".....We have ridden the length and bredth of the land in search of knights who will join our court at Camelot.... What? Ridden on a horse? Yes! Your using coconuts! What? You've got two empty halves of coconuts and you're banging them together. So? We have ridden since the snows of winter covered this land, through the kingdom of Mercea. Where did you get the coconuts? Through...we found them. Found them? In Mercea. The coconut's tropical! What do you mean? Well, this is a temperate zone. The swallow may fly south with the sun, or the house martin or the plover seek warmer hot lands in the winter, yet are these not strangers to our land. Are you suggesting coconuts migrate? Not at all. They could be carried. What? A swallow carrying a coconut? Why not? I'll tell you why not...because a swallow is about eight inches long and weighs five ounces, and you'd be lucky to find a coconut under a pound. It could grip it by the husk... It's not a question of where it grips it, it's a simple mater of weight ratio's ...a five-ounce bird could not cary a one pound coconut. Well it doesn't matter. Go and tell your master that Arthur from the Court of Camelot is here. Look! To maintain velocity, a swallow needs to beat it's wings four hundred and ninety three times every second. right? Please! Am I right? I'm not interested. ...Wait a minute! Suppose two swallows carried it together?
Dillon: (after a trap seemingly fails to attract the predator) So, what are you gonna try next? Cheese?
Poncho: (Seeing Blain has been shot) Your hit man, your bleedin'.
Blain: I ain't got time to bleed.
Sergeant Mac: Hey Dillon.
(Dillon comes over and sees Mac motion to the trees)
Dillon: (Mac takes a blade puts it on Dillon's back, Dillon spins around, his gun aimed but then sees a scorpion on the end of the blade) Thanks!
Sergeant Mac: Anytime...
An Arnold one liner...the best line out of the movie...
Phillipe Pea: [seeing porcupine needle in Bob's back] Would you prefer poking or non-poking?
Bob the Tomato: [sarcastic laugh] Non.
Khalil: Now you are sad, my friend. Something about Ninevah makes you sad? Jonah: Oh, I don't want to talk about it. Khalil: Oh, you do not have to tell me. Because I already know. Jonah: You do? Khalil: Oh, yes. There is a woman in Ninevah, is there not? A beautiful young asparagus? She is waiting for you, but your job is in the way. Her father is the head of an international band of camel thieves. Today you sail out to Tarshish to deliver a message to the camel thieves, but in the process will break the heart of the woman you love! Khalil: Insight runs very deep in my family.
Jonah: We're going to be digested! Do you know what that means? Khalil: Of course! Digestion runs very deep in my family.
Self-Help Tape Voice: You are a skilled metal worker. Khalil: I am a skilled metal worker? Oh, I did not know that!
Khalil: I am a caterpillar. Well, that's not entirely true. My mother was a caterpillar, my father was a worm, but I'm okay with that now.
"Think to yourself that every day is your last, and the hour to which you don't look forward will come as a welcome surprise. As for me, when you want a good laugh, you will find me in fine state. Fat and sleek, a true hog of Epicuris's herd..."
That one's too serious. Here's a funny one.
"Now remember kids, no messing around!"
[Instrumental BOOM! as the kids look at each other in shock.]
"Well, if you want to get to the rec center in time, there's no time to dilly-dally!"