Growing older gracefully

I used to help garden for a widow in her 80s with another friend from church. It was hard going because she was in this huge house alone with her dog, and she couldnt move around much as she was suffering from a torn tendon. On a few occasions she got cranky and blamed me for stuff I didnt do, or at least not deliberately.

But at other times she was lovely. I coulndt be around her alone though cos her barbs would be quite cutting. Also she would forget quite easily things and then have to ask again. She has now downsized and moved to a retirement village and I have yet to visit her again but havent been in a huge hurry to do so just yet. Her children had a lot of trouble convincing her to move she was like a hoarder and it was a massive job just to get her things out of the house. But i think she was just holding on to her husbands memories.

I think if youve been very active all your life and then suddenly you are hit by illness or weakness and frailty you dont adjust well and its frustrating. But you cant always expect others to just know you need help or in pain unless you ask them or tell them.

Even babies let us know if they need aomething by crying out. If you dont cry, how do people ever know to comfort you?
 
Lanolin said:
I used to help garden for a widow in her 80s with another friend from church. It was hard going because she was in this huge house alone with her dog, and she couldnt move around much as she was suffering from a torn tendon. On a few occasions she got cranky and blamed me for stuff I didnt do, or at least not deliberately.

But at other times she was lovely. I coulndt be around her alone though cos her barbs would be quite cutting. Also she would forget quite easily things and then have to ask again. She has now downsized and moved to a retirement village and I have yet to visit her again but havent been in a huge hurry to do so just yet. Her children had a lot of trouble convincing her to move she was like a hoarder and it was a massive job just to get her things out of the house. But i think she was just holding on to her husbands memories.

I think if youve been very active all your life and then suddenly you are hit by illness or weakness and frailty you dont adjust well and its frustrating. But you cant always expect others to just know you need help or in pain unless you ask them or tell them.

Even babies let us know if they need aomething by crying out. If you dont cry, how do people ever know to comfort you?
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All valid points. But in my experience, we don't deny self, take up our cross ( bearing other people's burdens), and follow Him based upon how they treat us or having to ask for help.

What's important is that we have that desire to give everything, without any expectations of anything in return. Like the woman who wasted her most valuable possession, pouring out the oil onto Christs feet.

This is the blessing that can't be imetated.

Expecting people to ask for help or respond correctly isn't part of the equation in my eyes.
 
Lanolin said:
Ok I will explain. When people ask for money they might ask lots of people for spare change so it will add up to something substantial if they keep asking different people. So dont feel you have to give them anything but coins.

A sausage sizzle is when people grill sausages on a bbq (in your country, like a hot dog or weiner) to sell to raise funds for something. Usually sold at $1.50 per sausage.

A raffle is like a lottery its a bunch of prizes people pick a number, pay for a ticket and if their ticket is drawn they win the prize. Usually its just $1 a ticket. The money also goes towards whatever you raising funds for.

Other places where its handy to have cash is when donating to charities. If everyone gives a little, it will add up to much. Its really only richer people that can flash their credit cards around, but not everything is always set up to take cards.
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Around here, we have street vendors. They have to be licensed by the city and usually stand around the streets selling bottles of water, something we call "churros," or fruits like lemons, oranges, and something we call "mamonsillos" for $1.00 a piece. We also have many that sell roses, usually $5.00 for six. What these folks do is go to local flower shops and buy flowers that have reached the end of their shelf-life. They take them home and soak them in ice water. This prolongs the life of the flower for a couple more days (well, you should know this part).

We also have hustlers that play different games. There is a group that dress in military uniform and pass themselves off as a military charity. We also have some that dress in football (our football) uniforms and claim they are in a high school football team collecting money for summer camp.

Lastly, we have good old fashion "beggars." Those come in a variety of types. Some are in wheelchairs and have obvious deformations or missing limbs. Some are obviously mentally disturbed. Then you have the 20 somethings with wireless ear pieces and a $600 cell phone in their back pockets.

Today I have money to this one lady I have seen many times, but never gave her money. She is probably in her late 20s or early 30s and south American. She is think and does not appear to be mentally well. She makes eye contact with people, but does not talk to them. A couple of times, I have seen her actually lay on the hood of cars that are stationary while the light is red.

The last group we have are what I call the undocumented skilled labor force. These are all men and from various countries in South America. They usually hang out in the parking lots of our two largest home repair outlets (The Home Depot and Lowes). They wait around until some local contractor or resident need labor done. Most have great skills in masonry, carpentry, or lawn maintenance, but are willing to do the work for far less than the market price. However, now that we are in Trump world, there are not many because they are all undocumented and in fear of being arrested and deported.

rtm3039
 
rtm3039 said:
Around here, we have street vendors. They have to be licensed by the city and usually stand around the streets selling bottles of water, something we call "churros," or fruits like lemons, oranges, and something we call "mamonsillos" for $1.00 a piece. We also have many that sell roses, usually $5.00 for six. What these folks do is go to local flower shops and buy flowers that have reached the end of their shelf-life. They take them home and soak them in ice water. This prolongs the life of the flower for a couple more days (well, you should know this part).

We also have hustlers that play different games. There is a group that dress in military uniform and pass themselves off as a military charity. We also have some that dress in football (our football) uniforms and claim they are in a high school football team collecting money for summer camp.

Lastly, we have good old fashion "beggars." Those come in a variety of types. Some are in wheelchairs and have obvious deformations or missing limbs. Some are obviously mentally disturbed. Then you have the 20 somethings with wireless ear pieces and a $600 cell phone in their back pockets.

Today I have money to this one lady I have seen many times, but never gave her money. She is probably in her late 20s or early 30s and south American. She is think and does not appear to be mentally well. She makes eye contact with people, but does not talk to them. A couple of times, I have seen her actually lay on the hood of cars that are stationary while the light is red.

The last group we have are what I call the undocumented skilled labor force. These are all men and from various countries in South America. They usually hang out in the parking lots of our two largest home repair outlets (The Home Depot and Lowes). They wait around until some local contractor or resident need labor done. Most have great skills in masonry, carpentry, or lawn maintenance, but are willing to do the work for far less than the market price. However, now that we are in Trump world, there are not many because they are all undocumented and in fear of being arrested and deported.

rtm3039
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Helping people less fortunate around the world has never been a priority to any president, or Christians for that matter.

Maybe people should take the initiative to go to the people who need help, Food, water, clothing, medical, etc., Instead of them having to leave their families risking their lives to come to the US and beg people on street corners to help them.

I realize people would have to give up that cheap labor?

There's no getting around it, this simply the fruit of our own selfishness! That includes all of us .
 
faither said:
Helping people less fortunate around the world has never been a priority to any president, or Christians for that matter.

Maybe people should take the initiative to go to the people who need help, Food, water, clothing, medical, etc., Instead of them having to leave their families risking their lives to come to the US and beg people on street corners to help them.

I realize people would have to give up that cheap labor?

There's no getting around it, this simply the fruit of our own selfishness! That includes all of us.
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Well, I would not go that far. On average, USAID sends over $50 billion to help less fortunate nations a year (granted this = only 1% of our federal budget, but it's still something. We also have agencies like the International Red Cross, the United Way, Habitat for Humanity, etc.

As Christians, we are called upon to be charitable. I get that. However, to what point? Most of us live good lives, but not many get off work and head straight to the yacht to get her ready for a spin around the Bahamas. I usually keel a "hand-full" of $1 bills in the glove compartment, or change in the cup holder, to give to those that ask; however, I would have to re-supply every day to keep up with demand.

A couple of years ago, I was on my way to some office and parked on the street adjacent to a Wendy's. When I walked across the parking lot, there was a guy standing right in front of "Now Hiring" sign and was asking for "$3 dollars to have enough to rent a room for the day." This guy added that he had just been released from jail and was probably in his 30s. Had one guy go crazy, because I did not agree to pay him to Armour-All my tires and one guy because I did not agree to have him wipe my windshield while waiting for a green light.

Don't get me wrong, this is a problem, but I am not sure it gets fixed a dollar at a time.

rtm3039

It's kind of complicated, but the answer is not always give, give, give.

rtm3039
 
rtm3039 said:
Well, I would not go that far. On average, USAID sends over $50 billion to help less fortunate nations a year (granted this = only 1% of our federal budget, but it's still something. We also have agencies like the International Red Cross, the United Way, Habitat for Humanity, etc.

As Christians, we are called upon to be charitable. I get that. However, to what point? Most of us live good lives, but not many get off work and head straight to the yacht to get her ready for a spin around the Bahamas. I usually keel a "hand-full" of $1 bills in the glove compartment, or change in the cup holder, to give to those that ask; however, I would have to re-supply every day to keep up with demand.

A couple of years ago, I was on my way to some office and parked on the street adjacent to a Wendy's. When I walked across the parking lot, there was a guy standing right in front of "Now Hiring" sign and was asking for "$3 dollars to have enough to rent a room for the day." This guy added that he had just been released from jail and was probably in his 30s. Had one guy go crazy, because I did not agree to pay him to Armour-All my tires and one guy because I did not agree to have him wipe my windshield while waiting for a green light.

Don't get me wrong, this is a problem, but I am not sure it gets fixed a dollar at a time.

rtm3039

It's kind of complicated, but the answer is not always give, give, give.

rtm3039
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Not a dollar at a time, but a life at a time.

Not many people realize this, but true Christianity isn't "believe and recieve.,"

True NT saving Faith is a Continually surrendered life!

I don't want to disrespect the thread so I'll leave it at that for now.
 
I think its very hard to help someone who doesnt accept help and is ungrateful, which is why its not good to go and help someone who doesnt ask for it. God sends us the helper but only when we ask. He does not interfere with what we can do ourselves, we need to humble ourselves to receive Him. This is why not everyone receives the holy spirit, only those who ask. The spirit is grieved when people abuse Him. Also He loves it when we give thanks thats all He asks for.

Note that asking is a different thing from demanding. And He does not accept payment. Jesus has already paid the price.
 
I think begging is a symptom of things going wrong in society and its usually economic changes that have brought it about. I think just give what you can but just pray for the people in difficult circumstances. Its just terrible to see people homeless when perfectly good homes are sitting empty, because richer people have bought them, as a landbank investment. Thats just wrong on so many levels.

Lots of people are now just living in their cars, worse is when theres children who have nowhere to go when rents get too high and people are laid off work. They need warm clothes and blankets on cold nights. I think people got to realise that land is an issue of have and have nots. People with lots of properties dont realise that, for some people they just have nowhere to go because way back then land was taken from them. Renting is ok IF you can afford it. But nobody wants to pay rent forever.
 
Lanolin said:
Do you believe as you grow older that you become kinder or wiser, or do you believe as people get older they just become crankier and grumpy?
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It depends on experiences. I believe that they shape a person and make them more grumpy or more wise even older. Less problems can make someone more wise but also more grumpy. I think this is the category of what i fit into.
 
Maybe the grumpy people are already grumpy, or just in pain and want to take it out on anyone who happens to be near them.
Of course you can be grumpy and cranky as a baby, if you haven't had a nap.

Solution--take more naps?
 
What I've learned over the years is that aging affects us all differently.

Physically we suffer different ailments from one person to the next. Many of which are related to how we lived throughout our life, but not all.

Spiritually we should be becoming that new man by acting in faith and exercising love. This is not something we can do ourselves, God has to write that law in our hearts and we must yield to the Spirit as it guides. In this way we can age gracefully.
 
Commonly, eyesight and hearing goes, but people are a bit more understanding of vision loss than hearing loss. some people are too proud to admit they can't hear very well and don't want to wear hearing aids, just as some people refuse to wear glasses, though it is quite acceptable to wear glasses these days, because even young people wear them. I was wearing them from age 12!

Is it because my eyes are 'aged'. No it's just they aren't shaped perfectly. Who knows they might go back to correct shape.

I often see small print books in my line of work and think they are too dense even for normal vision people to read. The elderly prefer larger print or larger format book, but if it's a book I like and it's only in large print I'm not going to shun it just because its in large print.

People seem precious about age as if they hate it and always want to be younger. but older people who have white hair as their crown of glory, are evidence of a righteous life. Plus wisdom is acquired with age. Not many children are wise!

Proverbs 16:31 The hoary head is a crown of glory, if it be found in the way of righteousness.

That being said, when your hair is white you can experiment dying it many colours without bleaching it, so thats a plus if you want purple or blue hair.
 
Lanolin said:
Commonly, eyesight and hearing goes, but people are a bit more understanding of vision loss than hearing loss. some people are too proud to admit they can't hear very well and don't want to wear hearing aids, just as some people refuse to wear glasses, though it is quite acceptable to wear glasses these days, because even young people wear them. I was wearing them from age 12!

Is it because my eyes are 'aged'. No it's just they aren't shaped perfectly. Who knows they might go back to correct shape.

I often see small print books in my line of work and think they are too dense even for normal vision people to read. The elderly prefer larger print or larger format book, but if it's a book I like and it's only in large print I'm not going to shun it just because its in large print.

People seem precious about age as if they hate it and always want to be younger. but older people who have white hair as their crown of glory, are evidence of a righteous life. Plus wisdom is acquired with age. Not many children are wise!

Proverbs 16:31 The hoary head is a crown of glory, if it be found in the way of righteousness.

That being said, when your hair is white you can experiment dying it many colours without bleaching it, so thats a plus if you want purple or blue hair.
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Blue is my favorite color. I think God likes it alot also... because there are blue skies above, blue oceans, lakes, & rivers, and blue eyes :)
 
Lanolin said:
Commonly, eyesight and hearing goes, but people are a bit more understanding of vision loss than hearing loss. some people are too proud to admit they can't hear very well and don't want to wear hearing aids, just as some people refuse to wear glasses, though it is quite acceptable to wear glasses these days, because even young people wear them. I was wearing them from age 12!

Is it because my eyes are 'aged'. No it's just they aren't shaped perfectly. Who knows they might go back to correct shape.

I often see small print books in my line of work and think they are too dense even for normal vision people to read. The elderly prefer larger print or larger format book, but if it's a book I like and it's only in large print I'm not going to shun it just because its in large print.

People seem precious about age as if they hate it and always want to be younger. but older people who have white hair as their crown of glory, are evidence of a righteous life. Plus wisdom is acquired with age. Not many children are wise!

Proverbs 16:31 The hoary head is a crown of glory, if it be found in the way of righteousness.

That being said, when your hair is white you can experiment dying it many colours without bleaching it, so thats a plus if you want purple or blue hair.
Click to expand...
Pretty good observation. I spent 25 years in the military and have some hearing loss. I also have tinnitus, so that does not help. Up until we started this mandatory mask thing, I guess I was able to compensate for the hearing with the visual. At present, the mask wearing really makes if difficult to hear clearly. So, I decided hearing aids are needed. Should have mine some time today.

The hair color thing, well, that's another story. My head hair is black wit some gray on he sides. My beard is all white. I couple of years ago,. I decided to go back to to school and get an MBA. I did not do it for a promotion, as I am already there and their are no more positions above me. The college I went to uses a team approach for the entire program. It was me and 4 "thirty-somethings." At no point did I want to take on a position of leadership, because I've been there done that. As it turns out, it did not matter because everyone looked at me for leadership. At one point, I just had to ask why and I was pretty much told I was the oldest and it was assumed the wises (not sure about that)

A couple of years ago, my girls (wife and daughters) talked me into dying my beard. I did it and was embarrassed to walk outside. Thank God it faded away. You all can keep your blue hair, but I a staying "el naturale."

rtm
 
Lanolin said:
Commonly, eyesight and hearing goes, but people are a bit more understanding of vision loss than hearing loss. some people are too proud to admit they can't hear very well and don't want to wear hearing aids, just as some people refuse to wear glasses, though it is quite acceptable to wear glasses these days, because even young people wear them. I was wearing them from age 12!

Is it because my eyes are 'aged'. No it's just they aren't shaped perfectly. Who knows they might go back to correct shape.

I often see small print books in my line of work and think they are too dense even for normal vision people to read. The elderly prefer larger print or larger format book, but if it's a book I like and it's only in large print I'm not going to shun it just because its in large print.

People seem precious about age as if they hate it and always want to be younger. but older people who have white hair as their crown of glory, are evidence of a righteous life. Plus wisdom is acquired with age. Not many children are wise!

Proverbs 16:31 The hoary head is a crown of glory, if it be found in the way of righteousness.

That being said, when your hair is white you can experiment dying it many colours without bleaching it, so thats a plus if you want purple or blue hair.
Click to expand...

AtomicSnowflake said:
Blue is my favorite color. I think God likes it alot also... because there are blue skies above, blue oceans, lakes, & rivers, and blue eyes :)
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rtm3039 said:
Pretty good observation. I spent 25 years in the military and have some hearing loss. I also have tinnitus, so that does not help. Up until we started this mandatory mask thing, I guess I was able to compensate for the hearing with the visual. At present, the mask wearing really makes if difficult to hear clearly. So, I decided hearing aids are needed. Should have mine some time today. The hair color thing, well, that's another story. My head hair is black wit some gray on he sides. My beard is all white. I couple of years ago,. I decided to go back to to school and get an MBA. I did not do it for a promotion, as I am already there and their are no more positions above me. The college I went to uses a team approach for the entire program. It was me and 4 "thirty-somethings." At no point did I want to take on a position of leadership, because I've been there done that. As it turns out, it did not matter because everyone looked at me for leadership. At one point, I just had to ask why and I was pretty much told I was the oldest and it was assumed the wises (not sure about that)

A couple of years ago, my girls (wife and daughters) talked me into dying my beard. I did it and was embarrassed to walk outside. Thank God it faded away. You all can keep your blue hair, but I a staying "el naturale."

rtm
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You know what? For over a year I kept overlooking Growing older gracefully and took the time today to read it. I have to admit I really enjoyed reading everyone's posts and want to share what I blue-lighted.

For most of my life I didn't wear glasses and took it for granted. But when I learned I had type II diabetes in 1990, it was only 16 years ago that I needed glasses for reading. Then I needed glasses for the computer. Then I got progressives for overall wearing. I have managed my A1C (sugar level) since but if anything, I learned to accept my condition while taking care of my diabetes. It humbled me because as long as I take care of myself I can't help but see God more.

Blue has always been my favorite color. For some reason blue and spheres go together like a marble. 1611968367357.png
As I have aged I still love blue spheres. In fun, it makes me feel positive but doesn't take the place of God's joy, happiness and laughter.

I thought, if I could go back to the days when I was a young, lad, teen or adult, I would have done things differently. Perhaps, but something else in life would have surfaced.

From reading the posts many who have gotten older are still pursuing education, new skills, and Godly growth which to me is impressive. Where we are today, it's amazing that God has brought us this far.
 
Lanolin said:
Maybe the grumpy people are already grumpy, or just in pain and want to take it out on anyone who happens to be near them.
Of course you can be grumpy and cranky as a baby, if you haven't had a nap.

Solution--take more naps?
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I care for elderly people. they are usually in pain when they are grumpy. years of bitterness seep out of their hearts unfortunately, even in the ones who nap a lot. but then again, a lot of the residents are lonely, its a shame really
 
Via dolarossa said:
I care for elderly people. they are usually in pain when they are grumpy. years of bitterness seep out of their hearts unfortunately, even in the ones who nap a lot. but then again, a lot of the residents are lonely, its a shame really
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You have a job that is much needed, but is often thankless. God bless you for taking care of our elderly. I know what a challenge it can be in spite of how much you love them.

cp
 
Via dolarossa said:
I care for elderly people. they are usually in pain when they are grumpy. years of bitterness seep out of their hearts unfortunately, even in the ones who nap a lot. but then again, a lot of the residents are lonely, its a shame really
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Do you work in a rest home or a retirement home Via?
Some elderly people are in neither and live in a boarding house with others. Those priveliged enough to live/stay in their own home or maybe they have a granny flat with their offspring, but that doesn't always work for some.

My neighbour, both brothers stay home to look after their elderly mum, and hardly ever go out. They need to watch her like a hawk in case she trips and falls. I guess its kinda the same as looking after babies, a 24/7 job, but harder cos you can't just pick up an elder like you can with a baby!

Also some doctors will say 'you can't live in your home anymore' and make people move to a rest home facility. That means their spouse has to move with them too. Even if their spouse is able bodied, they can't be together in the same place/room or they are separated by several floors. This happened to my mums friend's husband. He couldn't walk anymore so they had to move into the rest home and now they are separated there, BUT she is the one looking after him. As the rest home staff don't really do it. They had a huge 2 storey home and can't live in it cos of the stairs. So they pretty much have to sell it cos living in a rest home costs thousands of dollars a week.

They didn't have children so no offspring to check on them.
 
Lanolin said:
Do you work in a rest home or a retirement home Via?
Some elderly people are in neither and live in a boarding house with others. Those priveliged enough to live/stay in their own home or maybe they have a granny flat with their offspring, but that doesn't always work for some.

My neighbour, both brothers stay home to look after their elderly mum, and hardly ever go out. They need to watch her like a hawk in case she trips and falls. I guess its kinda the same as looking after babies, a 24/7 job, but harder cos you can't just pick up an elder like you can with a baby!

Also some doctors will say 'you can't live in your home anymore' and make people move to a rest home facility. That means their spouse has to move with them too. Even if their spouse is able bodied, they can't be together in the same place/room or they are separated by several floors. This happened to my mums friend's husband. He couldn't walk anymore so they had to move into the rest home and now they are separated there, BUT she is the one looking after him. As the rest home staff don't really do it. They had a huge 2 storey home and can't live in it cos of the stairs. So they pretty much have to sell it cos living in a rest home costs thousands of dollars a week.

They didn't have children so no offspring to check on them.
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I work in a rest home.

yes care homes are a troubling situation at the moment. as you say, they do split families up. unless the can get access to quality home care then there are bound for the care homes, and depending on the funding, where they will go.... not all of them are good quality care homes! though. the one I work in is one of the best, in that the owners go above and beyond( to make their lives a bit better. but I suppose not all care home owners have the luxury of going over the top because of costs.

the covid situation has stopped all visits, so they get a bit down, because they can't go out and no one can come in. catch 22☹️
 
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