#2 Parents -or-Spouse
-#2(B1) Siblings -or-
-#2(B2) Children
#3 Pastor
#4 Brothers & Sisters in Christ

You NEED fellowhip, fellowship, fellowship....Think about it: " Our Father in Heaven", "Children of God", and "Brothers and Sisters in Christ". God's plan from the beginning was the creation of the "Family". It is that important, but we have come so far from what he has created us for....

PLEAEEEEAAAASSSSSEEE Hear me Tink: Don't be unequally yoked-find someone on equal footing physically and spiritually. I 'beseech' thee..... You may end up becoming a 'Baptist' yet as you grow...;)

As far as the 'panel' comment: all leaders need advisers, counselors. Where do they come from? Well as a Christian-they come from our Church family. Remember WE are the Church-it's not a building. Think of it this way-take just about any successful corporation and look at the 'board' if you will. Do CEO's and President's make decisions all by themselves? NO: they consult the VP's of the departments in the company. Look at King David's life-he was surrounded by advisers-most importantly GOD!
 
Dirtyrottensinner said:
A friend, confidant, appreciation, honesty, integrity, reassurance, acceptance, encouragement, counseling, argument without sin! Don't you desire these things in your mate? 'Do unto others...' Jesus Christ

Being lonely sucks. Being with someone unholy and /or not a believer is WAAAAAAAAY worse......

Trying maintain an unGodly relationship is about the most miserable thing you can live on Earth (right next to imprisonment awaiting martyrdom) Trust me...I KNOW!
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you don't have to be alone to be lonely, you could be in a relationship and still be unhappy. I know you didn't say being single sucks, i just wanted to put it out there that you can still be lonely when youre with someone.
 
1) Should the women pursue the relationship, ever?

2) Should a Christian women ever initiate "the talk" in a relationship with a Christian man or should HE be clear on where the relationship is headed?

3) As a Christian man, is it more his responsibility for not putting his foot down about being physical?

4) What exactly does Spiritual Leadership mean to a man?

5) Is it a bad idea to date someone of a different denomination, say Catholic, when I'm non-denominational/Calvary Chapel?

6) Should a Christian man or women date more than one person at a time? What if the man has not said anything about their relationship status and they've been dating for a while? Is it OK for her to date another at that point while the guy figures out where things are headed?

6) What does a true Christian man want in a woman and how can I be more that woman?

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1) of course, theres no command in the bible not too. and for question number two, we are , as women, are equal in the relationship... we aren't above men ,but we certainly aren't under them. God pulled the rib out of adam's side..not from under his foot lol. just because you're both christian women in a relationship doesn't mean you should be seen and not heard. You can still voice your opinions and whatnot ..but acc to God's word , he is the head of the household...so he gets the last say...but if he's a man of God everything he does will benefit you both and wil treat you w/ respect...b/c they are commanded to love their wives... and for relationships.. God tells uss to love oneanother as ourselves.

3) I don't understand that question : s sorry

4) It depends on the guy

5) it could cause conflict, im non denominational too.. im just a plain old christian (no sauce,no sprinkles..just a christian ..lol) there are certain things they may do that doesn't sit well for you b/c of your beliefs.. for examples... ithe only problem I have w/ catholics is that some may pray to saints and in the bible it says you should have no other Gods before me.. other than that I think they're really strong christians.. they do what normal christians wouldn't... like mother theresa, she put her heart and soul into her calling...she's a big inspiration for me ,<3

6) well if he's a true christian man...spiritually, he may want someone who simply loves God , so teir faith walk won't be hindered... physically, Im not sure ...every guy has their prefernce..but if he's for you he'll love you inside out. he love your curves if you have curves... if your all bones, he'll love your bones 9 Im a stick XD and if a guy can't be w/ me b/c i don't have ..junk in the trunk then..get on..b/c you weren't the one anyway..lol


I hope I answered your questions well enough... don't fret so much abt a mate, the Lord will bring the right one : o )
 
Lifeasweknowit said:
I second that notion. I could be married by now, but I too am terrified of marrying the wrong person. I've been in an unhappy relationship and I was much happier outside of it.
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Hey Tink,

Some very good advice given here by some great men and women of God. Here's my story in a few sentences. I have NEVER seriously dated girls/women, only been on out on a few one day hangouts which the Lord very quickly revealed to me that it wasn't meant to be and I thank him that I was able to hear his voice clearly enough to pull back. I have NEVER kissed or had sex upto date and I turned 26 last Oct.

Over a series of events the Lord has led me to a girl far away from me about 10,000 kms. She on the other hand is a new Christian. I know he has led me to her because I have asked him for sign after sign if she is the right one for me and he has very faithfully done so. We keep in touch every day though text, we talk about scripture/the bible/the world etc etc. We talk on the phone now and then and skype etc. Im about to take the next step and visit her soon. There is a peace about the whole thing. A few questions I would like to ask you and you don't necessarily have to answer them here:

- Do you feel the peace of the Holy Spirit on you in this relationship?

- Have you asked the Lord through his Holy Spirit to give you a sign of somewhat that he is the one for you?

- I know you say that you trust him but - ask the Holy Spirit to reveal to you is he isn't?

- Also If God is giving you a warning sign take it seriously because you want someone who is on the same spiritual level as you if not higher :)

Trust me I have been practicing the above while spending time with the Lord and he is showing me. If you already have and you do believe he might be the one, take baby steps and ask God to stop/block your and his way if you are not meant to be. I LOVE working with the Lord on signs and he does them all the time if you'd ask him.

Lastly there is a book I'd like to recommend by a very good Christian author. I've been reading it myself and its helping me get prepared for marriage - spiritually, physically, mentally, emotionally etc etc...

God is your matchmaker by Stephanie Herzog
http://goo.gl/gXYzg

God Bless and lead you with this..

Jake
 
Jake said:
Hey Tink,

Some very good advice given here by some great men and women of God. Here's my story in a few sentences. I have NEVER seriously dated girls/women, only been on out on a few one day hangouts which the Lord very quickly revealed to me that it wasn't meant to be and I thank him that I was able to hear his voice clearly enough to pull back. I have NEVER kissed or had sex upto date and I turned 26 last Oct.

Over a series of events the Lord has led me to a girl far away from me about 10,000 kms. She on the other hand is a new Christian. I know he has led me to her because I have asked him for sign after sign if she is the right one for me and he has very faithfully done so. We keep in touch every day though text, we talk about scripture/the bible/the world etc etc. We talk on the phone now and then and skype etc. Im about to take the next step and visit her soon. There is a peace about the whole thing. A few questions I would like to ask you and you don't necessarily have to answer them here:

- Do you feel the peace of the Holy Spirit on you in this relationship?

- Have you asked the Lord through his Holy Spirit to give you a sign of somewhat that he is the one for you?

- I know you say that you trust him but - ask the Holy Spirit to reveal to you is he isn't?

- Also If God is giving you a warning sign take it seriously because you want someone who is on the same spiritual level as you if not higher :)

Trust me I have been practicing the above while spending time with the Lord and he is showing me. If you already have and you do believe he might be the one, take baby steps and ask God to stop/block your and his way if you are not meant to be. I LOVE working with the Lord on signs and he does them all the time if you'd ask him.

Lastly there is a book I'd like to recommend by a very good Christian author. I've been reading it myself and its helping me get prepared for marriage - spiritually, physically, mentally, emotionally etc etc...

God is your matchmaker by Stephanie Herzog
http://goo.gl/gXYzg

God Bless and lead you with this..

Jake
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Jake, I love your post. I have been thinking about this a lot and praying about our particular situation every day. I have to say I'm conflicted and do not have peace, but I am having a difficult time discerning it it's Satan or the Holy Spirit speaking with me. Something does feel off, but I think it's not necessarily that I don't trust him, but something with him that he's dealing with or that he has dealt with. I think he has some trust issues (understandably so) that I can't really help him overcome, so for now, I am being patient with him and trusting in the Lord that I'm doing the right thing by hanging in there.

As for your questions:

- Do you feel the peace of the Holy Spirit on you in this relationship?
No and yes. If the communication was better, I think I would feel more at peace.

- Have you asked the Lord through his Holy Spirit to give you a sign of somewhat that he is the one for you?
No, but I have asked God to push him out of my life if he is not the right person for me.

- I know you say that you trust him but - ask the Holy Spirit to reveal to you is he isn't?
I don't understand the last part of the sentence, but I have asked God to give me signs as to what might be causing the lack of communication or the feeling at times as though something isn't quite right.

- Also If God is giving you a warning sign take it seriously because you want someone who is on the same spiritual level as you if not higher.
He encourages my walk with Christ greatly. He's respectful and doesn't push the envelope with me. I have yet to meet/date someone like this. My only problem is that, while I share devotionals with him and stories about ministering to others, I get nothing from his side. My walk with Christ is so new...I really want someone who will continue to strengthen that, not just by loving the fact that I aim to be closer to God, but doing the same, and sharing their stories (or scriptures/devotionals) with me as well. I just feel like his relationship with the Lord is perhaps more of a silent one.
 
1) Should the women pursue the relationship, ever?
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I would say each Christian relationship needs "submitting to one another in the fear of God." (Ephesians 5:21) You both need to be able to relate with mutual submission, meaning you are both being prayerful with God and sensitive to how our Father has you relating. Therefore, you need to invest in becoming able to do this.

So, you pursue having a good relationship, by learning to relate with mutual submission . . . with all your Jesus family people. And see who connects with you while you are doing this, and better and better "without complaining and disputing" (Philippians 2:14)

If you're not making progress with this with someone, I dare consider the person is not ready for a Christian relationship, never mind courting and marriage.


"progress, not perfection," though :)

Therefore, you pursue a relationship, by first investing in being a good example of how to be with God > "rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God." (1 Peter 3:4) This can connect you with whomever Jesus desires for you.
 
2) Should a Christian women ever initiate "the talk" in a relationship with a Christian man or should HE be clear on where the relationship is headed?
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I understand that if God is making you one, He will have you both discovering with each other, no one doing all or most of the steering > "nor as being lords over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock." (1 Peter 5:3) However, you the lady are meant to be a man's helper. I find that any real Jesus lady helps me to know which way to go, to get correction, to learn better how to love. Every Jesus lady I know helps me in every way, but she does not steer and babysit me.
 
3) As a Christian man, is it more his responsibility for not putting his foot down about being physical?
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I believe I must never test my lady. I must always be very sensitive to what is good for her, what she is comfortable with, make sure with God before I seek anything. And if she cuts me off about something, be instantly supportive of her about anything she does not want to do. It is not godly for me to try to get her to do something that she is not going to enjoy. However, we do have the passage which says > "The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does." (1 Corinthians 7:4)

So, you or he may suppose this means each of you is required to go along with whatever the other jolly well pleases to do with you. But I'll offer > this means in Christian relating, not merely using the other to get what you selfishly want. It means while you are "submitting to one another in the fear of God." (Ephesians 5:21) > meaning prayerfully submitting to how our Father has you relating and sharing, never pushing or forcing or charming in order to have power over the other to just use the other for what the other is not enjoying; the love meaning of God's word includes being sensitively caring about if the other is benefiting from and enjoying what you are doing. And having power over someone's body, as a Christian, "might" mean power to do good for the other, so you are not being "independent" with each other, in "welfare" love which has you accepting help only when you can not do something yourself :)
 
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