Just let it be.How do you go about making peace, or bringing peace to conflicts?
I was thinking last night that my dad has zero conflict resolution skills.
Mum, who often will pick a fight out of the slightest thing, even said he made things worse!
So what happened was. Mum has no room to put her extra trays and baking dishes in the kitchen so she puts them in the lounge. On the coffee table. On TOP of the coffee table books and magazines. So last night I needed to look at a magazine and they were underneath stacks of trays. I moved the trays and put them on the floor as there seemed to be nowhere else to put them.
Next thing I know mum is yelling at me cos I put the trays on the floor. I then try and explain I was needing the books and the trays shouldnt be there they should go in the kitchen. put them back on the table she yells. I go, what, on top of the books? But I need them and the books belong on the coffee table not the trays. This argument goes on for a while and dad, who is doing something else then tells us to shut up.
Then he starts yelling too and throwing my books around. Get out of the house! Mum wont lift the trays herself and points at me accusingly and says I have to move them and put them back. I resist because i still need my books and I am not going to put the trays on top of the books again. And the books belong on the cofffe table they arent mine anyway. Also some are library books.
Anyway there is a stand off and dad has just started getting violent with the library books that arent even mine.
Ok what would YOU do if you were dad the third party in this?
Our kitchen is pretty small and nowhere to put the baking treays, but doesnt help that mum is a hoarder, so there could possibly be space under the oven if she moved out all the stuff she doesnt use! But oh no that cant happen because I'm not allowed to touch or move HER stuff.
So dont just say oh get a bigger house or move out, cos thats not gonna happen.
But you already changed yourself, and it still doesn't bring peace, so that doesn't work either. Also it lets people get away with stupid things, like say if your partner is abusive and you can't change it, but change yourself to put up with it, one day you will just wake up dead, not to mention putting everyone else in harms way because you just didn't do anything about it to resolve it.Just let it be.
To try and change it, without permission to change it, won't work.
If you seek permission, then the permission will be conditional, and eventually won't work.
Everybody is totally responsible for their own thoughts and actions. There is no need to be responsible for your parents thoughts and actions, they are not yours.
What you can change, is yourself. You have the power to change your mind about wanting and needing it to be different; and just let it be.
Why do you need peace if you are at peace. You are talking about trying to change others to your ideals so you can feel peace. Other people are not responsible for your peace; they are responsible for their own.But you already changed yourself, and it still doesn't bring peace, so that doesn't work either. Also it lets people get away with stupid things, like say if your partner is abusive and you can't change it, but change yourself to put up with it, one day you will just wake up dead, not to mention putting everyone else in harms way because you just didn't do anything about it to resolve it.
If you want to put your head in the sand about stuff, then the abuse is just going to continue isn't it? You will eventually be so numb that you cannot function and accept it as normal.
Ignorance (ignoring what other are saying) leads to arrogance (believing only you know what you are say), and bullying (to belittle other opinions).Uh thats not peacemaking. Thats terrorism.
What are YOU talking about?