Hi WasLost!
I am sorry that only today I noticed your thread, but when I did I was immediately drawn to it. I red your first post in January, then red a little through the answers.
First let me just say what an incredible story yours is. I love every story of salvation, but I really delight in seeing something so powerful, so inspiring like your dream. Yes, in a way you are like Paul. He was just riding along on the Damascus road, minding his own business, so to speak, when Jesus Himself came up to him and changed his life forever. From that day on Paul became one of the most powerful man of God and he never looked back. One thing I want to point out to you about Paul. I beleive one of the greatest reasons why he was able to become such a great man of God, despite his past sins, was because he took time to understand and recieve Jesus' love and forgivness for him personally. You see, Jesus knew you before the foundation of the earth. That means that even before God formed the earth, Jesus knew you, loved you and most of all aprooved of YOU! You notice I am not saying He aproved of your deeds, but He did aprove of you. He loves you, WasLost! He loves you with a love that is beyond our understanding and that is the reason why He gave you that dream. Please, don't focus on how you are going to overcome your past, don't focus on your past or even your present sins. His LOVE covers ALL of that. Just ask Jesus to show you through the Holy Spirit, just how much He really does love YOU! It's all that matters right now. Yes, God will want to change you and your habbits and your life, but that will come later. Right now just let Him love you, let Him show you just how important YOU are to Him, worts and all. God NEVER cleans His fish before He catches it. Only religion tries to do that and religion is NOT what you want to have. Jesus' love, forgivness, mercy, acceptance and understanding of our short comings is what truly changes us. Not religion, not the law, not rules. There are no "12 steps to recovery" that every body in the world can follow to get "right" with God! God's plan is individual and special for every human being on earth, which means He has already custom-made a good plan specific only for your life. Just let Him show it to you in time. For now just recieve His love and all will be well!
One more thing... Your wife is God's bussiness. He will draw her to Him in time, just as He did with you. Don't worry about her because, just like you, she is in His good hands, even if she doesn't believe it yet.
So, hang in there and when it gets really tough write to us here! We will encourage you! Take heart! You've already taken the hardest step!:jesus-sign:
Laura