Bullying...why?

[rtm3039]

You are looking from a male persepctive though. A lot of bullying is psychological and the bullies dont ever punch or hurt you. Eg cyber bullying. And women and girls dont tend to bully physically. Although I did hear of a friend punching her mother once cos she was on her case. Her mum is STILL a bully though and has rages. Thats why she doesnt go and see her all the time.

Also your standing up to them doesnt necessarily stop them from bullying someone else.

Lanolin, tell you a quick story.

When one first becomes a police officer, he/she is trained by an officer known as an FTO (Field Training Officer). Mine was a female by the name of Brenda. When we first started, I felt the need to be the "man" of the team and was prepared to "protect her" from harm. Within the first week, we responded to a physical altercation involving many people. By the time I got out of our vehicle, Brenda was already in the mix and was a force to be reckoned with.

Through the years, I have learned that bullies are actually very weak (emotionally). They rely, as I noted before, on either superiority of size or force and a weak victim. Most, or at least the ones I have had experience with, will totally back off is resistance is offered.

Now, while I try to live a life free of confrontation, I am not really the type of person you want to put in a corner. I understand that my physical appearance makes it appear as if I am not a "nice guy." This is not true, but we construct our own reality. As such, I do not come across people that feel bullying me is a wise idea. I know that Christians, in some parts of the world and even here at home (America) also face instances of bullying. To them I offer the same advice.

rtm3039

 

[Lanolin]

Good morning Lanolin,

Ok, I can understand why it might be confusing. I was looking at this conceptually. Here was my logic: Peter did something he did now want to and he did it out of fear. I think that is you break bullying down to it's basic components, you end up a simple formula: behavior - (fear + intimidation) = bullying. I also do not believe these people were actually Peter's "peers," but that's another story.

Anyway, looks like your weekend is coming to a close and my Sunday is about to start. Hope you have a great week. Wanted to leave you with am image of my morning. As you can see, we still have a good balance of structures and vegetation. It's going to rain today, but Sunday starting off beautiful.

rtm3039

View attachment 4190

Hmm ok. Peter was cowardly before he was born again. He wanted to please man not God.
I think many people do things they dont want to do because they think they wont have friends if they dont do it. The thing people need to learn is not everyone is a friend. And its ok to say no. If people get angry with you for not going along with them thats their problem. It also shows off their insecurity.

I have encountered some people like this. They are all nice to you cos they want something, but when they find out you not going to do anything for them, like a big favour, instead of accepting it they turn on you. Some people think everything has to go their way all the time and maybe they are used to it, but it shows up with their temper when things dont go their way...and I think with parents they soon learn a child has a will of their own! GOd does give us free will to obey or disobey. But i think with bullies is that they want you to do something that is wrong, and usually not anything thats in your best interests, but others but for them.
GOd can never be said to be a bully because He is holy and always righteous.

You must be popular with the pool do lots of people come and swim in it. I suppose it gets very hot in summer? You can baptise people in it?

 

[Lanolin]

Hmm supreriorty of size or force..but people tend to think of only of physical size and strength. For many, bullies arent actually stronger in the physical sense but its their position i.e they may be in upper management. Or parents to a child, or an older sibling to a younger one.

I mean man vs elephant ok, thats obvious but what about man vs snake. Thats takes a bit more subduing. Theres also sheep vs wolves, esp when the wolves come in sheeps clothing..

 

[Major]

You are looking from a male persepctive though. A lot of bullying is psychological and the bullies dont ever punch or hurt you. Eg cyber bullying. And women and girls dont tend to bully physically. Although I did hear of a friend punching her mother once cos she was on her case. Her mum is STILL a bully though and has rages. Thats why she doesnt go and see her all the time.

Also your standing up to them doesnt necessarily stop them from bullying someone else.

Are you more concerned about someone else or yourself????

Actually I am looking at your post from the perspective of a person who has spent many years counseling people of both sexes so that is not an issue at all.

Yes, the examples I gave when I was a young man came with a male perspective however that was about 60 years ago sister.

 

[AtomicSnowflake]

And women and girls dont tend to bully physically

That may simply be a difference in region/culture... it isn't true in the US. It's been my experience that they are often even worse! I suppose it depends alot on the particular circumstances...

 

[Major]

Huh learned bullying from his mother.

You perception of the meaning of "Bully" is IMO a little off kilter.

Dr. Mengele was NOT a bully in the classic sense that you are talking about. He did not push people around, or take advantage of them. Neither did he steal their homework or force people he knew to do what he forced them to do by intimidation or fear.

He was a phycotic murder. Because the Jewish inmates were sent there to die, he did not treat any of their medical conditions. Instead, he began a series of ghoulish experiments, using the inmates as human guinea pigs.

He injected dye into inmates' eyes to see if he could change their color. Sometimes, he would be infect prisoners with a disease such as typhus just to see how long it took they suffer and die.

He place children in tanks of water and submerged them to see what depth it took for them to drown.

He was not a bully but was instead an anti-christ.

 

[Lanolin]

You perception of the meaning of "Bully" is IMO a little off kilter.

Dr. Mengele was NOT a bully in the classic sense that you are talking about. He did not push people around, or take advantage of them. Neither did he steal their homework or force people he knew to do what he forced them to do by intimidation or fear.

He was a phycotic murder. Because the Jewish inmates were sent there to die, he did not treat any of their medical conditions. Instead, he began a series of ghoulish experiments, using the inmates as human guinea pigs.

He injected dye into inmates' eyes to see if he could change their color. Sometimes, he would be infect prisoners with a disease such as typhus just to see how long it took they suffer and die.

He place children in tanks of water and submerged them to see what depth it took for them to drown.

He was not a bully but was instead an anti-christ.

I wasnt talking in the 'classic' sense..I mean all bullies are cruel and use their power to demean others. It doesnt necessarily mean its restricted to someone who physically pushes other people around. It seems he did take advantage of people though.

So not understanding your arguemt , to me thats a bully.

 

[Lanolin]

That may simply be a difference in region/culture... it isn't true in the US. It's been my experience that they are often even worse! I suppose it depends alot on the particular circumstances...

Well US seems a special case its such a different country, also its got guns. So probably the women need to be physical if they dont have a gun license.

 

[Lanolin]

Are you more concerned about someone else or yourself????

Actually I am looking at your post from the perspective of a person who has spent many years counseling people of both sexes so that is not an issue at all.

Yes, the examples I gave when I was a young man came with a male perspective however that was about 60 years ago sister.

No just people in general. Read my first post..i see it everywhere. I work in school and I see it among children. Its an issue you cant just sweep under the rug cos you dealt with it in YOUR childhood. It happens all over.

As christians we care for others and look after others. Not just ourselves.

 

[AtomicSnowflake]

So probably the women need to be physical if they dont have a gun license.

It's nothing to do with guns. But more to do with circumstances of poor upbringing, lack of morals from parents, and just general bad conditions.
Alcoholism, poverty, drugs, abusive parents, emotional trauma, etc. all contribute to these issues. When I was in school in Florida, some of the public schools were horrible. The girls were always being cruel... very cruel, violent, and just plain mean. And they grow up to be the same way as adults.
"Bullying" doesn't just happen with men mistreating women. It's not about gender.... it's so much deeper... simply defaulting to a common "stereotype" is not adequate to explore the subject.

 

[Lanolin]

It's nothing to do with guns. But more to do with circumstances of poor upbringing, lack of morals from parents, and just general bad conditions.
Alcoholism, poverty, drugs, abusive parents, emotional trauma, etc. all contribute to these issues. When I was in school in Florida, some of the public schools were horrible. The girls were always being cruel... very cruel, violent, and just plain mean. And they grow up to be the same way as adults.
"Bullying" doesn't just happen with men mistreating women. It's not about gender.... it's so much deeper... simply defaulting to a common "stereotype" is not adequate to explore the subject.

Well,nobody said it was restricted by gender. Its more like using power to dominate and force a weaker person to bend to your will.

Dictionary definition says a person who intimidates or frightens weaker people .

When someobody has a gun, I suppose they feel powerful over someone who doesnt have one. I dont know, never had one, wouldnt know what that was like. I have a water gun tho.

Women are generally weaker than men, Bible does say that women are a weaker vessel. Just in terms of size, but women can bully each other too. Then people think to cope with it all they have to be bullies back. So they all turn into bullies.

Whats wrong with this picture?

 

[ModeratorTeam]

Just a staff observation - There may be regional and cultural differences among members here at CFS that differ from the observations and experiences of other members. We must take these regional differences into consideration and accept the opinions of others that are based upon what takes place in their own area of the world and what they have seen personally. As a general example: Someone living in Italy will not have the same cultural environment as someone living in Japan. We must honor the opinions of others in threads like this one, since participants are simply stating facts taken from their own home area and those facts may or may not apply to members from other areas of the world. We learn from others and that is how we grow in our knowledge of events and how things take place in other parts of the world.




23

 

[aha]

I don't think there is a simple fix for this! This is one of the things which world thinks can be solved apart from Jesus. Bullying like everything else is rooted in sin. There is no cure for sin apart from Jesus Christ and His blood. Same would be true for bullying. There is no way to eradicate bullying from a person without cleansing of sins by Jesus. Everyone person bullies someone else to some extent. We do it without realizing. It is just human nature - like jealousy, lust, lies, etc.
What can be done about it?
Parents should set example to kids in humility. By following Jesus, teaching His Word to the kids. Set an example. It could help the situation.

Bullying is not new. Cain bullied Abel. Joseph's brother bullied him. David's brothers bullied him. And this will go on. This can never be eradicated. Personally, I don't think bullying is on increase. I would say there is increase in awareness. Bullying always happened and was always worse. We are hearing more about it and we will keep hearing more and more of this. I grew up in India. What we face is nothing compared to what goes on here. No one cares! I think nowadays there is increased awareness even in India.

Amen. I agree.


"There is no cure for sin apart from Jesus Christ and His blood"
."Everyone person bullies someone else to some extent. We do it without realizing. It is just human nature - like jealousy, lust, lies, etc."
"Parents should set example to kids in humility. By following Jesus, teaching His Word to the kids. Set an example. It could help the situation."

 

[aha]

Then people think to cope with it all they have to be bullies back. So they all turn into bullies.

I found praying for one’s enemy always work: it helped ME, not necessarily helped that other guy to change: only God I believe can trigger the change.

But it helped ME conquer how to deal with it.
I have years working in a secular business environment, and met those bullies at work.,,, and really now, I cannot think if i have any "enemies" now at work (thanks be to God for that)

And yes, as post#41 said, there is insecurities in it, actually weak emotionally: I FELT IT during praying.

During praying for them: praying God to bless them, help them and their loved ones, help their dreams come true, into reality in accordance to God’s plan, I feel the same need as we all human beings are: a need for God to lead our lives.


How is it related to what I quoted on your post

I think in many ways to cut the pie (problem) piece by piece and to set, organize thoughts: there is difference how to deal with ADULT BULLYING and CHILDREN BULLYING.

For "Children bullying", both are need of guidance of an ADULT: we ADULT can set policies in school, an office to report anonymously bullying at school etc.

For "Adult bullying" : secular laws, civil laws or policies at work can cover a bit, but ADULT is not as helpless as children: that is key point I like to add: ADULT is not supposed to be as helpless as children to deal with the issue.

So for ADULT Bullying: an ADULT NEED to FIGHT BACK; not in terms of Bullying: but in terms of POSITIVE ACTION to take.

In Eastern Philosophy: it is DO NOT DO unto others what you want others what you do not want others do to you. This is PASSIVE, no ACTION to take.

In Christ teaching: DO unto others what you want other do to you. It is ACTIVE, it requires an action to take. this is an ACTIVE approach, IMO: LOVE in the first place is more of an ACTION than emotions or feelings.

 

[aha]

As mentioned: it is complicated, of what happens next on what Children grew up with.
There is little of this, and a little of that:
Precisely why I love the poem of Children Learn What They Live by Dorothy Law Nolte, Ph.D.

Children Learn What They Live
by Dorothy Law Nolte, Ph.D.

If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.
If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.
If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.
If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.
If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.
If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.
If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.
If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.
If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.
If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.
If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.
If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.
If children live with fairness, they learn justice.
If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.
If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.
If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.

note:
i love the poem not that it is some sort of viscous cycle as the poem proposed (?).
it is just a guide for us ADULT to remind or a guide us how to teach our CHILDREN.

Say: A Child of broken family, criticized, in hostility, in fear: eventually become a GOOD PARENT and a community LEADER. there are many many cases of that, they broke viscous cycle as the poem proposed(?)

Or in the not good example that a child in a secured environment eventually into breaking the law..

precisely why i said it is complicated and we are not to judge a child or an adult where he came from.

that is how i see the following verses: "The wind bloweth where it listeth, and thou hearest the sound thereof, but canst not tell whence it cometh, and whither it goeth: so is every one that is born of the Spirit. "


JN 3:4 Nicodemus saith unto him, How can a man be born when he is old? can he enter the second time into his mother's womb, and be born?

JN 3:5 Jesus answered, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born of water and of the Spirit, he cannot enter into the kingdom of God.

JN 3:6 That which is born of the flesh is flesh; and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit.

JN 3:7 Marvel not that I said unto thee, Ye must be born again.

JN 3:8 The wind bloweth where it listeth, and thou hearest the sound thereof, but canst not tell whence it cometh, and whither it goeth: so is every one that is born of the Spirit.

JN 3:9 Nicodemus answered and said unto him, How can these things be?

 

[Lanolin]

I like that poem.

I think with adult bullying its more complicated because, when adults grow up it gets WORSE. When they get into posiitions of power. And have people under them. They learn as children to boss people around and that they an tell others what to do just by yelling at them or intimidation and that carries on as adults.

Theres things like EAP and maybe calling HR to sort it out but often there is no mediator cos they re the ones that have all the power. You have to call on God.

Then He will deal with them.
They may not change at all, sadly, but I guess He gives you the ability to carry on freely. Im thinking with Jesus and the Pharisees. The Pharisees were bullys. Basicially religious thugs. They wanted to kill him. They thought they suceeded. JEsus finally confronted Saul about it. Saul, saul why do you persecute me?

Thats what Jesus said. .saul couldnt really give an answer. Cos he was blind. He couldnt see that Jesus is Lord until that day on the road to Damascus.

 

[Major]

It's nothing to do with guns. But more to do with circumstances of poor upbringing, lack of morals from parents, and just general bad conditions.
Alcoholism, poverty, drugs, abusive parents, emotional trauma, etc. all contribute to these issues. When I was in school in Florida, some of the public schools were horrible. The girls were always being cruel... very cruel, violent, and just plain mean. And they grow up to be the same way as adults.
"Bullying" doesn't just happen with men mistreating women. It's not about gender.... it's so much deeper... simply defaulting to a common "stereotype" is not adequate to explore the subject.

I believe that one of the major (No pun intended) reasons we are seeing policemen being killed at such an alarming rate is the lack of respect from the population.

Kids were brought up without discipline and according to Dr. Spock and now we have a generation of people who have to respect for authority.
If no believes this...…..then go and sit in a schools classroom for just one day and then tell me you could be a teacher.

I could not make it through one day without pulling my hair out.

 

[Lanolin]

I believe that one of the major (No pun intended) reasons we are seeing policemen being killed at such an alarming rate is the lack of respect from the population.

Kids were brought up without discipline and according to Dr. Spock and now we have a generation of people who have to respect for authority.
If no believes this...…..then go and sit in a schools classroom for just one day and then tell me you could be a teacher.

I could not make it through one day without pulling my hair out.

Really. The US did lead the way in rebellion thats what the 60s were about over there. People were doing drugs and whatever. Drugs affect your brain its true and it affects children born to drugged out parents. Thats why we have so many teacher aides, because those children are so disruptive they cant even function normally..because their brains have been addled. They dont really have a chance.


But thats nothing to do with bullying. Also, people cant respect police because many police are corrupt. In my country there been many cases of police who are just slack on the job, and a culture of disrespect. Many Dont help who they meant to help and cover up crimes of people and turn a blind eye to things.

Ive observed many classes and taught...some teachers are better than others at instillig discipline but its a slow process. Especially if children arent disciplined at home. It might be dad is absent or on drugs, and mum has to do everything, or broken homes. Disicpline isnt the same as bullying. People think discipline has to be done in a bullying way but thats not true.
Discipline is teaching and training. A disciple is another name for student. Its not really about being authoritarian. Its about learning hiw to be obedient. Nobody can truly obey a bully, people only do so out of fear.

 

[Lanolin]

I used to think why do we teach bibles in schools to children. When its the parents who ought to be teaching the bible to their children, or if they are unable, that we teach the bible at home to the parents.

Its hard, I used to have children come to me and say their parents wont let them come to bible class. I just prayed that maybe these children in my class will tell each other what they learned from the bible for those that couldnt go.

 

[bobinfaith]

Just a staff observation - There may be regional and cultural differences among members here at CFS that differ from the observations and experiences of other members. We must take these regional differences into consideration and accept the opinions of others that are based upon what takes place in their own area of the world and what they have seen personally. As a general example: Someone living in Italy will not have the same cultural environment as someone living in Japan. We must honor the opinions of others in threads like this one, since participants are simply stating facts taken from their own home area and those facts may or may not apply to members from other areas of the world. We learn from others and that is how we grow in our knowledge of events and how things take place in other parts of the world.
3

Dear brothers and sisters;

There is much truth to this observation that caught my attention. As I read and re-read your posts, first of all I don't feel good about the various definitions of bullying and kept comparing with the sad, ongoing bullying here in my part of the world.

Here in the San Francisco Bay Area is very diverse in culture and bullying in homes, schools, work, public transportation and community is an epidemic. It doesn't matter the type of bullying as I'm reading in Lanolin's thread, bottom line, bullying is bullying.

Matthew 5:44, 44 But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,

This passage is hard to pray, especially when a bully harms your loved ones or ourselves. But Jesus already knew this and encouraged us, that when we pray this short passage we are presenting our argument to God. He listens but He wants us to allow Him to take sovereignty over those who harm whom He loves.

This topic has taught me that there is no one way of bullying. Another observation in this topic is when I hear it in the media I used to let it go in one ear and out the other. Yikes! My last observation in this topic is, what if this happens to me while walking in the store or getting a hamburger?

Psalm 18:2, 2 The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.

God wants us to pray for protection each and every day. As we serve the Lord, are we exempt from attack from the enemy? I'm not saying it won't happen, but when it does, God's protection is "being there, seeing all and will get us through it, all who believe, yet at the same time revealing His wrath on those who harm us."

We question God, why would He allow this to happen to others or us? We need to remember God gives ALL of us freewill to be obedient or fall into the trap of sin;

instead of Him forcing us to be obedient, or predetermining everything we will do. Otherwise, we can say God is a bully. Of course, He is not. He loves us and therefore, gives ALL freewill.

God bless you all and am praying for our Lord's protection.