Dusty's Jokes

[SIZE=+1]"All about Golf" [/SIZE]​

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In primitive society, when native tribes beat the ground with clubs and yelled, it was called witchcraft. In today's civilized society, it is called golf.
Golf is an expensive way of playing marbles.
Golf is a game in which the slowest people in the world are those in front of you, and the fastest are those behind.
Golf: A five mile walk punctuated with disappointments.
The secret of good golf is to hit the ball hard, straight and not too often.
There's no game like golf: you go out with three friends, play eighteen holes, and return with three enemies.
Golf was once a rich man's sport, but now it has millions of poor players.
An amateur golfer is one who addresses the ball twice: once before swinging, and once again after swinging.
Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because the cart cannot count, criticize or laugh.
 
[SIZE=+1]"Lost" [/SIZE]​



An American and his wife were driving in Canada and got lost. Finally they came into some city. They saw a gentleman on the sidewalk, so the gentleman pulled up to the curb, and the lady let down her window and asked, "Excuse me, sir. Where are we?"
The gentleman on the street replied, "Saskatoon, Saskatchewan."
The lady rolled up the window, turned to her husband and said, "We really are lost. They don't even speak English here!"
 
Then they sure wouldn't want to travel in Louisiana.:p
 
[SIZE=+1]Nothing personal" [/SIZE]
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"I hope you didn't take it personally, Reverend," an embarrassed woman said after a church service, "when my husband walked out during your sermon."
"I did find it rather disconcerting," the preacher replied.
"It's not a reflection on you, sir," insisted the churchgoer. "Ralph has been walking in his sleep ever since he was a child."
 
[SIZE=+1]"Keys locked in" [/SIZE]​

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When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told that the keys had been accidentally locked in it.
We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger's side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered it was open. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "It's open!"
"I know," answered the young man. "I already got that side."
 
Oops , didn't know you were keeping track. He he . You keep me on my toes dear Mark. You're sweet . I wish my son Mark were like you.
 
[SIZE=+1]"Hard work" [/SIZE]
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The manager is reviewing a potential employee's application and notes that the fellow has never worked in retail before.
"For a man with no experience," says he, "you are certainly asking a high wage."
"Well Sir," the applicant replies, "the work is so much harder when you don't know what you're doing..."
 
[SIZE=+1]"A beautiful night" [/SIZE]​



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The reception had ended and the newlyweds had just sneaked off to the honeymoon resort.
After supper and champagne, the groom retired to the bedroom. But Julie pulled a chair up to the balcony doors and sat there, gazing at the stars.
"Dear," asked the somewhat impatient husband. "Aren't you coming to bed?"
"No," Julie announced. "My mother told me this was going to be the most beautiful night of my life, and I don't want to miss a single minute of it."
 
MISSING HUSBAND

Rick was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really angry. She told him, “tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift
in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less than 6 seconds, AND IT
BETTER BE THERE!!”

The next morning Rick got up early and left for work. When his wife
awoke, she looked out the window, and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on

her robe and ran out to the driveway and brought the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Rick has been missing since Friday. Please pray for him.

 
You're probably right.... the old brain gets confused and I know I post so many ... just forgot but thanks and as I said now I have you and Mark as Dustys " JOKE POLICE" :D:D:D Keep it up guys . I love :):)it.
 
Ok .... Joke Police Check this one out ..... he he :D:D:D

[SIZE=+1]"Cheap Porsche" [/SIZE]




A man was reading the paper when an ad caught his eye. It loudly announced, "New Porsche, $500!"
The man thought it had to be a joke, but he said to himself, "Just in case, it's worth a shot."
So he called the number and then went to the home of the lady selling the sports car. She led him into the garage. Sure enough, there was an almost brand new Porsche.
"Wow!" the man said, "Can I take it for a test drive?"
"Sure," answered the lady.
The man was surprised to learn that the car ran perfectly.
When he got back to the lady's house, he asked her, "Why are you selling me this great Porsche for only $500?"
Then the lady replied with a laugh, "My husband just ran off with his secretary, and he told me, 'You can have the house and the furniture, just sell my Porsche and send me the money.'"
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"Another diet" ​




The woman was on another diet.
She had lost a few pounds, but the strict diet had also caused her to lose her sunny disposition.
After a particularly snappish remark to her husband, she apologized and reminded him that he had pledged to stick with her through thick and thin.
"I know," he said dryly, "but thick was easier."
 
Hey" JOKE POLICE ".... How am I doing ? He he :D:D

[SIZE=+1]"Celebration" [/SIZE]
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An aged farmer and his wife were leaning against the edge of their pig-pen when the old woman wistfully recalled that the next week would mark their golden wedding anniversary.
"Let's have a party, Homer," she suggested. "Let's kill a pig."
The farmer scratched his grizzled head. "Gee, Ethel," he finally answered, "I don't see why the pig should take the blame for something that happened 50 years ago."
 
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