Dusty's Jokes

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[FONT=arial,helvetica] Rudolf to Blitzen [/FONT]
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ccording to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year (the only members of the deer family, Cervidae, to have females do so). Male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid December.

Female reindeer, however, retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring. Therefore, according to every historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, every single one of them, from Rudolf to Blitzen.... had to be a female.

We should've known this when when they were able to find their way.
 
[SIZE=+1]New number" [/SIZE]

We telemarketers know we're universally loathed. Still, some people are quite pleasant on the phone.
One day I called a number and asked to speak with Mr. Morgan. The woman who answered explained that he no longer lived at that address, but she did have a number where he could be reached.
I thanked her, rang that number, and was greeted with, "Good morning, Highland View Cemetery."
 
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[FONT=arial,helvetica] Athiest Holiday [/FONT]
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n atheist complained to a Christian friend, "You Christians have your special holidays, such as Christmas and Easter. Jews celebrate their national holidays, such as Passover and Yom Kippur. But we atheists have no recognized national holidays. It's unfair discrimination."

His friend replied, "Why don't you celebrate April first?"
 
[SIZE=+1]"Car ads, translated" [/SIZE]

Two tone paintwork - Original color and rust
One careful owner - But the other nine were clumsy as anything
10,000 trouble-free miles - crashed in the last 20 feet
Heated rear window - so you don't get cold hands when push-starting the thing in winter
Very clean - only washed if and when it rains
Lady owner - the glove box is full of half-used cosmetics
Clean interior - all the rubbish is under the floormats
Immobiliser - the gear shift comes off in your hand
Anti-theft device - I can let you have a rottweiler cheap
Drives beautifully - in a straight line; the steering is all over the place
Low mileage - the odometer is on its third time around
Full service history - Charlie in the garage round the corner checked it over last week
Economical - doesn't use much fuel, as it can't go any faster than 30 mph
 
[FONT=arial,helvetica]Words From Above [/FONT]
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boy was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon." How do you know what to say?" he asked.

"Why, God tells me."

"Oh, then why do you keep crossing things out?"
 
Don't know where

Dusty,

I don't know where you are finding these jokes but they are funny.

Thanks!

I am new here. I am wondering if there is a way to report someone's posts that are terribly annoying since it seems their goal is to badger Christianity in some form rather than to uplift, encourage, and confirm the truth.

I thought this site was strictly monitored. Maybe I didn't understand the goals. I haven't read everything here yet.

If you have any pointers for me please let me know.
 
The second icon on the right below your name is used to report posts.
 
[SIZE=+1]"Getting older" [/SIZE]



I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.
 
[SIZE=+1]"Need a lift?" [/SIZE]

​

As a concierge at a posh resort, I was often asked about the ski facilities. One day a couple who had just checked in after a long flight came by and asked me where the lift was.
"Go down the hill," I told them, "out the door, past the pool, 200 yards down the block, and you'll see it on your right."
Their tired faces suddenly looked even more exhausted, until the man behind them spoke up. "They're folks are from England," he said. "I think they're looking for the elevator."
 
[SIZE=+1]Exercise insights" [/SIZE]​


​

It is well documented that for every mile that you jog, you add one minute to your life. This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $5000 per month.
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now and we don't know where she is!
I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to show up.
I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing.
I don't exercise at all. If God meant for us to touch our toes, he would have put them further up on our body.
 
[SIZE=+1]"About B.C." [/SIZE]



There was a nice lady who was a little old-fashioned. She was planning a weeks vacation in Florida at a particular campground, but she wanted to make sure of the accommodations.
Uppermost in her mind were toilet facilities, but she couldn't bring herself to write "toilet" in a letter. After considerable deliberation, she settled on "bathroom commode", but when she wrote that down it still sounded too forward. So, in her letter to the campground, and referred to the bathroom commode as the 'B.C.'. Does the campground have its own "B.C.?" is what she actually wrote.
The campground owner was baffled. He showed the letter around to several of the campers, but they couldn't decipher it either. Finally, the owner figured she was referring to the location of the local baptist church: so, he sat down and wrote back to her as follows:



Dear Madam:
I regret very much the delay in answering your letter, but I now take the pleasure in informing you that the 'B.C.' is located nine miles north of the campgrounds, and is capable of seating 250 people at one time. I admit it is quite a distance away, if you are in the habit of going regularly, but, no doubt, you will be pleased to know that a great number of people take their lunches along and make a day of it. They usually arrive early and stay late. The last time my wife and I went was six years ago. It was so crowded we had to stand up the whole time we were there. It may interest you to know that right now there is a supper planned to raise money to buy more seats. They're going to hold it in the basement of the 'B.C.! I would like to say it pains me very much not to be able to go more regularly, it is no lack of desire on my part. As we grow older, it seems to be more effort--particularly in cold weather. If you decide to come to our campground, perhaps I could go with you the first time. I'd sit with you and introduce you to all the other folks. Remember, this is a friendly community!! Hope to see you soon.




​
 
[SIZE=+1]"College Grad" [/SIZE]​



A young man, hired by a supermarket, reported for his first day of work.
The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said, "Your first job will be to sweep out the store."
"But I'm a college graduate." the young man replied indignantly.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that," said the manager. "Here, give me the broom, I'll show you how."
 
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[FONT=arial,helvetica] Three Engineers [/FONT]
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here are three engineers in a car; an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer and a Microsoft engineer.

Suddenly the car just stops by the side of the road, and the three engineers look at each other wondering what could be wrong.

The electrical engineer suggests the electronics of the car be removed down to its parts and then try to trace where a fault might have occurred.

The chemical engineer, not knowing much about cars, suggests that may be the fuel is becoming emulsified and getting blocked somewhere.

Then, the Microsoft engineer, not knowing much about anything, comes up with a suggestion, "Why don't we close all the windows, get out, get back in, open the windows again? Maybe it'll work!?"
 
Oh Ok ... Thanks Ray.. so they are not all in vain ? Is that your kittie in the avator ? Did you see my two ?
 
[SIZE=+1]"Best of friends" [/SIZE]



The patient shook his doctor's hand in gratitude and remarked, "Since we're the best of friends, doc, I wouldn't want to insult you by offering payment. But, you'll be pleased to know that I've mentioned you in my will." "That's very kind of you," replied the doctor.
After some quick thought, the doctor added, "May I see that prescription I just gave you?"
"Sure, but why?" asked the patient.
The doctor replied, "I'd like to make a small change..."

​
 
Dusty said:
Oh Ok ... Thanks Ray.. so they are not all in vain ? Is that your kittie in the avator ? Did you see my two ?
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No they are certainly not in vain. I love them.
I often copy them and send them to friends and family.
Sadly that is not my cat and dog. I just found the picture and loved it.
Your kittens look delightful
 
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