Hi BM!
My journey is very strange to say the least! I will try and explain it.
I will start right from the start. I was raised by my Dad who is a really great person but not religious at all. All my life I have believed that there is a God and that there is an afterlife.
I am 33 years old but into my 20's I really wanted to find where I fit in and I started to research and learn about religions. Along my journey I have met some people who are just awesome and I really love the passion they have for Christianity.
Also every January my family and I which is my wife Penny and my 3 boys Jourdan, Jarrod and Jason go to my Uncles and Auntys house for a holiday. My Uncle is retired now but he was a minister and has worked for the Lord for a very long time. We have had many, many discussions on religion and he has had a great impact on my life.
While I completed my Uni degree (primary school teacher) I studied Eastern Religion which was very interesting but I do not believe in reincarnation so I didnt go far down that track.
I got to a point where I was just so frustrated and stressed that I couldnt find a perfect fit that I decided to take "the leap of faith" and become a Christian and trust God and I did that!
It was an awesome feeling and I felt like a huge weight had been taken off my shoulders. I was reading the bible (as you saw my comments on Matthew) and life couldnt be better.
Then one day I woke up and I had all these doubts. It was really weird because they all just hit me at once. Things like we are currently discussing like:
* Why would a loving God only let Christians into heaven?
* Why would a loving God let so much hurt and natural disaster happen in our lives?
That is just a couple of examples.
Anyway back to the story. Even though I was having these doubts I continued on and even decided that I might go to a church. I just wanted to experience it. The first church I went to had about a total of 10 people and made me feel very welcome. I felt uncomfortable because I had all this doubt and inside it just didnt feel right. I tried another church and there was a total of 7 people and they were also very welcoming but the pastor starting pushing some of the members on the forrid saying he had healed them and to me that was very weird and I didnt like it. I do understand what he was doing but it definately isnt for me.
Then in Victoria here we had the bushfires and they got to with in 10 minutes of us and all the death and loss really hit me hard. I know this is a minor event compared to death all around the world but when it is close to home it really hit me. I started thinking about my doubts again and I thought I cant just say " oh well this is part of Gods plan" and keep moving on.
I decided that I need to look at other religions again. Now dont forget at this point although I was having doubts I still believe in God and the afterlife so I wasnt just go to study and research any religion.
I came across something called Deism. I wont explain all about Deism here as that isnt what this message is all about but the basics are that there is a God/Creator who created the world but doesnt intervene in our every day lives. Now at the time of the bushfires and I was hurting that made alot of sense to me so I started talking to Deists and learning all about it. I thought I had found my religion (again).
So the last few months I have been happy reading, learning and discussing Deism and once again it felt great. But again just recently I woke up and felt like there is more and that is what has led me back here to find out more and learn.
To be honest I dont know if I am Christian, Deist or anything at this point but I just want to relax, learn and trust God takes me to where I need to be.
Please feel free to ask further questions or discuss any of this with me as I have laid it all on the line. I love you guys and I thank you all for helping me out in my search for the truth!
I hope my message makes sense as it is hard because there were a million thoughts running through my heads as I was typing this!