It needs to mean "nor as being lords over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock." (1 Peter 5:3) If a man is a lady's "head" (Ephesians 5:23), you can consider what will become of a human head if it has no body! And a connected head pays very good attention to the signals it is getting from its body. I see how, then, our Father wants us to have such trust and mutual depending on each other, how this is in His love. The head and the body each have special needs and advantages and abilities that one other needs; so you always have an adventure, to discover more and better how to love together > with whoever you really belong with.
Dating The Christian Way And Spritual Leadership
- Thread starter Lifeasweknowit
- Start date
prayer . . . not only prayer by you, but prayer by me and others that you will become "that woman".
No matter what you know the Bible says about this, and no matter what you find in books and seminars and counseling . . . your basic character has a lot to do with who you really are. Everything else is how busy you are!
So, very basically, we need to grow in Jesus so we can be who our Father desires and who He desires us to be for His Son our Groom Jesus. As we get into this, we are becoming who we need to be for someone we marry . . . by first being concerned with how to be Jesus' Bride.
So, we need to grow in love having us love any and all people, not only certain favorites. Our pastor has been talking about how we need to be able to love the ones we can't stand. We need to be ready with adoptive love, in "the Spirit of adoption" (Romans 8:15) > "For if you love those who love you, what reward have you?" (in Matthew 5:46)
One thing I think of is getting married does not really change us, it only changes how busy we are!! If we marry someone, it is "likely" to be someone like ourselves . . . so we are fellowshiping, more or less, really with our own character that is similar in the other person. So, it is so important how we have and grow in the character of Jesus. Or, as many have done, we will only be busier in getting the pleasures we want to use each other to get, and we will probably, too, be merely busier arguing.
So, get into the all-loving that Jesus our Groom wants, and discover who He will trust you with
About being, then, the Bride of Jesus whom Jesus our Groom wants >
"rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God." (1 Peter 3:4)
As you become submissive with God, now He can connect you with a submissive man. And with God you can enjoy "submitting to one another in the fear of God." (Ephesians 5:21)
So, keep investing in this, and you will see who God trusts you with.
And by being submissive and not about your own desires (Luke 9:23-24, 1&2 Corinthians, both verse 6:12), this can help to screen out ones who are just acting; because they won't be able to steer you their way by using bait that attracts and impresses worldly people, while you keep going with God. "Flow with Him." "And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful." (Colossians 3:15) In God's peace ruling us, we have His reliable leading about who we trust and how.
I have had a lady who I really fell for. But now I know, I think, it was about her being strong minded, and intelligent, and very charming and attractive . . . like my mother who could be controlling but dominated by her own worry and insecurity controlling her. So, then I thought about how 1 Corinthians 13:11 says, "When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things." Now I can see she has been walking talking "toys for boys" bait. And that bait will not catch a trout, but only suckers of lust. So, I am still believing God to turn me into a real trout.
And now I have a lady who seems happier if I don't touch her, but love warms and caresses us deeply and so better (Romans 5:5, Psalm 63:3). God's love is so more nutritious plus delicious > "Oh, taste and see that the LORD is good," we have in Psalm 34:8. And we have, "with honey from the rock I would have satisfied you," in Psalm 81:16. I am finding that God's love with her is pure and sweet and personal and intimate and perfectly satisfies me now, not baiting me to go after some mirage pleasure which has no living water in it and takes me away from God and really getting to know her. So, this is worth the investment, saying no to inferior stuff, not buying those feelings which feel so convincing but are the pathological liar (John 8:44).
But if I give in to pleasure . . . this helps keep me weak so I can suffer, be in doubt, argue, complain.
She does things I don't understand; but God's ways are "past finding out," we have in Romans 11:33. I might try to figure her out, in order to see if she would want to marry me or get into more "affection" or go out. But I get cautioned not to go by general advice to talk things out, which can be a rerun of Satan setting up and doing his conversation with Eve. But keep attentive to our Father and how He has better for us, than we can wish for. We do not want to get our attention away from God and prayer. Pray, submit to God. And His ways of how He has us loving will be "past finding out." > not what we control after first figuring things out. Enjoy. This is what I have been getting, anyway; it has been better than what I have hoped and wished, with her; so . . .
Now she is calling me, like we are married; though we are fairly non-contact, we can touch bases through the day The deep intimacy and enjoyment is better than I have ever had or wished for in "romance". She might be much more with-it and mature than I am; but since I am willing to go with this, she is giving me this special gift
So, it can be that someone for you is meant for better than marriage. Appreciate every moment, then, with any Christian person who cares about you and is good example for you > "nor as being lords over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock." (1 Peter 5:3)
"rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God." (1 Peter 3:4)
As you become submissive with God, now He can connect you with a submissive man. And with God you can enjoy "submitting to one another in the fear of God." (Ephesians 5:21)
So, keep investing in this, and you will see who God trusts you with.
And by being submissive and not about your own desires (Luke 9:23-24, 1&2 Corinthians, both verse 6:12), this can help to screen out ones who are just acting; because they won't be able to steer you their way by using bait that attracts and impresses worldly people, while you keep going with God. "Flow with Him." "And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful." (Colossians 3:15) In God's peace ruling us, we have His reliable leading about who we trust and how.
I have had a lady who I really fell for. But now I know, I think, it was about her being strong minded, and intelligent, and very charming and attractive . . . like my mother who could be controlling but dominated by her own worry and insecurity controlling her. So, then I thought about how 1 Corinthians 13:11 says, "When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things." Now I can see she has been walking talking "toys for boys" bait. And that bait will not catch a trout, but only suckers of lust. So, I am still believing God to turn me into a real trout.
And now I have a lady who seems happier if I don't touch her, but love warms and caresses us deeply and so better (Romans 5:5, Psalm 63:3). God's love is so more nutritious plus delicious > "Oh, taste and see that the LORD is good," we have in Psalm 34:8. And we have, "with honey from the rock I would have satisfied you," in Psalm 81:16. I am finding that God's love with her is pure and sweet and personal and intimate and perfectly satisfies me now, not baiting me to go after some mirage pleasure which has no living water in it and takes me away from God and really getting to know her. So, this is worth the investment, saying no to inferior stuff, not buying those feelings which feel so convincing but are the pathological liar (John 8:44).
But if I give in to pleasure . . . this helps keep me weak so I can suffer, be in doubt, argue, complain.
She does things I don't understand; but God's ways are "past finding out," we have in Romans 11:33. I might try to figure her out, in order to see if she would want to marry me or get into more "affection" or go out. But I get cautioned not to go by general advice to talk things out, which can be a rerun of Satan setting up and doing his conversation with Eve. But keep attentive to our Father and how He has better for us, than we can wish for. We do not want to get our attention away from God and prayer. Pray, submit to God. And His ways of how He has us loving will be "past finding out." > not what we control after first figuring things out. Enjoy. This is what I have been getting, anyway; it has been better than what I have hoped and wished, with her; so . . .
Now she is calling me, like we are married; though we are fairly non-contact, we can touch bases through the day
The deep intimacy and enjoyment is better than I have ever had or wished for in "romance". She might be much more with-it and mature than I am; but since I am willing to go with this, she is giving me this special gift So, it can be that someone for you is meant for better than marriage. Appreciate every moment, then, with any Christian person who cares about you and is good example for you > "nor as being lords over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock." (1 Peter 5:3)
I'm thinking, right now . . . you do not need to be trying to become a "finished product" for a man you belong with.
Whoever you belong with . . . if Jesus wants to trust you with one of His real men . . . he will be able to help you become who you would want to be for God and for him.
But we can do now what we can with God, to become how we should be for relating in marriage.
For me, this includes doing better and better with no "complaining and disputing" (Philippians 2:14) - - -
not trying to use and steer a Christian lady to what I want
being "swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath" (in James 1:19)
feeding on the example of mature and real Christian people.
And I think we should be sharing with others, not getting isolated only with each other. We're "members of one another" (Ephesians 4:25, Romans 12:5) along with all our other Jesus family people; so we need to feed in love with others, also.
"It can be easy to get with someone who agrees with us, wants the same things; but it may not be breezy, later
"
And I am finding, with a lady I have had special sharing with . . . how even though we have agreed to be pretty much "platonic", still I can be thinking and wishing and fishing. And it can knock my mind around, at times, and this can interfere with me being sensitive and attentive with her.
But, yesterday, she said, "Don't think." She knows her word and can be very efficient; and I find her to be very beautifully loving, without any of the things the American culture of movies and public lovers have been showing us is how to behave in order to express love. God's love is so nicer, pure, sweet, tender, intimate, so better than stuff that tries to get me fishing for more physical contact.
At the supermarket, we were in a little discussion about getting each of us a pint of blueberries; even something small like this can be a special and tender and sensitive moment, simply because we are doing this together . . . before we each went home, by the way, to our own places.
I told a friend that I have a lady who wants to do things pure and with love, how I have had to get real with God in order to stay with her and do well with her. He said something like, "That's what will happen if you have a real one."
Whoever you belong with . . . if Jesus wants to trust you with one of His real men . . . he will be able to help you become who you would want to be for God and for him.
But we can do now what we can with God, to become how we should be for relating in marriage.
For me, this includes doing better and better with no "complaining and disputing" (Philippians 2:14) - - -
not trying to use and steer a Christian lady to what I want
being "swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath" (in James 1:19)
feeding on the example of mature and real Christian people.
And I think we should be sharing with others, not getting isolated only with each other. We're "members of one another" (Ephesians 4:25, Romans 12:5) along with all our other Jesus family people; so we need to feed in love with others, also.
"It can be easy to get with someone who agrees with us, wants the same things; but it may not be breezy, later
"And I am finding, with a lady I have had special sharing with . . . how even though we have agreed to be pretty much "platonic", still I can be thinking and wishing and fishing. And it can knock my mind around, at times, and this can interfere with me being sensitive and attentive with her.
But, yesterday, she said, "Don't think." She knows her word and can be very efficient; and I find her to be very beautifully loving, without any of the things the American culture of movies and public lovers have been showing us is how to behave in order to express love. God's love is so nicer, pure, sweet, tender, intimate, so better than stuff that tries to get me fishing for more physical contact.
At the supermarket, we were in a little discussion about getting each of us a pint of blueberries; even something small like this can be a special and tender and sensitive moment, simply because we are doing this together . . . before we each went home, by the way, to our own places.
I told a friend that I have a lady who wants to do things pure and with love, how I have had to get real with God in order to stay with her and do well with her. He said something like, "That's what will happen if you have a real one."
...and another useful addition: that loves the gatherings of the Lord's people where you and she can serve the Lord together, too... (Acts 2:42)
Blessings.
It depends on what you mean by pursue. Women have always been active in the formation of relationships, even if the methods were once different. My advice is that you can pursue the relationship in whatever way you feel most comfortable, but don't attempt to control it or "be the man" or however you want to look at that. Be you, and don't try to be anyone you aren't comfortable being. Guys can kinda like it when a girl chases them, but the right kind of guy is turned off by the idea of a girl being TOO forward. We even created a widely popular meme to describe that girl. I'm sure you recognize it.
Guys are sometimes a bit oblivious, and "good Christian boys" often don't have the kind of experience that the more brazen men have, so sometimes we have a more difficult time expressing our interest. Subtle hints don't work, but initiating the talk can also appear a bit confrontational.
It is absolutely the responsibility of BOTH parties. In fact, it might be argued that it is slightly more the woman's responsibility because of basic biology. Seriously, women have more to lose here if the situation gets out of hand. Yes, it is just as much the man's responsibility, but men run from that responsibility all the time with very little consequences. Women can also run, but not without consequence. Personally, I wouldn't allow any relationship to go even one day beyond the point where it isn't clearly understood by both parties that with God in the center, nothing will happen that you wouldn't be comfortable doing in church, in front of your parents and pastor.
Spiritual Leadership is modeling the example of Christ. It means servant leadership. A lot of people like to focus on the "wives, submit to your husbands" part, but forget that husbands are ordered to love their wives. Love requires action. Love is even exemplified in sacrifice. We call that mutual submission.
That can be a tricky question to answer. It depends a bit on how dug in they are to their way of thinking. Would you be able to switch without changing your core beliefs? Don't expect him to be able to any more easily unless he isn't very strong in his faith. Either way, it can be a recipe for disaster. No, you really can't have a marriage where you each go your own way. That's almost always a sign of a weak marriage.
I'm not a fan of dating. Dating is dangerous because it too often leaves the couple alone and in temptation. My wife and I agreed to court. We did not spend a moment alone (save on the phone) until we were engaged for over a year. We planned to maintain that until marriage, but when you are in your 30s, it is actually pretty hard to find willing chaperons. We did this to protect each other. While we went into the courtship with the goal of marriage, we never assumed marriage would be the result of successful courtship, and so I protected her for whoever she would be with for life, and she protected me. It works because marriage is about joining two families and we involved our families in our relationship. We entered marriage with no secrets and no unrealistic expectations. God has ALWAYS been at the center of everything we did.
A genuine Christian man should desire nothing less than a woman who is completely dedicated to Christ. By claiming Christ, we are saying that God's will is more important than anything else in the world. We are saying that we love God more than even ourselves, and so why would we seek out a woman who isn't doing the same?
About having different religions - - I would say it is good to have the same things, by having what you have gotten together from the Bible. Paul pleads with us > "Now I plead with you, brethren, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that you all speak the same thing, and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be perfectly joined together in the same mind and in the same judgment." (1 Corinthians 1:10)
God had Paul give this to the Corinthians; so this is what God considers to be realistic to expect even from ones who were like the Corinthians.
But in the United States we have a lot of stuff about being "independent". Ones are encouraged to think for themselves, make their own choices. But if we are "members of one another" (Romans 12:5, Ephesians 4:25), I think we need to learn to do things with one another, even trusting and depending on each other.
And with our Father we can be changed so we learn and "speak the same thing". If we don't, this can be because of egos going different ways. In God's love I think God will have us in unity.
And our children need this example.
And since differences can be because of ego and conforming to other people, we need to grow and get God's correction so we are in love with each other . . . love which will unify us . . . therefore God's love. So, growing brings this. We can see if the ones we are courting are growing and then we are succeeding in helping one another get together more.
One thing that I think can help is we agree not to argue and struggle when we have different ideas. We value "submitting to one another in the fear of God." (Ephesians 5:21) "Do all things without complaining and disputing," (Philippians 2:14) And "swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath" (in James 1:19). So, if we do not agree, first we make sure we stay submissive and sensitive to God in His peace. And in His peace He can get us clear.
One practical thing can be . . . if you reach something that you do not agree about . . . let it go and move on to and feed on what obviously helps you with one another . . . and with God. Or . . . maybe . . . if you do not agree on a certain thing . . . instead of just debating it, talk about if and how each person's idea helps the person to get more real with God . . . or note how it does not really help, "which would be because it is an ego idea, maybe" (c: Sometimes, each person's different idea does have something about it that helps the person to be better in obeying God and loving all people. I've known people who are clueless about what words and ideas mean, but they can use what they are able to understand to help them learn how to love (c:
For example, Jesus says to forgive people seventy times seven times in a day, but there are people who haven't a clue how to do the math (c: yet, they can understand that Jesus wants us to forgive without limit. It may be the fishermen disciples were clueless about seventy times seven . . . but this is the point > it is beyond what we can comprehend (c:
So . . . this is another thing > no matter how good you are at doing math (c: keep your forgiving up-to-date (c:
God had Paul give this to the Corinthians; so this is what God considers to be realistic to expect even from ones who were like the Corinthians.
But in the United States we have a lot of stuff about being "independent". Ones are encouraged to think for themselves, make their own choices. But if we are "members of one another" (Romans 12:5, Ephesians 4:25), I think we need to learn to do things with one another, even trusting and depending on each other.
And with our Father we can be changed so we learn and "speak the same thing". If we don't, this can be because of egos going different ways. In God's love I think God will have us in unity.
And our children need this example.
And since differences can be because of ego and conforming to other people, we need to grow and get God's correction so we are in love with each other . . . love which will unify us . . . therefore God's love. So, growing brings this. We can see if the ones we are courting are growing and then we are succeeding in helping one another get together more.
One thing that I think can help is we agree not to argue and struggle when we have different ideas. We value "submitting to one another in the fear of God." (Ephesians 5:21) "Do all things without complaining and disputing," (Philippians 2:14) And "swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath" (in James 1:19). So, if we do not agree, first we make sure we stay submissive and sensitive to God in His peace. And in His peace He can get us clear.
One practical thing can be . . . if you reach something that you do not agree about . . . let it go and move on to and feed on what obviously helps you with one another . . . and with God. Or . . . maybe . . . if you do not agree on a certain thing . . . instead of just debating it, talk about if and how each person's idea helps the person to get more real with God . . . or note how it does not really help, "which would be because it is an ego idea, maybe" (c: Sometimes, each person's different idea does have something about it that helps the person to be better in obeying God and loving all people. I've known people who are clueless about what words and ideas mean, but they can use what they are able to understand to help them learn how to love (c:
For example, Jesus says to forgive people seventy times seven times in a day, but there are people who haven't a clue how to do the math (c: yet, they can understand that Jesus wants us to forgive without limit. It may be the fishermen disciples were clueless about seventy times seven . . . but this is the point > it is beyond what we can comprehend (c:
So . . . this is another thing > no matter how good you are at doing math (c: keep your forgiving up-to-date (c:
am a true Christian only Jesus can tell : )
I am on the opinion that getting married is a worldly pursuit, and not a spiritual pursuit….
Having said that: looking for a Christian wife is for selfish reason: the man like his life to be easier.
Having said that: what I looked for is a wife that will cook for me, wash my clothes... : ) be a good mother to my children… and more importantly: will follow me: on what i believe in, that is close to my heart.
As humbly as I can possibly state this, your desires for a wife appears to be very selfish in nature...but that's understandble with your viewpoint on Christian marriage. I think (or I hope) you will get to a point when you desire things in a wife that don'e necessarily have to do with what she primarily does for you you, but also who she is spiritually, with children, her friends, family, etc.
Blessings,
Tink
am just being honest.... can you me tell the right reasons for finding a wife?
hmmm.... a worldly pursuit then that found favor? : )
let me clarify what i meant by "worldly" pursuit: looking for a job, food, shelter , clothing, these are worries in this world, that is: worldy pursuits...
thanks, coming from a point of view of a lady...
yeah, my wife tells me that from time to time: what she is to me.... a helper, a servant? : )
of course not.... marriage requires teamwork: i work, she takes care of the house and the baby....
although yes, the way you people reacted on my post: made me think she might think i really think of her like that...
I think there is a disconnect with women nowadays between the God given blessings of motherhood and the pursuits of the world. Do I believe woman and men can be equally capable in some things YES. But God created us different on purpose. Men do not 'Nurture' the same way women do.
In my opinion.
In my opinion.
hi aha . . . you said:
Yes, "worldly" can mean practical things of living in this world.
In your case, you have said you desire to have the wife who you would want to bring up your children.
This can be "worldly", in a practical way.
But, if you were to desire a wife in order to have kids mainly for your own fulfillment and happiness, this desire could be "worldly" in a selfish way.
Jesus does say, "'He who loves his life will lose it, and he who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life.'" (John 12:25)
And Jesus says, "For if you love those who love you, what reward have you?" (in Matthew 5:46).
So, we need to learn how to love, how to do what is first for God. I think Malachi 2:15 can help us see what marriage is really for, plus how to relate with our wives >
"'But did He not make them one,
. Having a remnant of the Spirit?
. And why one?
. He seeks godly offspring.
. Therefore take heed to your spirit
. And let none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth.'"
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . (Malachi 2:15)
"'When a man has taken a new wife, he shall not go out to war or be charged with any business; he shall be free at home one year, and bring happiness to his wife whom he has taken.'" (Deuteronomy 24:5)
Another translation says he is to "cheer up" his wife. The Hebrew word for this can mean to make "gleeful" . . . even to "brighten up".
So, we can see that indeed we are to love in the way Jesus has loved us and given Himself for us as His bride church. Be sacrificed to loving "without complaining and disputing" (Philippians 2:14-16) "Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them." (Colossians 3:19) Another translation says not to be bitter "against them".
So, we are sacrificed to being "gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls." (in Matthew 11:29)
So, when my companion has a conscience concern about if and how we have affectionate contact, I love her by encouraging her to stay with what she is satisfied God desires. And I pray and adjust, so she is not alone in helping us to stay in good self control and with our attention to all the good we can have with God > "Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth." (Colossians 3:2)
And when she corrects me and is right, I praise her and encourage her . . . after I have prayed and gotten right so I do this!!
I would say this means a lot to a woman who is Christian, that she can trust me to make an effort along with her, instead of me always fishing for ways to get her to change from what she feels right about, in her conscience. Because at times she might be able to give in to weakness, too, and then is when she needs me to be there for her with good example and caring for her and not just welcoming a chance to use her.
We love, then, by not trying to only use our Christian ladies. And while I am busy with really caring for her, I notice that her little things she can do do not get me irritated. She can do things that I could get mad about, but God can have me catching any nasty reacting, right when I notice it, and refuse it and keep with loving and enjoying her.
But something that is really wrong is what I can deal with while we are having prayer and Bible. Often, our personal subjects can be handled in connection with any scripture we are sharing. God's word is alive and "works" for taking care of anything
