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Boanerges(Inactive)
Guest
That's great- smart little whippersnapper!
Dusty's Jokes
- Thread starter Dusty
- Start date
This whole thing cracked me up, but the last phrase has me rolling! I think we should do that more often in this country! I'm not exactly sure why here people can demand that Americans speak their language. If you go anywhere in Europe where English is not the first language, you're out of luck! You have to learn their language, especially in France! This cracks me up!
Laura
She held up the thermos and the coffee shop worker quickly came over to take her order. She asked, "Is this big enough to hold six cups of coffee?"
The coffee shop worker looked at the thermos, hesitated a few seconds, then finally replied, "Yeah. It looks like about six cups to me."
"Oh good!" the blonde sighed in relief. "Then give me two regular, two black, and two decaf."
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Boanerges(Inactive)
Guest
Aaaawwwweee Gggeeeeezz-:d
You write in your email address as your new home address in the Post Office Change of address form.
You require a separate hard drive for all your bookmarks.
You can't remember your phone number and give out your email address to dates.
You were a member of GEine, Compuserve, Delphi, and AOL before the web even existed.
You send email using ROT 13
You upgrade the local cybercafe web browser on your own time.
You have a copy of the original "Get Rick Quick" email from 1993 still in your inbox, unread.
You select an apartment based on the location to the nearest Major Hub.
You plan your vacations to Silicon Valley.
The next day the wifey goes shopping. Her phone rings and it's her husband, "Hi hun," he says "how do you like your new phone?"
She replies "I just love it, it's so small and your voice is clear as a bell but there's one thing I don't understand though."
"What's that, baby?" asks the husband.
"How'd you know I was at Wal-Mart?"
[SIZE=+1]"Moving offices" [/SIZE]
The orthopedic surgeon I work for was moving to a new office, and his staff was helping transport many of the items.
I sat the display skeleton in the front of my car, his bony arm across the back of my seat. I hadn't considered the drive across town. At one traffic light, the stares of the people in the car beside me became obvious, and I looked across and explained, "I'm delivering him to my doctor's office."
The other driver leaned out of his window. "I hate to tell you, lady," he said, "but I think it's too late!"
The orthopedic surgeon I work for was moving to a new office, and his staff was helping transport many of the items.
I sat the display skeleton in the front of my car, his bony arm across the back of my seat. I hadn't considered the drive across town. At one traffic light, the stares of the people in the car beside me became obvious, and I looked across and explained, "I'm delivering him to my doctor's office."
The other driver leaned out of his window. "I hate to tell you, lady," he said, "but I think it's too late!"
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Boanerges(Inactive)
Guest
"You require a separate hard drive for all your bookmarks. "
I am guilty as charged Dusty!
I am guilty as charged Dusty!
The NUNS
THREE NUNS WERE ATTENDING A HOCKEY GAME.THREE MEN WERE SITTING DIRECTLY BEHIND.
BECAUSE THEIR HABITS WERE PARTIALLY BLOCKING THE VIEW, THE MEN DECIDED TO BADGER THE NUNS, HOPING THAT THEY'D GET ANNOYED ENOUGH TO MOVE TO ANOTHER AREA.
THREE NUNS WERE ATTENDING A HOCKEY GAME.THREE MEN WERE SITTING DIRECTLY BEHIND.
BECAUSE THEIR HABITS WERE PARTIALLY BLOCKING THE VIEW, THE MEN DECIDED TO BADGER THE NUNS, HOPING THAT THEY'D GET ANNOYED ENOUGH TO MOVE TO ANOTHER AREA.
IN A LOUD VOICE THE FIRST GUY SAID, 'I THINK I'M GOING TO MOVE TO UTAH . . . THERE ARE ONLY 100 NUNS LIVING THERE.'
THE SECOND GUY SPOKE UP AND SAID, 'I'D GO GO TO MONTANA . . . THERE ARE ONLY 5O NUNS LIVING THERE.'
THE THIRD GUY SAID, 'I'LL TAKE IDAHO . . . THERE ARE ONLY 25 NUNS THERE.'
ONE OF THE NUNS TURNED AROUND AND SWEETLY SAID, 'WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO TO HELL . THERE AREN'T ANY NUNS THERE.'
THE SECOND GUY SPOKE UP AND SAID, 'I'D GO GO TO MONTANA . . . THERE ARE ONLY 5O NUNS LIVING THERE.'
THE THIRD GUY SAID, 'I'LL TAKE IDAHO . . . THERE ARE ONLY 25 NUNS THERE.'
ONE OF THE NUNS TURNED AROUND AND SWEETLY SAID, 'WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO TO HELL . THERE AREN'T ANY NUNS THERE.'
[SIZE=+1]"The differences between you and your boss " [/SIZE]
When you take a long time, you're slow.
When your boss takes a long time, he's thorough.
When you don't get something done, you're lazy.
When your boss doesn't get something done, he's too busy.
When you make a mistake, you're an idiot.
When your boss makes a mistake, he's only human.
When you do it your own way, you don't do what your told.
When your boss does it, he's showing creativity.
When you do it on your own, you're overstepping your bounds.
When your boss does it, he's demonstrating initiative.
When you take a stand, you're being bull-headed.
When your boss takes a stand, he's being firm.
When you violate a rule, you're self-centered.
When your boss skips a few rules, he's being original.
When you please your boss, you're brown-nosing.
When your boss pleases his boss, he's being co-operative.
When you help a peer, you're not busy enough.
When your boss does it, he's a team player.
When someone else does your work, you're passing the buck.
When someone else does his work, he's assigning responsibility.
When you're out of the office, you're wandering around.
When your bosses out of the office, he's on business.
When you call in sick, you're going golfing.
When your boss calls in sick, he must be very ill.
When you apply for leave, you must be going for an interview.
When your boss applies for leave, it's because he's overworked.
When you're seen shopping during work hours, you're a slacker.
When your boss is doing the same, he's picking up office supplies.
When you get a raise, you're lucky.
When he gets one, he really earned it.
When you do a good job, you get a pat on the back.
When he does a good job, he gets a bonus.
When you take a long time, you're slow.
When your boss takes a long time, he's thorough.
When you don't get something done, you're lazy.
When your boss doesn't get something done, he's too busy.
When you make a mistake, you're an idiot.
When your boss makes a mistake, he's only human.
When you do it your own way, you don't do what your told.
When your boss does it, he's showing creativity.
When you do it on your own, you're overstepping your bounds.
When your boss does it, he's demonstrating initiative.
When you take a stand, you're being bull-headed.
When your boss takes a stand, he's being firm.
When you violate a rule, you're self-centered.
When your boss skips a few rules, he's being original.
When you please your boss, you're brown-nosing.
When your boss pleases his boss, he's being co-operative.
When you help a peer, you're not busy enough.
When your boss does it, he's a team player.
When someone else does your work, you're passing the buck.
When someone else does his work, he's assigning responsibility.
When you're out of the office, you're wandering around.
When your bosses out of the office, he's on business.
When you call in sick, you're going golfing.
When your boss calls in sick, he must be very ill.
When you apply for leave, you must be going for an interview.
When your boss applies for leave, it's because he's overworked.
When you're seen shopping during work hours, you're a slacker.
When your boss is doing the same, he's picking up office supplies.
When you get a raise, you're lucky.
When he gets one, he really earned it.
When you do a good job, you get a pat on the back.
When he does a good job, he gets a bonus.
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Boanerges(Inactive)
Guest
I am going to share that one Dusty!
B
Boanerges(Inactive)
Guest
Couldn't do that right now as I am (at least temporarily disabled) but I would if I was at work.
[SIZE=+1]"Los Angeles" [/SIZE]
Two men were sitting side by side on an airliner flying from Denver to Los Angeles.
The first man appeared nervous and finally explained that he was being transferred to LA. "I hate Los Angeles," he said. "Everything you hear about LA is bad -- smog, traffic, and worst of all, the crime. Gangs everywhere, people getting shot and robbed, things stolen, car jackings, and everyone hates everyone else."
"Oh, it's not that bad," said the second man. "I live in LA myself. Most of that stuff you read is media hype. It's just not true. You'll find LA is just like any other city, anywhere in America."
"Really?" responded the first. "Boy, that makes me feel a lot better. You say you live in LA -- what do you do for a living?"
"I'm a tail gunner on a Bud Lite delivery truck."
Two men were sitting side by side on an airliner flying from Denver to Los Angeles.
The first man appeared nervous and finally explained that he was being transferred to LA. "I hate Los Angeles," he said. "Everything you hear about LA is bad -- smog, traffic, and worst of all, the crime. Gangs everywhere, people getting shot and robbed, things stolen, car jackings, and everyone hates everyone else."
"Oh, it's not that bad," said the second man. "I live in LA myself. Most of that stuff you read is media hype. It's just not true. You'll find LA is just like any other city, anywhere in America."
"Really?" responded the first. "Boy, that makes me feel a lot better. You say you live in LA -- what do you do for a living?"
"I'm a tail gunner on a Bud Lite delivery truck."
violet
Inactive
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Boanerges(Inactive)
Guest
Multiple injuries on a severly understaffed job hit this wild man hard. Place them on top of other injuries sustained when I was young and stupid ( as opposed to me being older and stupid now) have made it difficult for me to function.
) have made it difficult for me to function.
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Boanerges(Inactive)
Guest
HA HA!