Bullying...why?

Dec 19, 2014
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I realise this isnt a very positive topic but maybe something positive will come out of it if we ask God to help us deal with it.

It happens in families, in schools, and in workplaces. It happens online. It can be devastating especially for the victims.

And yes Ive been bullied. Its horrible. It happns a lot in workplaces, just because you leave school doesnt mean people have left that playground mentality behind. Adults can be the worst. Ive seen it happen in retirement villages!

What can we do about it?

Ive just started a new job at school and I see it happen in classrooms. Even some teachers bully their own children. The older children sometimes gang up on the younger ones, there are fights and tears. So What can we do about it? Is it just peoples nature to pick on those who are younger or weaker than themselves?
 
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Nov 18, 2011
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I realise this isnt a very positive topic but maybe something positive will come out of it if we ask God to help us deal with it.

It happens in families, in schools, and in workplaces. It happens online. It can be devastating especially for the victims.

And yes Ive been bullied. Its horrible. It happns a lot in workplaces, just because you leave school doesnt mean people have left that playground mentality behind. Adults can be the worst. Ive seen it happen in retirement villages!

What can we do about it?

Ive just started a new job at school and I see it happen in classrooms. Even some teachers bully their own children. The older children sometimes gang up on the younger ones, there are fights and tears. So What can we do about it? Is it just peoples nature to pick on those who are younger or weaker than themselves?
Bullying, Why?

Why we or I bully? It is complicated and many potential reason why one bully.

There are many brands of bully, and am posting to one brand as I see it.

I was a bully back then in school. So am just posting to give an added perspective.

Whenever we have a class reunion, my elementary or high school classmates will say I was a bully, but I did not realize that, so I deny.

But what was surprising was one them my “victim” approached me and said “thank you”. That I made him “stronger” that he learned from my bullying how to fight back!

In retrospect: my brand of bullying is more of challenge one to be more of oneself.

I think I read in one psychology book: that challenging another person, is a reflection the things what we ourselves is lacking or need to improve. That is point No. 1 we bully another because it is much easier to face the problem of another people than facing our own problems.

And I was bullied as well when I studied in the big city, being from province.

But then I bullied back: and those city bullies has no matched with my venom :)

Well: at least my “mouth” can beat them, because many of them are physically better built than me: and those big guys really can retreat ! :)… I just thankful that in never really got into a fist fight…

I wonder: why I can beat them:

In retrospect: I think, coming from a big clan, a big family of good reputation in the province, and I have some good grades in school as well, and am being praised as well criticized in that circle: but I know I am loved, am protected at the end of the day. That is Point no. 2: am protected from negative bullying because I know am loved, am protected by my family. That serves as a HELMET.
 

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As mentioned: it is complicated, of what happens next on what Children grew up with.
There is little of this, and a little of that:
Precisely why I love the poem of Children Learn What They Live by Dorothy Law Nolte, Ph.D.

Children Learn What They Live
by Dorothy Law Nolte, Ph.D.


If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.
If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.
If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.
If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.
If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.
If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.
If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.
If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.
If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.
If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.
If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.
If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.
If children live with fairness, they learn justice.
If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.
If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.
If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.
 

aha

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What can we do about it?
What can we do about it?

I think we cannot eradicate it, the bullying : it is part of life and is not Life is a Warfare: of Good and Evil.

What we can do is to teach our Children to wear Helmet: and what more Helmet than Christ salvation.

EPH 6:10 Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might.
EPH 6:11 Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.
EPH 6:12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.
EPH 6:13 Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.
EPH 6:14 Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness;
EPH 6:15 And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace;
EPH 6:16 Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked.
EPH 6:17 And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God:
EPH 6:18 Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints;
 

aha

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I really admire the wisdom in Paul's likens it to:

Girt/ Belt: Truth
Breastplate: Righteousness
Feet : Good news, the Gospel
Shield: Faith
Helmet and Sword: the word of God

Example:
We say TRUTH as if it is a SWORD: it can pierce a heart of a friend!
Well as we usually say: "Am just saying the truth" NO! that is not the tool is for!
That is not the tool of TRUTH: the tool of BELT or TRUTH is to be HUMBLE or STAY with what really things are: to know one is really are, WEAR IT: it is personal.

It is not to be use to attack like a SWORD.

if one has to attack: use the SWORD: the word of God...

HELMET: if one is loved, one is accepted in one's circle: family, a clan, a group of friends. it gives assurance even if one is "rejected" in another circle.

"Helmet of Salvation" and followed by the SWORD as word of God: it is God's acceptance of us thru Jesus Christ, assurance of safety: as well as Offense (attack - SWORD) is the best defense (Helmet)

Just saying :)

I don't know: maybe am over analyzing how Paul likens it: but is is very apt as i see it.
 
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Bullying, Why?

Why we or I bully? It is complicated and many potential reason why one bully.

There are many brands of bully, and am posting to one brand as I see it.

I was a bully back then in school. So am just posting to give an added perspective.

Whenever we have a class reunion, my elementary or high school classmates will say I was a bully, but I did not realize that, so I deny.

But what was surprising was one them my “victim” approached me and said “thank you”. That I made him “stronger” that he learned from my bullying how to fight back!

In retrospect: my brand of bullying is more of challenge one to be more of oneself.

I think I read in one psychology book: that challenging another person, is a reflection the things what we ourselves is lacking or need to improve. That is point No. 1 we bully another because it is much easier to face the problem of another people than facing our own problems.

And I was bullied as well when I studied in the big city, being from province.

But then I bullied back: and those city bullies has no matched with my venom :)

Well: at least my “mouth” can beat them, because many of them are physically better built than me: and those big guys really can retreat ! :)… I just thankful that in never really got into a fist fight…

I wonder: why I can beat them:

In retrospect: I think, coming from a big clan, a big family of good reputation in the province, and I have some good grades in school as well, and am being praised as well criticized in that circle: but I know I am loved, am protected at the end of the day. That is Point no. 2: am protected from negative bullying because I know am loved, am protected by my family. That serves as a HELMET.
WHY do some bully others???

I am not expert some anything I say is strictly an opinion. I have had in years past, people try to bully me but I did not allow it to happen.
My experience has been that when someone tries to bully others and that other person push's back, they back down.

Yes I know...…."turn the other check" is what someone will say.

I do wish that work all the time but if it did we would not be having this conversation.

I would say that 1st of all, some people are simply just "mean". Something has snapped in their makeup or personality or just did not develop and they think that by pushing others around will make them look better or more important than they are.

Sometimes it is peer pressure that causes it.

Sometimes a bully likes the feeling of being a "tough" person.
 
Dec 19, 2014
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Hmm interesting ivd heard of excuses bullies make for their bullying behaviour that they just want others to toughen or harden up.

But its actually not Gods way because he wants soft hearts.

When boys or men do it to girls and women it seems they want to do it as a tactic like fighting makes you stronger. But actually God gives an example of Jesus that he didnt fight back, not with carnal weapons anyway. He used spiritual weapons and a sword from his mouth.

Sometimes he rebuked but othertimes he would prick peoples hearts...with the holy spirit.
 
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I would never thank a bully for trying to make me into a bully like them. I think IMHO its just perpetuating bullying behaviour.

An example from the bible that we all know David and Goliath. GOliath was taunting little David but David wasnt even defending himself, the armour was way too big for him even to wear. What he did was throw a stone in a sling but claimed it was God who was defending him by His spirit. So if we are to call on anyone to defend us, it would be God as He is mightier and stronger than any giant.
 
Dec 19, 2014
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With women its more they peck like hens.
Hens have been known to peck each other to death.

In those cases I would make a case for separation everyone has their own space. In intensive factory farms what they do is even debeak the hens so they cant peck each other.
 

bobinfaith

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I realise this isnt a very positive topic but maybe something positive will come out of it if we ask God to help us deal with it.
Ive just started a new job at school and I see it happen in classrooms. Even some teachers bully their own children. The older children sometimes gang up on the younger ones, there are fights and tears. So What can we do about it? Is it just peoples nature to pick on those who are younger or weaker than themselves?

WHY do some bully others??? I am not expert some anything I say is strictly an opinion. I have had in years past, people try to bully me but I did not allow it to happen. My experience has been that when someone tries to bully others and that other person push's back, they back down.

Yes I know...…."turn the other check" is what someone will say.

I do wish that work all the time but if it did we would not be having this conversation.

I would say that 1st of all, some people are simply just "mean". Something has snapped in their makeup or personality or just did not develop and they think that by pushing others around will make them look better or more important than they are.

Sometimes it is peer pressure that causes it.

Sometimes a bully likes the feeling of being a "tough" person.
Hello Lanolin;

I know of children who gang up on younger children and there seems to be a code where some victims will not report the bullies to their parents or teachers because its not cool.

How specifically do some teachers bully their own children? I'm sure New Zealand and most countries have laws to protect children from adult bullies immediately, especially verbal or physical abuse if its reported.

Proverbs 2:11, 11 discretion will watch over you, understanding will guard you,

Bullying has been around since Genesis 37 when Joseph's brother's hated Joseph and sold him to slavery. I've spoken with men and women released from prison or in recovery when the subject of bullying came up. They responded that most bullies start in the home. Usually a parent or sibling bullies them verbally or physically. Then the bully takes it outside of their home and picks on other smaller weaker people.

2 Thessalonians 3:3, 3 But the Lord is faithful. He will establish you and guard you against the evil one.

Whether the bully with others standing with him/her, or who bully alone, are usually cowards. Most of the time if the victim stands up to the bully they will back down but this isn't a one all solution against bullying.

Major,
I agree when one pushes back from bullies, they usually back down. In my experience in junior high a bully made me carry his books while he walked in front of me with his arm around a girl. I was humiliated and afraid to say no, but put up with it. I decided I would not let this happen again, nor be afraid of him anymore.

Isaiah 41:10, 10 fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

One evening he confronted me with other guys, but those who were with him knew me and were considered my buddies, so he backed down. The next time he crossed my path he didn't bothered me again.

Brother, when I see your photo of you and your family, you look tall with a large physique. So I assume you weren't bullied much. Instead, were you a protector of those bullied in school?

Regardless, we are to pray daily for God's protection for all circumstances whether our children, bullies, business and ministry.

God bless you all.
 
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Teachers bullying students - demeaning them, saying they are worthless and useless. Yep seen it.
What the code is I dont know but people ARE afraid to speak up because its their word against the bullies and the bully has the upperhand, can say they are lying, deny it etc.
THe bully can threaten, either with life or limb or just making life more miserable. Those in upper management do it and use their power to do so. Why because they can make the rules or bend them, some think they are above the rules...making them hypocrites.

It does start in families, sadly. For those of us as younger siblings its almost always the elder ones, who are bigger and stronger that do to the younger ones. Why, maybe jealousy?
Parents can even start to be jealous of their own children...seen that with mothers and daughters. Dont do anything that makes you stand out or anything good, cos someone older than you who didnt achieve anything, or not favoured, by doing anything different, its taking the limelight off them.

However, the Bible says when we are weak, He is strong.
 
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I wouldnt push back because pushing back turns YOU into being a bully.
If someone pecks me, why peck them back. Its not going to stop them. Its just engaging with them. In my experience that doesnt stop people either. I remember when My boss would swear and curse and he thought it would make me swear and curse back, but I didnt. Or he would do it to others who werent even in earshot, like swear at them while driving.

I noticed cos he kept doing it, one of my workmates started copying his behaviour. Riding in the ute with them was not fun. But they just thought it was normal behaviour.

I drew the line at smoking. If a workmate was smoking in the ute I would refuse to get in. I would wait till he finished. Ive walked away if someone lost their temper and tried to take it out on me. Im not going to engage with an angry man.

Ive known too many women whove done that and got beaten up. They learn to fight and end up battered and bruised.
 

justanothersinner

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Beware the bully who cries "Bully". Bullies using victim status to leverage against alleged oppressors/bullies. This has become a modern phenomena especially in politics. I wont go in to details but on the surface a person can seem perfectly innocent and well within their rights to complain about bullying. Yet underneath the surface , the complainant is subtly manipulating the situation to their advantage. "Poor me". Then everyone runs to comfort the "poor" victim. Meanwhile the "awful" bully is demonised and made to look like a pariah to society. The facts get distorted in the process.
Jesus/God knows what is actually going on. All will be revealed one day. Sometimes the complainant is not even aware of their own manipulation.
 
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Hmm I dont pay that much attention to politics, even church politics I try to stay away from.
But its people in power that abuse it probably, and they make sure those under them 'know their place' which, it seems is under their feet, or nose, and not, as Jesus place is, sitting at the right hand of God.

I note that the disciples even argued who would get to sit next to Jesus, but Jesus said, its for His Father to decide. If you humble yourself, He will exalt you. He will also put the arrogant ones that bullied others low. JEsus said we ought to come to him as children do. I think thats hard for adults to accept that a child can have entry into the kingdom before they even get a look in.

In todays world, its very me me me. Take for example, finding a job. You basically told to promote yourself and list all your achievements on your CV and try to impress bigwigs into giving you the time of day.
But actually, some employers arent looking for this, they are looking for someone whos humble enough to admit they dont know it all and are willing to learn.
 
Dec 19, 2014
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good point. an outlet a form of abuse. to get rid of the stress and anxiety going on internally, in the bully's mind
Hmm they couldnt just play sport, at least the aggression is contained on the field.

But the thing with sport, even the games teams are meant to be evenly matched. You wouldnt pit a team of younger inexperienced players against an older team in a different grade level, or even men against women. Its not done. Paralympians dont compete against able bodied athletes.
 

justanothersinner

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Its ok ...

Ive just been reading a horrific book about auschwitz. The SS, the people in charge of the concentration camps, were horrible bullies. And they didnt need to be, they just got a power trip from being cruel.
Are nazis your favourite bullies to complain about? Communists were also responsible for terrible atrocities.
 
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Are nazis your favourite bullies to complain about? Communists were also responsible for terrible atrocities.
No it was just i was reading a book about auschwitz, what is your problem? My sister gave it to me to read. I didnt really want to read it but its based on a true story about a libraran there. Called Dita Kraus.

Communism was pretty bad too.

Who said I was complaining? I was reading a book! Im glad she got out alive.