Since the beginning of August my wife and I have been separated and she has filed for divorce, to which I have already sent in my responses to the divorce petition.
This has been a long time coming I guess as she had been saying it since a couple months after we got married. Things never really were good from the start and even before we were married. We got married because she was breaking up with me and I kept hearing marry her in my mind, so I told her that, and three days later we were married. From the start she was saying we didn't belong together. Now that we are separated I can only agree with her. We are much better as friends than spouses.
From a couple days after we separated I have felt relieved that we were no longer together, that a weight has been lifted from my shoulders and I have peace, peace at least about the separation and divorce. I do have fear and I will explain that below.
I will say that the loneliness is suffocating. I literally have no one to go hang out with to get my mind off of things. All my friends except for one, were her friends first and foremost. So once we separated, they no longer want anything to do with me. My one friend that was mine solely as I knew her when I lived in Pennsylvania and her New Jersey, while talking to me, she doesn't want to hang out. So I sit here all day long, except for when doing a photography job or pet sitting feeling loneliness and all out fear.
Fear because if how I have been told the scriptures are explained in regards to remarriage, I cannot be remarried. Which means I will die completely alone and that terrifies me. I have never been on my own. There has always, always been someone there with me. I am terrified of being alone, of dying alone. I want to remarry in several years, I want to spend my life with someone who will stay with me the rest of my life. Someone I can physically hold hands with, hug, and share the ups and downs with. Someone who will love me for me, not who they want me to be, or imagined I should be.
Please tell me there is nothing to fear, that I can remarry, that I will not be alone the rest of my life.
This has been a long time coming I guess as she had been saying it since a couple months after we got married. Things never really were good from the start and even before we were married. We got married because she was breaking up with me and I kept hearing marry her in my mind, so I told her that, and three days later we were married. From the start she was saying we didn't belong together. Now that we are separated I can only agree with her. We are much better as friends than spouses.
From a couple days after we separated I have felt relieved that we were no longer together, that a weight has been lifted from my shoulders and I have peace, peace at least about the separation and divorce. I do have fear and I will explain that below.
I will say that the loneliness is suffocating. I literally have no one to go hang out with to get my mind off of things. All my friends except for one, were her friends first and foremost. So once we separated, they no longer want anything to do with me. My one friend that was mine solely as I knew her when I lived in Pennsylvania and her New Jersey, while talking to me, she doesn't want to hang out. So I sit here all day long, except for when doing a photography job or pet sitting feeling loneliness and all out fear.
Fear because if how I have been told the scriptures are explained in regards to remarriage, I cannot be remarried. Which means I will die completely alone and that terrifies me. I have never been on my own. There has always, always been someone there with me. I am terrified of being alone, of dying alone. I want to remarry in several years, I want to spend my life with someone who will stay with me the rest of my life. Someone I can physically hold hands with, hug, and share the ups and downs with. Someone who will love me for me, not who they want me to be, or imagined I should be.
Please tell me there is nothing to fear, that I can remarry, that I will not be alone the rest of my life.
