Peacemaking

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Dec 19, 2014
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Things have been quiet so far until...

went to the shower to obtain a backpack for my mum (don't ask why she puts stuff in the shower) and it tipped over another container in which there were cups (don't ask why the cups are not in the cupboard) and she got mad at me for not putting the cups back or the backpack back after she used it, but it's only because I'm not allowed to touch 'her' stuff and don't know where it really belongs. So should all this stuff go back in the shower where she can't find it again? If I put it back where it used to be, then anyone wanting to use said items will just mess everything up again.

The grand unsolvable mystery of our times ---why is all this stuff in the shower? What if we ever had a guest that needed to use the extra shower??
But no, they cannot stay because they would have to move everything out of the spare room just to even get a bed in there!


I was staying with another friend while her mother was away and she had left her kitchen in a mess so that we were not able to actually cook anything in there cos we couldn't find the necessary equipment. Oh my the state of her cupboards its; like she got angry with her appliances and chucked everything in. There were condiments mixed in with the knives and forks and we couldn't find the scales.

We resorted to takeaways some evenings because it was just too much effort to use the kitchen.
 
Apr 20, 2015
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How do you go about making peace, or bringing peace to conflicts?

I was thinking last night that my dad has zero conflict resolution skills.

Mum, who often will pick a fight out of the slightest thing, even said he made things worse!
So what happened was. Mum has no room to put her extra trays and baking dishes in the kitchen so she puts them in the lounge. On the coffee table. On TOP of the coffee table books and magazines. So last night I needed to look at a magazine and they were underneath stacks of trays. I moved the trays and put them on the floor as there seemed to be nowhere else to put them.

Next thing I know mum is yelling at me cos I put the trays on the floor. I then try and explain I was needing the books and the trays shouldnt be there they should go in the kitchen. put them back on the table she yells. I go, what, on top of the books? But I need them and the books belong on the coffee table not the trays. This argument goes on for a while and dad, who is doing something else then tells us to shut up.

Then he starts yelling too and throwing my books around. Get out of the house! Mum wont lift the trays herself and points at me accusingly and says I have to move them and put them back. I resist because i still need my books and I am not going to put the trays on top of the books again. And the books belong on the cofffe table they arent mine anyway. Also some are library books.

Anyway there is a stand off and dad has just started getting violent with the library books that arent even mine.

Ok what would YOU do if you were dad the third party in this?

Our kitchen is pretty small and nowhere to put the baking treays, but doesnt help that mum is a hoarder, so there could possibly be space under the oven if she moved out all the stuff she doesnt use! But oh no that cant happen because I'm not allowed to touch or move HER stuff.
So dont just say oh get a bigger house or move out, cos thats not gonna happen.
Just let it be.
To try and change it, without permission to change it, won't work.
If you seek permission, then the permission will be conditional, and eventually won't work.

Everybody is totally responsible for their own thoughts and actions. There is no need to be responsible for your parents thoughts and actions, they are not yours.

What you can change, is yourself. You have the power to change your mind about wanting and needing it to be different; and just let it be.
 
Dec 19, 2014
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Just let it be.
To try and change it, without permission to change it, won't work.
If you seek permission, then the permission will be conditional, and eventually won't work.

Everybody is totally responsible for their own thoughts and actions. There is no need to be responsible for your parents thoughts and actions, they are not yours.

What you can change, is yourself. You have the power to change your mind about wanting and needing it to be different; and just let it be.
But you already changed yourself, and it still doesn't bring peace, so that doesn't work either. Also it lets people get away with stupid things, like say if your partner is abusive and you can't change it, but change yourself to put up with it, one day you will just wake up dead, not to mention putting everyone else in harms way because you just didn't do anything about it to resolve it.

If you want to put your head in the sand about stuff, then the abuse is just going to continue isn't it? You will eventually be so numb that you cannot function and accept it as normal.
 
Apr 20, 2015
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But you already changed yourself, and it still doesn't bring peace, so that doesn't work either. Also it lets people get away with stupid things, like say if your partner is abusive and you can't change it, but change yourself to put up with it, one day you will just wake up dead, not to mention putting everyone else in harms way because you just didn't do anything about it to resolve it.

If you want to put your head in the sand about stuff, then the abuse is just going to continue isn't it? You will eventually be so numb that you cannot function and accept it as normal.
Why do you need peace if you are at peace. You are talking about trying to change others to your ideals so you can feel peace. Other people are not responsible for your peace; they are responsible for their own.

Remaining at peace among chaos sets up a reference point for others to know what they are really seeking. i.e., peace.
Remaining at peace among chaos is not putting ones head in the sand, it is not denying it, nor ignoring it. It is not participating in the war, but being a neutral. And more importantly it gives you the clarity of truth behind the chaos/disharmony.

First be at peace through unconditional faith, and then you will 'know' what to, or not to, say and do according to God's will through the Spirit of Truth (Holy Spirit).
 
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Dec 19, 2014
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Oh ok, so when someone makes a huge rant at you, do you just go ok thats your problem. If they have a huge rant at you all the time, what do you do?

I suppose you can't stop them having rants, but if they don't shut up about it and go on for hours its gets rather tiring. Or they stop, and then a few days later they pick it up again, it's never ending.
 
Dec 19, 2014
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I know some children will avoid an angry teacher, they hide out in my library because they know that their teacher is just going to get mad and yell at them. Anything can set someone off, sometimes even just breathing. You don't really want to be around when it does. I just think for safety sakes its better to be out of that situation than in the midst of it, or take action so that the angry person doesn't hurt anyone. Verbal abuse is just as damaging as punches.

Does not God want peace for BOTH parties? The whole idea of peaceMAKING, not just for yourself but for everyone to live in peace, including that angry person.
 
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Peace is unconditional. As soon as a person puts conditions onto it, it is a truce of limited time, and not peace.
If one wants peace and not willing to be unconditional about it, it won't work.
If you are unconditional about it, you can't go wrong, because you will be at peace with everything.

Take your own advice when others get angry around you, don't hang around, walk away from it, to find your own peace.

Peacemaking is about making peace within yourself about a situation. Those not willing to do that will remain at war.

Remember, most people who argue a lot actually fear peace, because in that peace they only have themselves to contend with, which they fear having to do. Drama gives them the distraction from dealing with self, plus they get the added bonus of feeling they have a meaningful life, feeling right, justified, worthy, all knowing, and even okay. To introduce 'peace' to such people, who don't know what peace is, won't believe in it or want it.

Stay peaceful, unconditionally, will be a very powerful attraction to those who argue. They may even get angrier to try and shift you out of your peace. But when that fails. They will either soften to your peace or run away. If they run, they are trying to run away from their own truth - to no avail.

Please re-read Matthew 5:39-48
 
Dec 19, 2014
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Well I can go to my room but mum will barge in and I can't do anything to shut out the noise of her yelling. I used to just put on music to drown her out. Depends on situation.

In school what happens is when children bring their petty squabbles arguments INTO the library you need to find a way to deal with it, Often I've just cleared out the library and shut it down, but that requires some strategies. Or I would close my eyes and go deaf until the noise stops.
 
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I guess you've never lived IN a warzone. How do you bring peace to a warzone? That's what I'd like to know.
Do you think that the padre (military clergyman) goes into a war zone with a weapon to kill people, even in self defence? No they don't.
 
Dec 19, 2014
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I'm disappointed Christians don't seem to know how to make peace here. I already have inner peace. I'm talking about making peace with others.

Gladys Aylward did it with one word in a Chinese prison where there was going to be a riot.
 
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Uh thats not peacemaking. Thats terrorism.

What are YOU talking about?
Ignorance (ignoring what other are saying) leads to arrogance (believing only you know what you are say), and bullying (to belittle other opinions).

Now I understand why you have no peace. The only type of peace you get is when everything goes your way. But it won't, as long as you want and need peace. Peace comes to those who let people, places, things and situations be.

When things definitely don't go your way, the bully in you comes out. I've seen this the last time I was a visitor, long time ago. And I left this forum because of it. Recently I came back, and nearly everybody has left, except you and newcomers since. I suppose you'll expect an apology from me for my honesty. Sorry Lanolin, not today.
 
Dec 19, 2014
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Actually no its mum who is the bully you obviously don't read the situation and fail to understand.

Because I shifted the trays to get something and they weren't on the table, SHE got angry. I did not. I just went to my room to get away from the yelling and screaming. Usually I just leave everything right where it is even if its in a place where it shouldn't even be, like on the sofa. She can put all her used toothpicks on the coffee table and leave them there for months and months and I won't even say a word. How is that me bullying?
 
Dec 19, 2014
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sorry Peter Luke, you are just like the cop who blames the victim for asking for help and being a timewaster, when the one in danger actually called the cops for HELP.

I know what its like because this is just what happened to one of my DEAD friends.
 
Dec 19, 2014
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So sad that many cops are passing the buck and not doing their job...its like the levites just walking past the samaritan who was robbed. In their attitude its like 'stupid samaritan not even worth helping, if he was smart he shouldn't have got himself robbed in the first place'. Um ok.

and then whats worse, berating the samaritan for daring to ask for help.
 
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Lanolin you sound like a very sweet, and kind person. You shine for Christ, and Im sure you are a wonderful, caring teacher. However you do choose to ignore a lot of sound advice given to you on these very boards. That is your personal choice, and you will always do what is best for you. However getting upset with others whom have taken the sincere time to offer you help, and than ignoring it isn't very kind. Some simply get tired of trying, because they know that their attempts will probably be futile.

Just telling it like I see it.
 
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