Peacemaking

Sep 7, 2019
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Ray I fell ya; the only room I have total control over is my bedroom and I own the house!!! lol...

I understand that living with adult children is a challenge, being I helped my mother on and off for ten years after her stroke. I lived there full time for the last two years of her life. She was wheel chair bound and I had the help of very expensive home care. I also understand the other side of the equation as my daughter and son in law moved here to NC to help me. Its a give and take though as they are discovering rather quickly. God has a way of teaching everyone the lessons in life they need to learn. I now have a very appreciative son in law, because he will be out of work as of Nov. 29. The company he works for is losing their contract, so he has been searching for a new position. This is also the slow season for my daughter in her position as she retrieves E.M.R.'s and medical billing/coding. She is pretty well done till they need her again in Feb/Mar. Its a job that requires travel throughout the state, and she loves it. So she doesn't want to look for another job as it does pay very well. Its just bad timing for them. ...and this is where my financial security helps them in return through this rough patch. Thats what families do; they help each other.

So the wisdom I have to share with you Ms. Lanolin, is take your Mother by the hand and tell her how much you love her. Tell her how much you appreciate everything she does for you and your Dad. Let her know she is the glue that binds you all together. This show of love and appreciation will bring you peace. Then you can ask her on another day, if she would like help organizing, and cleaning her kitchen. You might be able to put some hooks up for utensils, or pots and pans. I know Im a wiz at organizing. I would take everythng out of the kitchen and put it in the living room. I would scrub everything clean, and then put it all back in a neat and orderly fashion. Maybe there would be a few things she might decide she doesnt need after all. :)
 
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rtm3039

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Ray I fell ya; the only room I have total control over is my bedroom and I own the house!!! lol...

I understand that living with adult children is a challenge, being I helped my mother on and off for ten years after her stroke. I lived there full time for the last two years of her life. She was wheel chair bound and I had the help of very expensive home care. I also understand the other side of the equation as my daughter and son in law moved here to NC to help me. Its a give and take though as they are discovering rather quickly. God has a way of teaching everyone the lessons in life they need to learn. I now have a very appreciative son in law, because he will be out of work as of Nov. 29. The company he works for is losing their contract, so he has been searching for a new position. This is also the slow season for my daughter in her position as she retrieves E.M.R.'s and medical billing/coding. She is pretty well done till they need her again in Feb/Mar. Its a job that requires travel throughout the state, and she loves it. So she doesn't want to look for another job as it does pay very well. Its just bad timing for them. ...and this is where my financial security helps them in return through this rough patch. Thats what families do; they help each other.

So the wisdom I have to share with you Ms. Lanolin, is take your Mother by the hand and tell her how much you love her. Tell her how much you appreciate everything she does for you and your Dad. Let her know she is the glue that binds you all together. This show of love and appreciation will bring you peace. Then you can ask her on another day, if she would like help organizing, and cleaning her kitchen. You might be able to put some hooks up for utensils, or pots and pans. I know Im a wiz at organizing. I would take everythng out of the kitchen and put it in the living room. I would scrub everything clean, and then put it all back in a neat and orderly fashion. Maybe there would be a few things she might decide she doesnt need after all. :)
Life is a funny thing. We moved back to Miami in 2006 and brought both my parents to live with us. They both lived with us, until their respective deaths. It was smooth with my dad, but it was rocky (at best) with my mom. Not her fault, as she had emotional issues. The son and family living with us moved it, because he was thinking of ending his "fracking" job and preparing to return to the fire fighting career he had prior. Since then, he has again changed him mind. We are OK that they are here, as the daughter-in-law does need help with the two kids and it's the kind of help you can only ask of family.

Thank the Lord, neither I nor my wife have needed to seek assistance from our kids. I suspect that might change someday, but hopefully not for a long time. I am older than my wife (7 years), but tomorrow is guaranteed to no one. When I retire (6 years from now), we will be moving to Memphis. I no longer have family in Miami, but the wife has almost all of her family in Memphis. Also, the brunt of our kids live in MO, so that's close enough.

I guess we will see what life cards have yet to be delt.
 
Dec 19, 2014
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Ray I fell ya; the only room I have total control over is my bedroom and I own the house!!! lol...

I understand that living with adult children is a challenge, being I helped my mother on and off for ten years after her stroke. I lived there full time for the last two years of her life. She was wheel chair bound and I had the help of very expensive home care. I also understand the other side of the equation as my daughter and son in law moved here to NC to help me. Its a give and take though as they are discovering rather quickly. God has a way of teaching everyone the lessons in life they need to learn. I now have a very appreciative son in law, because he will be out of work as of Nov. 29. The company he works for is losing their contract, so he has been searching for a new position. This is also the slow season for my daughter in her position as she retrieves E.M.R.'s and medical billing/coding. She is pretty well done till they need her again in Feb/Mar. Its a job that requires travel throughout the state, and she loves it. So she doesn't want to look for another job as it does pay very well. Its just bad timing for them. ...and this is where my financial security helps them in return through this rough patch. Thats what families do; they help each other.

So the wisdom I have to share with you Ms. Lanolin, is take your Mother by the hand and tell her how much you love her. Tell her how much you appreciate everything she does for you and your Dad. Let her know she is the glue that binds you all together. This show of love and appreciation will bring you peace. Then you can ask her on another day, if she would like help organizing, and cleaning her kitchen. You might be able to put some hooks up for utensils, or pots and pans. I know Im a wiz at organizing. I would take everythng out of the kitchen and put it in the living room. I would scrub everything clean, and then put it all back in a neat and orderly fashion. Maybe there would be a few things she might decide she doesnt need after all. :)
Thank you for your wisdom
I think we need a rack or reorgnise the kitchen, last time I did it I put new lining in the drawers but was careful not to chuck anything away and mostly keep it all in the same place. But I did it when I had time and she wasnt around.

The lining was old newspapers going back to the 70s! I put christmas paper in. I put organisers in the drawers and made the cups easier to access. The top cupboards are a bit useless because you need a step to reach them. Maybe if I move some of what we dont use into those top cupboards it will free up some space? If theres actually room in those top cupboards...
 
Dec 19, 2014
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NO no no NO to a tv in the bedroom. Bad idea.
I hate tv. It wouldnt fit anyway. This is not even about using the tv.

Also, I have stated that we live as a family that I am not going to move out. I dont know why people would even suggest that. Firstly where would I go, and wouldnt there be the same problems anyway. A lot of people dont want to share their homes. And who wants to live all by themselves? Not me.
 
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rtm3039

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Noisy and full of ads.

You dont seem to understand I am a librarian.
Well, they come with a volume control nob and Netflix comes with no adds.

I understand that knowledge cam come from books, but there are other sensory abilities that are not engaged in the art of reading. Netflix has each of the four Gospels that offer not just a verbatim reading of the books, but a visual accompaniment that makes the experience even richer.
 
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I will need to make a project of moving things into the top cupboard, so the bottom cupboards or bottom oven can be used for storing the trays and pans etc.

It wil be a lot of work organising everyhing again but its spring and someone has to do it, that someone seems like its me.
 
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Dad cant because he doesnt know anything about putting things away in the kitchen and mum doenst have time and she doesnt like anything moved so its going to take a bit of persuading. Please pray because if I move something and its the slightest bit different, she will pick a fight.

This is someone who cant fit all her clothes into her own drawers, she has cardboard boxes stacked on top of the drawers and clothes piled on that. She doesnt wear half of them anyway.
 
Sep 7, 2019
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I do understand my sister in Christ. I don't watch tv much, and read lots too. I also understand how difficult older parents can be.
You are right. Wait until she is out of the house, and move some things around when you can. That sounds like a good plan :)
You are a smart and sweet girl; you will come up with a good solution. I will be praying for you... hugs and peace
 
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Some people are untidy, and clutter will expand to fill all available space...

Some people take it to the extreme and it crosses over into full fledged hoarding which combines acquiring stuff + inability to throw stuff out + inability to organize stuff.

If stuff is taking over significant portions of your time at home, or hindering your personal interactions, it may be time to call in professional help. Someone trained to deal with compulsive tendencies. Try to find one that respects lives of faith.

You should assess this with the well-being of your mother, as well as that of your family as a whole.

If you find this appropriate, I would also suggest that we, your brothers and sisters in Christ, do care and pray for the best for your situation, but we are untrained and have a necessarily limited grasp of your situation.
 
Dec 19, 2014
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I do understand my sister in Christ. I don't watch tv much, and read lots too. I also understand how difficult older parents can be.
You are right. Wait until she is out of the house, and move some things around when you can. That sounds like a good plan :)
You are a smart and sweet girl; you will come up with a good solution. I will be praying for you... hugs and peace
Thank you thats encouraging.
I just do it bit by bit so that she doesnt get upset theres a huge change and she cant find anything.

I watched this doco called insIde Peace today, it was really interesting about a peace program that thye were giving in prison to prisoners, that they could learn to have peace within themselves, and not be so angry and hurt all the time. The doco was set in a Texas county jail. But the program is worldwide. Its non religious and non denonimational. And it works. The prisoners that went to the peace program didnt reoffend. Life was still tough for them but they had a change of heart.

I dont know if will work with my mum, but, Im hoping to see I can do it for my children at school. A lot of them come from broken families or their parent may be in jail. I would love to do Bible in schools at my school but a lot of schools wont accept anything thats appears religious if someone on the board doesnt want it. Which is a shame. The people that run it are volunteers

As for baking trays I was looking in some kitchens today my friend has quite a lot of space in hers but its still somewhat badly designed with a lot of wasted space. The kitchen at the meeting house was recently renovated but it was big. I said to dad our kitchen cupboards needed repainting (i dont think theyve been painted since they were first put in) and he agreed. I would love to redo our kitchen but I dont think mum wants anything changed, on maintenance side dad doesnt so that much as long as its not broken, he doesnt feel the need to change it. But as you. Know renovation costs heaps of money which my parents dont like spending.

Of course if we had to we would get professional kitchen renovators in not do it ourselves. If you look inside your own kitchen how are your pots and pans stored and all your cake tins and baking trays. I would stack them vertically because it would be easier to access but our cupboards are not designed that way. If people that designed houses actually had to work in the kitchen they would design them a lot better, even with a small space. But no. Its like bang in some cupboards there, have room for sink, a stove and a bench and thats it.
 
Dec 19, 2014
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At school we have two dishwashers in the kitchen and they recently were upgraded. The only issue has been if you forget to rinse the dishes before you put them in the dishwasher, esp if you dont have time as you need to get to class.

But its great having two dishwashers one for dirty and one for clean, clearly labelled. You just change the magnetic signs when the wash is done.

I was also in another church kitchen doing clean up and they had clearly labelled the cupboards where everything goes. Excellent idea. I wish all kitchens would do this so if someone new is using the kitchen they dont have to open every single drawer to find out where everything goes.

LABELS people!
 
Dec 19, 2014
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Double sink and draining tray is also good. Our kitchen is so old thst we only have a single sink and seprate taps not mixers. Although I wish the mixers would be clearly labeled what direction is hot, and which is cold. You waste a lot of water trying to figure that out sometime and sometimes its so tiny that you can even see. Do the people that design these not actually USE them lol
 

rtm3039

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Double sink and draining tray is also good. Our kitchen is so old thst we only have a single sink and seprate taps not mixers. Although I wish the mixers would be clearly labeled what direction is hot, and which is cold. You waste a lot of water trying to figure that out sometime and sometimes its so tiny that you can even see. Do the people that design these not actually USE them lol
It is a right left thing. Left is hot and right is cold.